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Btw Joseph, how do you know this guy? Is he your son or something? Nephew? Best friend’s son?
Well this is Joseph’s shidduch and he thinks that opposites attract….
In any case, if Joseph thinks that opposites attract, he can set the guy up with me, and if he thinks the guy needs a perfect girl, I know several perfect girls who are looking for a shidduch…
Rebshidduch – I think that you have to convince yourself that he will never be for you, period!!! Even if he eventually becomes Frum.
Repeat after me:
HE IS NOT FOR ME AND NEVER WILL BE.
Say that sentence 10 times in a row at least once a day.
Yungerman, thanks for pointing out the different ways of defining 6 hours.
These opinions are based on the fact that it says ??? ???? (I think in the Rambam). Literally, that means “like 6 hours”, so some say it just has to be almost 6 hours or “into the sixth hour”.
I hadn’t mentioned those opinions in my post, since my posts were long enough, and I was just explaining the different shitas regarding how many hours to keep without going into specifics of how people define 6 hours.
So I appreciate your pointing it out. I would just add though that if someone doesn’t have a specific minhag, they probably should not keep less than 6 full hours on the clock until and unless they ask a sheilah and are told otherwise.
Well, then, it seems that I would be the perfect match for him since he’s perfect and I’m not.
YYTZ: “It was not a Chillul Hashem. On the contrary, it raised the visibility of the issue of growing anti-Semitism as an issue of national and international concern, highlighted the growing prominent of frum Jews in America, and gave Turx a chance to make a Kiddush Hashem by responding to Trump’s non-answer/attack with good middos, refusing to criticize the president even though he needlessly humilitated him.
People shouldn’t let their pro-Trump partisanship or personal aesthetic preferences cloud their judgment and make them want to publicly heap scorn on a fellow Yid.
YWN should be ashamed of itself for allowing so many hateful comments against Turx on the comments section of its news article about him. There’s no way all that lashon hara and motzei shem ra is appropriate for a frum site. Maybe the gedolim who tried to ban the Internet were right.”
+ 1 googol
Depends if you said good things or not.
If someone whom I trust to say good things about me told me they got a call about me, I’d be happy to hear about it. It’s always nice to know that people are thinking about you and trying to set you up.
Iacisrmma +1. The shadchan may request that you email the resume first. But you should call first and see what she/he says as Iacisrmma wrote.
I don’t know about shadchanim, but I know a girl who’s looking for a boy like that…. If you know a boy like that, you can be the shadchan. 🙂
Well actually, I’m not so sure that I want a boy who “has a life full of activities, hobbies, and volunteer work”, and you didn’t mention anything about middos which is kind of the most important thing. You also didn’t mention anything about personality traits.
From “The Laws of Kashrus” by Rav Binyomin Forst” (pgs. 198-199)
The overwhelming majority of Poskim require that one wait six hours between meat and dairy. However, Sefardic and AShkenazic tradition differ in acceptance of the six-hour respite. According to Sefardic tradition, the six-hour respite is halachically required. It follows those opinions that interpret the Talmud in that manner. Ashkenazic tradition follows the lenient opinion in theory. Nevertheless, in practice, the six-hour respite was accepted almost universally among Ashkenazic Jews as well. Poskim declare that this is the proper conduch for anyone “imbued with the spirit of Torah”.
However, certain communities continued to follow the original Ashkenaic custom of reciting a brachah acharonah, waiting only one hour, and cleaning the mouth. This custom is found today among original Dutch Jews. Jews originating from Germany continue today their tradition of waiting three hours after eating meant.
This custom is perhaps based on the theory that during a short winter day the span between meals is shortened corresponding to the length of the day. Thus, the shorter waiting span should be sufficient at any time of the year.
While these customs are acceptable for one whose family tradition is such, others may not choose to follow these customs. The accepted tradition among the majority of Jews to wait six hours is binding upon everyone, unless his tradition is clearly otherwise. One who changes his custom to follow a more lenient custom is soundly censured by halachic authorities.
It’s in Yoreh Deah Siman 89, Seif 1. The Shulchan Aruch there says that you have to wait 6 hours. The Rema says that you only have to wait one hour, but some are makpid to wait 6 hours and this is the right thing to do (“??? ???? ?????”).
The Shach and Taz there say that one should really wait 6 hours and not rely on the lenient opinion of 1 hour.
