Forum Replies Created
Really, you have all made Hashem so proud!
Leon, as desperately as you are looking for work I am looking for some part time help… in writing and some administrative as well. I don’t know your skills, but wanted to post my email [email protected] (if moderator allows) so you can contact me and we can discuss. Either way, you should be matzliach soon. Don’t buy into the economy is bad panic. Hashem runs this world and your parnassa comes from Him and only Him. When you really get that, you will see that you will get many offers. I am not judging your feelings, because I know that it is extremely hard struggling with this issue … I have been there too in my life, as most people have. Hang in there, for the majority it is only a temporary situation.
Registering and all that stuff is not as important as learning as much as you can about breastfeeding. It’s a great gift you can give your child but you have to be prepared when the milk comes in… to know what exactly to expect… and other details I don’t feel comfortable mentioning in a public forum. Hint: When the baby nurses it may hurt at first unless you are prepared for it. there is a wonderful (the best!!) lactation specialist in Brooklyn (if you are in NYC) and you can ask me (I will post if moderator lets me) that helped me tremendously. People think that breastfeeding just comes automatically, but it doesn’t… I suffered a lot because I did not know what to expect and was not prepared.
um there is a profession called “doctor” it’s actually been around for a long time. It’s true it is not always a full proof method, but seeking a doctor’s advice might be good in this case. I know it’s a crazy idea and asking about a hundred people whom you don’t know is of course the wiser thing to do ( i do it myself sometimes because I am afraid of doctors)… but still maybe consider it.:)
On a lighter note (or rather a deeper note), Tehilim also works. Ask Hashem to take it away from you, do teshuva for whatever you think that you do is causing this (it is min Hashamaim after all…) the pain should be a kapparah for everything that you ever did, or your family ever did, and the pain should go away immediately and you should live to a 120 in perfect health! (don’t forget to say Amen)
p.s. i couldn’t resist on commenting on your post because it reminded me of myself (though I have never actually gone to extreme to post it in CR…I might have if I had thought of it) anything to avoid visiting a doctor.:) they do actually learn something in their years of medical school and residency, etc. (I hope)February 22, 2011 1:28 pm at 1:28 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747707
p.s. And you are strong! If you were not strong, you would just bury your head in the sand and rely on the fact that everyone else does it. You are trying to do the right thing and that is Tzidkus = Strength.February 22, 2011 1:26 pm at 1:26 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747706
mytake, as a woman I certainly understand…but if you are already asking and care to serve Hashem the right way, you are almost there. It is a hard nisayon but from personal experience, this is what helps (in every type of behavior, taiva, anything you don’t want to do or should not do…) just daven to Hashem, talk to Him and ask him for siata d’shmaya. He will answer your tefillos 100%. So, if you want to dress like a bas Melech should, AND not like…. I don’t want to say what…than He can certainly help you, give you understanding and inspiration, chizuk to do the right thing. This “simple” method so works!!Period.
just want to share some thoughts because I have also gone through things in my life and Boruch Hashem got real help to change and make it work…
I think that Rabbi Miller Z’TL said that if you just focus on what you want to get in a marriage, eventually you will get a “get”. Or something like that… anyway, it is true. Focus on giving and daven like crazy for siata d’shmaya … and daven for your spouse that they should become a tzaddik, tzadekes, have seichel, etc….. be matzliach in everything. Many many people will eventually reciprocate, mimic your behavior or whatever you want to say, … learn from you… and become a giver too. THere have been many tough cases out there that changed and lived to tell about it.If your spouse is not interested in changing you change….
Some basic rules to follow. Emulate greatness. Try to live like the gedolim of the past (and present) the BEST you can. Keep the secular world out of your home (as much as you possibly can) and learn together, go to shiurim ,etc.. … And get married to someone who has Yiras Shamaim, asks Daas Torah and not just does what he or she wants…someone whose only goal is to give nachas to Hashem or be that person yourself.
