chaimss

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  • in reply to: Password Change #1308770

    chaimss
    Participant

    Ahh, I see what I was doing wrong. I was clicking on my name at the top of the page, which brought me to https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/author/chaimss. On that page there was nothing to edit. I didn’t think of clicking on name in the thread itself… Thanks!

    in reply to: The Chillul HaShem in Lakewood #1308681

    chaimss
    Participant

    @joseph: I agree with you that the Halachos of L”H and DL”Z are in full force, but I think OP has a point worth considering.

    Whether or not this is true, what is true is that Frum Yidden often rely heavily upon government assistance, and, for a large enough number, they are ok with bending certain things in order to get more money. These may not be illegal, but it has given our communities a “sheim” in the world, both in the non-Chareidi Frum world and in the non-Frum/non-Jewish world.

    Whether or not any crimes were committed and whether or not anyone did anything wrong, it’s fact that many people in Lakewood were calling up in the following days to correct some perceived errors and downgrade or cancel their assistance. This means that- illegal or not- there were perceptions of impropriety that were occurring, and according to the article posted by YWN June 28, 2017 9:30 am, even perception can lead to CH”S.

    I think that- without talking L”H about people, and without judging whether they were right or wrong- we can take this opportunity to conduct a general cheshbon hanefesh into how we’re dealing with the government as a community (or as multiple communities) and if we should possibly change some of the things we’re doing.

    in reply to: Password Change #1308684

    chaimss
    Participant

    I’m trying to change my e-mail address, but it looks like the directions above have been changed. When I click on my user name I only see my number of comments, no “edit” (I even tried searching the page for the word “edit,” no luck). How can I change my e-mail address? Thanks!

    in reply to: They Tried to Kill Us, They Won (somewhat), Let’s Eat #1288268

    chaimss
    Participant

    Fair enough, I guess I’m just surprised you found me so fast! As for your question, I can’t answer that in a public forum. 😉

    in reply to: They Tried to Kill Us, They Won (somewhat), Let’s Eat #1288225

    chaimss
    Participant

    @joseph, it has been, I’m surprised anyone noticed!

    in reply to: They Tried to Kill Us, They Won (somewhat), Let’s Eat #1288192

    chaimss
    Participant

    As a current Servicemember, it actually bothers me a lot. That being said, they’re not celebrating Memorial Day, they’re celebrating the First Day of Summer.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1183337

    chaimss
    Participant

    I think it has a lot to do with the “ladder” mentality. If someone never wore a hat, then not wearing a hat is no big deal. But if someone did, and now doesn’t, it’s important to find out why. Not because wearing a hat (or not) is the definition of OTD, but because it shows a slip in observance, something that should be discussed with him.

    (BTW I have a friend who no longer wears a hat who is still perfectly Frum. His family has no problem with him and neither does our very-black-hat community.)

    in reply to: Anyone Else Tired Of The NYC Muni Meters? #928318

    chaimss
    Participant

    It’s not only E”Y, it works that way in Monsey. At the Spring Valley train station you can pay from your phone, or, if you pay by the meter, you don’t have to back to your car! That’s right, you can throw away the receipt and it doesn’t matter! They track it by parking space, so as long as it’s paid for (and again, you can extend it from your phone) you’re good.

    in reply to: I just deposited a check via my (very) smart phone!!!!! #926798

    chaimss
    Participant

    I do it now, it really is nice! I don’t have checks sitting around anymore!

    in reply to: Budget for Newlyweds #898762

    chaimss
    Participant

    @interjection & @ avhaben- From what I hear nails would be more like $40 per month, and if after moving Out Of Town (in a really big way) she wants that, it might be worth the Shalom Bayis aspect.

    @MediumThinker- The idea is to avoid government aid if we don’t need it, even if we’re eligible. Especially since my paycheck comes from the government anyway…

    in reply to: Budget for Newlyweds #898757

    chaimss
    Participant

    Thank you all, here’s what we have now after being married for around a month. (We’re still trying to figure out amounts, so if anyone agrees/disagrees with the above numbers that would still be helpful in our planning.):

    Rent is around $800, including utilities, where we are. I receive health and life insurance as benefits of my job, so that’s covered. Aside from what’s above, am I missing anything?

    in reply to: Budget for Newlyweds #898748

    chaimss
    Participant

    @PBA- Nope!

    in reply to: How to end a Shidduch meeting! #889799

    chaimss
    Participant

    Never mention on the date whether you want to see each other or not. Just thank them for the time, wish them a good night, and that’s that. Deal with the “what’s next” question with the Shadchan only.

    in reply to: Budget for Newlyweds #898745

    chaimss
    Participant

    @choppy- We decided to forgo it since it seemed the cons greatly outweighed the pros in our eyes and the eyes of the Rebbeim we asked. In one way it was a very big symbol of trust towards me that she trusts that I wouldn’t do something like that.

