Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Very PUBLIC places, DY. I doubt a truly frum boy or girl would be likely to get into trouble under those circumstances. And if they WERE, then it could and would happen anywhere, unless they were kept in isolation from each other. We have to start trusting our young adults to behave with the proper derech in which we have raised them. Not talking to each other until they are redt a shidduch, is NOT making them frummer or better Jews (though I suppose you would disagree, and that’s fine, because you have your opinion and I have mine). I believe that over the last couple of decades this has in fact hampered many young people in their ability to grow up socially normally.
I understand that this is Yeshivishe way, and I can respect that philosophy, while absolutely disagreeing with its efficacy. We DO have a shidduch crisis today, and it is not IMO because of an age gap. It is because by the time people wake up and realize that they have grown much older while waiting for the right shidduch to finally be redt to them, they have missed the opportunity to meet people, possibly on their own, because it is “just not done that way.”
If you have access to the “Five Towns Jewish Times,” read the letter to the Editor from someone who calls herself “Brooklyn Girl.” She wrote a wonderful and articulate piece about why this whole Nasi Project is giving so many of us a collective bad taste in our mouths, and made many excellent points that I myself never had considered.
apparently according to most opinions negia is yehareg v’al ya’avor.”
Negiyah per se, is not a yehareig v’al yaavor aveirah. GILUY ARAYOS is. They are not the same thing, though in many minds they have come to be equated as being equivalent acts. Negiyah could LEAD to arayos, and therein lies the problem. But it also is dangerous hyperbole to say that the one is as big an aveira as the other. It is a little like the Nachash pushing Chava’s hand against the Eitz Hadaas to prove that what Odom said (that if she were to even touch the tree she would die) was wrong, and therefore she could eat from it, as well.
“oomis, are you translating higher level as more Jewish? I don’t know that anyone is more Jewish than someone else, either someone is or isn’t. A higher level is definitely possible. “
Nope. I don’t. But based on the troll thinking around here, it seems some men apparently think that way about Jewish women. Just because someone does more mitzvos or certain mitzvos not incumbernt on someone else, does not make them “more” Jewish. But if the guys want to go that route, I have to point out that Jewish women do not need to do those mitzvos in order to be on that same high madreiga, because women are spiritually stronger to begin with. 🙂
I actually have cut white flour bread from my diet for now, (I do have a small piece on Shabbos, but we also like to eat whole wheat challah, so it is less of a problem). I eat no refined or simple carbs. And I mostly am staying away from fruit, though I like to have purple grapes on Shabbos. Colorful vegetables are the key, for the most part in having healthy complex carbs. And anything cruciferous like broccoli or cauliflower, is low in carbs and high in fiber and really good for the cholesterol, too.
I am waiting for a Kol Korei to be issued by our Gedolim that ALL shadchanim have an achrayus to make at least 5 shidduchim each year for people who cannot afford to pay ONE CENT and who are difficult or challenging shidduchim for any reason (older, divorced or widowed with or w/o children, overweight, developmentally-challenged, etc.). But I am not holding my breath.
Why is everybody so hung up about the money aspect of the Nasi project, when that is not even the main thrust of their proposition. They are pushing closing the age gap as a permanent solution, and the money as a temporary solution- a band aid.”
Because THAT is what the focal point has been. THEY made it that way. Period. Their agenda is so filled with mercenary expressions, that age becomes secondary and even tertiary, EXCEPT as a way of getting more shekels.
If being a doctor or lawyer is looked down upon in the Yiddishe Velt, then RAMBAM must be a real pariah, and ALL the members of the Sanhedrin, and every DAYAN in a Beis Din, should be censured for serving in the court system.
Having a college degree is no guarantee of a job, but NOT having one is almost CERTAIN to guarantee a much more difficult time in finding and making a decent parnassah today. Even our greatest Rabbanim held jobs in ancient times. R’ Yochanan was a shoemaker. R’Yehuda Hanasi ran businesses. RAMBAM was a doctor, and not even in E”Y. Many of our meforshim were Sofrim, poets, translators, advisors to kings and other heads of state.
