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Viewing 42 posts - 1 through 42 (of 42 total)
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  • in reply to: Smartphones in Mir Diras are getting crazy #1826304

    Horrified
    Participant

    Idiots
    Nothing better to kvetch about today?

    in reply to: Difference between Chabad and everyone else? #1721940

    Horrified
    Participant

    Problem with chabad, is their is no rebbe so no direction.

    Even bigger problem is the messianic Chabad who belive they have a rebbe, and therefore convinced that they have direction!!

    in reply to: Can Someone Explain this Trend to Me #1691484

    Horrified
    Participant

    Which idiot invented the wide bring hat?
    Its a true aerodynamic nightmare,
    Uneconomical when windy .

    Ps this has to be the most pathetic post in a long time.

    in reply to: The Killing of Nahal Haredi Soldiers and the Anti Draft Protests #1646409

    Horrified
    Participant

    Mrs Sarah Levin

    without even knowing you i pray for you and your family and all jews daily,
    Without Torah as a backbone, our kids do not stand a chance, not in Greek times not today.

    i now can’t help but pray even harder for you that your grandkids and great grandkids remain Jewish.

    in reply to: Single Malt Scotch #1473869

    Horrified
    Participant

    I Have been to Glenlivet, Glenmorangie, and most of the famous distilleries in Scotland and can confirm that All casks are burned out with a blow torch b4 being filled with whisky.
    and like someone mentioned above.
    in order to get a consistent taste, all whiskys companies will mix many different casks into one large ‘pot’ and master blender will taste and add different barrels until taste is consistent.
    this obviously excludes single cask bottles, however these are mainly collectors items.

    in reply to: !!!!!!RFDOS!!!!!!!RFDOS #1097741

    Horrified
    Participant

    crazyBrit, you truly are crazy!

    but a laugh anyway.

    ps there will be a article in Mishpacha in a couple weeks suggesting and discussing various therapies for this dreaded machalo…

    in reply to: BUGS IN TROPICANA ORANGE JUICE #1071144

    Horrified
    Participant
    in reply to: Who Invented The Internet? #860619

    Horrified
    Participant

    History of the Internet

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Jump to: navigation, search

    Main article: Internet

    The history of the Internet began with the development of computers in the 1950s. This began with point-to-point communication between mainframe computers and terminals, expanded to point-to-point connections between computers and then early research into packet switching. Packet switched networks such as ARPANET, Mark I at NPL in the UK, CYCLADES, Merit Network, Tymnet, and Telenet, were developed in the late 1960s and early 1970s using a variety of protocols. The ARPANET in particular led to the development of protocols for internetworking, where multiple separate networks could be joined together into a network of networks.

    In 1982 the Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP) was standardized and the concept of a world-wide network of fully interconnected TCP/IP networks called the Internet was introduced. Access to the ARPANET was expanded in 1981 when the National Science Foundation (NSF) developed the Computer Science Network (CSNET) and again in 1986 when NSFNET provided access to supercomputer sites in the United States from research and education organizations. Commercial internet service providers (ISPs) began to emerge in the late 1980s and 1990s. The ARPANET was decommissioned in 1990. The Internet was commercialized in 1995 when NSFNET was decommissioned, removing the last restrictions on the use of the Internet to carry commercial traffic.

    Since the mid-1990s the Internet has had a drastic impact on culture and commerce, including the rise of near-instant communication by electronic mail, instant messaging, Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) “phone calls”, two-way interactive video calls, and the World Wide Web with its discussion forums, blogs, social networking, and online shopping sites. The research and education community continues to develop and use advanced networks such as NSF’s very high speed Backbone Network Service (vBNS), Internet2, and National LambdaRail. Increasing amounts of data are transmitted at higher and higher speeds over fiber optic networks operating at 1-Gbit/s, 10-Gbit/s, or more. The Internet continues to grow, driven by ever greater amounts of online information and knowledge, commerce, entertainment and social networking.

    It is estimated that in 1993 the Internet carried only 1% of the information flowing through two-way telecommunication. By 2000 this figure had grown to 51%, and by 2007 more than 97% of all telecommunicated information was carried over the Internet.[1]

    thank you wikipedia.

    in reply to: British Posters #1096542

    Horrified
    Participant

    dunno how many brits are posting from Israel though.

    there is no knowing!

    in reply to: British Posters #1096541

    Horrified
    Participant

    hi,

    offcial statistics are as follows.

    as you will see England’s 6.5% of traffic.

