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it’s so hard. honestly, you probably wont be 100% over him until you find a new better guy. that will give you the ultimate clarity that the old one wasn’t as good. but trust me, you WILL find a better guy!! So many people go through this. Your case is NO different.
exactly. My neshama is being scarred more and more each day here. Seriously, it’s like living in times square. You can’t even try to avoid the pritzusness.
Seriously, all frum Yidden, don’t test yourselves. It isn’t worth it down here.
I can’t even make up excuses that it is okay to be here. It is horrible.
coffee addict- I understand people live here, but I am not talking about those people. I’m assuming the people who live here, aren’t sitting on the beach by the hotels, these people are probably tourists.
This past week I’ve seen at least 3 dozen chassidish and frum orthodox women on the beach (most of them dressed tzniusly, although some were wearing bathing suits). I am NOT judging at all, because as I mentioned before, I am here too, sitting on the same beach (dressed tzniusly as well).
WIY- I wish I could leave, but at the same time I love it here. It’s the worst inner conflict. My neshama wants out, my guf wants in. I love it and I hate it. It’s a REALLY great vacation place, but it’s so pritzusdik.
Maybe well all meet eachother there!!October 18, 2011 2:45 am at 2:45 am in reply to: How many time did you "one and done" based on looks? #818031
I understand if guys aren’t attracted to an overweight woman, but only wanting to go out with really skinny? is that true? Are average sized girls considered fat? Don’t they realize that once women get pregnant they aren’t a size 4 anymore and may have a hard time getting back to that?
I also don’t understand why people tend to set up the girls with the fancier clothing and better style. I happen to not be into that stuff so much. Honestly, I dress nicely everyday, but it’s not shabbos clothes during the week, yet other girls who I know who wear beautiful sweaters everyday of the week(which are fancy enough for shabbos), people look at them as being more put together and more frum and better people. Sometimes I feel as if I should dress for Shabbos everyday just so that I could get set up.
thats out of 1600
according to general population…people are considered genius if they get over 1500. over 1400 is also pretty genius. over 1300 is really smart , between 1100 and 1300 is probably your avg person.. under 1000 means you probably didnt study as much as you should or you arent a good test taker…
**these scores reflect nothing on actual brightness rather on luck and good test taking abilities.. IMO…
ayc thanks for reminding me of Sheva Yipol Tzadik V’Kam.
One of my favorite sayings. I failed a huge nisayon right after YK but bH I realized I went through it to make me a better person. I still want to just cry all day because of my mistake, even though it is all worked out but still..
observanteen, you are not alone. Everyone goes through it unfortunately…
Sister Bear- I wish you luck as well! I hope you keep us updated and give me chizuk to continue and show me it is possible to get better!!
Don’t know if I said this before or not, but what’s really hard for me is that everything I do to try and be nice and talk to her and be close to her, she takes everything I say to be negative and going against her, so I get very upset about that and just want to give up on talking and being nice at all..
AYC – I’ve tried just ignoring it and continuing being nice and sweet, but it doesn’t seem to work and it is starting to offend me and hurt me inside because everything she says always puts me down.. I agree that I am in this situation for a reason and I should be working on something…… but what?
i love asking , what was your most awkward dating experience? but I am just outgoing like that! haha
Wow, weird that I randomly was looking at my past posts and clicked on this one…. Hashgacha I guess.
I really appreciate your concerns, how selfless of you. I admire you for that and for many other things. I don’t even know where I left off but it got to a point where I just couldn’t handle it… again.. It’s hard for anyone to understand without being me in my situation but she really brings out the worst in me. Recently I have just tried staying at a distance and being fake close. I love her and I love my family and us all being together, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but at the same time it is a really bad environment for me but I try and ignore that part..
I really rarely fight in general but sometimes (only with her) I explode. I am happy you thought of it while saying tehilim- hopefully it gave Hashem an idea to help me..
I need some chizuk and rereading this thread is giving me some. So thank you again!
AYC gave great reasoning. I agree with him/her…
I’m trying to think if one of my parents would apologize to me what I would think of it-
It definitely would make me respect them more for admitting if they did something wrong and it would teach me a great lesson that adults too make mistakes and ask for mechila even if it is to someone younger than them or of less stature- so I def think it is a good idea to ask them.. not so sure halachically if it’ll really count or if you need to, but it shows great parenting IMHO. But obviously don’t go overboard.. Maybe one or two things or in general something..
