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I doubt that the non-Jews would expect us to sing the national anthem at such a setting – akin to a shul or Bais Medrash. I think that singing the anthem at the Met would have been doubly inappropriate, as it would appear to be reverting the location back to its usual stadium status. A school graduation and the like are appropriate times for us to show our appreciation to our country.
Wanting to know the sources for halocha is perfectly valid. It is not helpful when people answer without citing the sources. Even citing some sources while leaving others out is not beneficial. Perhaps someone who has researched the topic thoroughly can post the entire range of sources from all major poskim.
There is no question that it is a major chesed to help people fulfill a mitzva, and to alleviate people’s suffering. Would you not consider it worthy to help a burn victim obtain plastic surgery!? The only question is as far as priorities are concerned. I assume that in reality that is what you were driving at. This is a major question, as sometimes the enormous amount of money used for one wonderful mitzva could have accomplished 100 different wonderful mitzvos. That you should ask your own halocha advisor.
As an aside, people who need IVF can save an enormous amount by travelling to the country which is the most advanced in the field – Eretz Yisroel.
The only question should be which filter is best. It is hard to believe that anyone who values his neshama and that of his family would use the Internet without protections. I don’t think that people should let their children go to someone’s house if the family has unprotected Internet. Letting your children go to such a home is a good way to destroy them. I deal with hundreds of kids, and I am not exaggerating. If you have Internet – you must have protections in place.
This is not a new question. Either do the proper research in those seforim that discuss it, or ask your rav. An appropriate question for the CR would be, “Where can I find information about this topic?”
As much as possible, buy what you need in E.Y., especially electric appliances, breakables, and heavy items. It is not such a bad deal to pay $70 to take an extra suicase. Ask friends and relatives who might be giong to take a second suitcase for you. May sure that you only send legal items, and advise them to open the suitcase and inspect whatever you are sending. If they haven’t checked it they might run into delays at the airport.
To avhaben –
My concern is not about those people who discuss halocha for the purpose of asking sheilos in a more knowlegeable manner, and for those who desire to increase their Torah understanding. My concern is for people who use Internet forums in place of a Rav. Even when all information is quoted accurately, p’sak from the Internet is prone to error. Practical halocha depends on numerous variables. Gedolei Yisroel often advise people to ask a local Rav (who may not be on their own level) – as familiarity with the details and circumstances of a sheila is very important.
Do yourself a big favor. If you want to know practical halocha get yourselves a Rav. Anyone who does not have a Rav (women should have a rebbetzin too) is looking for trouble. Do not allow your daughters to marry a young man that does not have a Rav/Rosh HaYeshiva. Even if you are qualified to research halocha in the source seforim, you must have a Rav.
These halochos are extremely detailed and complex. I know of a case of a divorce where a man stole money from his X-wife and in-laws because he thought that he was entitled to everything. This led to a din-Torah which determined that he owed his X thousands upon thousands of dollars. Divorce is a great tragedy. Anyone faced with such tragedy would be well-advised to have a Rav who is an expert in these halochos as well as a good lawyer.
Ideally a divorcing couple should get halachic and legal guidance and come to a fair compromise on money and custody issues. Law suits are very expensive and leave everyone wounded.
I think that most Orthodox girls from the age of 12 and up (certainly the girls from less sheltered communities) are discussing these OTD women, and are grappling whith the issues raised by these tragedies.
I think that parents and educators need to find ways to help the girls who are ON the Derech find fulfillment in Yiddishkeit. I think that we must leave no stone unturned in looking for the necessary corrections we must each make in his or her realm in order that our children should find Torah and mitzvos inspiring.
People enjoy knocking others down, as it makes them feel better. It makes people feel especially good to knock down those who belong to groups that adhere to a higher moral standard. The world at large is happy to knock down any orthodox Jew or religious person. Within orthodoxy there is the same tendency to want to knock down those who give us a “guilty conscience” about our own observance. Self confident people don’t have a need to bash others.
I think that it is best to close this thread down. Many, many families (probably the majority) earn far below the numbers quoted, and manage to raise wonderful happy families anyway. I don’t think that Klal Yisroel lives according to the various “rules of thumb”, but by HaShem’s rules. Reading these enormous sums will likely make numerous people dissatisfied with the lives they are presently enjoying.