In today’s world, we have to ensure that our children are educated, so that they can compete in the world twenty, thirty, forty years down the line. If no one of this generation of young people is earning a living, who will provide for THEIR children? Education at least gives them an edge over the non-educated.Not everyone’s father owns a business for them to fall into.
And college does not in and of itself = OTD. That is just nonsense. There are plenty of VERY frum people male and female who go to college. One simply has to used discretion and seichel when deciding where to go.
What business it is of anyone’s? THIS is why we have a shidduch crisis!
When you stop eating cholent on Thursday night (SACRILEGE!!!!).
Women are more Jewish than men. They clearly require NONE of the things mentioned (i.e. tzitzis, yarmulkes, davening in a minyan, OR bris) because they are more Jewishly complete without any of those things. MEN OTOH, need all those things, to strengthen their connection to Yiddishkeit. And no Jewish man produces a Jewish child WITHOUT a Jewish woman. The converse, however, is not true.
Not every descendant of Avraham Avinu is Jewish. he also had a Yishmael.
I’m with Aries on this one.
SHKOYACH!
“We can hardly compare ourselves to them; nor do we dare in any wat associate them with the singles’ events which you referred to; clearly the proper guidelines for marriage, as set down by the gedolim in all generations, is not to allow certain types of socializing.”
We are not comparing ourselves to them. We are noting that meeting shidduchim on our own has happened in history, and has been totally acceptable. I will point out that most normal types of socializing were always considered halachically acceptable in my generation and that of my parents and grandparents. It was not until the recent decades that it suddenly became fashionably ossur for girls and boys to have a normal conversation together, whether after Shul, in a pizza place, waiting for a bus, IN COLLEGE,etc. or to play together as children, to sit at a Shabbos table and talk.
This is a “proper guideline” for segregation, and mystifying human interaction. It has actually caused boys and girls to need “mentoring” as to how to conduct themselves on a date and how to simply talk to each other. No one would need mentors, if they had been handed these tools in the course of their childhood and adolescence.
Whether or not you agree (and clearly you do not), WE have created our own shidduch crisis, by failing to encourage and allow our kids to develop male/female relationships and friendships in a normal way within the bounds of halacha. There was NEVER such a problem in marrying off our children as there exists today. And Shadchanim whose main motivator is money, are NOT a solution.
In case you haven’t noticed, the older single who post here don’t seem to mind-The people who are standing on the sidelines offer criticism but no viable solution. “
Just because you haven’t seen an older “single” post (to your knowledge), does not mean that they do not VERY MUCH mind. My friends and I have daughters who could fit into that category (by the NASI Project’s definition), and they are outraged, every one of them. When making dollars and cents is more important than making kallahs and sense, we have lost our focus of what is truly Derech Hashem.
I really loved their earliest music, but not much later on, and certainly not when they were on their own, no longer a group. “Yesterday” was one of my favorites, and so was Paul’s rendition of “There Were Bells.” This was aidel and sweet music, secular or not.
IMO (and humble one at that), both girls AND boys should be taught the basics of cooking, sewing (yes, even the boys), and housecare, not to mention how to draw up a realistic budget and stick to it. All our schools are remiss in emphasizing these skills, which are necessary at some point or other. A boy should know how to sew a button on his shirt and how to put a chicken in the oven. His wife will not always be available to do so for him, if he is married, and his mom may not be, either, if he is not.
Just as girls are now expected to be the breadwinners in so many cases, so too should the boys be expected to pick up some of the household slack for their wives. I’m jus’ sayin’…
Also, the diabetes issue means you need to be aware of the amount od carbs that you are consuming and to make healthier choices. Stay away from most “white” foods (white bread, potatoes,pastas, and rice), and eat their more colorful counterparts, like whole wheat or multi grain breads, plain oatmeal (you can throw in some blueberries), whole wheat pastas, and sweet potatoes (which have a lower glycemic index and are metabolized more slowly so the sugar does not rise too quickly). The only white food I would recommend is fat-free plain yogurt, to which I (HAVE TO) add a packet of Truvia no-calorie sweetener and some blueberries, or the plain yogurt with cucumbers, scallions, and other non-starchy veggies, cut up. tastes better than you expect.