I always try to smile at people I see on the streets but some of them are sketchy and creepy. Then when I turn away from some I feel bad because maybe I am just being stereotypical..
It’s hard to distinguish haha
Thanks Baal and yitat..
123bubby- I know I was wondering the same thing. And also, sometimes at the classes at the gym have these songs which I don’t know but hearing them week after week I start getting familiar with them and they arent such nice songs..I feel bad knowing them, but at the same time I am just trying to work out..
Happy anniversary AYC!!
You guys all crack me up!
I guess I could say I hope you continue to share your inspiring thoughts ad mea v’esrim…
happymom- thanks. I heard that also, but there are some toms shoes that are vegan too but majority of them are leather soles. This is a big problem because I also know a lot of people who wore them on tisha b’av!
At first I asked that question also.. we disconnect every single week- Shabbos. Why do we need to now?
the difference here is: 1. it wasn’t halacha for us to disconnect today, yet we did it anyway. 2. on shabbos and yuntiv everyone is disconnected so it is easy. Today, at least for me, it was hard because all of my friends and family were connected, while I wasn’t.
I learned a lot from it. It was nice to not always be carrying my phone with me, even just around the house. It made me realize that when I left my phone off for 5 hours, I didn’t miss much in the world, and the emergencies that I was afraid that my friends would not be able to get in touch with me didn’t occur either.
It’s funny because I constantly find my phone in my hand “just in case” I need to be contacted. But why? That hardly ever happens. Today made me realize that it is okay to leave my phone in my bag while out to lunch with a friend, or in my room while having dinner with the family. I B’H am not missing any emergencies.
I hope to continue to disconnect on days where it isn’t shabbos and yuntiv.
I think i know them tooo!!!!!!!!!!! mazel tov!!!!!
it’s funny, because I live in a home which is the opposite. I want my husband and me iyH to live a kollel life (at least for the first few years), but since I grew up MO, my parents would not be thrilled.. but I hope that after a few months they will get used to it and be accepting..
Your parents probably just need a few months (or even longer) to get used to it.. so hopefully soon everything will get back to normal.
I’m sure it is hard for you at home, especially because you don’t want to hear bad things about your siblings. I agree with am yisrael chai- maybe you can write them a letter explaining in a respectful, well thought out note that you don’t really want to hear about it anymore and explain why.
I laughed out loud.
whenever i get these texts or emails i just laugh and kinda get disappointed in the people who sent them to me. if they are my good friends ill write back- are you kidding me?? and they’ll be like yea its probably fake but just in case..
just in case what?!? just in case you die because you didn’t forward an email to 10 people in the next ten minutes???
I’ve learned to completely ignore them…haha
I just read the book Hush.. did you guys read it? It’s crazy.. I never knew these things really existed in the jewish community but now i see unfortunately it really does… i just can’t imagine. Nebuch.
I have a family issue that i always push aside, and you guys are so much stronger than me and are really giving me chizuk. ive been keeping it in a long long time and it’s so much piled up that i dont even know how to express any of it, but the fact that you guys are able to deal with these issues, I know that I’ll be okay and able to work mine out as well, bezH.
MiddlePath- what’s your music??
MP- you are an amazing person!!! Every time i read any of your posts I always learn so much from them and my respect for you keeps on growing. I am so happy the CR made it possible for me to “meet you” / learn from you. like other posters said- we are all here for you. letting it out must have been hard, but it’s really good to express your feelings and thoughts.
your wife is going to be one lucky girl.
chodesh tov everyone.
Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l had mixed seating for the singles at his children’s weddings for this purpose!
Wow miriamr that is so cool and so nice! When that happened were you freaking out?? My heart was beating so fast when I found out and I started crying out of happiness. It’s so nuts. Thanks for sharing.
jmj613- 100% agree. Our tfilos are so powerful if only we would realize that on a day to day basis.
