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Some advice to make your life a little easier…
… don’t expect gifts. If they happen, then great – you’ve gotten a bonus. But don’t expect them as if you’re entitled to them.
You’re not entitled to a chosson Shas – even if it’s “standard.”
And besides, what are you going to do if you don’t get it? Break up with the girl? Potentially ruin your sholom bayis over the next few decades by nursing a grudge against your in-laws for not giving you a Shas?
Just let it go. If you get one, great. If not, just start saving to get yourself one in the future.
The Wolf
It seems to me that we already have a few little laboratories in which we can observe the (partial*) result of such an experiment.
New Square
Kiryas Joel
The Wolf
(* I say partial because these communities are, of course, subject to NY State and Federal Law. Yet, they also have quite a bit of autonomy to run things internally. You won’t learn about the Torah world should conduct foreign policy from these places, but you will learn quite a bit on how individual communities may function.)
Whenever someone calls me “Rabbi,” I make it a point to object. Giving the honorific to those who don’t have the title cheapens it for those who have put in the hard work to earn it.
That being said, however, I can understand how some people, acting ex-officio, should be called “Rabbi” in the context of doing their duties, even if they don’t have semicha. The prime example that I can think of is a classroom rebbi, who should be called “Rabbi [fill in name]” by students, parents and colleagues with regard to his duties whether or not he has semicha.
The Wolf
Should you be telling the OP how he should or shouldn’t deal with his son?
In this respect, yes. There are tasks that are appropriate for a parent to do at some ages that they should not do at other ages.
The OP should not strap his(?) 20-something year old son into a high chair for meals.
The OP should not enforce an 8:00 PM bedtime for his 20-something year old son.
The OP should not picking out his 20-something year old son’s daily clothing.
And the OP should not be picking and choosing his 20-something year old son’s friends.
The Wolf
You should not be telling your son in his 20s who he can and cannot be friends with. If he asks your advice, that’s one thing — but you cannot order him around with regard to his friends.
The Wolf
Why we say it? Because it’s part of davening*.
What kavana should you have? The meaning of the words.
The Wolf
(* Yes, I know that that leads to “why is it part of davening. That, I don’t know.)
Also, if there are any male babysitters. I don’t personally know [of] any.
Back when I was a teenager, I did quite a bit of babysitting.
The Wolf
one thing i can say is that when looking into dating s/o who has divorced parents- make sure they are now emotionally healthy to start their own home
One would think this would apply to anyone, not just the child of divorced parents.
We *all* carry baggage of one form or another. Children of “intact” homes are no more immune from traumatic events than children of divorced parents.
The Wolf
Takah: If someone got stuck in the doctors office longer than anticipated and overstayed at the meter, must he feed the meter before driving off for the time he missed paying?
Actually, feeding the meter in this instance is illegal too.
Keep in mind that the reason for parking meters is *NOT* to raise revenue. The reason is to regulate the turnover of parking spots. As such, if the sign says “1 Hour Parking” you are not allowed to park there for more than one hour, even if you do keep putting money in the meter. If the traffic agent notices that you’ve been there for too long (as sometimes they mark the time on tires in chalk), they will ticket you, whether you’ve put in for the extra time or not.
In short, you can only park there for the maximum time noted. If it says “1 Hour Parking” then you can only park for 1 hour; if it says “6 Hour Parking” then you can park for a maximum of six hours.
The Wolf
The issue isn’t shaveh p’rutah, it’s s’michas daas. IOW, if the marked karatage is wrong, there could be an issue. She may assume, for instance, that the ring is worth $150, and only be meksbeles kiddushin on that assumption, yet the ring is only worth $18, so the kiddushin would be invalid.
Easily fixed by (a) ascertaining that it’s worth a minimum of a shavah pruta and (b) asking the kallah under the chuppah if she accepts it for marriage whatever its value is (subject to the shavah pruta minimum).
The Wolf
My Mesader Kiddushin didn’t seem to mind.
In any event, even if it is engraved with that marking, there is no doubt that it is still worth (more than) a shavah p’rutah.
The Wolf
While I fully agree with the point of the ad (talking during davening and laining is a pet peeve of mine), I’m curious about the bottom line where it states:
“KEEPING QUIET IN SHUL IS A ZECHUS FOR PARNASSAH, SHIDDUCHIM, REFUOS & YESHUOS”
I’m curious how remaining silent in shul is a zechus for these things any more than keeping any other mitzvah.
Or is this just another example of using these as “incentive” to get people to follow the proper path?
The Wolf
While I’m not doubting the story, I’m wondering how it is known that this is so (that he fasted on Yom Kippur).
Was there a released/escaped prisoner who came back and told us?
The Wolf
I think the ring I gave Eees had “18KT” or “24KT” (or something like that) engraved on the inside. 🙂
The Wolf
His contact information is right on his blog (the right side of the navbar). Google his name for his blog.