TAZ: ??? ?? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??? ????? ??? ???? ??? ???? ???? ???? ????? ?????? ??? ??? ????? ???? ??? ????
Shach: :?”? ??? ???? ????? …??? ???? ????? ??? ?? ??? ?? ??? ????
The Dutch kehilla has the Minhag of waiting 1 hour as per the Rema. When I learned these halachos, I learned that it is not completely clear where the German minhag of 3 hours comes from. It may be a compromise between the opinion of 1 hour and the opinion of 6 hours.
If she wants to come at 2:00 pm on Monday, she won’t be able to do that.
Bochur 2.0 – this is not an answer to your question, but I really think that you should read Just One Jew by Moishe Mendlowitz.
Aside from the fact that everyone should read it, I think it would give you a lot of chizuk.
It’s a fantastic book, and it’s easy and enjoyable to read. It’s about a guy who went OTD in the days before that was common, he was completely OTD for app. 13 years (almost married a goy, etc.), but did a full-turn around, and Boruch Hashem eventually got married (although he did have a hard time in shidduchim – as do many people, for that matter) to a wonderful baalas teshuva.
It doesn’t exactly answer your question, but it could give you chizuk.
And maybe that would be a good idea for you – to date baalei teshuvas? There are certainly many wonderful baalei teshuvas around.
Either chocolate or pickles make me happy. But chocolate makes me happier than pickles do. Chocolate is a legal drug.
BMYer -I apologize if I misunderstood and misjudged you.
The main thing is that she must make it clear that she is having nothing to do with him either way. Even if she wants to take your advice, she has to tell him that even if he becomes Frumer, she still will have nothing to do with him until he has spent two years in a Yeshiva, and if he really “frums out” he can contact her via a shadchan (and only via a shadchan) at that point.
I’m not even sure that’s the best idea, but if she takes your advice, that’s the only way she should even consider it.
Personally, I still think it’s a bad idea though.
In terms of the fact that nothing else has been working, that’s only because she hasn’t tried hard enough yet, because she hasn’t yet convinced herself to get rid of him. And she is still giving him rides, which she must stop, ASAP!!
That’s very kind of you.
On that topic, do you or anyone else have any advice for dry/chapped lips? I have really chapped lips and it can cause chillul Shabbos (b’shogeg) issues.
Wondering if anyone has any suggestions.
RY – unhealthy in what way? What damage does it do?
Zahava’s Dad: “Turx did not IMO do anything wrong. I saw the same video everyone else did”
ZD – + 1 googol for being dan l’kaf zchus!
I once stood in line to speak to him.
Tznius, to answer your question seriously, it’s not something that has a precise answer. It depends on the standards of the community as well as where the person in question is holding.
No one here can tell you what color nail polish to wear for several reasons: 1. It has to do with the shade, and not just the color, and we can’t see your choices. 2. We don’t even know what colors you are considering. 3. We don’t know what’s considered acceptable in your community. 4. It is an individual question.
I think this is something you have to decide for yourself.
I would recommend you think about the following:
1. When I wear ______- colored nail polish, what message does it send about me? Is this the message I want to send or not?
2. What do others in my community wear/not wear?
3. What do the people whom I admire and want to be like do?
4. Will I be more or less likely to be set up with the kinds of boys I want to be set up with?
5. Will the kinds of boys I don’t want to marry be more likely to talk to me and want to go out with me?
shebbesonian – I think we’re talking about a case where you have reason to suspect that you can’t trust the person’s kashrus.
Or that you don’t have a reason to assume that you can.
Obviously you can’t apply ?? ??? ???? ???????? to being able to eat food from anyone’s home. The average Jew in America is not even Frum. So clearly there has to be a reason to believe that you can eat this person’s food before you can start applying that principle.
I would assume that the basis for assuming you can eat in a particular person’s home in the first place is that you know that this is a person who is very knowledgeable in the relevant halachos and has the same standards as you.
When people don’t eat in other’s homes, it ispresumably because they feel that this doesn’t apply for one of two reasons: 1. They know the person and know that the person doesn’t have the same standards as them.
or: 2: They feel that there are enough Orthodox people who don’t have these standards or are ignorant of them, that they can’t assume that any particular person is “b’chezkas kashrus” unless they know that they are.
I’ll try to remember not to send any in your mishloach manos this year now that I know you don’t like it.
Hashem is reading – huh? I felt like someone was attacking you (by assuming that your question was meant rhetorically and you were criticizing the men who knew the song), so I defended you and “daned you l’kaf zchus” by assuming that you were simply asking a question (not as a rhetorical question) and not being critical.