Busy as a bee-
I 100% agree with you. Sometimes when I read threads in the CR I just can not believe how people are talking to each other. It makes me so sad. We are all yidden. There are definitely times where I disagree with other people (facebook thread) and I try my hardest not to speak disrespectfully or offensively while stating my opinion and ideas. Just because I do not agree with what some people do, doesnt mean they are better or worse than me. We are all judged separately. everyone should really try and be more aware of what they are saying(typing ) and how they are saying(typing) it.
I am counting down the days for this to be over!! I love chicken and meat!! I’d say I eat meat at least one out of three meals each day. sometimes both lunch and dinner..
According to “Guidelines” by Rabbi Barclay and Rabbi Jaeger “It is forbidden to bathe or wash oneself for pleasure, but permitted for basic cleanliness. Therefore, under normal circumstances, one may not wash any part of the body with hot water, and may only wash the hands , face, and feet with cold water without soap.” Then it goes on to say that you are allowed to use soap in the areas that are dirty and have perspiration and won’t be clean with just water… This may be a little machmir so ask your LOR.
AYC- I did it!! It was hard but now I see that it is possible to hold back and control. I really hope to continue this and eventually we can all bring Moshiach bimhayra biyamaynu. Thanks for the idea
HASHEM YISHMOR. All I can say is that we all NEEED to daven that these Jews who have fallen to text on shabbos should realize what they are doing wrong and do teshuvah!! Oy.
Sounds like a great idea! I think I am going to work really hard on not getting in a fight with my sister. This is really hard for me, especially with my situation… but I am really going to try my hardest to do that, B’N.
Quark- i agree!
Also- if i am looking for a comment I wrote to see if someone answered and it is no where to be found, does that mean the MODS deleted it? Am I not informed of if that happens?
thanks. I totally agree.. just need to find the person to helpJuly 28, 2011 6:48 pm at 6:48 pm in reply to: Caring about other people needs- Where to draw the line #791521
“Study: 1 in 5 divorces in the U.S. caused by Facebook
21 December 2009 @ 01:20 pm EDT
New research released Monday shows that Facebook is causing an alarmingly high number of divorces in the United States.”
I’m just stating the facts. Take it or leave it.
I’m done with this thread though.I’ve said my share.
i used to watch movies all the time. But then i realized it destroys my sense of relationships. I can think of 1 movie that I watched since i stopped (which was about a year and a half ago) and that movie reestablished my reasoning for why i stopped.. I am trying to get out of the fantasy land of perfect love stories and watching these movies always puts me back in it!
my parents are more modern and don’t really understand the whole shidduch system.. they want me to hang out with guys and meet them on my own (like they met eachother)… they dont understand or want to accept the fact that I want someone more yeshivish who is learning… (at least for now)
mike you misunderstood- he isnt married to the woman he was talking to… he is married to someone else and was having a friendly conversation with his old friend on the side..
zehavasdad- “To blame FACEBOOK for failed marriages is just ridiculus and trying to assign blame where it doesnt belong. ” Im not blaming it- all of the people who got divorced because of facebook is blaming it.July 28, 2011 6:03 pm at 6:03 pm in reply to: Caring about other people needs- Where to draw the line #791519
Middlepath- I know this is weird to say- but you sound like an AMAZING guy!!!
I really always agree with so much that you say and I also have this “problem” and people always tell me- you can do things for yourself sometimes.. and i do, but when others need things- i like to help them out first- these things dont bother me. i think it’s fine. Yes, we shouldnt go to an extreme with any middah (take the middle path 🙂 ) but it doesnt seem like giving to other people the way you are is an extreme. you arent giving all your last pennies to tzedukah, and you arent giving up everything for everyone else- just everyday things which is normal and amazing. everyone should be giving up their spot in line if someone else seems like they are in a huge rush and needs to be somewhere really important. (at least that is how I feel..) You seem very yashar and I think you should keep up what you are doing and you wont have a problem in marriage…
i definitely agree. and I don’t open up, but even the 2 hours of one date just talking stom, afterwards makes me feel like that was a waste and i just “hung out” with a guy – that was untznius. I know i am doing it for a purpose and this is what Hashem wants me to do, and it has to be this way in order to get married but it just feels wrong. I think I just have to look into the guy much harder and figure out before the date if it is really shayich.
a mamin- nicely said.
mike- one of the more modern rabbis from my seminary was (excitingly) telling the class how he found his friend (a woman) from elementary school on facebook and how they caught up with eachother and how nice that was… i was sitting in that class in SHOCKK and never looked at him the same. A Rabbi!?!? Rekindiling an old friendship with a girl from elementary school!?! BH he is happily married and i hope will stay that way ad mea v’esrim, but this is highly highly innapropriate and there are many examples of where it broke marriages, friendships, families, etc. – just google it… there are LOADS of examples and articles R’L.
