Doped Up Like An Elementary School Kid

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  • in reply to: Why leave your dirty tissue on the table in Shul? #1212556

    Someone once left a dirty tissue and a clean paper towel on the table in the bais medrash before lunch only to return aferward and not be able to find it. He was getting a little frustrated looking for it wondering who had run off with his dirty tissue leaving his clean paper towel there. He was quite relieved as he started to walk away however to find it conveniently stuck to the bottom of his gemara. How do you like that hashgacha pratis story?

    in reply to: Torah613, dream interpreter #998239

    There were 7 fish swimming in scotch. And they were not consumed by the scotch, but they were consuming the scotch.

    In the next dream, there were 3 big bottles of scotch inside one small fish. And the fish was swimming in milk, but the milk was not goats milk, it was horse milk, and it was ??? ???.

    In the next dream, there was one ?????, and it swallowed up the 7 fish from the first dream, and then it smashed all the idols, including the baal peor, and it put the axe into the hands of the goat that refused to give milk in the second dream.

    In the next dream, the people were all sad because the baal peor was smashed, and they had nowhere to go to the bathroom. So they invented a toilet.

    in reply to: Scientology #998014

    It’s a joke. It was founded on a bet.

    So was Judaism.

    ??? ??? ???? ??

    in reply to: Mussar from current events #1001245

    A good illustration of the fact that there are only 354 days in a year.

    in reply to: CBT #1032491

    And I would also like to express my dismay that something as well-supported and empirically proven as CBT would continue to be disputed by someone who (generally) posts smart things. Not a good look.

    Perhaps if you generally think he posts smart things, you should consider the notion that he is saying something smart here also.

    You ask how it could be disputed, as if it is agreed upon by all experts. It isn’t. Perhaps popa is espousing a minority opinion–why is that stupid?

    Since when does agreeing with a minority opinion mean you are stupid?

    in reply to: Is That the Jewish Way? #1216529

    There already is a vaccine for the shidduch crisis. Its called Fen-Phen.

    in reply to: Lost Dor Yesharim ID Number #1141031

    Huh? You lost your Dor Yesharim number? You can use mine. Mods please give the OP my Dor Yesharim number.

    And the rest of you are such a bunch of selfish jerks for not offering. Wheres your bein adam l’chaveiro? This is why rebbi akivas students died. Its clearly ?? ???? ??? ?? ???. You people sicken me.

    in reply to: Best Nintendo games for ADD children? #947270

    I think all video games are good for developing one’s ADD

    in reply to: One of the Causes for Weight GainóShadchanim #943309


    You are a living example of why daas torah is so important. You are wrong from your opening sentence to your closing argument….. and you also happened by chance to completely miss the point. Now, I may grant that you will never want to face the truth, but I feel the need to point out your absurdity to anyone willing to face logic even if they don’t like it.

    You begin by saying that “We have a big problem these days.” Really? We have a big problem these days? This is a new problem that just came up that you did not know about when your children were young and you gave them all kinds of candy at every opportunity? When you were young ugly people were pretty and let me guess the guys would only marry girls older than them. Right. OK.

    And I quote your last point:

    “I just don’t think it is right, and many times you should not judge a person at face value, by appearance alone, and if you look a little beyond surface deep you will find something beautiful you weren’t willing to give a chance before.”

    You seem to feel that it is definitely true that just because a guy won’t marry her then it must be true that he is only looking “surface deep”. I would say that it is very possible that he knows all about the stuff under the surface and he’s not judging her at face value and if there was only one thing necessary in a marriage(that being “wonderful, beautiful, amazing girls, who have good middos, are tzanua, are pleasant, and sweet, who have good jobs, and looking forward to raising a family”)then he would marry her, BUT there are other things that might hold him back. Maybe she’s 44. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe she’s got no arms. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe she’s not jewish. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe she’s fat. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe she’s 22 but divorced with newborn triplets. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe she smokes like a trucker. Is that looking skin deep? Maybe a combination of the above. That doesn’t mean that she’s not “wonderful, beautiful, amazing girls, who have good middos, are tzanua, are pleasant, and sweet, who have good jobs, and looking forward to raising a family” It just means that the average guy is not going to marry her.

