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Can someone please elaborate for me why it’s assur to recite the Targum Onkelos before learning the Chumash and Rashi?
I ask because I very often look at Onkelos while learning Chumash without necessarily looking at Rashi first. Am I transgressing some commandment that I am not aware of? Have I damned myself to an even lower circle of hell in the afterlife?
Seriously… I can’t fathom why this should be assur. I’m completely baffled.
The Wolf
Various issues that can come up:
Milk/meat mixtures: Pet food does not have to be kosher, but it cannot have milk/meat cooked together.
Pesach: You cannot feed your animals chometz on Pesach.
Shabbos: Pets may be muktzeh on Shabbos. Consult your LOR. You may also have issues with trapping animals*.
Spaying/neutering: This could also be a potential problem. Contact your LOR.
The Wolf
* Many years ago, some of our hamsters escaped on Shabbos and had the run of the apartment until Shabbos was over. It was actually quite fun watching one of them climb the steps in our apartment. 🙂
I did this for two and a half years.
To those who don’t like me: let that be your guide.
To those who do like me: let that be your guide.
The Wolf
Wolf, if you won’t go out with someone who is too tall, too short, too smart, not smart enough, not pretty, has red hair, too outgoing, too quiet, etc. are you also “punishing people for things beyond their control” ?
That’s not quite the same thing.
It’s one thing to refuse to date someone because of something that is a part of them (i.e. their personality, their middos and, yes, their physical attributes). It’s something else to refuse someone out of hand for something that their parents did.
And, yes, if a person’s parents’ divorce overly affects him, then yes, that’s grounds to say “no.” But you can’t know that until you at least meet him/her. To just give a blanket “no, I will never date someone with divorced parents” is just wrong.
The Wolf
Forget it… I changed my mind. It’s not even worth responding to.
The Wolf
no one here will dare to admit they were wrong and they see the validity in the other side
I wasn’t disagreeing with anyone except klach who seems to be saying that calling anyone by their first names erodes respect (sorry, I’m still calling my wife, sister and friends by their first names regardless of what you say. I will not call my wife “Mrs. Wolf”).
Otherwise, I have no problem with people who use first names of older people. I don’t… but that doesn’t mean that I think that those who do are wrong.
The Wolf
My kids b”h also have all their grandparents so they call them “grandma X” and “grandma Y” with X&Y being their LAST name.
That’s fine if that’s how you and your parents wanted it. Mine did not want it that way.
Or do you think that, as a four year old, I should have countered their wishes and used their last names?
The Wolf
I will be preparing the laining this Friday night as I do every Friday night… nittle nacht or no.
The Wolf
calling someone by their first name erodes ones sensitivity to doing so
Ummmm… you realize there are a whole host of people for whom calling them by their first name is completely legitimate, right?
The Wolf
3. “Why does Heather have three Zaidies?”
This is one of the funniest comments I have seen recently.
It may be funny, but my kids and my sister’s kids have three bubbies. (Or, more properly two bubbies and a Grandma).
The Wolf
Its a family friend who is a professional shadchan and that is what she charges when you use her.
Do you *know* that to be the OP’s situation, or are you guessing?
The Wolf
I’m confused.
Is this a professional shadchan whom you hired, or a friend who happens to be a shadchan who did this for you as a favor?
The Wolf
You do see that the child(ren)of divorced parents end up divorced. I know plenty of such cases.
Yep. And I know plenty of cases where children of “intact” households end up divorced — and I know of plenty of cases where children of divorced parents have long-term stable marriages.
Again, if the potential shidduch is so warped because of his/her parents’ divorce, then that should certainly be a factor. But you should not assume, sight unseen, that such warping has occurred.
The Wolf
and besides is it ok to have 2 shvers?
Eeees loves both my mother and my stepmother. She brags about the fact that she has two mothers-in-law that she loves.
The Wolf
My problem is that the children of divorce that I know are always trying to make up for their lost childhood to the detriment of their children.
Then you know the wrong people.
I am the child of divorced parents. I am not trying to make up for my “lost childhood” (whatever the heck that means) and certainly not at the expense of my children.
And WOLF I am not blaming them but trying to do what is best for MY child>
By all means, do what’s right for your kids. If a divorce adversely affected a potential shidduch to the point where they are warped because of it, then by all means reject them. But don’t reject every kid of divorced parents out of hand before even meeting them. Not all of us are raving monsters you know.
