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Questions for you: What my father has done, is get involved in a convo with a man at the table, and put his back to the dancing. If asked to join in, he has to “check his cell phone to see if he just got a call.”
Also, he doesn’t stay the whole time, tries to come for the important parts, and lengthy dancing usually is something that you can be yotzei by sitting on the side, with ur back to the dancing, or dancing with men.
Nope but you need to make lifestyle changes (I’m sure that’s no chiddush though)
Can you ask an objective 3rd party how much you really need to lose, and how much is really just a poor body image?
That’s true, but hopefully they would ask the frum person they want to invite which caterer to use (as my relatives have)
I think this is an MO thing, Im yeshivish personally and don’t see any frum ladies wearing hats at all.
Sometimes, if it’s not too much of a tircha.
I do go out of my way to give Yoshon proprietors business when it’s not Yoshon season, because if not for them I’d starve.
Ben Torah: It is clear that you have not had much experience with this. It is very very likely for non-frum people, to use a kosher caterer –
1. Especially near a frum community,
2. Especially if they have frum family or friends that they want to eat there
3. And Especially if the caterer has delicious food and is not way more expensive.
Also, I know many non-frum people, who while they won’t keep kosher, they won’t eat pork or shellfish either, and they have a certain amount of guilt that they assuage by buying kosher when they have a choice.
Tryingtoimprove: You are amazing! I am so impressed with your awareness and ability to talk about this issue. I don’t have any advice but would like to wish you hatzlacha rabba! Hashem should bemtch you that you should be able to grow in Mitzvos and Maasim Tovim along with your family and Klal Yisrael!
There is a LOT more to this situation than meets the eye, or that is being announced. A Catholic university does not need donations of Talmuds, they have them already. Oorah is not at a loss for what to do with extra Gemaras either. It was done to make a point.
I don’t know if we should be announcing this – I wouldn’t have known had you not posted it. This does not seem to be the type of news that is meant for the general public.
I know many people who went there, and Manhattan High School for Girls is amazing, especially if your daughter enjoys challenging academics. I also heard from reliable sources that while the families that go to taht school range from very very frum, meyuchas, families, to a little on the modern side, they KAH have not had anyone go off the derech in the past 10 years, due to the personal attention that EVERY single girl receives. over the high school career, girls become like a part of the family. The only downside is the tuition, it is supposed to be very very expensive.
Are you referring to polygamy? Is plural marriage supposed to be a nicer term?
Yep. That’s why I’m still nervous about davening.
smartcookie: I guess I would feel that it’s like davening to have good kids – while I would daven for it in the abstract, it’s not so “real” to me. Or davening for good health in my old age. Since I’m not in that stage of life, it’s hard for me to feel intense about, and if I do feel with kavana, it can sort of hurry it up b’ruchnius and that wouldn’t be the right time.
sacrilege: “V’eschanan” is the gematria of 515, the number of Tefilos Moshe Rabbeinu davened, and if he had gone into EY, then he would have built the BHMK and it couldn’t have been destroyed (or am I confusing this with something else?)
However by CHet Ha’Egel Hashem told Moshe Rabeinu to stop, so he knew it was being effective and continued davening. So how do we know what is the right thing to do?
I was scared to daven for a shidduch until I actually felt ready to get married – I was scared it would make it happen too fast.
To this day i wonder if I am wrong about this.
sacrilege: I very much agree with your comment about the cookie cutters. Much Hatzlacha!!
aries: that’s beautiful.
I would like to address the issues here:
1. Non- frum relatives. Not a problem for me growing up. Everyone has some distant frum relatives and we know them.
2. No yichus. Who said? Many BTs DO have yichus. Many FFBs don’t. I know some people who became BTs because they have yichus and feel they should be living up to it.
3. Taharas Hamishpacha issues: only apply to BT themselves, not to their kids.
4. Understanding of shidduchim: Most BTs have a harder time getting married and get married later than FFBs. Beleive me they are quite educated as to the shidduch system!!
5. Upbringing: Depends on the educational level of the parents. In my experience, if anything kids of BTs are much more aware of why they are frum than others. You can read my posts and decide for yourself if children of BTs are less than children of FFBs in any way.
As for the oldest: well I am, hope that didn’t give away my identity.
