Forum Replies Created
The reason Yom Kippur cannot fall out on Friday or Sunday is because then there would be 2 days in a row that a niftar could not be buried which would not be kavod hameis. It has nothing to do with “total issur milacha”. We could live 2 days with total issur milacha if we had to….
Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, Rosh Yeshiva at Yeshiva University who is frequently referred to simply as “the Rav,” also agreed that Thanksgiving was not a Gentile holiday, and ruled that it was permissible to eat turkey on Thanksgiving.
“Indeed, there were instances when Rabbi Soloveitchik implied to his students that he and his family celebrated Thanksgiving, although shiur was always held on Thanksgiving,” said Rabbi Hershel Schachter in his intellectual biography of Rabbi Soloveitchik, Nefesh HaRav.
According to Dr. Avi Feldblum of Highland Park, NJ, on Thanksgiving day, Rabbi Soloveitchik started his shiur at YU much earlier than usual so that he could be finished in time to catch a plane back to his home in Boston to have a festive meal with his family.
But just because Thanksgiving was sufficiently important for the Rav to start his shiur early, did not mean that he would end it before completing what he wanted to understand. According to Dr. Feldblum, on Thanksgiving 1976, Rabbi Soloveitchik spent about five hours working through one Tosafot. When his aide passed him a note to remind him about his flight back to Boston, the Rav turned to him and said, “No one can leave here until we have understood what it is that Tosafot is saying.”
What is also pretty rare (like this year) is saying “v’sayn bracha” on Chanukah….
I learned nusach from my father who is a well respected Yid and grew up in pre-war Europe. He told me it was used for Avos wherever he davened….
How about these?
A shliach tzibbur who says “ga’al yisrael” in an undertone. It shoud be recited out loud.
I’ve seen too many people daven for the amud and not say the whole “Modim” out loud. Same for “Mogain Avos” on Friday night.
You’re way off base in terms of nusach. MOST people correctly use the nusach of Shabbos Mincha for Avos as well. The kaddish before S”E Friday night is not at all like the kaddish before Barchu on Shabbos morning.
The only thing you are correct about is Avos on RH. It raises my BP when a guy starts doing Avos by Mincha on R”H (or Y”K) like the Avos for Shachris and Mussaf (which, btw, most people are clueless as to the proper nusach. Unfortunately, nussach is a dying art and I shudder to think of how the next generation will sound on R”H and Y”K).
As the gabbai in my minyan, if you are ever in my neighborhood and I ask if you are a ba’al tefilah, please say “no”.
Good question, Helpful…..
On a popular frum dating site they have labels that you can use to describe yourself. One of these labels is Yeshivish Modern. I also wondered what that meant.
Here is how one woman described it:
“I embrace a Torah lifestyle with a professional secular career”
WIY- This is your original post:
“First of all I’m only talking Jewish music. It is assur to listen to non Jewish music. Classical music is different and I believe there are many who are matir. Bottom line as long as there’s no singing and no lyrics”.
Then you post:
“Listening to non-Jewish music is not Halachicly prohibited”
Make up your mind. Which is it? Assur or not halachicly prohibited?
I’m not taking out anything on you. I’m simply pointing out that you are not as well informed as you would like everyone to believe.
Thank you Wolf. IMHO you are one of the most knowledgable people on this site.
You present your arguments very well, and I certainly agree with them.
What I don’t understand is why you waste your time and energy trying to presuade people on this site to see the truth? I’m sure you know you will never succeed….
You say that in the end of Shmona Esrei we say we say “borchei avinu kulanu BYACHAD”
I have yet to see any words such as those in my siddur….
Here’s another way of putting it:
If you ask the gedolim if you should spend your time learning or writing on YWN about all the problems in the frum world, what do you think they would say?
Although I agree with Rav Pam’s approach (and my Rav advises the same), after having a swastika keyed into my car on halloween, I want nothing to do with it. I just ignore the rings….
The dishwashing liquid DAWN is excellent for stains….
HaRav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik has ruled that one may take cold dry food which is fully cooked out of the refrigerator and reheat it on the blech on Shabbos, provided that this food was on the blech as Shabbos began and was first removed on Shabbos.