IT WILL BE TOUGH BUT IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BUILDING A BAIS NEEMAN B’YISRAEL, you will be zoiche to walk your children to the chuppa I’YH. many many times divorce is just a cop out — an easy way out… if you are having problems, seek real Daas Torah and be wary of divorce rabbis… unfortunately we live in a very complicated world. To women: get yourself a Rebbitzen that supports your marriage and your marriage in general and that has a good, loving marriage herself… someone that can teach you about Jewish marriage.
Thank you so much, I will forward the info to her.
You can tell yourself stories about how sheitels are fine, but they are not, especially the kind of sheitels these days. what about wearing your sheitel in a ponytail, and other ways that make it look totally natural? How is that supposed to show that you are a married woman? I don’t wear a shaitel (I used to) and believe me I get plenty of dirty looks from other women who seem to think that not wearing fake hair is shleppy. Wearing a tichel shows the world that you are married Jewish woman. There is a lot more to say on the subject, but most of the time no one listens anyway. Sheitels is just not a subject anyone wants to touch. THere is nonsense that our grandmothers in Europe wore shaitels (not the kind they wear today!) Well, the moranos used to bench licht in the closet, should their descendants continue to do that now as well?? Our grandmothers covered their hair with fake hair because they could not just cover as a Jewish woman is supposed to, because of a very real danger to them because of anti-semitism,etc.
mms601: thank you for posting the letter. You can’t imagine how much I needed to read it:)
I daven that my husband should learn seriously and that my son should learn seriously all the days of their life. When I read your post, I was speechless. Your parents have the incredible zchus to support their child in the most important occupation and so do you have the zchus to be born into a family that is able to do that … There is nothing out there at all. As a baal teshuva I can tell you that. Everything that you have to learn is exactly where you’re learning it in Yeshiva/kollel. That doesn’t mean that you can’t make a little parnassa doing something not very taxing, but if learning can be your primary occupation, how can you turn it down?? Hashem Yisborach has given you such a gift, please learn to understand it and appreciate it fully. As a parent, I can tell you to PLEASE not feel guilty. Unless your parents are doing slave labor to support your learning — which it doesn’t sound like they are — (and many parents would do slave labor to keep their children in learning)– then I am sure that your parents are very greatful to be able to do it. What, after all, is their money for?? They are supporting Torah… and that is you. Your Torah learning is their reward in this world and the next. Please don’t listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. Going to work or making earning a parnassa your primary concern UNLESS you are forced to (like the rest of us, to an extent), going out there with the goim, with the materialists, etc etc… why?? if you can be immersed in Emes the entire day, that is the absolute greatest. There is a lot more to say on this topic, but here is my 10 cents…
The homogenized milk is garbage anyway and has no benefits at all. It is probably harmful if anything. There is Cholov Yisrael milk that is straight from the cow (not pasteurized or homogenized) that comes from Monsey straight to your house or apartment door. It costs $5 for 1/2 gallon but is definitely worth it. You can also get a few half gallons and freeze the milk. My son has been drinking it since he was a year old. It tastes delicious and has many health benefits. the number to call is 845-425-4559 (Mr, Frankel? I think)November 2, 2010 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm in reply to: Please Be Cautious With Whom You Entrust Your Children To! #705982
Thank you for speaking out about this. I also sometimes go to the park on L and 17th though I try to avoid that park for the most part — but I have seen these ridiculous babysitters you speak about and my heart just aches. I want to scream, I want to take these children away from them… but then what?? What can I do?? As a mother I can’t imagine leaving my child with a goy, let alone the kind of low-class disinterested people these are. You can see how much they are interested in these children by looking at their expressionless faces.
I have to say that there is a “nice” goy in my building and she has helped me with my children on occasion WHILE I WAS HOME COOKING, finishing up work (I work from home) ETC.. But I have used her sparingly …because when she enters the sanctity of our mikdash miat is disturbed — although my children are little they can feel it. I personally would not want to look at her for any length of time, why should I be so insensitive to think that my children’s neshamos are not uncomfortable by her presence.
