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I think it was Calvin (friend of Hobbes, not the philosopher) who pointed out the irony of ads such as:
“Express yourself – Wear Jordache Jeans”
The nonconformist is as far from the individualist as is the conformist.
Anyway, most of the people that I know who complain about the need to conform in the frum community have no problem conforming to many other “communities”. They simply resent the burden of being required to follow certain rules.
News Flash: Halacha is a constant value, whether you wear a white dress shirt or a T-shirt, or, for that matter, no shirt at all.
It all depends on how drastically you got the Rabbi to change.
Daniel Q’s point, the importance of which can not be overstated, was that often the best way to protect your own child’s physical and emotional well-being is by eliminating the problem through peaceful means rather than hostile ones. In helping the bully change their situation and self image, you are removing the threat in a more profound and lasting way than with a baseball bat.
Not to impugn Daniel’s generosity of spirit, this approach demands not generosity, but rationality and objectivity.
Simply put, if you will act in a goal-oriented way, and your goal is the protection of your child, you will often find yourself helping the bully.
On a side note, as Daniel alluded, the halacha of yeihareig v’al ya’avor does not actually apply to halbonas panim; the Gemara indicates that “mutav”, it is preferable, (based on Tamar and Yehuda), but this directly indicates that it is not required.
Once more, I will point out that even in a small recreation area with a small number of children, it is impossible to supervise all actions of all children for every second of recess. This is true whether or not the supervisor is shmoozing. As a Rebbe who supervises recess on occasion, I can tell you that nobody understands this better than the bullies. They are shrewd enough to make sure that their actions take place under the radar.
If someone isn’t going to learn Chumash anyway, they may as well learn Aruch Laner…
Obviously, we can not rely on chitzoniyus, and presentation is no substitute for introspection and self-improvement. The Torah value in all of this is of course as a complement to, not as a surrogate for, “chovos halevavos.”
It is the sad truth that there are some for whom our community is no more than a social club; had these people been born in different circumstances they most likely would live largely the same lives in different clothing. Don’t let these people get you down on the community in general.
Even if every Rebbe or teacher stays with their class to supervise recess, the fact is that they can not hover over the shoulders of all (or any) of their students for the duration of the recess break. Zero tolerance is a necessary policy (which schools do need to implement and enforce better) which will deter most bullying, but no school policy can absolutely protect against all bullying.
This is not altogether a bad thing, since bullying does exist in all levels of society, and it is not terrible for kids to have some exposure to it, provided that the school does not allow it to get out of hand by having a zero tolerance policy.
Those of us who have not yet reached the level of ??? ??? ????? would do well to follow the advice of ??”?, along with all of the ??????? ??????? ????? ???? (not to mention the likes of “7 habits”, et al): If you want to be identified as a member of the community of ????? ?? ????, dress the part. Like it or not, there is a general mode of dress in that community (note I did not say a specific dress code!) If you don’t want to, fine, it doesn’t bother anyone who does. But don’t dissuade other people from doing what even you ultimately recognize as the proper thing to do!
Depends…if you live in Colorado, it’s fleishige keilim…anywhere else, we apply ein issur chal al issur, and it is pareve
“The clothes makes the man.” Face it; this is a fact of human nature, both on the part of the one wearing “the clothes” (by which I refer to all modes of outward presentation), and on the part of the observer.
There is nothing wrong with the fact that a person is identified by the way he or she chooses to present himself or herself to the world.
The argument that it is judgmental and morally incorrect to make assumptions about a person based on that person’s clothing, etc. is a specious one; we all do this on a constant basis.
This does not mean that I only respect people who I identify as similar to myself; it means that there are people who I identify as similar to myself.
For those people who are above human nature and exercise perfect control over themselves as an expression of their spiritual standing, such trappings may well be unnecessary. For us mere mortals, however, it is important to keep in mind that “??? ???? ??? ????????.”
In the words of the wisest of all men, ???? ???? ???.
For some perspective about titles, I like to refer to the following halacha:
A person whose father has gone OTD r”l should be called for an aliyah using his grandfather’s name (i.e., yaamod Yaakov ben Avraham). If, however, he is well known in the community and changing the way he is called to the Torah will embarrass him (presumably by highlighting the fact that his father is not religious), Shulchan Aruch rules that he may be called with his father’s name. The Mishnah Berurah comments that “at the very least titles such as Moreinu should not be used.”
I think this speaks for itself about the usage of even the most revered titles in centuries past.
(and perhaps it was to this comment of the Mishnah Berurah that Rav Elyashiv [quoted above] referred)
Anyway, like “Thank you,” a title is a very subjective thing which can be used with both the most shallow and the most profound meanings, depending on the context. Fact is, when we say “Harav Hagaon Reb Shloime Mechel, assistant night seder sho’el u’meishiv,” noone thinks we are equating the subject with the Vilna Gaon. Nor, for that matter, is the title Gaon used in quite the same way to refer to the Vilna Gaon as to Rav Sherira Gaon.
I know a veteran gabbai who calls his congregants with their titles (Dr. Ploni ben Ploni esquire) – it’s part of what he does to make the davening more entertaining for many of the people who (sadly) would not stay inside otherwise.
What do you mean?
Just for the record tautology is not the same as circular reasoning.
Tautology means unnecessarily repeating an idea.
“Daas Torah” is like “normal” – something for which there IS an absolute value, (“derech hamemutza”, whatever that is) but which people like to define subjectively.
Forget the Halacha, Minhag and Chumra. I’m just here for the shtus.
Shtus: Thinking that it is the husband’s responsibility that his wife overworked herself in cleaning for Pesach, then forced herself to prepare a lavish meal that she knew there would not be time to eat, but served it anyway, and refuses to sit for Hallel because she’s too tired and won’t go to sleep with dishes in the sink.October 24, 2013 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm in reply to: If Jewish writers are so good, why don't they publish secular? #983552
You are right. I was wrong to post that comment.
At any rate, as eclipse has said, the authors are probably better than they seem.
I imagine, also, that writers have gotten better since the last time I checked.
And, after all, I am no professional linguist – just a voracious reader.
I join you in requesting the post be taken down, and I apologize to all the writers out there – I definitely painted with too broad a brush.
As part of my teshuva, I hereby renounce my membership, and will bli neder refrain from posting ever again.
As it says – syag lchachmah….shetikah