In this case, returning the food to the blech (Hachzorah) is simply a continuation of the activity known as Shehiyah, that is, placing food on the fire before Shabbos and leaving it there until needed on Shabbos, which is permissible if there is a blech (See Shulchan Aruch Ibid. Sif 1). Regarding the other three conditions cited above, the aforementioned Ramo (Ibid.) quotes from the Ran that the last two, namely still having the pot in one’s hand and having the intent to return it, are not required when the food is removed from the blech on Shabbos and is to be returned on Shabbos. It appears that the Vilna Gaon (Biur HaGra to Sif 5 Ibid. s.v. U’Bilvad) as explained by the Mishnah Berurah in the Biur Halacha (Ibid. s.v. U’Bilvad), holds that in such a case, even the other condition, that the food must still be hot, is also not required if it’s a dry cooked food.
HaRav Soloveitchik extends this view to allow reheating on the blech a fully cooked solid food even if it has been completely cooled off in the refrigerator, because this is still just a continuation of the original Shehiyah.
It is noteworthy that Rav Ovadyah Yosef (Sheilos U’Teshuvos Yechaveh Da’as Chelek 2 Siman 45) allows this as well, but for a completely different reason.
The most unexpected event happens towards the beginning of Parshat Lech Lecha. Avraham Avinu, having left his land and family to follow the call of Hashem, arrives in Eretz Yisrael only to be faced with a terrible famine. With few options available to him, he and Sarah move to Mitzrayim, where they pretend that she is his sister and not his wife, in order that the Egyptians not kill him to get to her.
(one should not rely on a miracle) and decided that going to Mitzrayim was the best option he had at the time.
Practically speaking, the viewpoints of both the Ramban and Rav Hirsch can positively influence our decision making and outlook.
May we all have the clarity to face our decisions and challenges with Emunah, Hishtadlut and clarity of thought.
HaRav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik has ruled that one may take cold dry food which is fully cooked out of the refrigerator and reheat it on the blech on Shabbos, provided that this food was on the blech as Shabbos began and was first removed on Shabbos. In this case, returning the food to the blech (Hachzorah) is simply a continuation of the activity known as Shehiyah, that is, placing food on the fire before Shabbos and leaving it there until needed on Shabbos, which is permissible if there is a blech (See Shulchan Aruch Ibid. Sif 1). Regarding the other three conditions cited above, the aforementioned Ramo (Ibid.) quotes from the Ran that the last two, namely still having the pot in one’s hand and having the intent to return it, are not required when the food is removed from the blech on Shabbos and is to be returned on Shabbos. It appears that the Vilna Gaon (Biur HaGra to Sif 5 Ibid. s.v. U’Bilvad) as explained by the Mishnah Berurah in the Biur Halacha (Ibid. s.v. U’Bilvad), holds that in such a case, even the other condition, that the food must still be hot, is also not required if it’s a dry cooked food. HaRav Soloveitchik extends this view to allow reheating on the blech a fully cooked solid food even if it has been completely cooled off in the refrigerator, because this is still just a continuation of the original Shehiyah. It is noteworthy that Rav Ovadyah Yosef (Sheilos U’Teshuvos Yechaveh Da’as Chelek 2 Siman 45) allows this as well, but for a completely different reason.
Terribly sorry to read about your loss. I too lost a child, but she was born prematurely and lived for a day.
I learned exactly what you wrote. To feel for other peoples’ tzoros and as aries wrote, to know what to say and what not to say to someone who is going through a difficult time.
May we all know no more tza’ar…..
Okay, so that’s YOUR opinion…..call me an apikores if you like.
Yes, it IS a problem that a Ben Torah cannot think for himself. My own Rav is overwhelmed with nahrisha kashes (partly) because of this.
Okay, my example of not embarrassing someone was not a good one. But if the Torah was black and white there would be no machlokess about anything. It is FAR from black and white.
On my last point, I should have phrased it “there are times when seichel has to take precedence over the halachah as written in Shulchan Aruch”. Yes, in Orthodox Judaism.
The Maharil mentions this minhag of not wearing a talis until marriage and says that those hold of it are basing it on the s’michas hapisukim of “Gedilim ta’aseh loch” and “Ki yikach ish isha”.
This minhag became widely accepted except (as mentioned above) by Sephardim and Yidden from Germany (better term than “yekkes”)….
Who am I? I am a yid “mit seichel”.
One of the biggest problems with yeshivos today, is that they are producing young men (or sheep) who can’t figure out the most simple issue for themselves. For every little thing they have to run to the Rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva.
There are times when a Rav is not available and it is critical that benei Torah be able to make some decisions for themselves. But these guys are unable to, because they are purposely trained NOT TO THINK!!!!