However, sometimes two hands are just simply not enough, and I have used frum babysitters in the past — although they are not all neccessary good or as frum as they claim to be when you first meet them… There are many issues.
I know that it is a very unpopular notion these days, but… I believe you should sacrifice everything you can in order for your children to have YOU (or your husband) or another family member like a grandmother, for example, with them at all their waking(and sleeping) hours. I don’t believe that children should just be occupied with something, BUT they deserve to be loved, taught, nurtured, kissed, hugged, laughed with. They deserve to build a relationship with YOU. I heard something so sad one day. A little boy maybe of two yrs. old calling his babysitter “Mommie”, and the babysitter saying “No, Moishe, I am not your mommy!” Our Yiddishe kindelach are the most precious treasure we have and although it is hard to make ends meet — it is the case for many families especially these days– it is my humble opinion that we must make many sacrifices. There are people crying and davening to have children and beg Hashem to give them such a bracha. I know because I was one of those people. Hashem gave us children so we can raise them OURSELVES, put into them all the love we have…NOT hire goim to do our job. Goim can clean our house, that’s it.
my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling and I just wanted to offer some (maybe helpful) advice that has always served me well. Start locally, think about a need in your community or a community that you have connections with (anything that people need in terms of a service)and start a business offering it (depending on your experience and qualifications in case you need a license… etc. you should obtain all that you need,possibly including unpaid volunteer/intern experience to familiarize yourself with this area or to gain expertise…etc) in case you have no skills/experience in anything…)
Once you have a business idea, reach out to retired businessmen or someone you know who is in business but with whom you will not be in competition and run the idea by him (very important). There are prob. community resources of retired businessmen that can meet with you — where I lived before they had an organization like that, check into it.
Put the word out with everyone you know… especially your Rav, shul, local stores, in other words … network. Invest little and advertise in a local paper — don’t invest a lot of money right away… I’YH if it goes you can then invest whatever you need.
Most importantly: After you do your hishtadlus, daven to Ribbono Shel Olam to give you the parnassa you need so you can live like a mentsch and serve him properly…because if you are worried about parnassa it is exceedingly difficult. Say a kapittel Tehiliim before any phone call, any meeting, anything you do throughout the day. (so says Rav Shlomo Brevda shlita)
Just wanted to share what I have found to be true for myself.
up the ante
If anyone is available please join us in saying tehilim as the Krasny family who suffered such loss already need our tefillos as their children are recuperating from very serious injuries sustained in the fire…
Are you familiar with the term “doctor”? they are people who practice medicine… maybe you can consult one of them rather than the experts in the coffe room. C’mon!!!October 8, 2010 9:15 pm at 9:15 pm in reply to: Hashem talks to you every day, how to see Hashgacha pratis #701660
What an amazing thread!! Thank you so much. In these very troubling times we so need the chizuk!! Gut Shabbos to everyone!
my friend, can u do 101-110? please let me know and check out my email address above. I am assigning kapitlach as people email me so we can keep reciting the sefer.
frumlady, your sincerity really touched my heart. we are also a baal teshuva family that is meiser nefesh for Torah and Hashem’s mitzvos. Only another baal teshuva knows what we go through and how strong we have to be. Our child is still small but I already daven that he should find his bashert … Your post brought tears to my eyes but whatever we go through I really think it is a kapparoh for us (because of the past … etc.) and we have to accept it. I know that our Avinu B’Shamaim hears our tefillos and collects every tear we shed on behalf of our children. May your daughter find her bashert and be zoiche to build a bais ne’eman b’yisroel b’korov!! And you should have much nachas from her and her family and the kindlach she will bring into this world!!!
Wow! we so need this right now. Ogromnoye spacibo! Tizku L’Mitzvos!