But if you don’t like being defended or judged favorably, I will try to remember not to do so in the future.
And btw, from the fact that you rephrased your question, it sounds like I was right, so I don’t know what you’re upset about. If you had meant it as a rhetorical question, there would be no reason to rephrase it.
BMY – when someone gives advice to another person, he has to think very carefully about who the person is and whether or not this is good or bad advice for the person in question.
Obviously, that is one of the dangers inherent in giving advice online, and therefore one should always try to err on the side of caution.
The advice that you are giving Rebshidduch is advice that can theoretically either be okay advice or dangerous advice depending on the person in question.
If Reb shidduch were the type of person who has a very strong personality and hashkafa and is totally not attracted to this guy and there is no possibility that she would ever be influenced by him, then perhaps your advice would be okay advice.
However, it is clear from her posts that this is not the case at all. She has already been influenced by him (she turned on goyish music because of him) and she has a lot of contact with him (she is giving him rides). For her, this advice is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!
“Chayecha kodmim”. She has to think about herself first. You are never supposed to do kiruv at your own expense.
Futurepotus, I’m not sure what your point is. Can you clarify? Thanks!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify.
That was a joke – sorry if it wasn’t clear.
Meno – That is true. I had seen the point as being about a way to go “lifnim meshuras hadin” and show extra consideration by not sending them something they can’t eat even though there is nothing wrong with doing so (as I pointed out previously).
Although, as you pointed out, perhaps making something home-baked could itself be seen as a way of going “lifnim meshuras hadin” by making something that is more yummy for those who do eat it.
Personally, for me the dilemma would be about whether or not to eat it. As I mentioned in another thread, my (practically) only taavos are for things that can be eaten or read 🙂
I imagine that would not be a dilemma for most other adults. What might be a dilemma for some is figuring out if they should let the kids have it.
From all that, it works out that on average, girls start dating older in Israel. It is known that in Israel girls start later and boys start younger and that is one reason given for the lack of (or less of) a shidduch crisis in EY than in the US.
In EY, the girls are usually 20 & the boys are 21, whereas in the US, the girls are usually 19 & the boys are 23 or 24.
WTP – I don’t have time to rewrite my entire post, but I will try to do part of it.
I have friends with top-daughters from top-seminars who are in shidduchim now, so I know that it is considered completely acceptable and normal for Israeli girls to wait until after the second year of seminary to start dating.
While it is true that they can start during the first year, it is perfectly acceptable to wait until the second year is over or at least until Chanuka or Pesach of the second year. Even those girls who do go out during the first year usually wait until Pesach (or at least Chanuka).
Also, remember that the average Israeli girl is usually older than the average American girl, since parents are more likely to hold back here, and more likely to skip in the US (although that has started to change).
It is rare for girls to get married in 12th grade in EY. It is possible that it happens occasionally, but it happens sometimes in the US as well.
Plus there are many American girls who don’t go to EY for sem, and many of those girls get married during seminary.
LB – +1,000. That was well-put and a great summary of what I had been trying to say for most of the thread.
In my last post though, I was actually trying to say something else (in addition to the above). But I’m not sure if RebShidduch wants me to say it straight-out or not.
NCB – +1,000!
That’s the same logic used to explain why girls are allowed to learn Gemara:
If they didn’t learn Gemara, they wouldn’t know they are not allowed to learn it.
the_shver: shkoyach! That’s a good limud zchus! I guess no one thought of it. I think the person who asked did so because she was assuming there was a good answer and that someone would come up with it.
And you see she was right!!!
Now how is that for being “dan l’kaf zchus”!
I guess it’s because your name starts off with the word “Hashem”, so I am first saying “Hashem” when I am referring to you.
I was trying to figure out why this feels different than a name that has Hashem’s Name in it. There are a few differences. One is that this reads as 3 separate words. Another is that I think most names that have Hashem in them either have it at the end (like Batya) or in the middle or it’s not “Hashem” but “my Hashem” (like Eliyahu).
Also with hebrew names, I guess I don’t look at it the same way. When I say Batya and Eliyahu, I think of the people I am referring to, not of the meaning of the name.
They are baalei teshuva. They used to be MO, but then they started posting in the CR and quickly realized the error of their ways, so they decided to learn full-time in between posting in the CR and joined a kollel for guys who used to be OTD but now smoke instead of watching movies.