    Finally, you completely missed the point. We’re talking about a person’s life here. We’re talking about choosing a person to become a part of oneself to form a whole. Is someone expected to even consider thinking about how other people will feel about their decision? Should a person marry someone just to help a crisis? If you will answer yes, I suggest you insist that all fat girls and smoker boys should marry each other.

    in reply to: Ritalin, Focalin, Concerta, Adderal #1154689

    I have always felt meds are the way to go. They make you happy and happiness is good.

    Here is a poem about meds-

    Meds are so fun

    They make you happy

    Just thinking about them

    Makes me sappy

    Heres a poem i found on a drug addiction poem website. Its about being addicted to ritalin. You’ll love it.

    In my youth I was quite stupid, I had no time for cupid

    Or all the thrills and chills of lovers lane

    I was always in a hurry and burdened down with worry

    From my Attention Deficit, Hyperactive brain!

    Medicated and complacent I became their perfect patient

    For when my meds wore off like the vampire in Boris Karloff

    My alter ego would bloom like a fragrant rose

    I began grow and smolder as the world seemed so much colder

    Yet still I would go out dancing in the rain

    For my Attention Deficit, Hyperactive brain!

    in reply to: I know why potato chips were invented #898376

    You are not allowed to eat potato chips outside the sukkah because they are the main staple of today’s dor……. and you know how this is the worst dor ever.

    in reply to: Rimless EYE GLASSES! #881540

    it depends if you are dating and whether you are dating for the purpose of getting married and whether you are fat

    in reply to: Be gentle to your kids. They'll be your parents one day. #879542

    Ok, I’ll tell you.

    So I davened in a nursing home this past week and watched a guy “take care” of his elderly father. First he covered his father with the tallis and said make a bracha. then all through davening he kept turning the pages for him and waking him up and making him daven. he even grabbed his father’s arm, touched it to the torah and shoved it in his father’s face. “here totty, kiss the torah”. All through davening. nudging nudging nudging.

    It was abit heartbreaking to see the father’s actions come back to bite him. The son got him back nice for all those shabbosos when he was a kid. “Here little moishy daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven.”

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029679

    self-proclaomed masmid

    you are so smart you are so wise, but i must disagree with you. your great hasmada has paid off and your developed bekiyus in gantz shas has given you the tools to know a mishna that every miami am haaretz knows. however the application of this mishna is apparently not as simple as i thought it was because you made the mistake any elementary school kid would make if he was running around the classroom and not drugged up.

    The mishna says quite clearly that ben shmoneh esrei LCHUPAH.

    Quite clearly this means that it is a mitzvas asay to be married on your 18th birthday (or the Wednesday thereafter). To accomplish this it is integral that you give her kiddushin by your 17th birthday. It follows then that a person should start dating by one’s 16th birthday.

    Now what a waste it would be if a person didn’t know how to conduct himself gentlemanly with women? It is incumbent upon all children therefore to start his sociallizing at 15 or if he’s really interested in the ratzon hashem- 14 to make sure that he has found his bashert by 17.

    Now this all only applies to men as it takes women a longer time to find their bashert as is evidenced by the shidduch crisis so it would be an eitzah tovah to start dressing provocatively at 13. Even if there are downsides to this approach, it is still what we should do because thats what the mishna says and this way we can bring mashiach as it says that in the yimos hamashiach there will be bochurim in the bais hazonos.

    in reply to: Random Fact Thread #863515

    something called a bucket????

    I thought you meant to take to the shower and go to the bathroom there.

    in reply to: teens doing chesed #863530


    I think you should deliberately study with a girl who could use some better grades. and a friend. maybe you would still be able to study at the same time. maybe you wont if you pick someone who is too far below you.

    in reply to: Random Fact Thread #863513

    What does bobbys cow think about the majority of yeshivos which have stalls and therefore water is not available?

    in reply to: Yeshiva Boys being sent home to collect Bain Hazmanim #864472

    RUN and tell that. Not “go” and tell that. popa is so ignorant. Oh let me guess- he misspoke, right yeah I believe THAT

    in reply to: free beer #863415

    I love beer!!

    in reply to: Frum Jews and College #1073079

    All these “gedolim” who went to college, did they go before they became gedolim, or after?