Justsomeguy- you are dead wrong. The Torah is NOT black and white. There are many grey areas. Here’s an example. Lying. The Torah says “Midvar sheker tirchok”. According to you it’s black and white that if you are a guest at someone’s house and you think a certain dish is disgusting, you should say so (if the host asks you). Common sense dictates that YOU SHOULD LIE AND SAY IT IS DELICIOUS. I teach my kids all the time that there are situations when it is okay to lie. So you see, it is NOT black and white at all.
There are times when seichel has to take precedence over the halacha. Eating milchigs if that makes you happier on Yom Tov (as opposed to fleishigs that nauseates you) is one of them. There is NO CHIYUV TO FEEL ILL ON YOM TOV.
And further, I have very right to question the “heiligeh” Shapzniker who I never even heard of.
Mod 80- I am a yodei’ah sefer. As I stated above I don’t believe I need to bother my Rav with every ridiculus question. If one understands WHY chazal recommended basar v’yayin, there is no need to ask any shaylos.
“The Shaptzniker, shlita, also mentions that we are noheig to serve fleishigs on Yontof, and refers to those who serve milchigs, r”l, as people who obviously do not follow the derech of their ancestors”
To use the words r”l is nothing short of nonsense (I’m trying to be careful here). The inyan on Yom Tov is simcha. Even though for most people simcha involves eating meat, for SOME PEOPLE it is the opposite. Some people abhor meat or chicken. Should they make themselves nauseated by eating meat and ruin their simchas Yom Tov, or should they have seichel and eat what they enjoy and makes them happy?
Thank you kindly for having me in mind. Unfortunately, all I felt at 10:30 was a headache coming on 🙂
Maybe he davened at a vasikin minyan……
No- it’s not overkill. It’s nuts.
I misspoke yesterday- I said “be’di’eved” one can use a regular flame this year for Havdalah as it is also Motza’ei Shabbos. In actuality, the Mishna Brura says one can use it le’chatchilah, however “v’nahagu ha’olam le’hachmir” …to use a ner shashavas even this year.
G’mar chasima tova to you and your family. I ask mechilah for anything I wrote that was out of line…..
Thank you! You as well….
You did not get ME mad. My only concern is what is in the best interest of my children. Therefore, they live primarily with their mother and are with me every other Shabbos and twice per week for supper. I live nearby and I am very involved in all aspects of their lives, which I am told by psychologists is the most important factor in ensuring that they will turn out well adjusted. (I am grateful that my ex is on the same page as far as that is concerned).
B”H this seems to be the case so far….they have very active social lives and are doing well in school….but as Yogi once said “it aint over till it’s over”…..(1/2 lol).
You are obviously not so well informed. If you knew how sick I frequently get on fast days you would not make such a statement…
I get severe headaches for which I swallow vicodin w/o water. I get nauseous, weak and stomach pain. One year I had to get into bed after Mussaf and could not go back for Mincha or Ne’eilah. I was biting on my blanket to try and relieve the pressure in my head.
Any rational person would say that if there is something that can make my fast easier, I should take it.
Btw, I only fast on YK for this reason, as even by Tisha B’Av the Mishna Brura says that one who is a choleh (as I described above) “ein ke’dai le’hachmir”.
You certainly don’t need to ask if you can give me a bracha 🙂
Your words are beautiful. Amein v’Amein! May HKB”H grant you all the same good wishes!!!!
Thank you so much and G’mar chasima to you and your family. (And may YWN always be filled with these type of positive postings)
Thank you for your sentiments. I am so sorry that you had to endure that type of abuse. I hear YOUR pain as well.
I know I did the right thing; I had no choice. The children have told me they know I was being verbally abused. (My oldest asked me what took me so long to get out?)
I know you are 100% right on all the points you make. And yet….
Let us hope that the coming year will bring only smachot for you, me and all of Klal Yisrael.
My friends all know that I eat a lot of Drake’s cakes. A doctor friend of mine suggested that I get a “Yodel suppository” for Yom Kippur….LOL
Grapes, grapes and more grapes…..
I think you are reading my situation incorrectly. I do NOT believe that it was my lot in life to be married only to that one person, and therefore I cannot move on.
I am merely having trouble moving on because the whole inyan of being divorced is depressing (especially around the Yomim Tovim, as any divorced person will tell you) for many reasons, not the least of which is the financial toll it has taken on me.
You are correct that my children will be happier if I were happier and they have said as much (they are very mature kids).
But I know I need to be happy first with my own self before I look to remarry, something that is a major challenge for me. I am NOT looking to suffer in this world, believe me.