Just a reminder… it’s Elul and there are more important things to do then read fiction. Maybe you can wait to novel up until after the yomim Noraim?!:)
a K’siva V’chasima Tova Everyone!August 29, 2010 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm in reply to: Shuls/Yeshivos in Boro Park that have a moving Rosh Hashana Davening #693501
In my opinion there is nothing like Chaim Berlin the main Beis Medrash… when you hear the entire Yeshiva davening, sing Kedusha…. and then after Yom Kippur sing Hallel. It sends chills. How can anyone not cry?! I think about it all year in difficult times and it gives me such chizuk. Everyone is so respectful and quiet, and you can really concentrate. It is amazing!! Of course, it is one of the longest davenings also. Still, this is only for me and I believe that each person has a shul/yeshiva where their neshama feels most connected/uplifted. This just happens to be mine and I wanted to share the info with you. Before I started davening in Chaim Berlin, Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana were not the same for me, especially if the they davenened fast. Now I look forward to it. K’siva V’chasima Tovah!
Lavdavka, being a baal teshuva I certainly empathize with your feelings. Perhaps people do judge or whatever because you look different, but don’t judge Judaism by the Yidden. No one is perfect yet.:) Still, the majority (I would like to believe) of Yidden just want to know you and that is why they perhaps ask tactless questions sometimes. My husband and I daven at one of the major yeshivas in Brooklyn and I have been asked what my last name was … and then told… oh, hmm, i never heard of that name. (lol) What can you do about people who don’t think? (The rest of our family is not yet frum so of course they have not heard the name.) Just daven these people get some much overdue seichel. When I come to shul/yeshiva I try to think why I am there, and it is to connect to Hashem and his Torah — it is nice to also connect to my fellow Yidden, but sometimes it just doesn’t exactly flow smoothly.July 12, 2010 11:58 am at 11:58 am in reply to: What is the biggest Chesed that anyone has ever done for you? #1021656
I rarely comment on this forum but as I sat procrastinating in my work I stumbled to the CR. WHat a wonderful thread!! I thank the person that started it from the bottom of my heart because I will truly have a different day today. The stories that everyone shared are amazing!! I just want to share one of my own(I have many).
We are a baal teshuva family and although we know many many wonderful people I can’t really say that before our son was born we had a community per say. Anyway, when he was born I did not think that we would have a shalom zachor because it was so hectic and …who would we invite… etc. etc. It was ok, I was just so happy at the time nothing could ruin it… Anyway, our Rav asked my husband if we were having one and he said well, not really… and besides we lived in a building on the top floor… it would be difficult logistically. And the Rav said, “What???? YOu have to have it!” And,
He got together a small army like an hour before candlelighting and everyone ran around and ………the shalom zachor was held in a shul near us. It was such an act of chessed you can’t imgine. All these people came out of the woodwork with Mazal Tovs, etc. My not frum father was there and he could not believe what he saw. It was such a Kiddush Hashem. What I can say. A Yid is the greatest treasure! Because I lived around goim most of my life I can truly appreciate it. We should always remember it (Especially in these days) and (although it is hard) try not to judge each other but focus on the fact that we are one. We can daven for people, but not judge. Whatever may be on the outside, on the inside is pure gold. I have seen evidence of this so many times in my life. Sometimes someone who seems self-centered or whatever else can turn out to be the most giving and sensitive person … you just never know. In the merit of all the acts of chessed by yidden everywhere (which are zillions upon zillions of acts of chessed) we should finally merit to see what we are all crying and davening for — the geula sheleima bimheira v’ameinu. Amen.
Aura, it is so exciting to hear that you are trying to observe Shabbos! I went through the same journey myself and … Hashem gives you lots of help along the way in every area you need. Every Yid is precious to Hashem, but a baal teshuva is like a baby, so Hashem literally carries us, you’ll see. Good luck and Gut Shabbos!