    Because I’m not sure I rely on what they did before they were gedolim.

    in reply to: People with Yichus #724095

    Also, can someone clue us litvaks in what this yichus thing is, how close the connection needs to be, and what kind of ancestor makes good yichus.

    I am probably descended from Rashi, along with an estimated 70% of ashekenazic jewry.

    in reply to: Dating & Giving In #727246

    That is no reason to break a shidduch unless it is absolutely impossible to work out.

    Do you mean after they are engaged?

    in reply to: good board games to play on date #722190

    I invented a two player version of bananagrams specifically for dating.

    The object is to have the most pieces in your crossword.

    You each start with 21 pieces. You take one new piece whenever you finish all your pieces. If you are unable to place any pieces, you can put three in, and take out one.

    Whoever has more pieces wins. (Really, whoever gets past half first.)

    Now, I caution, that this version is really annoying, but it is fun if only you know that it is annoying.

    in reply to: Summer Camps for Yeshiva Bochurim #722078

    You have a choice in schools. You shouldn’t criticize your choice school for their policies.

    in reply to: WHAT TO ASK??? #722227


    Are you asking if middos is more important in marriage than learning style?

    Why would a wife care what her husband’s learning style is?

    in reply to: What 11 year old girls should be doing #721893

    I understand.

    in reply to: American Girl Doll #721314

    I don’t think the NBH doll is so bad.

    in reply to: Why Don't People Drive Normally In NYC?! #715677

    Exactly. Because it keeps the majority of frum people in America away from the rest of us.

    in reply to: Why Don't People Drive Normally In NYC?! #715674

    I love NYC. It keeps the new york people away from the rest of us

    in reply to: Need to lose weight for shiduchim #982180


    Check your mouse, I think you meant to post your tip under the “lying for shidduchim” thread

    in reply to: cutting nails on chol hamoed! #697889

    if you cutted your nails on erev yomtov

    in reply to: The Girls Parents Supporting #697794

    perhaps it stems from the fact that it is reasonable for a man to look for a WIFE that is able to support the family until such time that he fulfills his chiyuv to become a talmid chacham. If a specific girl is incapable of earning money ut would like to marry someone who requires money she might ask her parents to give her some money or they might offer b/c they want her to get married b/c it looks bad for them if she doesn’t or whatever reason they might have

    in reply to: Low Fat/Sugar Recipes for Yom Tov #693622

    I heard of this awesome diet. You only drink water (except kiddush) and you eat whatever you want. The person who told me about it swears by it. I think she calls it “The Tanta Diet” or something like that, and the water is then called “Tanta Juice” Let us know how it works for you.

    in reply to: To Potch or Not to Potch #1190107

    If you threatened my kid tie him to a tree, and let the bears eat him, I would send you to criminal court.

    Sec. 53a-62. Threatening in the second degree: Class A misdemeanor. (a) A person is guilty of threatening in the second degree when: (1) By physical threat, such person intentionally places or attempts to place another person in fear of imminent serious physical injury, (2) such person threatens to commit any crime of violence with the intent to terrorize another person, or (3) such person threatens to commit such crime of violence in reckless disregard of the risk of causing such terror.

    (b) Threatening in the second degree is a class A misdemeanor.

