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  • in reply to: If infinite monkeys copied Shakespeare #1061147

    It would still be just as bad

    in reply to: Beshert #1058775

    Why did You break up then?

    in reply to: wife away on a pleasure trip #1058874

    Just get drunk

    in reply to: Haiku #1059643

    First: five syllables

    Second: seven syllables

    Third: five syllables

    in reply to: You know you're not a yeshiva guy anymore when… #1197595

    The iron is a just in case method and only works best with eggs. I also left out the dryer when heating leftovers, and that because it costs almost two cans of coke!

    in reply to: Why do people say "tuna fish?" (and other such questions) #1058822

    It’s because when You say tuna, it’s not for sure that You are referring to the fish, You might be talking about the canned stuff

    in reply to: Why No One Posts Here Anymore #1060799

    They are afraid of creepy trolls

    in reply to: What to call people #1060526

    Troll is also offensive. I have a brother who is a troll, and it’s a sensitive topic.

    in reply to: You know you're not a yeshiva guy anymore when… #1197593

    When You use appliances other than an sandwich maker and George Forman.

    in reply to: Why do YOU want Moshiach to come? #1058598

    I want to get all my matnas kehuna already!

    in reply to: ipod in washing machine – quick fix??? HELP!!! #1058340

    Good! You shouldn’t have one. It’s shtus

    in reply to: Everyone get outside FAST #1057393

    Just wear ice skates

    in reply to: Flowers #1058273

    My husband brought me flowers one shabbos during the one week that I didn’t have time to take any showers, I thought it was very thoughtful

    in reply to: new jewish music videos #1051694

    Ani Ani by Camp Mogen Av and Dovid Gabay

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036438

    Guess what?

    I got offered glila for chosson Torah!

    And guess what?

    I took it!

    You know why?

    It’s was not because I was an alter bochur.

    I like that minyan

    (Even though everything else about that minyan was a complete and total bizayon hatorah)

    in reply to: Taxis in Israel #1035347

    No. They were kidnapped.

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036434


    Give it to marrieds

    @catch yourself

    Indeed, I am sure that it isn’t, wasn’t, and hopefully never will be malicious, that doesn’t change the feelings that are affected by this insensitivity


    It’s insensitive

    in reply to: Zchus for Chosson Bereishis #1035342

    They offered me Chosson Beraishis, but I refused for same reason as gelila!

    in reply to: Taxis in Israel #1035345

    No. It’s much safer to hitch.

    in reply to: What's a Wife for Anyways… #1035322

    Shhh! My wife reads this!

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036427

    The gabbaim have to stop giving it to children first

    in reply to: Telemarketers… #1036140

    They are so much fun to vent my stress on!

    in reply to: What's a Wife for Anyways… #1035318

    And for the amount that they do, 200 zuz is cheap. Its a real shame Rabbeinu Gershom got involved

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036425


    No offense was taken by oomis because she still has no idea what my point of view is. I already agreed to her in theory, and pointed out that in practicality however, it is far from what goes on.

    I usually get offensive when people pretend to be offended. It usually comes out when they repeat themselves without responding to the ideas expressed by the person with whom they are conversing.

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036420

    In fact, the gabai offered me glila today, and I happily took the kibud because there were no kids there, and the gabbai was just giving it to whoever was closest.

    @oomis @little froggie

    in reply to: Anyone ever worked in Bonim #1035117

    I worked there. Depends on what job you have.

    in reply to: Israeli driver #1035128

    Don’t eat your customs like flour inside your life of mine

    It’s a compliment

    in reply to: New Smartphone Issue #1035120

    That was me you were flashing. I don’t have a smartphone. I wasn’t moving because I cut my finger badly, but was having a hard time putting on the band aid because some jerk behind me was flashing his brights in my eyes!

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036415


    If there are no children, then it’s not a bizayon, because when they give it to you it’s not because you are the oldest child


    Yes, you are correct in theory, unfortunately you are incorrect in actuality. It would be so nice if everyone felt the way you did and it was not always given to the oldest single present and then it would be a kibud that everyone would appreciate. but that is not what goes on.

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036409
    in reply to: Mayim Acharonim in our times #1035029

    The Mishna Berura says its a chiyuv. You can use any of the 7 liquids except wine. i did it once with honey, just for kicks, and then i had to do mayim acharei achronim

    in reply to: I'm not a kid #1036399

    I am the candy man of this shul, indeed quite respected as I am the only one who can get the gabai’s kids to be quiet for more than two minutes. But I am not a kid, so I wont do gelila. Bitul torah, zilzul torah, call it what you want. I still wont do it.

    in reply to: Why I keep up with daf yomi and all you mongeese don't #1027760

    i like to use the method that a lot use on shavuos night. i learn the first blatt of each mesechta each day. BH i have made a sium on shas so far this coming coming month will be number 368.