    Visitors by Country for Theyeshivaworld.com

    Country

    Percent of Visitors

    United States

    80.2%

    Israel

    7.2%

    United Kingdom

    6.5%

    Canada

    3.1%

    South Africa

    1.1%

    thanks to Alexa.com

    in reply to: Irish-Man Only Jokes… Havalaugh #862648

    Horrified
    Participant

    According to the census of 2006, there are 1,930 Jews in the Republic of Ireland. (1,581 in 1991 and 1,790 in 2002).

    thanks to wikipedia for this info.

    in reply to: strange English words #843323

    Horrified
    Participant

    to ‘bodge’ it up with a bit of ‘bodge’

    geordie

    in reply to: strange English words #843322

    Horrified
    Participant

    gobsmacked

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029667

    Horrified
    Participant

    to be precise

    274 M1

    267 A1/A1M

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029643

    Horrified
    Participant

    Nice name Reb Pinchos Staker!

    Ps you can use A82 felling bypass A19 A1 A1M A14 and then M11 into North London and then onto the North Circular if you want GG.

    also GNER went bust years ago so its East Coast or Grand Central from Make’mLand.

    Howway.

    in reply to: Is GATESHEAD the place to live? #838806

    Horrified
    Participant

    soliek

    , brainwashed?

    they don’t brainwash, the just wash your brain!

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029623

    Horrified
    Participant

    having honestly never been to geordieland, i was thinking to meeself they should just ban the boys altogether. They should be learning not shoppin.

    I also think after a hardly any thought that Tesco carPark and Darlington should also be banned altogether or at least seperate flushing times.

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029622

    Horrified
    Participant

    having honestly never been to geordieland, i was thinking to meeself they should just ban the boys altogether. They should be learning not shoppin.

    I also think after a hardly any thought that Tesco carPark and Darlington should also be banned altogether or at least seperate flushing times.

    in reply to: Moran Rosh Hayeshiv ????"? ????? ??"? #899328

    Horrified
    Participant

    we miss him more and more every day!

    in reply to: Ramat Eshkol Minyanim #825221

    Horrified
    Participant

    shachris in vishnitz continues untill at least 10.30 eevery morning with friday being even later.

    ps dont daven in vishnitz shabbos morning unless you want to come come at 2pm!

    in reply to: Moran Rosh Hayeshiv ????"? ????? ??"? #899323

    Horrified
    Participant

    thanks for the link sam2.

    in reply to: The Sefiras Ha'Omar game!! #949469

    Horrified
    Participant

    ARBOIM YAKENU.

    in reply to: Gateshead – anyone? #888154

    Horrified
    Participant

    Rabbi zimmerman +44 191 4771847

    in reply to: Shaitle Fraud Chillul Hashem Video: Sha'ar haTumah haChamishim #718054

    Horrified
    Participant

    i just watched a couple other clips of the peoples court on you tube,

    this one about the wig is definatly the most streight forward and normal case the court has seen!

    check it out!

    in all the other cases the defendent and the plaintiff are total nutters!

    zai Matzliach

    in reply to: Jokes #1201464

    Horrified
    Participant

    do you mind starting a new post in the CR for all your family reminicences, and leave this feed STRICTLY for JOKES.

    thanks very much

    in reply to: ??? ??? ????? #1193558

    Horrified
    Participant

    A True story

    A number of years ago i was riding my bicycle and was hit head on by a car traveling around 20mph.

    i smashed the windscreen with my head and bounced off the car about 20metres.

    the second i hit the car a clearly remember thinking ‘oh no ive been hit ain oid milvadoi.’

    i stood up and basicly walked awy very lucky to be alive!

    i had a serious cut by my eye and a nasty gash on my leg.

    two days later was peasach and i was sayin hallel 1st night after marriv and got a shock of my life when i came to the words ‘tzoroh veyogoin emtzoh uveShem HaShem ekroh , ki chilatzdo nafshi mimoves es eini min dimoh es ragli medechi!

    this story is 100% true.

    ps i heard after that it is a massive segula to say Ain Oid Milvado.

    in reply to: Jokes #1201291

    Horrified
    Participant

    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    ‘Please note that this Bank is installing new

    Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’

    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. Put down your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Put window up.