    (1969, P.A. 828, S. 63; Nov. 15 Sp. Sess. P.A. 01-2, S. 8, 9; P.A. 02-97, S. 16.)

    in reply to: Please delete my account #692341

    No. Don’t delete his account.

    in reply to: Most Uncommon Frum Names #741004

    One time in camp, I met someone named Avrohom!

    in reply to: Before the fast recipes #690326

    the source is that its the only thing you are allowed to eat

    in reply to: Recipes #690279

    to a different thread

    in reply to: Recipes #690278

    leaves are easy to check

    in reply to: Reminder #690311

    Great idea- Flush out your electrolytes why dontcha

    in reply to: Recipes #690273

    eat leaves

    in reply to: Dating During the 9 Days #1024701

    Helpful- That is an excellent idea. Except that it will not necessitate closing the CR. We can always talk about trivial things like Sefer Tehillim Worldwide Daily, Pre Tisha Ba’av News: 50% yearn for Mikdash; Lechem HaPanim Ready!, Board Games, Air Conditioner Repairman, Lap-Band Surgery, Bungalow Colonies / Summer Vacation Problems, Help the Saneygor!, Kneidelach for Shabos Kodesh, Screen Names, Diabetes Support Group, Saddest Moving Cantata, Dating During the 9 Days, Cancer Survivor Stories, What is the biggest Chesed that anyone has ever done for you?, passaic whooping 12% property tax increase!!! outside help needed!!, Bunion Surgery, What Is A Young Israel?

    in reply to: Pre Tisha Ba'av News: 50% yearn for Mikdash; Lechem HaPanim Ready! #690426

    Also You two probably also would answer that you want the beis hamikdash… But do you?????

    in reply to: Girls Congregating the Streets on Shabbos #691425

    what better to discuss? weather trends??

    in reply to: Lap-Band Surgery #690830

    Torahls1 duly notes and appreciates arc’s intellectual honesty.

    It would seem that the response of Popa bar abba was an emotional ploy to get the reader to think that since I cannot answer all problems therefore my given comment was false. Although the reader is certainly aware of his attempts and therefore intellectually unswayed, emotionally my comment would be more readily accepted if I could respond.

    Now the no-armed smoker R”L obviously has two different setbacks which must be separated for the purposes of this discussion. My comment was designed to be misorayr those who are chayiv in marriage to do their hishtadlus and therefore if the problem has no solution it would fall under the category of “Unus Rachamana patrei” and therefore was not meant to be addressed to begin. That this girl may smoke- although she can do something about it- is an indication that she is not interested in doing whats right regardless so for what purpose to waste our collective breath.

    in reply to: Lap-Band Surgery #690824

    Most certainly it was very astute of Popa Bar Abba to reckon that with the widespread Shidduch-obesity problem that it is undeniable what the OP was referring to. However I must fundamentally disagree with him. With the tzaros going on in klal yisrael this is no time to be playing games with our futures. If a girl b’derech hateva wants to get married she must be a size 2 or smaller. To ignore this fact is a chisaron in hishtadlus and could be the aveira itself which will lead to her becoming an aguna. Thare is, however, a point which is vital to this discussion and shouldn’t be taken lightly. A girl must not under any circumstances “do experiments” with her dates. By that I mean do not go out with guys thinking “maybe they like fat girls” or maybe they will “see past that”. If a girl of this nature is not engaged by her 20th birthday it is only prudent that she go through with this procedure for in today’s day and age if she is not married by 21 I’d venture to say she is nigh unto doomed.

    Hatzlocho. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your avodas Hashem.

    Mod’s Note: The above poster has been drinking heavily this evening. Thankfully he is on the CR rather than driving.

    in reply to: Non-Jewish Jewish Music #688509

    smartcookie says: Songs are supposed to inspire us because they should come from the songs in the bais hamikdash.

    What makes you think the people who make jewish music have any better shot of achieving that if they make it up or they copy? from the fact that they use these tunes, it must be that these people think this was sung in the beis hamikdash.


    in reply to: What shall we do? #687392

    i think you eat avocados with grapes. i dont know the yehi ratzon, buy i know they are supposed to remind us of the grapes that wiil be the size of avocados in the time of moshiach. My suspicion that has been in my family is that they are also a remez to the lush green grass.

    in reply to: What shall we do? #687389

    post on ywn and say tehillim

    in reply to: Shidduchim: Girls & Size Zeros #880335

    Credit must be given where credit is due. And credit is due to doped up for his <a>brilliant reply on page 2 of Shidduchim Weight Thread

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