The Wolf
when it comes to aunts and uncles you cant just say its name you ad a title like aunt shoshie…… and by grandparents you say grandmagrandpa without a name……
When I was growing up, my aunts/uncles were always “Aunt X” and “Uncle Y.”
I was privileged to have all four of my grandparents into adulthood (in fact, all were at my wedding). As a result, my grandparents were “Grandpa X” and “Grandma Y” (with X and Y being their first names).
The Wolf
True story:
As a kid, I always called people “Mr. X” or “Mrs. Y.” That’s how I was brought up.
Fast forward 25 years. I’m working in an electronics store and my friend’s father wants to purchase something. I tell him to come in and perhaps I can get him a discount. As he’s looking through merchandise, I need to get his attention, so I call out to him “Mr. X.” He turns to me and says “Wolf, you’ve known me for twenty five years… you can call me Joe*.”
Even so, I still can’t do it. 🙂
Oddly enough, the only adult I called by first name as a kid was my stepmother. the only reason for that was that that was the way my father and stepmother wanted it. So, they are Dad & Jane* to me (and Grandpa and Jane* to my kids).
As a rule, we have our kids refer to adults as Mr. X or Mrs. X (with the above-mentioned exception of my stepmother).
The Wolf
* No, not their real names.
It is customary to serve parents (as they are also older) first at the table. However, my father and mother a”h always complained and told me to serve my husband first, while my husband insisted that I serve them first.
We must have similar families.
Whenever we have my mother over for Shabbos and I make HaMotzi, my wife would always insist that I give to my mother first while my mother would insist that I give Eeees first. Both viewed the other as being more important in this respect.
The Wolf
The practice of punishing people for things beyond their control continues to astound me.
The Wolf
If you have an option of 2 mitzvos, and one is a greater schar than the other, why not do the one that will recive more schar?
You’re assuming all other things are equal. They are not. In one scenario, I actually know the gemara. In the other one I don’t.
The Wolf
All I can say is that if any girl is willing to reject me because I held a door open for her, then I’m glad I didn’t marry that girl.
The Wolf
To the Wolf: Avos 1:3; Antignos Ish Socho . . . Al tihyu ka’avadim hameshamshim es harav al menas lekabel pras, ela hevu ka’avadim hameshmshim es harav shelo al menas lekabel pras . . . .
I’m confused. Are you bringing this as a support for me or to dispute me? The mishna you quoted supports my position.
The Wolf
Your job isnt to know it but to spend as much time as poss doing ratzon haborei
And how do you know the ratzon HaBorei? By learning about the mitzvos and the proper way to perform them.
Sure, I could spend a year learning four blatt gemara with all the meforshim. But that leaves me ignorant of everything else I need to do. True, Torah study may be an end in and of itself — but it’s not purely that — it is also a means to a different end — the practice of Halacha — and I have to consider that end as well. I don’t have the time to spend a year covering 4 blatt of gemara — there’s too much else out there to learn. Perhaps others can be content to spend a year to learn every single tiny detail about one narrow topic — but not me.
The Wolf
Do you not do mitzvos so you should get a bigger chelek in oilum habba? So than why do you do it. What do you mean you do mitzvos or the sake of doing mitzvos?
No, I do not do mitzvos for the sake of getting a bigger chelek in Olam HaBah (remember — I don’t have one anyway — I don’t want to argue this point here — just take it for the sake of argument that I don’t).
I do them because I beleive that God commanded us to do them and they are the right thing to do.
So I daven because God commanded me to and because it’s the right thing to do.
I learn because God commanded me to and because it’s the right thing to do.
I help people with strollers up and down subway stairs because God commanded me to and because it’s the right thing to do.
And I can go on and on. That’s my approach. I have enough to worry about in Olam HaZeh. I have to do what is right here in this world. I don’t worry about Olam HaBah — why worry about things you can’t do anything about? I do what’s right here — HKBH alone will decide what happens to me in the next world. My mission is to focus on doing good here — not selfishly building up the best reward for me on the other side.