    7. Drive off.

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

    1. Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.

    in reply to: Jokes #1201290

    Horrified
    Participant

    Jane and Alan are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out. The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in. Alan returns inside to chase it out.

    Jane, not wanting him known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, ‘My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.’ Several minutes later, an exhausted alan arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, ‘Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!’

    in reply to: Jokes #1201284

    Horrified
    Participant

    Terry Markland and his friend Ken Stokes left the Royal Navy in 1993 after several years of serving together. They were well used to having a glass or two of ale together at the end of a long working day. On leaving the RN, Terry went to live in Plymouth and his friend returned to his home area of Newcastle. They promised each other that whenever they went out for a beer they would order two pints at a time as a way of remembering their friendship.

    Terry drank for many years in The Star in Plymouth and each day at 1800 hours he would order and drink 2 pints of guiness. Dermot, the landlord, commented to Terry on this practice and Terry naturally told him the story. This went on for some 13 years, every day.

    Last week Terry entered The Star and only ordered one pint of bitter. Shocked and a trifle worried and anxious, Dermot enquired whether Ken had passed away hence no need for the second pint.

    ‘Oh no, ‘replied Terry, ‘I’ve given up drinking.’

    in reply to: Jokes #1201283

    Horrified
    Participant
    in reply to: Jokes #1201282

    Horrified
    Participant

    A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink.

    in reply to: Jokes #1201281

    Horrified
    Participant

    Murphy’s Flight Laws:

    No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

    If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.

    If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

    Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

    If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area; Just look for the two largest passengers.

    Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.

    The crying baby on board your flight is always seated near you.

    The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard…

    in reply to: Jobs? #703644

    Horrified
    Participant

    If you are in Israel on a a4? visa [joined to your husbands A2 student visa],

    you CAN get a ‘permitted to work’ stamp on your visa.

    this is a new development thanks to eli yishai,

    if you want one just renew your visa.

    i just got a new visa and i specipicaly asked for it, they gave it to me without any tzoros!

    good luck

    now all my wife needs is a job- any ideas, graphics etc

    pleeeeze!

    thegraphictouch@gmail.com

    in reply to: Jobs? #703642

    Horrified
    Participant

    any other ideas?

    please post if you do.

    in reply to: Minhug Chasidus (Davening Late, Mikvah, Tish, etc.) #698494

    Horrified
    Participant

    can anyone explain why in some shuls they spend a hour and a half on pesukai D’zimra and then just 5 min on Shomone Esreh?

    isn’t Shmone Esreh more important?

    in reply to: Jobs? #703640

    Horrified
    Participant

    We also live in Jerusalem.

    My wife is also desperate for a job,

    She is willing to do a office job, or work from home.

    She does graphic, photo editing adverts etc.

    if anyone has any ideas please contact her by email; thegraphictouch@gmail.com

    Thanks emoticon613 for your advertising idea!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201240

    Horrified
    Participant

    Financial problems in japan;

    following the problems in the financial sector in the usa and uk, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

    In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded,

    Summo Bank has gone belly up,

    Bonsai Bank has announced plans to cut some of its branches,

    Yesterday it was announced that Karoke Bank is up for sale and and will likely be in for a song,

    while today shares in Kamikazi Bank were suspended after they nosedived,

    While Samuri Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks,

    Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit but they remain in the black.

    Furthermore 500 staff in Karate Bank got the chop,

    and analysts report that something fishy is going on at the Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff will get a raw deal!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201239

    Horrified
    Participant

    what do you call an egged bus’s shock absorbers?

    Passengers!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201238

    Horrified
    Participant

    just as i work out how to make end meet, the end moves…

    in reply to: Jokes #1201236

    Horrified
    Participant

    Notice on toilet door; ‘toilet out of order please use floor below!

    Notice in launderete; ‘please remove all your clothes when the light goes out!

    Notice at entrance to sefari park; ‘Elephants stay in you car!

    Notice in farmers field; public footpath, walkers may cross for free, but the bull may charge!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201234

    Horrified
    Participant

    there was a powercut in a shopping centre in East Jerusalem last week.

    12 Arabs were stuck on a esculator for over 5 hours untill the power was restored!

    in reply to: Good Forwards (Emails) #1059540

    Horrified
    Participant

    I dont know if this joke has been on this blog yet, if it has please forgive me.

    >A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ howevert, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’ A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’ Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

    Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

    2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

    The women won.

Viewing 42 posts - 1 through 42 (of 42 total)