    @babygoose- Thank you!

    @takahmamash- That’s why I didn’t include rent, since that can vary. That being said, though, I will say that it’s “in-town.”

    in reply to: PRENUPTUALS in FRUM circles??! #879333

    chaimss
    Participant

    @yitzyshalom-

    There’s a HUGE difference between typical Halachic Shailos and this case. Typically you’re right, if you hold of a certain hechsher then that item is perfectly Kosher for you and might be not Kosher for me, that’s fine. My family got our first microwave because a friend “treifed-up” theirs with cholov stam, so gave it to us. To them they couldn’t use it, but we could- no problems there. Same thing with anything else.

    The problem here is that the results don’t affect only the individual. Yes, according to one shitah the person’s a mamzer and according to another (s)he’s not, but what happens if- as happens often- that child decides to become a follower of the more Yeshivish derech? Suddenly now they’re considered a mamzer? The simple “I used to not keep Cholov Yisroel and now I do” just doesn’t apply here, and I would never enter into a marriage if one day my kids might have to consider themselves mamzeirim, or if potential Shidduchim might consider them mamzeirim.

    @simcha613- There are ways to do it- including, perhaps, a pre-nup- but it would have to be written up differently so that there’s no ch’shash get meusah.

    in reply to: PRENUPTUALS in FRUM circles??! #879308

    chaimss
    Participant

    yichusdik: When I got married I signed a prenup that simply committed me (and her) not to use the get as leverage in case the marriage broke down. I had no problem signing it, and in fact was prepared to do it even in advance of the civil side of things.

    I’d have no problem signing something like that in theory, but the question is would Rav Elyashiv? Is it not considered forced because there’s no financial penalty?

    in reply to: PRENUPTUALS in FRUM circles??! #879286

    chaimss
    Participant

    Ok, people have been throwing P’sakim around, but it doesn’t help someone like me to whom this is nogeiah l’maisa. Are there any actual ma’areh mekomos as to what different Poskim hold today, both from a Halachic (possible mamzer problem vs. possible aguna problem) and Hashkafic (prenup makes it easier to get divorced vs. prenup evens the playing field) standpoint?

    in reply to: PRENUPTUALS in FRUM circles??! #879262

    chaimss
    Participant

    Chulent (or anyone else) – Do you know where Rav Elyashiv said that, and if any other Poskim agree?

    in reply to: Family Not Traveling Together #868079

    chaimss
    Participant

    “There’s no such “minhag” in Judaism.

    How do you know?”

    I believe the burden of proof is on those who want to say that there [em]is[/em] such a minhag, not that there isn’t. Apparently no one else here has heard of such a thing.

    in reply to: WII #867388

    chaimss
    Participant

    “Be careful, as this may mean your kids won’t get accepted into a good yeshiva.”

    As long as the screen isn’t connected to a TV or cable box I don’t see why it would matter. (Unless they have a problem with the Wii in the first place, in which case the screen wouldn’t matter…)

    in reply to: REALLY IMPORTANT TO READ MAY SAVE LIVES #865982

    chaimss
    Participant

    Yeah, never forward a chain e-mail before Googling a few of the sentences.

    http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/ninetips.asp

    in reply to: was YWN hacked? #879436

    chaimss
    Participant

    I should have realized it was a joke because they used proper English with0ut 3n7 h@k3r lingo.

    in reply to: mods & spelling #896498

    chaimss
    Participant

    Npoe, I’m tpying this in IE9 and no corecttions.

    in reply to: Suggested exception to the no-links policy #843780

    chaimss
    Participant

    A white list sounds like a good idea. I’d also recommend torah.org, aish.com, and simpletoremember.com to be added to that list.

    in reply to: Out of town Shiduchim #842845

    chaimss
    Participant

    I’m sure people from Atlanta, GA, Charlotte, NC, Norfolk, VA, etc. don’t appreciate being bundled together with NY/NJ…