    Whew! That took a while. I just finished counting, and I checked the Vatican. There is 238 yrs missing, as well as 23 days. R’ Moshe told me that since everything is now bechezkas chometz sheovar uluv hapesach we need to start again. I have corn in my backyard, and I do behab everyday because of all of my aveiros.

    in reply to: Question About Punishment After Death #1001436

    if i get exact punishment for what i did, then its totally worth it! ill do whatever i want, and my neshama will burn. what do i care?

    How soon would you like to find out?

    in reply to: Making fun of people who are frummer than you #996562

    i make fun of people who are less frum than me. if they feel bad enough maybe they will realize that what they are doing is wrong and come back on the derech. it really hasn’t been working so well. any suggestions?

    in reply to: I hate you all, you big fat jerks #1019734


    they announced the change in shul after mussaf, but the two real jerks that left early never found out

    in reply to: ?? ????? #941031

    Of course! How else??

    in reply to: Shadchan speaks #946395

    I would want to know if he has no middos, why tell them not to for it just to come out later???

    in reply to: Best Brand of Pickles #942665

    You should hire me, I will certify it.

    in reply to: My Mother in Law's complaints #901365

    As for my quote of the Mishna Berura, You can look it up in Chelek Shlishi, Siman Reish-samach-beis, MB hei.

    in reply to: My Mother in Law's complaints #901364

    Kicking off shoes is ketinok haboreach mebais hasefer. they dont like it, and they are trying to express themselves.

    Shabbos shoes are important. The Mishna Berura holds that you should even have shabbos undershirts.

    Real silverware is a wast of time, soap, water, and perhaps also electricity.

    in reply to: My fuel tank is like the ???? #898561

    This sounds like my belly

    in reply to: My segula didn't work #1101042

    Mine never go brown and I’ll tell you why. You see my father has inherited this way of doing things from my great great grandfather in law, and this is how I do it. First thing when I buy them, I hang them in my dining room upside down from the chandelier, then I leave them ther for 2.6 hours and then bake them at 350 for ten minutes. Then when I put them in the lilav sleeve, I wrap it in a yellow towel, that I saturate with exactly 2 cups of water mixed with 1 tbs of vinigar and 1 shot of triple sec. And put it in a moldy lulav case that has my lulav from the year before (I keep it there year to year). Use green rubber bands to keep the towel on.

    This works so well, I never buy more than 1 set of aravos a year. Also, no one sits near me during davening so I have plenty of space to do my naanuim (I hold according to the shita that says you need to walk 4 feet three times in each direction). So far I have not had any problems, so if anyone would like to try it, I would love to know what you think of it.

    in reply to: Crowdsourcing dating #914355

    My wife would never make me pizza. She thinks I’m obese.

    in reply to: Is she right for me? #898283

    is it more_2’s cousin? break it off quick!

    in reply to: Dating question #898197

    can we first establish a necessary ingredient and that is that per the rules of this world made up by this guy named god, you have absolutely no right to even believe that any of this is true? in fact i imagine that the issur of thinking about doing an aveirah also plays a role? before we bring in logic lets realize that the question at hand is not how to do it or even if you can do it because the answers to that are because its assur. the question you are asking is why not, ie why is this considered lashon hara? to this i will refer you to a nice man who wrote a long and complicated book called sefer shmiras halashon. in there you can look up chapter ten and it will explain things quite clearly. if you need help, there is also many people who can help you read it. but just because you dont know halacha, doesnt make it muttar. if you dont want to listen to me, i dont care, you can ask some other competent halachik source perhaps a rav or posek. but dont just assume that since you can think of a reason that it might be muttar that that reason is valid. (maybe this is the understanding of why women arent allowed to learn gemora? hmmm) i beleive that i have said enough on this subject because i have to use this bag next to me for something other than overeating on motai yom kippur (for any of you that read that thread)

    good shabbos, and good grief!

    in reply to: Post-fasting tips #1186000

    I eat as much as I possibly can, and then roll away from the table like a beached whale and fall asleep on the couch. It works for me. Just make sure you are on the couch closer to the bathroom, and keep a bag next to you just in case.

    in reply to: Dating question #898192

    More 2: so then what are you saying? That some guy whom you have heard and believed lashon hara about is dating your “top” cousin to the point where they are almost engaged, and now that you made the decision for your cousin that really he is not a good person (again lashon hara) you feel obligated to break it before the world collapses and you get blamed because your personal reputation is marred by your cousin? Sounds to me like you should visit someone.

    in reply to: Dating question #898187

    More 2: How can u say that?? Do you believe this lashon hara too? Lets say your wrong, how will you ever apologize to your “top cousin” for ruining her life by breaking her marriage because your in the mood to be mekabel lashon hara on motzei Yom Kippur? You live your life. I’m sure that this boy is not trying to ruin people’s lives. Otherwise there are a lot better people out there for him to mess with! Go worry about your own life.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 68 total)