The Wolf
I grew up in a home with a smoker — so you’d think I’d be used to it — but I can’t stand the smell. I would have serious considerations about marrying a smoker. Fortunately, Eeees feels the same way that I do about smoking.
The Wolf
but it’s so normal now everyone just lies.
Not everyone.
When my kids were in elementary school, there were school rules that we adhered to, even though we didn’t agree with them. True, they didn’t make us sign a document, but we adhered to the rules. I would not agree to rules (and certainly not sign any document) that I was not prepared to live up to.
Fortunately, the high schools we chose for our kids did not have any such restrictions.
The Wolf
1) those who segregate more, if anything, have less of a shidduch problem. Think chassidim.
I’m not sure that you can attribute the “ease” of marriage among chassidim to greater gender separation.
I think it’s far more attributable to the fact that the chosson/kallah have very little input into the process — something that does not apply to the rest of the Jewish world.
However, if you compare like situations (i.e. ones where the chosson and kallah are the primary decision makers and not the parents), I’m not so sure that your rule would apply.
The Wolf
Waiting to find out the gender of the baby cause you like the surprise is silly, completely delayed gratification. Thats like never checking what color tie youre wearing for nine months and then you look in the moirror and say “cool! its red!”
Talk about silly… that’s one of the silliest comparisons I’ve seen on this board.
First, of course, is the fact that I know what color tie I’m wearing because I chose it.
But, second, and far more important, is that most people have more an emotional investment in a baby than in what tie they’re wearing.
And third, delayed gratification is a good thing. 🙂
The Wolf
How can there be self-help “groups”?
Because they teach you how to help yourself.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Nothing. Cheeses can’t talk.
why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Google “etymology eleven”
The more you study, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know… so why study?
Because as long as the percentage you forget is less than the percentage that you gain when you study, you’re still ahead of the game.
Otherwise it’s like asking “To make money, I have to go to work, but to get to work, I have to spend money, so why bother working?”
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Whatever they want. Just don’t ask what humantarians eat.
If a man with multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
No
The Wolf
Unless you’re a parent/guardian and your child is very young, keep out of other people’s emails — and then, they should know that you will be checking their email.
Assuming your sister is old enough is old enough to date (is that what we’re talking about here?) then she’s old enough to manage her own affairs. Stay out of her email. And if she’s not an adult, then talk to your parents about it. You stay out.
The Wolf
Most of the time I have a bagel, it’s toasted, buttered and then covered with tuna fish. I guess I’m completely out of the religion.
The Wolf
Before visiting him (or anyone else claiming supernatural powers of this type), you also might want to google a term known as “Cold Reading.”
The Wolf
Actually, I’m quite fat… and I know why. It’s not because I’m slovenly or an undisciplined bum. It’s because I eat too much and don’t exercise enough.
The Wolf
As for your first question, I don’t know the answer.
As for your second question, keep the matches you use to light your Shabbos candles in the fridge.
The Wolf
Is the concentration not better when you see the words in front of you? I find myself spacing out when I dont daven from a siddur.
So, for you, strictly davening from the siddur works best. For other people, they may find it easier/better to close their eyes. To each their own.
The Wolf
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
The Wolf
It take 3/4 of the House and Senate to pass an amendment Then 2/3 of the states must ratify it.
Actually, I believe it’s the other way around. The amendment has to pass Congress by a 2/3 majority and then 3/4 of the state legislatures need to ratify it.
The Wolf
I know that you’re not serious about this, but nonetheless, it should be pointed out that the only way to allow Barack Obama (or George W. Bush or Bill Clinton) to run for the presidency again is with a Constitutional Amendment.
The President cannot issue a Executive Order in contravention of the Constitution.
The Wolf
Wolf, why isn’t it logical to differentiate between minor extras and major extras? Again, I’ll take the liberty of making an assumption, but I would guess that you do the same with your discretionary spending. You may add mayonnaise to your tuna, but I doubt you dine in Le Marais daily.
On the contrary, it’s NOT logical to make the distinction. The OP’s position seems to be that it’s wrong to spend money on unnecessary things when it could be applied to other, more beneficial things (i.e. people in tzaros). If so, then *any* discretionary spending is wrong and the only difference between his example and mine is a matter of degree — but the fact remains that they are both wrong. One may be wrong to a larger degree than the other, but they’re both wrong (based on the OP’s premise).
The Wolf
Wolf, you are likely exaggerating the OP’s opinion.
Again, I don’t think so. I’m just taking it to its logical conclusion.
He maintains that it is wrong to spend money on going to the country when there are others that can use it.
Granted, he didn’t think as far down as taking the train or salad dressing, but the question there is really just as valid. Why would “wasting” $5 be okay but $2000 not?
Granted, wasting more money is worse, but that doesn’t mean that “wasting” a small amount on unnecessary bus fare or salad dressing is warranted.