I usually don’t post in coffee room but this post touched me deeply and I read every comment. The one from EstherH stands out the most because I just can’t believe that someone could say that. The words we say can so affect others. since this is anonymous I will say that a very close relative of my husband’s (very close) said that he was bad and if I married him i would be crying a lot… anyway, because this is an anonymous forum I can say that although I did not believe her and dismissed her mostly, it stayed in my head and everything he would do that was less than ideal I would remember her warning. Well, her words so affected me until i realized after almost a decade of shalom bais problems that subconcsiously i was holding on to that statement, even though intellectually i knew it was ridiculuous.
A very insensitive remark was made to me when I was finally pregnant with my son after many many years of davening. A “hosheve” Rebbetzin said, see, so many people started davening for you (she included) and now you are expecting… Sure it was true but it made me feel that all those times I begged Hashem for a child and cried so much i had no tears left meant nothing. Maybe this is silly, but I still felt that way.
The Haitians are not innocent! They are reshaim! I am not interpreting the tragedy at all, but having worked with Haitians in the past I can attest to the fact (and many people who know them will too) that they are the worst anti-semites, into vodoo, revenge, immorality, and many other wonderful middos. Why these things happen has been explained many times in the past and if you can’t accept why they happen there is something wrong with the way you think.
as i glanced to see if there were any interesting topics in the coffee room or new recipes, i came across this topic. I thought it would be interesting… a discussion about the halacha of cosmetics, etc. Very nice, I thought, that is until I read some of the comments. I have never seen such a bunch of idiotic drivel, do you people have anything better to do????????
there is also one (actually a whole team of them) on Avenue L and like 8th. Across the street from Landau’s shul, a little bit more toward Ocean Parkway. It is in a house on the first floor. They have the tiniest sign on an index card with their hours. You walk into the house and then come into the door immediately to the left. I don’t know if they are Jewish (I doubt it) but they work only with our community.
Dear Shoshana Miriam,
the reason that there is a shidduch crisis is because everyone wants to marry according to their list, no one wants to put any effort into a marriage. What about encouraging a working boy to learn. I don’t know what you have been taught but a woman can make a great impact on a man … that is why she is in this world in the first place. Everyone wants a finished product, a cooked turkey, and there is no such thing. Just because someone is learning, you think that is going to make him a mensch and a good husband for you. I will daven that you get the proper guidance before you waste precious years waiting out for Mr. Perfect. It is really really wonderful to become together, remember that, and Hashem has nachas from it.
I agree that smoking on the street lacks refinement BUT to compare a man smoking in public TO a woman in a short skirt with a long flowing sheitel,etc. etc. talking loud on the cellphone in a ridiculous, abnormal tone of voice, posing as an orthodox Jew IS RIDICULOUS. There is no comparison! Lack of tznius endangers all of us on a spiritual level, AND there is no place to run from it (unlike smoking), unless of course you can lock yourself in your own house and never come out.June 15, 2008 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm in reply to: Out Of The Mailbag: (Flatbush Kiddush: Tznius & Drinking Out Of Control) #1142430
lesschumros: thank you for your perhaps warranted criticism. I assume you are concerned because of your ahavas yisroel and not simple distaste for anyone who says the truth that touches on of your raw nerves. I don’t want to be doing anything by rote, especially because I (and my family) are baalas teshuvas and chose to serve Hashem although we grew up in an environment very far from it. Anyway, I definitely will think about what you said and do not deny that in some aspects of my observance I am quite possibly guilty as charged. I live in Flatbush and the complete lack of tznius (and not only in the area of dress) is very disappointing to me especially because I think we should expect better from women who were fortunate enough to have attended B.Y schools (i.e. assumingly had a Jewish education and were taught tznius)June 15, 2008 1:25 pm at 1:25 pm in reply to: Out Of The Mailbag: (Flatbush Kiddush: Tznius & Drinking Out Of Control) #1142411