6. FFB marrying BT: I think there are more problems with this than BT marrying BT. Why would an FFB marry a BT? I know several couples where an FFB with problems married a wonderful BT person. However, the children I know seem to have come out the same as kids of FFB or BT couples.
7. (because “kol hashvi’in chavivin”) People put way too much stock in these things. There are lots of ppl who you have NO idea are BTs and lots of people who went thru all kinds of problems, and no amount of research will guarantee you anything.
“Atzas Hashem Hi Sakum”
We all have our place and mission in the world and the only thing we should be looking for perfection in is serving Hashem.
What I learned from this thread: Not everybody lies. (At least, if they do, they don’t say so.)
There’s hope for my shidduchim!
TBB: I don’t think that kids of BTs need anything different than others in shidduchim. Rebetzin Jungreis, if I’m not mistaken, is more for older singles. We all have the same problems – my FFB from FFB friends with yichus are NOT havign an easier time than my FFB from BT friends.
Thank you for the good wishes and the same to you, your family and the entire klal yisrael!
I am in the same boat, pretty much. Except that I just don’t care. As my mother likes to say, anyone who’s not gonna want to go out with any of us for that reason, is not someone we want to get involved with either. We’re a very good family and we care about serving Hashem, not appearances, and frankly I will feel lucky to marry into a family that is as happy and focused on the right things as my family is.
minyan gal – btw that was very funny
pba. thanx for explaining.
pba – i hope that you’re joking.
You don’t need to come on the first date and say “Hi my name is Meir. I smoke once a week, used to take ritalin, and got over childhood cancer when I was 3”.
However, lying and concealing are different things at different periods in dating. If someone asks you “Do you smoke” or “Do you go to therapy” “Do you take meds”, you need to say the truth IF you think the dating is going anywhere. You can’t evade the question or conceal it, and should be prepared if you do have an issue like that.
Concealing is ONLY ok if you’re not yet sure where this is going and don’t trust the other person. It’s not great but it’s understandable. Once you know where things are going, not telling them something you know they would want to know is dishonesty, plain and simple. It also shows that you’re not at peace with yourself and haven’t accepted the fact that you, like everyone else, has faults.
I think it’s really dangerous to play with dishonesty in the beginning of a relationship as well. But this is just an anonymous female’s opinion, not a Rov’s so of course you have to ask.
If you follow her blog it isn’t so hard 🙂
As for tzaros. there are many who have it worse than me and many who seem to have it better. But because my parents are models of emunah (esp. my mother) I learned a lot of emunah from the difficulties that cropped up in my life. My mother had a very hard life but is a very positive person. She really feels that our job is to try and Hashem does the rest, but her definition of “trying” includes not giving up (within reason) so that is what I learned from tzaros.
For example: I wasn’t accepted into 4 places I applied to for something, even the places I was sure I’d get in. Every place had another absurd reason for rejecting me. (One said I was too smart!! of all the problems to have with a prospective student!)
My mother had full confidence the whole time and kept on telling me that the right opportunity would come and I shouldn’t pull any strings or push it. Finally I got accepted into a place that was very simple, no frills. I didn’t enjoy it but because of that place, other amazing opportunities opened up to me years later. So I learned that Hashem has his plans and we just have to do the right thing.
Just noting – this Mother in Israel is not the same person as the rather famous blog by that name.
so right: What do you think yeshivishe physical and occupational therapists have to do? That’s right, they have to treat men, and yet this is seen as a fine profession. So do doctors and dentists (dentistry actually requires less touching than all the other ones I mentioned.)
And how is it better for a male dentist to be treating female patients?
Two of my friends are becoming frum female dentists. They happen to be a little more more modern (but very tzanua) though I don’t see why it would be an un-yeshivish thing to do.
WIY: Done. I hope the moderators like the way I did it though.
As a person who is a terrible faster, I know that people who don’t fast well should not be in shul. This year, I thought I could manage, it was a big mistake and I really got sick from being in shul while fasting. I would also love this IV solution except that I feel it isn’t the Inuy that a fast is supposed to be, if that makes sense.
Yes, but many people only want to go to a frum one. Also, insurance does not cover enough therapy, usually only the first 20 visits (people often need more than that.)
oomis- I certainly hope he understands the importance of small talk before he gets married. Think of how his wife would feel!
I’d be surprised if “many women do it”.
How many women have the knowhow to do something like that?