Let me ask you this — are you so rewards-oriented that you wouldn’t do the right thing without a reward? Let’s use the last example I mentioned:
Let’s say you saw a woman struggling to get a stroller down the subway steps. And let’s say, hypothetically, that you knew there would be no extra reward in Olam HaBah for helping her out. Would you still refuse to do so? Or would you help her out because it’s a kindness to do so and it’s just simply the right thing — reward or no?
The Wolf
Lets also forget that Kibbud Av V’aim is not an absolute requirement. I don’t think that there is anyone on these boards who would say that if a father says to his son “divorce that woman” that he *must* listen to him — especially not without asking a rav first (indicating that he has some doubt as to whether or not KA’vA applies).
The Wolf
There is nothing wrong with naked animals.
I know that. But apparently not everyone does.
The Wolf
thank you wolf that was a hoot
You’re welcome. However, I would have thought it would be a howl. 🙂
The Wolf
Just wait until “the empty nest”
We had a preview of that for a few summers when the kids all went to sleep-away camps. 🙂
The Wolf
I keep a fan on 365 nights a year, to drown out any annoying sounds.
Heh. Me too. Except that in my case, it’s because I like to have cool air blowing on me. I always prefer the room to be cooler than it actually is.
The Wolf
and get a bunch of “it’s assur!” posts
I would not be surprised to find that there are people who truly believe that spending quality time with your spouse is forbidden and that, bedroom aspects aside, spouses SHOULD NOT have a relationship deeper than that of roommates/business partners.
The Wolf
I don’t understand why many posters here are convinced that going out in needed, in order to show the kids that they are happy.
That’s not the only reason of course. Sometimes we go out just because we want to and enjoy each other’s company. It’s not *always* about the kids.
The Wolf
Wolf – Why don’t you learn for schar?
Because it’s not my primary motivation. My primary motivation for learning anything is to know it. It’s just the way I’m wired. When I do a mitzvah, my primary motivation is to do the mitzvah for the sake of doing it — not for any reward I may or may not receive for it.
I’m sorry if that upsets anyone or if anyone views it as heretical.
The Wolf
yes tmb and the animals are naked too
You may laugh…
When my kids were younger, we took them to the zoo quite often (my oldest has always had a fascination with animals (to the extent that he’s now looking into biology/zoology programs in colleges). When relating this to people, one person actually said that I was exposing my children to immorality BECAUSE THE ANIMALS WERE NAKED.
The Wolf
Horaving over a tosfos for an hour trying to get pshat will get a person more schar than that same person running through all the agadita in HaRo’eh in Berachos with an Artscroll in the same time.
Guess what? Not everyone learns for the schar. I don’t learn the Gemara for the schar of learning… I learn the Gemara because I WANT TO KNOW THE GEMARA. The schar is barely an afterthought by me.
So, I’ll use whatever aides I can find, thank you very much. Don’t like it? Tough.
The Wolf
along with his problems, come all his zechusim.
Berachos 5b
R. Chiya bar Abba became sick. R. Yochanan went to visit him. He (R. Yochanan) said to him “Do you enjoy the afflictions?” He answered “not them, and not their reward.”
The Wolf
Fortunately, my parents, my stepmother and my in-laws are wise enough to not put themselves first and potentially interfere with our marriage.
The Wolf
Moshe Rabbeinu
I wouldn’t want his problems.
The Wolf
Why would I want to be someone else?
Lord knows I have my faults and troubles, but at least I’m familiar with them. Why go looking for someone else’s troubles (and yes, everyone has troubles and faults)?
As the saying goes, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”
The Wolf
Well said “Shouldnt be here”. Your 40 plus years of marriage can serve as an example for us all.
TMB, does that mean that you’re opposed to the idea of married couples going out? Or am I misunderstanding you?
The Wolf
Using an Artscroll Gemara when I first started learning seriously has helped me to the point where I can now cover 70-80% of the daf without the translation.
Some people would tell me that my learning is now treif because of that (fruit of the poison tree and all that). I don’t listen to them.
The Wolf
Frum girls (especially the frummer ones) don’t expect to have the door opened for them, and in fact are turned off by it.
Then I guess you’re calling my wife not frum, because she likes it when I hold the door open for her (along with doing other considerate things). She is most certainly not “turned off” by my showing courtesy for her.
I think you owe Eeees an apology for calling her not frum.
The Wolf