I said it before – please listen: Please get yourself a good Rav & or rebbetzin to speak to – the more experience the better. These are important issues and should not be treated lightly. Hatzlocha rabba.
Yes – yitayningwut – has answered many of the threads with an excellent piece of advice. If people would avoid bashing individuals and groups, and if they would direct questions that should be asked to a rav or medical professional to the proper person a great deal of Internet chatter would disappear.
Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l explained that Josephus clearly records that Bar Kamsus was a well known tziduki. The Gemora is still open to various interpretations, but knowing the “religious” affiliation of one of the main protaganists helps shed light on the story.
If you can help any of the people involved, please do so.
If you can help Klal Yisroel – please do so.
If you are a Yenta – find something constructive to do with you social abilities.
Please get help-
A Rav or Rebbetzin (preferablly with many years of experience) can advise you if you should see a therapist or if it is not necessary. If you have OCD it is treatable. People need to have a small group of wise people with whom to consult regarding life issues. Be careful to choose those in whom to confide carefully. May HaShem help you.
This is an area of halocha where you could be transgressing a Torah prohibition. There is also a gray area, which might be allowed – depending on various factors. I urge you to ask a Rav. It is very risky to go through life without a Rav to ask. In addition if these types of things become compulsive they can be a sign of OCD, which is treatable. I suggest that anyone with these types of issues turn to the appropriate professionals for guidance.
You guys have plenty of teshuva to do for a long list of aveiros. It is apalling that so many of you think that making a chilul HaShem, making people lose their jobs, shaming people in public, etc. are cute pastimes. You are so busy laughing at how smart you think you are, that you don’t take out a minute to worry about after 120!? For your information decent people don’t think you are either smart or amusing.
I cannot emphasize strongly enough how important it is to ask halocha sheilos to a rav. When people make guesses as to what they think the halocha is they are bound to make mistakes.
Seizures range from not serious to very serious, and everywhere in between. It is imperative to get information from medical personnel familiar with the case. Please don’t use Internet Coffee Rooms and “chats” in place of competent medical practitioners. (The specialists that deal with seizures are neurologists.)
There are excellent doctors around for hip replacements. I agree that you should find out who the top doctors are, and also get a top-notch infectious disease doctor. Why not find out which specialists the doctors in your community choose for their own families.
1) It is true that there are usually significant differences between New York area people and out of towners. Not that one is necessarily better than the other, but there are real differences. Sometimes these differences may even make for a successful shidduch.
2) It is quite reasonable that a boy or girl that has to decide between two similar shidduchim to try out will try the one that involves less hassle and expense first.
I am involved in kiruv work, and I work with OTD kids. Sadly at times there is some truth to accusations they throw at rabbis, teachers, parents, etc. But very often the “stories” they tell of their “horrible” experiences at the hands of the frum world are greatly exagerated, and sometimes completely untrue.
Rabbis, teachers, and parents have to do their best. People who pontificate all kinds of “brilliant” ideas of why kids go OTD are making the mistake of simplifying a very complex problem. So let’s do what we can to help, learn from our mistakes, and stop throwing around blame.
It is definitely 100% assur – PROHIBITED – to steal from a non-Jew. Internet forums are not the place to “paskan shailos”. Tons of false information gets thrown around.
To Jothar – I think that I must not have been as clear as I should have been. I am impressed with your research. I recommend that people do research as you did, and not “ploppel” on the Internet regarding serious halocha issues.
(For those who don’t know Yeshivish “to ploppel” is a big insult – it means to talk pompously and irresposibly about serious topics which you know almost nothing about.) Some people discuss major halocha and hashkofa issues on Internet forums as if they were discussing the merits and drawbacks of different brands of chocolate. If I can convice one person that the Intenet is not the place for complex issues for which you need a Rav or Madricha, I will be very happy.
As far as I know you (Jothar) have been “meshamesh talmidei chachamim”. (A partial explanation of “meshamesh talmidei chachomim” is to get first hand experience in practical halocha and its application.) I did not mean to accuse you of anything. I am impressed that you actually researched the topic. Your friend Menachem Melamed.
If you are into reading secular classics – I believe that Jules Verne is one of the few authors whose works are acceptable.