    Also, while being from OOT may not be a sole reason, it’s definitely true that there’s generally a mentality difference that could definitely come into play.

    in reply to: Petition to get real-brisker unblocked #843047

    chaimss
    Participant

    … that’s not how it works- you can ban by IP address.

    in reply to: I'm speechless #846181

    chaimss
    Participant

    The OU put out a video ages ago about this. You never know unless you truly know. http://www.ou.org/torah/article/the_kosher_video

    in reply to: I'm speechless #846180

    chaimss
    Participant

    The OU put out a video ages ago about this. You never know unless you truly know. http://www.ou.org/torah/article/the_kosher_video

    in reply to: Guy's Shidduch Resume' #908105

    chaimss
    Participant

    Estrapade- Like I mentioned in my first post, I could (and I have) spoken with my friends, etc. but I figured I’d get more diverse results here, knowing the chashove community we have here.

    in reply to: Guy's Shidduch Resume' #908101

    chaimss
    Participant

    Estrapade- So you think I should cut that all out? Even though it will probably be my first impression on the girl/family? I know from the guy side I have a friend who turned down a girl just because her resume’ wasn’t that informative, girls won’t do that? (That isn’t sarcastic or anything, I’m asking because I have no idea how these work.)

    OOM & Popa- Haha! In fact that was one of the threads Google picked up when I was searching, but alas, it was for a girl.

    in reply to: Black hat #840385

    chaimss
    Participant
    in reply to: Guy's Shidduch Resume' #908093

    chaimss
    Participant

    Thanks everyone. Popa- I’ve already been asked a number of times if I had one, that’s why I started. It’s the “brief” and “etc.” parts I’m trying to figure out- Do I go through a whole laundry list of things I enjoy or just things I think are important that she share with me? And would I be listed as a ba’al gaivah if I say something like (this isn’t true, btw): “I try to learn every spare moment I have and have already finished Shas Bavli and Shas Mishnayos” i.e. should I highlight my positives or is that wrong?

    in reply to: This Page Intentionally Left Blank.. #851147

    chaimss
    Participant

    Of course the solution is to change the font of said period to white!

    in reply to: Dougies closing down?! #838291

    chaimss
    Participant

    Maybe, just maybe, they’ll get their act together and reopen somewhere else!

    in reply to: When Parents' interests are mutually exclusive to their children's #838397

    chaimss
    Participant

    Two points- one about dorming, one about the OP’s point.

    1- Saying “assuming they’re equal” is very difficult because no two Yeshivos will be. Dorming is a risk. I started dorming around halfway through 9th Grade (I lived less than a ten-minute drive from my house) and although I was surrounded by my Rabbeim during the day (just like before I dormed) at night I was surrounded by a bunch of high school kids- some whom were good influences, some who weren’t. For some being surrounded by those learning 24/7 is a very good thing, but sometimes it’s better to be able to leave the bad influences behind. It’s a case-by-case decision that can’t be made in one sweeping statement.

    2- This completely depends on the parent. Some parents are like that, some aren’t. Those that are have to speculate whether or not that’s a good idea, but that being said, do you really want a six-year old to be fixing the sink? He shouldn’t have to be that mature yet, and we see it as a tragedy when an eleven-year old have to take over as the “man” of the house. Kids should have their childhood and shouldn’t have to act mature until they’re of that age. Until then pretending to be is cute, and that’s a good thing.


    chaimss
    Participant

    “girls know that most boys smoke”

    What??? I’ve been in Yeshiva for almost ten years and I assure you, most boys do NOT smoke. There are those that do, yes, but it’s a minority, not a majority.

    in reply to: Mostly Music Amex Deal #840260

    chaimss
    Participant

    Uh, pardon my ignorance, but what is this AMEX deal?

    in reply to: Facebook and Shidduchim #835432

    chaimss
    Participant

    I’ve heard this argument time and time again so I just want to say two things:

    1. What’s wrong with having a legal gun? If you have a permit and you’ve taken the safety course so what’s the problem with walking around with it?