In general eating LOTS of cruciferous fiber rich foods will help you. You will feel like a new person. I promise. And please try to drink water throughout the day. It helps keep you feeling full, and will keep you hydrated much better than diet soda.
REALLY? I never heard of this. But a person could also wear blue contact lenses for the same effect. I can’t see the difference between this or any other cosmetic procedure that is done to make a person feel (s)he looks better. Anyone who only goes out with someone because of his/her eye color, though, is kind of shallow IMO.
Neither I nor any of my friends, all frum, all balabatish, met their zivugim through shadchanim such as in the NASI Project. I am not opposed to shadchanim per se, but I am opposed to the process that it has become.
We do not live in the times that existed when Yenta the Matchmaker did her job. Women have jobs, are educated, and do not sit in the house with their kids anymore (though I personally am in favor of being a stay at home mom, but that’s for another discussion). What was done then, was done because matches were made for ALL people, even non-Jews. there was no other way for marriages to be made. That does not mean it is the ONLY right way to make matches. Yaakov Avinu and Rochel had Hashem for their Shadchan. So did Rabbi Akiva and his Rochel.
Blind dates have been set up by friends, family members, teachers, Rabbis and Rebbetzins all along. I have zero opposition to that type of shadchan. I object to THIS type of shadchan, where it is patently obvious to anyone who can read, that money IS the determining factor. “They’ll work much harder for a 30 year old girl for $13K than if she paid only 6K like a younger girl.” How debasing and how lacking in middos this sounds. And the 35-40 year old boys who are not married, or are divorced – they are NOT having trouble finding a shidduch????? And what if they are divorced or widowed with children – should the price go up exponentially? This whole thing makes me feel so sad and VERY disturbed. And I am not alone in my reaction – even AFTER reading that half-baked explanation. BTW, who wrote that explanantion article – I don’t recall seeing his/her name anywhere…?
How old is she? This sounds more like a crush and does not sound as if it is being reciprocated.
My husband was just forced to take early social security (forced due to our financial circumstances), at age 63. If you file at age 66 (I don’t think it is 65 any more, but I could be mistaken), you can earn as much as you want without losing benefits.
If however, you take EARLY ss, that is a whole other ball of wax. You cannot earn more than (I believe) $14,650 for each calendar year. If you do, they will deduct $1 for every $2 that you earn above that allowed amount, as was explained to us. So if you earn 10K above $14,650, they will hold back checks equalling 5K, until the next January. This can result in you actually not receiving a number of ss checks, until the amount that they are deducting has been met. Unless you are earning a REALLY large amount of money, it is not probably not worth it, and you should wait until regular retirement to collect, because you can earn whatever you want then, with no restriction. You also earn less with early social than if you waited. OTOH, you could collect for several years before age 66, so it’s up to you. If we didn’t have to do it, my husband would not have applied so early, most likely.
“oomis,
In an earlier post, I explained why I don’t think they’re comparing themselves to Eliyahu Hanavi. “
I read the article AND the follow up response (and I am sure they never expected to see SUCH a violent reaction, because people who think they have THE one and only clue, never think they could be mistaken), and I stand by what I said. The writer compared their circumstance to EH”N by asking if EH”N would say such and such would they not RUN to do it? Yeah, IF it was EH”N. But they are no E”HN OR even Jack Kennedy (for those who get this political debate reference).
It sounded to us like a hubris-filled comparison. They are not a navi whose brachos guarantee the desired benefit, but rather a monetarily demanding group that hides under the umbrella of being a “project” that is oh, so helpful. And Eliyahu Hanavi wouldn’t ask for money. He would ask for Kiyum haTorah.
The drastic measures you mention could be as simple as NOT teaching our children from Day One that it is so assur and untsniusdig to talk to the opposite gender, that they must always be segregated from each other, rather than having mixed properly supervised events where they can meet and socialize.
And none of us can presume to know who will get Olam Haba. I think the emotional onaa that this “project” is putting on financially strapped people, would suggest otherwise to me and to a whole bunch of people whom I know, who have been floored after reading of this “innovative idea.”