JudySL: some people are just afraid of the truth. They want to be patted on the head, honored, “approved of”. Chas v’shalom anyone should say anything that may insinuate that what they are doing is even a little bit wrong. They are even willing to “go off the derech” only because their majesty will NOT be told what to do. That is not a Jewish way. (If you criticize a wise person they will love you for it.) WE CAN NOT DO WHATEVER WE WANT! We are servants of Hashem and although the American propaganda has brainwashed us into thinking that we can just do what “feels” right, that is nonsense. We have to finally come to understand ALREADY that being “holy” (as you put it) is NOT an option, it is A COMMANDMENT GIVEN TO US. Of course, we ALL have a y.h. but let’s at least not lie to ourselves. Let it be Hashem’s will that we the holy Jewish nation wake up from our slumber and understand that it is not a free for all and that we have a King and A Master as well as a Father who will not tolerate us dressing as we see fit and looking the other way if others dress immodestly. We are one neshama, and what we do or do not do hurts the Klal. With everything that is going on around us, we can no longer remain arrogant and just change shuls, neighborhoods, and bury our heads in the sand. We have to speak even if others hurl their unfair insults at us.June 15, 2008 10:28 am at 10:28 am in reply to: Out Of The Mailbag: (Flatbush Kiddush: Tznius & Drinking Out Of Control) #1142400
davidbader: I think that many people are doing teshuva and trying to fix their lives, but we are all responspible for each other, and just remaining silent is not an option. These women who parade the streets looking sometimes worse than goim are creating a hazard b/c they are taking RSO’s shmira off the streets. These women could be to blame for the fatalities we see from traffic accidents,etc. I think there are many groups within klal yisroel… There are people, who maybe they are considered “orthodox” don’t get it at all.
This is not about pushing the envelope, bec. RSO is always watching you … you will have to answer for ALL your actions one day. Too many people are just marching along, keeping Shabbos, performing mitzvahs but they have no kesher with Hashem or understanding of their role as a Jew. Too much of what I see looks like rote actions, rather than a struggle (which is what it should be) to emulate Hashem and to subdue one’s base instincts. who in America even talks about the fact that we are supposed to be kedoshim, not gourmet gluttons, just thinking about new ways to bring pleasure to our bodies? Try to catch a shiur by Rav Shlomo Brevda, if you can handle the truth, of course.
BTW: why doesn’t anyone talk about sheitelach? Hashem wants to see a Jewish woman with her head covered AND not covered by someone else’s human hair. In the Gemara it mentions fake hair as an enhancement for the woman’s appearance AT HOME, in front of her husband ONLY. This was only for a woman whose own hair was thinnning, etc. Then in Europe when women wanted to blend in with the goim and would not cover their hair at all,prob. for safety reasons, the tzadekkeses among them opted for the sheitel because at least it covered their own hair, BUT it was done because of the extreme circumstances. WHY ARE SHEITELACH ALLOWED NOW? THEY ARE A DISGRACE TO US!! I asked one hosheve Rebbitzin who wears a “tzniusdik” sheitel why Rabbonim do not speak up about sheitlach and she said ” because if it were not for sheitlach, many women would not cover their hair at all.” I refuse to think like that of our noshim tzidkonius. This same Rebbitzin suggested that wearing a sheitel makes one look mentchlich. You see, now to look like a mench you must look LIKE A GOY! Such comments discourage women who MUST feel inside that the sheitel they are wearing are far from Yiddishe tznius, but the pressure is too much to withstand. Looking acceptable or even impressive to the goim, dressing to kill, smearing your face with five pounds of make-up is not A MITZVAH. A jew is supposed to live for OLAM HABA, NOT BE COMPLETELY FOCUSED ON MAKING A HIT IN OLAM HAZE. For us to be a light onto the nations, we have to have spiritual goals. We have to remember WHO WE ARE!!