The Wolf
wanderingchana:
Alas, wanderingchana has not posted here in over a year.
The Wolf
I would think you could find a way to moonlight and make $5 in those 8 hours (minus the time it takes on the train).
So my objection still stands. 🙂
With all due respect, I don’t think so.
The OP was complaining about the frivilous spending of money. He didn’t argue that one is required to go out and find extra work because people have tzaros, but rather that we shouldn’t spend so much on discretionary items. I don’t believe (and, OP, if I’m wrong, let me know) that he would require me to seek out extra work for this purpose.
The Wolf
This term is only a reference to a woman whose husband is lost with his whereabouts unknown. Not the politicized definition it has been used in recent times by some folks.
Words change meaning over time and sometimes a word that meant something in one context can mean something else in another context.
Or, let’s put it this way…
Does it bother you when people refer to the braided bread we eat on Shabbos as “challah?” After all, we all know that challah is *really* the dough given to the Kohen.
The wolf
WHOA! lop, wolf and SL, please chill.
No need to convince me. I have no problem with discretionary spending… even on things that I (or others) would consider frivolous. I’m just taking the OP’s argument to its logical conclusion.
The Wolf
As an aside, OP, why did it take you 3.5 years to finally post something? 🙂
The Wolf
Wolf – frankly I find your comments, tone and attitude offensive. And I find it surprising that they came from you at all.
I certainly don’t mean it to be.
I apologize for offending you.
Can you elaborate as to how my comments were offensive? I’d like to avoid being offensive in the future.
The Wolf
No one can point a finger at me. I go up for a few shabbosim to my in law’s bungalow
The OP can. Do you spend money on gas to go up? Or on a train or bus ticket? If so, the OP’s complaint to you is just as valid. The only difference in your case is the degree of spending — but the fact remains that the OP would probably tell you to give the money you would otherwise spend on gas/bus/train etc. to those who “have so many tzaros ?”
The Wolf
Wolf, bad example, because you presumably earn more than $5 during those eight hours.
I’m a salaried employee. I don’t get paid by the hour.
So, the objection still stands.
The Wolf
I suppose the OP would also object to the $5 a day that I spend on the subway. What right to I have to squander that money when I am perfectly capable of walking to work? Granted, it’s about four hours each way, but why should my luxury and time-saving take precedence over the tzaros of so many other yidden?
The Wolf
How did I justify putting salad dressing on the salad I had for lunch? I could have eaten it without it. How did I justify adding mayonnaise to my tuna fish? It’s perfectly edible without it too.
The Wolf
My own interpretation — take it or leave it as you please:
The Israelite would soon leave the place where Korach, Dassan and Aviram were buried and could soon be forgotten. The staff, however, served as a permanent reminder.
The Wolf
would you lein the wrong parsha and bentch the wrong day as rosh chodesh?
This reminds me of the exchange between Charlie Hall and Joseph four years ago.
Dr. Hall asked:
Would you eat a piece of meat that the author of one of your sources had told you was kosher, when you yourself had seen it taken from the carcass of a pig?
To which Joseph responded:
Yes, if the posek declared it kosher after having heard my testimony to that effect.
Completely blew my mind.
The Wolf
Yes, Sam, that’s *exactly* what I was trying to say. Thank you.
Although why it’s acceptable when you say it and not when I say it is puzzling to me.
The Wolf
Wolf what do you rebuke people for?
The bottom line is that even though it bothers me greatly, I no longer ask people to stop talking in shul. I just sit there and stew.
Don’t like it? Well, I can’t please everyone.
The Wolf
For rebuking him unnecessarily.
Despite the fact that I did so above, I normally don’t. Feel free to rebuke me for anything, real or imagined.
The Wolf
hate your brothers
Who said anything about hate? Why are you accusing me of transgressing the commandment to not hate my fellow Jew? Did I use the word “hate” anywhere?
Their conduct annoys me. So does the conduct of my kids sometimes, but I don’t hate them.
The Wolf
I’ve seen those flyers in shuls around here as well.
Talking during davening is one of my pet peeves. It bugs me to no end when people do it. Yes, I have plenty of things that I’m guilty of, but other than a quick “excuse me” (if I need to someone to move) or “sorry” (if I bump into someone) or something like that, I don’t talk during davening.
On the other hand, I don’t rebuke anyone for doing so either. I remember one time that I did do so and I immediately felt terrible for doing it. After that, I don’t rebuke anyone for that anymore.
The Wolf
Mods,
Why was my response to Logician removed?
The Wolf
According to the opinion that it was bit by bit (“megillah, megillah nisnah”) Moshe wrote down the Torah from Breishis until Matan Torah right then.
Well, not entirely as we have it today, of course. Even that portion was clearly amended by Moshe at some point before his death.
The Wolf