Thanks so much for the info. Good thing to know. I am wondering though if it really works for everyone. Everyone is different. Some people have very dry lips.
WTP – I made an earlier comment about that that was deleted.
I don’t see why it’s necessarily problematic according to the Torah to say there can be life on other planets.
The earth is the center of the universe for us. But a different planet might be the center of the universe for others.
There are so many things that we are clueless about. We live in a bubble, here on our own litte planet….
But why does anyone think there is life on these planets? Is that what the scientists are saying? (not that they can’t be wrong – I am just wondering where this is even coming from).
My sister-in-law’s parents have three separate kitchens. Milchiks and Fleishiks are in separate rooms, and there is a separate section with its own sink for Pareve. It’s interesting because they are Mesorati/dati-lite.
Her father is very proud of it and made a point of showing it to me when I was there for a simcha. Maybe he wanted to make sure I would eat by them.
edited
I’ve told you before – I wasn’t sure if you wanted to me to be direct and tell you again. But if you want me to, I will.
Meno – +1. It’s more than that though, rebshidduch. I don’t think you should just be waiting until you’re ready. I think that there are things you need to do in order to become ready.
DY – I think that many people who are makpid on cholov yisrael do so as a chumra. It’s not just that they hold by Rav Moshe zatsal m’ikar hadin; their being machmir is also based on Rav Moshe zatsal, since R’ Moshe poskened that one should be machmir when chalav yisrael is available.
Since their being machmir is based on R’Moshe & R’Moshe held that chalav stam is kosher, it would seem that they shouldn’t have to worry about the keilim.
Additionally, when I had sheilah recently about eating in people’s homes who use unreliable hashgachos, I was told that if it’s aino ben yomo, it’s fine. So that logic should apply here as well.
I believe that Lubavitchers hold that chalav stam is completely assur (chalav akum), so it more of a problem for them. Although, perhaps the last point would still apply (if the keilim are in fact “aino ben yomo”)
Rebshidduch – your posts are usually very short. I don’t think this is a problem for you.
Rebshidduch, if your friendship with this girl resulted in your doing things that you shouldn’t have, then you probably should drop the friendship. Not because she is not a good person, but because the friendship is not good for you. Just like this guy might be a very good person, but it’s not a good relationship for you.
I would advise you to reread DaMoshe’s post and take it seriously – all of it. What you need right now is not a shidduch. In fact the fact that you are so desperate for one is a bad sign. I have found in my experience that when a girl is desperate to get married (or is too into boys), it means that she has issues that she needs to deal with before she should be considering marriage. I have also found that those girls usually end up divorced – sometimes more than once.
RebShidduch – GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY AS FAR AS YOU CAN IMMEDIATELY!
From some of your recent posts, he sounds VERY DANGEROUS!!! Where are the two of you that he has the opportunity to “convince you to put on not-Jewish music”? If he is able to convince you of things so easily, who knows what he will convince you of next?
And if he is the guy you were considering giving rides to, STOP IMMEDIATELY! And don’t give rides to any more boys, and stop talking to boys! It is very bad for you. It might not be for some people, but it is for you.
You should only date through shadchanim from now on. It would be a very bad idea for you to “just meet someone”
HaLeivi – +1
I know someone who teaches Hil. Shabbos her husband asks her questions in Hil Shabbos. I know s/o else who had already learned certain topics in halacha that her husband hadn’t learned yet (he was going to get semicha but hadn’t yet), so when they first got married (until he got semicha), he asked her.
If halacha (or certain areas in halacha) is the wife’s “tchum” & her husband’s is something else, I wouldn’t think that he should have a problem asking him her questions since he knows that’s her area. Just like if she’s a doctor, he shouldn’t mind asking her his medical questions.
But these things are very individual & depend on the individuals As a single girl, I have spent time in many people’s houses, & I see that there are all dif. types of people & ways of doing things.
The imp. thing is for the wife to make sure she is aware of HER husband’s needs & to act accordingly, even if it’s not what she expected.
“A few of the usernames give away the gender of the people behind them.”
While I agree with everything else you wrote and I appreciate your pointing it out since I think it’s good to have that reminder every now and then, I want to point out that you can’t always tell from the usernames even when you think you can.
For example: RebYidd is a girl/woman, I am a girl, Jonny Appleseed is a girl, rebshidduch is a girl, and Little Froggie is a man.