ObstacleIllusion

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  • in reply to: Should Wedding gowns for the extended family be discontinued? #1775574
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    A burqa and a gown are worlds apart. A burqa is practical and convenient; it has pockets, it’s easy to wash, and you can wear it anywhere. Carpool? Throw on a burqa. The neighbor’s l’chaim? A burqa. Need to run to PTA between dinner and baths? Just slip into the burqa. Going to say Mazel Tov at a wedding and then doing shabbos shopping at Bingo and you’ll need to pack your own groceries? Burqa. No one will even know if it’s the same burqa you wore while sitting shiva two weeks ago.

    A gown is anxiety on a hanger.

    in reply to: Marriot #1084888
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    The last time I was at a lounge, between the two of us we got one soda and the rest was water. After 3+ hours my bill was $5. A waiter or waitress is tiped for their service, a drink is all the same to carry regardless of whats in the cup. We use percentages as a metric but it shouldn’t be a hard and fsst rule. I tipped the waitstaff for their wonderful attentiveness with $15 or $20. It’s just rude otherwise and very possibly can be a chillul hashem.

    in reply to: Is Addiction a self inflicted disease? #1050144
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    There are many addicts that are functioning members of society. I’m confused by what exactly your question or point is.

    in reply to: What time an 18-year-old bachur should be home motzei Shabbos? #985208
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    12:30/1:00 Maybe after 12:30 or 1:00 he has to check in every half hour with a picture message of where he is.. I don’t know, if he’s a responsible 18 year old who isn’t disturbing people when he comes back in then when can you really give him a curfew?

    in reply to: Getting the other to say no #972141
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Say no to say yes.

    in reply to: Lace on Kittels #971624
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    They’re like lace circus tents. They’re cut so terribly. I’m going to get one made.

    in reply to: Mishpacha interview with Shadchanim Levy, Lewenstein and Katz #972964
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    LevAryehBoy, the Torah doesn’t tell us to be have an “extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to” homosexual people. It tells us not to engage in homosexual behavior, but the HATE that homosexuals receive in the frum community creates an environment where those struggling with the issue are terrified to find a way work through their nisayon.

    in reply to: Best way to break in four-inch stilettos before Yom Tov? #971877
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    oomis, I agree with you. It doesn’t make sense that someone who is very concerned with tznius would wear extremely attracting shoes. But perhaps that is not something they’re able to do right now and they figure wearing looser fitting clothing, and a more subdued shaitel is what they can do and shoe’s are what they need.

    I expect my wife to wear stilletos.

    in reply to: Buchorim Wearing Designer Clothing #971185
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Lev Aryeh: It’s still before Labor Day, and I’m not looking forward to putting away my white jeans.

    I think it’s important to look presentable. Unfortunately, too many guys who wear white shirts and black pants are NOT dressed to stand before a king. People who wear dirty clothing are beyond the scope of this discussion. But wearing clothes that fit and look somewhat business-formal is very important. Blousy shirts and ballooning, gathering pants with white socks and terrible shoes looks extremely unpresentable. Regretfully the yeshiva world has lost track of what was trying to be accomplished and instead focused on the colors.

    Of course, guys wearing designer labels aren’t usually the ones perpetuating “schlub-formal” look.

    in reply to: Friday night sushi! #971524
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Sushi was bad for your skin?

    in reply to: Is this a chesed that should be passed up? #971111
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Yes, there is a tremendous double standard between men and women interacting with kids.

    in reply to: Is this a chesed that should be passed up? #971099
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Interesting question, I often find myself in similar positions. If she was having obvious difficulty and/or struggling with little kids, I would definitely have offered. Otherwise, I would not. Most of the supermarkets by me have people who will help you and you can take the shopping cart to the car.

    I offered a ride to a lone girl once. I live in a neighborhood between a really safe frum neighborhood and a really terrible unsafe neighborhood, one of the worst precincts in NYC. I was driving along at 11:30 PM and there was a frum girl walking in the unsafe part of town. Not wanting to give her a heart attack, I slowed my car on the opposite side of the street as her and asked her if she was okay and if she needed a ride somewhere. At the time, I was working a very high profile job in the community so I was recognizable by face to most people. She (wisely?) refused, and I drove off.

    in reply to: Drinking away a bad date #974275
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I thought this thread was going to be drinking through the date, not afterwards, of which I’m a total advocate for. Yeah, I think it’s completely okay to have a beer after a bad date. If you come home and get plastered from a run-of-the-mill bad date then there is clearly something you need to work through.

    in reply to: How do YOU pronounce…. #970815
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    1. neesh