    2. I always find it funny when people say “well I’ll look and see if he has Facebook.” It’s possible to completely hide your account so it’s not searchable unless you have the actual link. It’s also possible to have a generic profile picture (say, a flower) so you’d never know if this “Yehuda Goldstein” is the same Yehuda Goldstein you intend to go out with. True, it’s possible to see if this isn’t done, but just because you didn’t find one doesn’t mean (s)he doesn’t have one.

    in reply to: posts need to be posted quicker! #834533

    chaimss
    Participant

    @Jothar- Because then someone asks a question and 20 different people answer it. Or someone posts something that you want to comment on, but since your unseen comment came after their unseen comment it wouldn’t make sense.

    in reply to: posts need to be posted quicker! #834528

    chaimss
    Participant

    I was also thinking that maybe some people could be given “trusted status” for immediate posting if they earn the trust of the mods for never posting anything inappropriate or edit-worthy. Obviously this could be revoked if needed, but at least it would help some conversations move faster.

    in reply to: What's the Idea with College? #835521

    chaimss
    Participant

    I think I can give a better perspective, considering I’m probably one of the younger posters in this thread. I’m in Yeshiva in the mornings, and in the afternoons/evenings I’m currently a Senior in a “regular” college (i.e. not a Jewish one) majoring in Computer Science. I went to college because I felt that it is a necessary evil in order to have a degree and make a decent living for my family.

    That being said, I would not recommend it to anyone who’s actually considering learning all day or getting into klei kodesh (Rebbi, Shochet, STA”M, etc.). The environment is most definitely NOT what an ehrliche Yid should be in, in all regards of how people dress and act, as well as the required classes. While I have no complaints about the contents of the CompSci courses I took, some of the requisite courses in literature and other topics contained material that literally made me walk out of class on several occasions (I spoke with the Professor and explained my objections and he understood).

    I’ve routinely had to have dealings with females in my class, and unlike in a work environment (I’ve had experience with that as well) it is expected to go beyond a working relationship. It’s very difficult for me to explain that no, I don’t want to go to the bar with them after class, and it takes even longer for them to accept that.

    The way these girls dress- even in the winter!- is the type which you simply don’t find in the working world where (hopefully) you work for a company that has some sort of professional dress code. While I haven’t seen too much of the boy-girl thing I’ve had many friends from my Yeshiva who have.

    Bottom line, getting an education is important, yes, but from someone who’s doing it, for many who want to keep their neshamos pure, a secular college just may not be worth the risk.

    in reply to: The last rebellious thing you did as a teenager. #984558

    chaimss
    Participant

    Joined the military- with the full backing of my Rebbi and other Rabbonim.

    in reply to: How Weird is This? #880699

    chaimss
    Participant

    I’d say either a pocket dial or your phone was on mute.

    in reply to: Rabbi Shalom Rubashkin Petition #816019

    chaimss
    Participant

    (Obviously I meant 50,000 in my above post, not $50,000…)

    in reply to: Rabbi Shalom Rubashkin Petition #816018

    chaimss
    Participant

    If we get it above the current #1 which is over $50,000. Very possible but we have to spread the word.

    in reply to: A day to disconnect #813860

    chaimss
    Participant

    I disconnected for three hours, but I really think they picked the wrong day to do this. They should have picked a day like Chol Hamoed when the family is actually together, not a fast day when everyone is tired and hungry.

    in reply to: Best Kosher Shaver #813054

    chaimss
    Participant

    Hmmm… that’s an interesting idea… maybe it’s time to go on eBay and see if they’re still selling those old ones with unopened blades…

    in reply to: Best Kosher Shaver #813048

    chaimss
    Participant

    Thanks everyone! I hold of Rav Belsky who does not allow the Braun shavers. So other than that it seems like the consensus is Norelco (as opposed to Remington). Does anyone know of any specific model that gives the best shave?

    in reply to: Hashkofos HaTelevision #811422

    chaimss
    Participant

    The point is that we shouldn’t be chewing the non-Kosher gum. We shouldn’t be taking goyishe hashkafos that have no place in Torah and try to bring Torah into them. I will go out on a limb and say that maybe here and there there are things that do “shtim” with Torah Hashkofa, but perhaps that’s not for us to decide.

    in reply to: Sheltering kids #809113

    chaimss
    Participant

    R.K- That actually may be easier than you think. Usually someone who, say, watches TV, is better at a different middah, say, chesed. So all you have to say is that you try hard in this area and they have other areas that they’re improving in. That way it isn’t a matter of better or worse, just different.

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