Goq – I feel for you. I was diagnosed recently with Type 2 diabetes also. I had been in denial for months, and when the doc told me my fasting sugar was 162, I said, “So does that mean I am borderline diabetic>” To which he replied, “You are not BORDERline ANYTHING. You are diabetic.” He put me on medication which I take religiously, and I put myself on a low-carb sugar-free diet.
I always knew what I had to do to be healthy, but until I actually heard the words, it did not enter my heart. Once I really knew I had passed the point of being able to fool myself, I was able to watch my diet really carefully – something I have never been successful at doing. It has paid off in spades. I used the Three Weeks as my jumpstart, and have lost enough weight to have brought my sugar down to normal. YES, YOU CAN REVERSE THE EFFECTS OF DIABETES simply with weight loss and making better dietary choices.
I eat more salad and fiber, as well as low-fat protein. Do I LOVE this new way of eating? No, but it loves me, and that is what is important. I feel better, look betterm and have a new attitude and determination to be healthy, B”EH. Most of all, my family is proud of me, ebcause they see my commitment is strong. I just celebrated a milestone birthday, and insisted on a low-fat, no cake celebration. My kids all ate pizza, my hubby and I (he is also diabetic) had Greek salad. Best present I ever gave myself.
And learn to love drinking plain cold water. You need it.
If the Mods want to give you my e-mail address, and you feel the need for some chizuk, I will be happy to answer your questions.
After reading their so-called explanation in which they claimed to have turned around the negative opinions of their many critics AND compared themselves to Eliyahu Hanavi, I have come to the same conclusion as my original opinion. This is APPALLING, insulting, demeaning, and the most terrible example of mercenary greed I have ever heard of. Financially-strapped girls and their parents, do not stand a chance, even if I thought this idea had any merit whatsoever. And I do not.
I love Gold’s duck sauce. Over your chicken parts, sprinkle some minced garlic a packet of onion soup mix, pour on the duck sauce and lots of cinnamon (yes, cinnamon) sprinkled over the chicken with the sauce. SO delicious, and the house smells heavenly while the chicken is cooking. Bake at 350, covered, until fork-tender, and then uncover and shut the oven off, letting it brown in the residual heat.
So you be a mensch, and stop overthinking it. In the real world, people work together, Jew and non-Jew alike. We don’t always have the luxury of ONLY being around Jews.
Hillel answered, “You can lose 400 and another 400. Hillel doesn’t get angry.”
In an alternate version I heard that the man said to him, “You just caused me to lose 400 zuzim!” to which Hillel replied, “Better that you should lose another 400 zuzim than that I should lose my temper.”
People who say NUKULAR when they mean nuclear. You’re a government official, for heaven’s sake, learn to speak properly.
When I first saw this in the Five Towns Jewish Times, I thought it was a Purim shpiel a few months early. It is in very poor taste, and anyone who buys in to this reprehensible form of offensive and greedy manipulation of vulnerable people, loses all respect from me. Shame on these vultures!
What about the poor girls (I mean that in the fiscal sense) whose families cannot afford such a massive cash outlay? And more important – WHAT ABOUT THE GUYS? Are they totally exempt from having to fork over some shekels, or does this stupid ad merely prove what I have been saying all along, that guys are always in demand, but girls are a liability by mere virtue of their gender?
I am appalled by the way in which this organization has presented itself. Shame on them for turning a great mitzvah into what is apparently for them only a mercenary venture.
Sholom Mordechai Halevy ben Rivka.
Chances are unlikely this can happen, but I am certain that when the tuina comes to the kosher-under-hoashgocha plant for processing, they make sure it is tuna and not dolphin.
It is the price many people are charging (and getting) for this little item. That said, the only way to bring this obscene price down is for people to STOP buying them. (Like that’s gonna happen…).
One way is to start making use of sheitel gemachs or selling and buying used sheitlach (get over it, they wash out the cooties). When the sellers see no one is buying their overpriced product, they will be forced to lower those prices. Then people will start buying again en masse, and the whole nonsense will start all over again. We can’t win.
I have never bought myself a sheitel for over $400 (and no, I haven’t bought in a LOOOOOOOONG time). I can’t afford it. My machetenista and I shared the cost of our kallah’s sheitel, and it still came to about $800 each. Ridiculous.