    2. nay

    3. i’ll bite

    3. grande(soft d) pree

    4. zhwa di veevre (almost silent r)

    I hate the word “albeit” in any pronunciation and usage.

    in reply to: How do I get my purity back? #1098782
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Abstain and memories fade.

    in reply to: What to do for dinner when your wife is upstate in the Catskills #970340
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I got a good laugh reading this.

    in reply to: Dieting on Shabbos #1159062
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    You can eat healthy on shabbos. i don’t know who cooks in your house, but prepare healthy food, buy the smallest amount of challah possible and tell the other person to remove it once you’ve had a bite. You can eat salmon, salad, matbucha, hummus, grilled chicken, grilled meat is fine too, don’t use unhealthy or sweet sauces and dressings, fill up on quinoa. No temptation = no fail.

    I eat rather minimally and healthy during the week, and then on shabbos I can be totally undone, half a challah, kugels, cookies, cake. Comeplete abstinence is what works best for me, but if you find you must indulge, indulge Shabbos day and ONLY at the meal and wait two hours before taking a nap. Good luck.

    in reply to: When Do You Set Your Shabbos Table? #970312
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    We use the table Thursday night for dinner, so Friday afternoon. One of the kids sets the table after they come home form school.

    in reply to: Boys can't be so picky: A shidduch crisis solution! #969998
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    The Crisis ended in late 2010.

    in reply to: Boys getting married early #1012978
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I think there are more 18 years olds with the financial capabilities (whether their own or familial)to get married than the emotional and practical capabilities for marriage.

    in reply to: Boys are not ready for marriage at 18 #969232
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Are most girls REALLY ready to be married at 19 or 20?

    in reply to: Boys getting married early #1012953
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Most guys, ready or not, don’t want to get married at 18.

    in reply to: Does a Kallah need to give a gift to her Chosson in the yichud room? #968938
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Or she just needed to fill the registry, and will return the steamer and take the cash.

    in reply to: Does a Kallah need to give a gift to her Chosson in the yichud room? #968934
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    jfem: My comment was tongue in cheek, I do not expect any gifts though I definitely do have a list in my head. 🙂

    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I have a list of gifts I expect to recieve with parameters to insure that they’re what I want. I don’t expect them to be presented in the Yichud room, though. What would I possibly do with them then? It would distract from the moment, I know she loves me she just married me. Her being my wife is present enough in the yichud room, anything else would pale in comparison in those first few moments. Like, oh a watch, how nice… YOU JUST BECAME MY WIFE!! I wouldn’t even be able to properly recognize and appreciate a gift. I don’t want to exchange gifts in the yichud room.

    in reply to: Sheva Brachos Entertainment #969694
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Sheva Brachos should have ONE speech limited to four minutes. After that any form of asking to hold the crowd’s attention should involve a drinking game.

    in reply to: What do YOU think is the most important part of a song and why? #969153
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Shopping613 – I was under the opinion that all adolescent girls can sing. Isn’t a subject in Production/Shabbaton/Melave Malka/Choir? Just kidding. I understand why that can be frustrating, but Carlebach didn’t get famous for his voice. Also, if you do write really well, you can definitely have famous singers perform your songs. You can even reach a wider audience this way because a popular male singer has a much larger listening base than a frum woman. Don’t let the inability to sing, keep you from writing. Also you might find it interesting to meet with Rachel Factor, and see what she has to say about a frum women practically being able to express her talent.

    in reply to: What do YOU think is the most important part of a song and why? #969147
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Outside of the chassidishe world, most yeshivish men could not name more than maybe 2 niggunim, and I think I’m being overly generous. I’m not looking for poetry, thank you. The passukin and passages chosen for songs were written far better than any modern lyric. I was simply commenting that in the Jewish music industry lyrics typically don’t play as big of a part in producing a song, and thus the talent of a vocalist plays an extremely large factor. This was in response to your (snide?) comment, about Jews caring about having only an AMAZING singer.

    Thank you for the more coherent response. It is appreciated.

    in reply to: What do YOU think is the most important part of a song and why? #969142
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I love lyrics, lyrics are where I connect with the song. I also enjoy a melody that I can connect to. I enjoy certain styles of melodies more than others. A good chorus is always wonderful and I like big notes. I really enjoy good k’vetchy songs. I’m into many different styles of music, but I listen to the words and that’s what gets me. I think that’s why I’m not enamored with the Beatles, for the most part they just sound like nonsensical ramblings of spun out druggies.