“They” say you don’t get married to be happy. You get married to be HAPPIER. Therefore, I am afraid to do a disservice to a woman by marrying her before I am no longer “broken”.
Yes, and a guy who is stuck in a bad marriage must also be thankful that the Torah allows for divorce…..
Thank you kindly and g’mar chasima tova to you as well!
The Rema in Hilchos Yom Hakippurim (610:4) writes that there is a very old minhag to light a candle on behalf of each man or boy in the family on Erev Yom Kippur. This is aside from the Yahrzeit candles which are lit. Though I don’t know if anyone still follows this practice today, it is easy to understand why there would be such a minhag. After all, the pasuk in Mishlei says “ner Elokim nishmas adam….” (“the candle of God is the soul of man”) and having a candle to remind one to focus on HKB”H and one’s soul makes perfect sense.
Then the Rema continues with some very puzzling words. “V’im kavu nairos eilu, ein lomar l’aino yehudi she’yachzor v’yadlikaym”….”and if these candles should be extinguished during the day, one should not ask a non-Jew to relight them”. Why in the world would I think that it is permissible to have a non-Jew do a melachah for me on Yom Kippur for something that is merely a minhag?
The Rema continues….”Mi shekava neiro b’Yom Kippur yachzor v’yadlikenu b’motza’ei Yom Kippur, v’al yechabenu od, elah yanechenu lidloke ad ge’mirah” “One whose candle has been extingusihed on Yom Kippur, shoud relight it after Yom Kippur ends, and he should not extinguish it but rather let it burn out by itself”. Very strange. If his candle burnt out, why is it necessary to relight it after Yom Kippur ends? And if he does take the trouble to relight it, why would I think for a moment that he would then extinguish it? That would make no sense at all!
Further, “V’gam yikabel alov shekol yomov lo yechabeh b’motza’ei Yom Kippur nero, lo hu v’lo ah’cheir”. “And he should accept upon himself that for the rest of his life he will never extinguish this type of candle, not him nor anyone else”. What is the Rema trying to tell us here? Why should this person be required (as if to make up for something he did wrong) all his life never to extinguish this candle, not him nor anyone else. Again, the same question (as above) begs: Why would I think that if this person lights such a candle, he would extinguish it after Yom Kippur? And why was the Rema so adamant that neither he nor anyone else should do so?
Rav Avigdor Amiel, who was the Rav Harashi of Tel Aviv in the 1930s and a terrific darshan said the following:
In this morning’s kriah, we read about the avodah of Yom Kippur that the Kohen must do every year. In addition, the Torah tells us that Yom Kippur must be observed by every one of us. “V’huysah lochem le’chukas olam, bachodesh hashivi’i be’asahr lachodesh t’anu es nafshosaychem…” “This shall remain for you an eternal decree; In the seventh month on the tenth of the month, you shall afflict yourselves….”
A few pisukim later it states “V’huysah lachem l’chukas olam……achas bashanah” “This shall be to you an eternal decree……once a year” The question is, what is the Torah adding with “achas bashanah”…”once a year”? The Torah has already explicitly stated that Yom Kippur is to be observed on the tenth on Tishrei. Why the need for these two extra words “once a year”? We know the Torah does not contain even one single extra letter. What is being added here?
Rav Amiel suggested that, true, the observance of the actual day of Yom Kippur is achas. It only happens only once per year. But the KEY word here is “bashana….during the year”. In other words, though we only observe one day (on the tenth of Tishrei) as a day of affliction and teshuva, that one day MUST BE CARRIED OVER AND INTO THE ENTIRE YEAR !!! Yom Kippur starts on the tenth of Tishrei, but continues all year!
When we sit down with friends on Jan 17th, and we are about to speak loshon harah. we must remember that we are CARRYING YOM KIPPUR AROUND WITH US ALL YEAR and refrain from doing the aveirah, just as we promised to do on Yom Kippur itself.
When we come into shul for Kol Nidrei, we are all fired up and very motivated to do teshuva. And for most, this motivation lasts through the entire next day. But for some, by the afternoon of Yom Kippur, they are already burnt out. Their flame has already been extinguished. Therefore, says the Rema, this type of person must RELIGHT his candle after Yom Kippur and accept upon himself every year never to extinguish this flame on Motza’ei Yom Kippur. Because even though the observance of Yom Kippur has ended, the EFFECT of Yom Kippur begins AFTER Yom Kippur ends and must be carried around all year and not be extinguished!!!!