I am sure the Kletzky’s would be happy with WHATEVER a person chooses to take on for himself l’n Leiby. this thread has gone wayyy past the point of doing it l’n Leiby and has just gotten to why people should delete FB in general so just saying that everyone can stop complaining about “We should actually do something the Kletzky’s want” or “Even the Kletzkys have facebook” etc.
Thanks i understand.. but not that I even shared so much personal info with the guy, but i just feel like why did he deserve to learn these things about me? I don’t feel violated, but just feel like something was taken away from me and i’ll never get it back.. I dont want to go through however many more guys it will take in order to find the right one, because I dont wnt to have a “relationship” with so many more people of the opposite gender. It feels weird. Am i being immature?
Yatzmich- why you being so mean?
The fact that you are discussing this is amazing and I give you full credit for it. Very mature and I hope we can all help.
what i have learned from Rabbeim is that the struggles with money Jews have, isn’t because they have to pay yeshivah tuition, buy expensive esrogim and lulavim, mazos, shabbos food, frum clothing etc. All that money that we use for that, Hashem gives us is separate and isn’t included in our designated amount of money Hashem wishes to give us. Meaning the money we use for Judaism isn’t being taken away from our salary, because it is only there for us to use it for that. (It is like a separate bank account that we wouldnt have if we werent Jewish) So lets say God Forbid you would give up everything- you may still have a really hard time monetary wise, bc the money you spend on jewish things isn’t what is affecting the fact that you don’t have enough money.
I don’t know if that is so clear- I have it in my head and it’s hard for me to explain..
Also, a big key is to daven. Maybe your relationship with Hashem is fading and he is giving you this problem in order for you to call out to him and build a relationship…
Just some of my ideas..
May Hashem help you and your family and give you parnasa so that you can afford all of the necessaties in your life, and give you bitachon and strength to overcome this harship, Amen!
okay i have a question: ill try and explain my situation… i went on a shidduch date and I had a good time but the guy wasnt for me. (my first one) now it has turned me off to the whole shidduch dating process for some reason and I don’t want to go out again in general… I just didn’t like it. I don’t really have a question besides for – has this happened to anyone else / how do i fix it? I know I have to date in order to get married, but I don’t like this way!
Got it. Yea also really tired… You don’t have to agree with me.. I don’t agree with you, but its all good! You sound like a great person and yid, and it seems like if you thought facebook (or anything) wasn’t good for yourself, you wouldn’t use it.. and if you don’t think it’s bad for you, then I trust you that you are doing the right thing by keeping it.
One of my friends (MO) was best friends with a guy and they were inseperable. It was clear that they liked eachother. so after a few months of literally hanging out every single day, she told him she like him and he stopped talking to her. The end.
so.. i guess the answer to your question is yes it is possible even though it seemed like he was in love with her…
At the same time, not all guys are like that..
I had the exact same thing. I would email him and no response and I would go to his shuirim weekly and one week I waited afterwards and asked him if he ever gets his emails- he told me that he has a secretary who screens his emails and prints the ones that aren’t spam or innapropriate (that should answer mikehalls concern about R’ Wallerstein using email)(also he said not to worry that she doesnt read them.. she just prints them and makes sure they arent bad) and he told me that mine must have got mixed up somewhere and I should email him again. So I did, and still no response. I understand completely that he is really busy , so I am not taking offense nor do I think that he is wrong for not answering me.. many times he doesnt get the emails..
But, since I really needed to speak to him, I went to another one of his shuirs and I waited until everyone left (about 45 min wait) and he saw that I was waiting there the whole time so he felt bad even though it was already really late.. and we sat down and spoke for 20 minutes and he helped me with everything. (BH he didnt have to go anywhere after the shuir..) My advice to you if you need to speak to him, then if you live in NY and can get to any of his shuirs, you should do what I did… He is really helpful and amazing and totally worth waiting for so long.