    Also, in regards to Jewish music most of the time the lyrics are divrei kedusha, so usually the lyrics are quite meaningful and an amazing vocalist can take them to the next level. What a talented singer can do to a song should not be discredited. In the Jewish music industry, 90% of song making is composing the melody because the words are already written. So when you’ve composed a beautiful melody you’re obviously going to look for the RIGHT singer to do it justice. Certain vocalists are perfect for some songs that other singers couldn’t bring to their full potential. Yes, if a less popular singer performs your song, chances are less people would hear it. I think that’s pretty basic.

    In this case, you’re misspelling made something unclear. “a goof voice” I thought you were making fun of the electronic voices certain producers are fond of. Please make an effort, I do.

    in reply to: Why are Jewish clothing brands so overpriced? #967927
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    My family works in manufacturing and wholesale of fabric. Boro Park is notorious for charging ridiculous mark ups. They buy trimming for $2.00/yd and sell it easily for $13.00/yd. In terms of “frum” clothing, I’m sure there are stores that charge more than they have to, but I wonder if it’s the manufacturer that’s really “raking it in.”

    in reply to: Why are there religious Jews who are pro-gay marriage? #968431
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Canadian Mountie – “All those making an argument that the secular laws of marriage have zero to do with what is a Jewish marriage surely support people getting Jewishly married and NOT GETTING legally married — since as you say they are completely two different things — and then claiming benefits as a single mom with children, that single moms are entitled too, and remaining on their parents health benefits since they are not LEGALLY married. RIGHT akuperma, yichusdik, SecularFrummy, etc?

    Also, you guys should be supporting allowing a brother and sister to get married and supporting a father marrying his daughter as well as supporting a guy marrying two girls. You don’t want to impose our anti-incest or anti-polygamy moral values on others, eh.

    Don’t be hypocrites.”

    No one is promoting gay marriage, and no one is encouraging fraud. But a civil marriage has nothing to do with halcha. They’re going to commit the acts agaisnt the torah anyway, they can just file taxes together and inherit automatically now. That’s it. No one is stating their views on incest or polygamy because it’s not a prominent social issue right now. I highly doubt akuperma, yichusdik, SecularFrummy, (and myself for that matter) have been part of a grassroots movement encourgaing gay rights. Once it’s been brought up top center stage this is the opinion given on it. I for one have no issue with polygamy, I don’t understand why that’s illegal. Incest, yeah grosses me out, but let it be legal for people who so choose. Who am I to stop them? If they want to commit acts against the Torah, the ability to have a joint tax return is not going to further propagate such behavior.

    It’s not being hypocritical. You’re sticking views and opinions in these CR members mouths.

    in reply to: I'm afraid it will be Popa #967955
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I had a mishna berura teacher, (not a rebbi) in high school who told us about his cousin. She (the cousin) was apparently grossly obese, she had trouble getting married, she finally got married to a man of similar weight. During Shana Rishona, she started losing weight, by their second anniversary, she had become a fit, health-obsessed, petite woman and filed for divorce. A story.

    in reply to: My understanding of Shomer Negia #968611
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I highly doubt this story actually happened, because there’s no way she was “in middle of a group of yeshiva bochurim.” There were bachurim within eyesight of her when she fell. I’m also confused as how she ended up under her luggage. I’ve traveled alone with 5 pieces of luggage, there was at least double my weight, and I can’t figure out how one ends up UNDER their luggage pinned to the floor. Was she holding it above her head when it dropped?

    Also why blame the yeshiva bochurim, Ben Gurion is packed with people, why decide they HAD to help her? There is also no wya to know that they didn’t help out because they were being shomer negia, can’t know that. They also had no way of knowing this was her first time in Israel, nor is it relevant.

    This is a normal everyday story given an anti-yeshiva bachurim slant contrived by someone with a chip on their shoulder?

    in reply to: ShidduchimGirls are Shallow #1134574
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Interestingly enough, as I was reading this I did not realize that this thread was three years old, until the last post obviously. I was thinking that while this attitude of girls demanding strictly learning boys was once very prevalent, it has since decreased. Three years ago, the girls in the parsha had gone to high school/seminary in the years before the onset of the Recession or were close to finishing school when it struck. They were educated and taught to expect certain things in a very different financial environment. I think the girls now, who have been dating for a while or have recently entered the parsha, are much more aware of the fiscal realities and capabilities within our communities.