To Jothar – I am impressed that you researched the sources. I cannot understand why chatrooms and the Coffeeroom are taking the place of research and asking one’s Rav. The reason that Shimush Talmidei Chachomim is so important is that we need guidance to know how to apply halocha in any given situation. If someone has not been guided in how to derive halocha from sefarim by his rabbeim – even research in sefarim is insufficient. Ezra HaSofer did not leave Bavel for Eretz Yisroel as long as his rebbe, Boruch ben Neriah was alive.
1- We must all have a real live rebbe for guidance.
2- those who are able should research the sources like Jothar.
3- I was fortunate enough to be educated by the Gedolai Yisroel, not Internet chatrooms. I suggest that every man and woman connect to qualified rabbanim and madrichim.
4- I learned from numerous Gedolei Yisroel that we must not “bash” other Jews (even if minimally observant) – no matter how strongly we may disagree with them.
5- I was fortunate to see the pleasant way the Gedolei Yisroel related to “not yet frum” Jews and nochrim.
If we all start behaving like we should more of the secular Jews will desire to copy our ways, and we will cause HaShem’s Name to be beloved.
To Non Political and Stamamen – I have not responded to your requests for names of accepted poskim intentionally. One of the great problems of our generation is that people have not followed the advice of the Mishna in Pirkei Avos – “asei l’cha rav”. The purpose of my post was to advise people to go to their own Rav for pisjei halocha – not anonymous Internet discussions. Anyone who uses the Coffee Room as his Rav is like a wanna-be surgeon operating with the guidance of a highschool biology book.
“Stamemen”, you actually supported what I said. Sometimes we accuse people of transgressing a halocha based upon what we believe the halocha to be. Sometimes we discover that the person actually was following the halocha according to a different opinion, or that the person misunderstood the halocha.
I purposely did not state what the divergent opinions might be as the only proper approach is to ask your own poseik. People who use internet chatrooms in lieu of a Rav are making a mistake. There is no replacement for a Rav who knows you and your situation.
I am surprised that most of the posters have allowed the statement that covering “knees and elbows is halocha” go by unchallenged. Check with the gedolei horabbanim and find out if this is unanimously accepted halocha.
One of our problems is that we forget that different communities and sectors of observant Jews follow different poskim. There are seriously observant Jews who we misjudge because they follow a poseik that does not share our assumptions regarding halocha. We immediately judge them to be “not really frum”. I suggest that you verify this with the gedolim whom you know – I did.
I think that the aveira of misjudging a fellow Jew is far worse than the avairos that people find so upsetting.
At one time organized crime was interfering with the kashrus standards of meat. To address this issue leading rabbanim made a separate track of kashrus which was free of this interference. It is for this reason that the term “glatt” in America came to mean “a higher standard”. Knowing this bit of history explains quite of few things about the way kashrus has developed in America.
When I was a youngster opening the Aron HaKodesh for Anim Zemiros was considered beneath anyone’s dignity. An elderly Yid, who was a pillar of the community, said that he will take the Kovid himself until the community will learn that it is an honor to serve HaShem and His Torah.
I think that there are many causes, but two of them are especially important:
1) Many people are self-centered. Selfishness is poison to a marriage.
2) Many people who give advice to young people are not qualified to do so. This includes people with titles such as Dr., Rabbi, Rebbetzin, teacher, etc. It is crucial to get advice, but the advisor must be up to the task.
To Daas Yochid:
Yes, I would. I have taught people without getting paid. Even though a rebbe who teaches for a living needs to get paid – those people who have other jobs often learn with people, teach bar mitzva lessons, and do other mitzvos – without necessarily being paid. Numerous people in our communities do chasadim without expecting monetary rewards. I don’t mean to say that a shadchan should not get paid, but I would hope shadchanim appreciate the great mitzva that they are doing. The reward for the mitzva is far greater than any sum of money people might give in appreciation. If a shadchan is overly focused on the money, they might forfeit a large part of the mitzva.
I think that you should be happy that you had the opportunity to do a chesed. If you are overly interested in the money, you may lose most of the mitzva. Certainly, if you did a good job for them they should pay you, but sometimes people can’t afford to, are stingy, or perhaps they might even have complaints against the shadchan. (Legitimate complaints against shadchanim are not a rarity.) If you are in it l’shaim shamayim, you shouldn’t let it upset you.
Many of you correctly posted that a shadchan must be paid. However, it is much more fulfilling to do things for a mitzva, and if you are paid – be happy. I know of mohalim who were quite gracious when people failed to pay them.