I personally know someone to whom this happened, and it was a very sticky wicket until the rabbanim decided she did not need a GET. It ALMOST came to it, though, because there were lots of eidim, and they were going out together for a while, when he said it playfully and she did not object.
I have only had to deal with this once. When the kids rang my doorbell, I told them that we do not observe this holiday, but I hope they have a lot of fun and they should not eat any candy without showing everything to their parents first. The kids were very respectful, and understood, and did not come back the following year, though they always sold us chocolate bars (OU-dairy) for their candy drive, and I would buy a large amount from them and explain that because it was kosher, I was able and happy to buy it from them.
Hyperbole at its finest.
You just brought home a wonderful memory for me, of my father O”H teaching me how to do this when I was a little girl. I actually knew how (have since forgotten) and did a creditable job in those days. I know you take some dried piece of lulav and make like a box stitch or something like that.
Question, can a lady be too tznius?”
English Translation:
“Question, can a lady be too modesty?”
Correction:
“Question, can a lady be too tzenu’a?” “
Finally – someone who knows Dikduk! I have been saying that for years. I am so sick of people using the word tznius in an incorrect way, grammatically. TzniusDIG clothing and behavior, ladies!
Taking a Break – Just because your friend feels this way, does not mean she speaks for the majority of women who bedavka buy these gorgeous and expensive robes to be especially worn at the Shabos tish. If one chooses to use such a robe in a cavalier way by wearing it to bed, thus risking RUINING it, that is certainly her prerogative. But I personally would never do that. I imagine it is more likely that what she calls her fancy Shabbos nightgown, is really not what I would call a Shabbos robe.
And yes, I think it is really nice to wear a special nightgown for Shabbos also.
2 c flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 stick margarine
1 egg
3/4 c sugar
1 tsp vanilla
pinch salt
Mix together with hands until crrumbly. Pat half of this in a 9″ greased pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon, spread one can of any type of pie filling (I use apple or blueberry)over the dough, sprinkle a touch of nutmeng and lots of cinnamon and top with the rest of the crumbly mixture, patting down gently. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar and bake for about 40 minutes or until browned, at 350 degrees. It makes the whole house smell heavenly.
IMHO can also be in my honest opinion
s/t a sem teacher said: even if you spend 150 on your shabbos robe, its still bedroom clothes. (ie its just a fancy night gown) “
It most certainly IS NOT!. I would never wear an expensive fancy robe to bed. It is more Shabbosdig than some of my dresses. That sem teacher was IMO mistaken. Anyone who does not know the difference between a fancy robe and a nightgown, needs to have someone fashionable take her shopping.
Yehudah Tzvi, your name is included in my Tehilim whenever I say them. Hopefully you will be able to feel 100% in the very near future. Have a g’mar chasima tova, and no further need for any medical treatment beyond a yearly physical.
B”DE, I am so sorry for your loss.
Tzvi Hirsch, I liked that quote. Very much.
Oh please! Because it looks pretty. Why do they wear lipstick?
a broken arm on shabbos afternon is NOT a sakana,”
It most CERTAINLY IS! None of us is qualified unless we are doctors, to determine if that broken bone might lead to sepsis, or further injury (certainly extreme pain), or any of a myriad of things. Even a SAFEK (doubt) of sakanas nefashos is docheh shabbos.
Why on earth would you or anyone else think that a broken bone is not a serious sakana, PARTICULARLY in a child or elderly person? We are not talking about a mildly-sprained ankle. But any part of the body that becomes swollen and black and blue due to severe injury, has the potential for gangrene and other types of infection. That’s not a loophole. The halacha IS to get to a doctor.
You are SO not alone. This time of year is especially hard for me, as my dad O”H davened for the omud for the Y”N, and he died a month after he was a shaliach tzibur for the last time. I truly understand how sad this time can be.
Aries, your mother’s neshama should have an aliyah. I feel for you.
May we all be zochim to see Moshiach come, and be reunited with our loved ones who passed away.
Three braids- chut hameshulash, and also maybe it symbolizes the three segments of Yidden – Kohein, Levi, and Yisroel.