    in reply to: What will be the first song you listen to? #1074364
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I spent most of my formative years in a very OOT-y community, big mix of people and everyone said good shabbos to everyone b’shita. When we moved to another OOT community albeit much less Out Of Town-y, people here are friendly and cordial and most say good shabbos, I’ve never seen anyone not respond, but it’s not so b’shita. Since high school, I’ve been living in town and I’ve gotten used to not being wished good shabbos, and I’m perfectly fine with that. Recently, I spent shabbos in a community and EVERY SINGLE PERSON wished me good shabbos to and from shul. It was annoying. I couldn’t hold a conversation without being constantly interrupted, and I couldn’t just walk in my own thoughts. Too much.

    in reply to: Glasses or contacts? #966486
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Goq: It’s much more trendy to wear glasses these days.

    in reply to: Glasses or contacts? #966482
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Conatcts, I buy monthlies, they can stay in my eyes for a week a or two, buy them once every six to ten months.

    in reply to: Why don't the Rabbonim enforce Tznius? #967325
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    por, I’m glad we don’t have the same Judaism. My Hashem is pretty understanding and pretty big on the rachmanus thing.

    jfem: What aspects of tznius would you like to impose on men? I’m genuinely curious, I’ve thought about this and I can’t think of what would be made more machmir? (For the record, I’m not big on the way tznius is dealt with in the frum community.)

    in reply to: Are we so much different than previous doros? #966512
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    oomis, that reminds me of an interesting converdation I was having on Shabbos about how we’re perhaps overeducating our children and that’s were our downfall lies.

    in reply to: Do boys really have the upper hand in shidduchim? #966437
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Baruch Hashem, I was not bullied. I do have insecurities from being shorter than the rest of the guys though. That issue is neither here nor there. If for whatever reason I want to be taller than my wife, I have that right to say I’ll only go out with shorter girls. If Hashem wants me to marry a taller girl he’ll make it happen, but I don’t think a taller girl is the best thing for me, so I will insist on shorter girls.

    in reply to: Why don't the Rabbonim enforce Tznius? #967313
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    frum girl 101: Yeah, but everyone knows it’s only shirt color and head covering that really matters.

    in reply to: What to do during the summer #966127
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    jfem: Not mekabel.

    in reply to: Do boys really have the upper hand in shidduchim? #966431
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    ws: I did not mean to shut you up, I’ve truly enjoyed discussing this with you. You write excellently. I just felt bad haranguing you and the rest of the oilam, without adding any new insights.

    in reply to: What will be the first song you listen to? #1074314
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Not sure, but I have the first hour after chatzos blocked off for putting myself back together.

    in reply to: Do boys really have the upper hand in shidduchim? #966426
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    ws: I think you’ve summed up this conversation very well.

    in reply to: What to do during the summer #966125
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Aquarium, zoo, farms, the country, beaches, pool, fishing, macrame, pottery, bake, cook, eat ice cream, make banana splits, milkshakes, scavenger hunts, hiking, dancing in the rain, sprinklers, water fights, read a book, sit outside, shakespeare in the park, free outdoor movies, flea markets, amusement parks, drive in theatre, arcades, frisbee in the park, the list is endless, and if you’re in New York there is so much to do for free.

    in reply to: Do boys really have the upper hand in shidduchim? #966422
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Lakewoodite: I don’t agree with that, because height/weight tend to be tied with emotional strings as opposed to hair color, which can be changed easily. But let’s say all demands regarding physical attributes are the same, then asking for a girl with blond hair is just like asking for a guy to be a with a specified height range.

    writersoul: It’s funny you say that because sometimes I get the feeling that I’m being judged because of my height and that there is something wrong with me. Woooow, guys have feelings too. I’m not saying you judge short guys, but I get that feeling from girls sometimes. It’s like what did you want me to? I got the short end of the gene stick. 🙂

    jfem: I’ve gone out with girls taller than me, some even 3 inches taller than me, all of the nos came from them.

    Thank you Toi, that is definitely part of what I’m trying to say. I guess, in this aspect guys do not have the upper hand in shidduchim when making reguests regarding the date’s physical appearance, as we get labeled shallow and unrealistic, while girls can make demands from here to tomorrow (height, weight, hair, glasses) and no one says a thing.

    in reply to: Do boys really have the upper hand in shidduchim? #966417
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    My BMOC reference was tongue in cheek. But my point would be that everyone understands when a girl wants a taller guy but everyone hates on the guy who wants a skinnier girl.

    in reply to: What's good to break your fast on? #965786
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Oh broccoli, definitely a good idea. With cheese.

    in reply to: What's good to break your fast on? #965783
    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    Water, green juice, some nuts, maybe a grapefruit or two. If I’m really ravenous I’ll have some salmon.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 91 total)