Sorry about YOUR situation. While there was definitely a lack of communication between us, we NEVER fought. I always kept my mouth shut and did as I was told. The few times I spoke up just made for a lot of tension that i could not bear. I was frequently berated as well, btw. My therapist referred to me as a “battered husband”.
I’m glad you are at least enjoying your independence. May HKB”H grant you only health and happiness this coming year!
Not to worry; no harm done. But thank you for being considerate enough to write your apology. G’mar chasima tova to you as well!
Thank You kindly! G’mar chasima tova and all the best to you as well!
I have never seen this minhag in my circles, but thank you for letting me know it is out there. I don’t want to get up there (in my minyan) and say it doesn’t exist today.
The fire for Havdalah is not a minhag…it is halacha in S”A that you need a “ner she’shavas” on Motza’ei Yom Kippur. This year, being Motza’ei Shabbos, one should still use a ner she’shavas but bi’di’eved a regular flame is okay.
G’mar chasima tova to you as well!
Yeah, you can say THAT again!
To those who stated that divorce is absolutely not an option, and the couple must make it work, I say the following from personal experience.
I was a VERY giving husband for over twenty years. Helped out a lot with every aspect of running a household and raising the kids. Always remembered b-days, anniversaries, flowers for Yom Tov etc.
Never raised my voice to her, nor (needless to say) my hand.
After 20 years, she had some complaints about me which she stated that had been bothering her for many years. I first asked why she did not voice them earlier, for which she did not have much of an answer. I tried very hard to address the issues and to rectify the things that were bothering her about me. I also said we need to go to counseling, which she absolutely refused to do. So I went by myself (davka) to a frum woman, because I wanted to hear from a woman’s perspective. Whatever I tried did not work. If anything, my ex kept saying “you’re trying too hard. It’s not natural. Just be yourself and everything will be fine”. Well, five years of trying to be myself and trying everything to address her concerns, were getting me nowhere. The longer this went on, the more upset I became about the situation. I lost 60 lbs (was never heavy to begin with) because I could not eat.
My Rav and this frum psychologist both stated unequivocally that I MUST get divorced. If my ex is refusing counseling, then I have have no choice. My MD said this will kill me eventually, as I kept losing weight and that my kids need a divorced father more than a dead one.
So, although I dreaded doing it, I made the move. B”H my kids adjusted very well, as I am very involved in their lives. I am told this is THE most important factor for the well being of the children.
Bottom line….I have no regrets about GETTING divorced, but I am having problems BEING divorced. There is no doubt that there is still some stigma attached to divorce and I am the only one in my entire extended family who is (I know this is rare).
I get very lonely and depressed when my kids are not with me for Shabbos and Yom Tov. I get invited to people all the time, but while being alone is no fun, I find it easier than being with other families when I know MY family is elsewhere.
Sorry for getting off topic. Just wanted to make the points that divorce IS sometimes necessary and that kids can sometimes come out intact. I know it aint over till it’s over, but so far they are B”H doing very well. They have lots of friends and are doing well in school. I hope, though, that this will not affect their shidduch prospects……
As many have said in the past….”kocha d’heteira adif”
Yes, that’s what some people do here. Those who shower every day feel dirty w/o a shower for 3 days and it takes away from their simchas Yom Tov. That’s not looking for heteirim…
In the opinion of the Rav, davar hashaveh lechol nefesh certainly DOES change with the times…..
R’ Yoshe Ber unequivically was matir taking a (hot) shower on Yom Tov for someone who showers every day. It is indeed a davar hashaveh l’chol nefesh…..
That is such a thoughtful thing!
Thank you artchill! And you make a very good point about teens and abuse victims…….
One short pasuk though lists a blessing whose meaning is unclear. In pasuk 5, the Torah writes, “???? ???? ???????” , Blessed will be your basket and your store. What blessing is G-d promising in this pasuk? Our produce was already blessed in the previous pasuk, so what does this add on?
Therefore, says the Netziv, as Bnei Yisrael are about to cross the Yarden and to enter Eretz Yisrael, G-d promises them a bracha even during that difficult transition. Certainly B’nai Yisrael were extremely nervous at this time knowing that their lives would change drastically in just a short while. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu promises them that if they listen to His voice and fulfill His commandments, that this transition will actually be a blessing to them.
The Mishna Brura states clearly that if children are disruptive, they should NOT be brought to shul.
Well said ZosHatorah! When my wife was in bed with a difficult pregnancy I davened at home rather than take my 5 year old son to shul. He would certainly have been disruptive.