☕ DaasYochid ☕

Gateways, in all fairness.

What have they done?

AZ,

RC: go for it, and your suggested method of implementation is……

Rc pointed out that (s)he feels it can’t be implemented when (s)he said, “here is [my solution] although i know it cant be implemented”.

DaasYochid

True we all paskin for ourselves but if we know Halacha then we arent paskening, we are keeping halacha. You need a psak when you are in doubt. Of course if one doesnt know much Halacha its very hard to even know what is a shaila.

You’re right. The term pasken implies that there’s a shailah, in which case unless one is himself very proficient in the pertinent halachos, a posek needs to be consulted.

I retract my previous post.

Apy,

You’re implying that the public perception of our rabbonim and R”Y is that they are hypocritical and are suggesting a solution for the masses which they would never follow themselves or suggest for loved ones. I hope you’re wrong, and that the general public’s trust has not been so horribly eroded.

Happym19, crazybrit was assuming that your screen name was based on your age, and that you wanted to change it because you had a birthday.

In case you want a new screen name, you can simply open a new account with a different email address. As long as you don’t use both to appear as two different posters, the mods should be fine with it (although you never know if one mod wasn’t paying attention when this rule was taught in mod school 😉 ).

“Health –

I like to Pasken for myself when I can. But you have to try to take out any Negious.”

WIY –

Health

You gotta be kidding me. Please tell me you are joking?!

WIY, we all pasken for ourselves. The more one knows, the fewer shailos need to be asked of a “posek”. Negius comes in not only in deciding what is assur or muttar, but also in deciding what needs to be asked.

Rc,

Boys need to come home earlier from israel.

Mathematically, that should help.

RYs need to own up to this crisis by imposing takanos

You were right that takanos are difficult to implement. There’s enough negativity towards programs that are purely voluntary; imagine the backlash if R”Y tried to impose their will by force!

that mothers of boys respond in a reasonable amount of time.

If the lack of timely response is causing the boys to put their dating on hold, then you’re right to associate it with the disparity in numbers. If, however, there is no immediate answer because the boy is already busy with someone else, I don’t see what there is to do about it – there’s no point in a boy (or his mother) giving a definite “no” if there is a possibility that at some point he’ll want to meet her.

There is a way to close the gap that the R”Y of some yeshivos could implement – the post E.Y. yeshivos could limit acceptance to bochurim under a certain age, which would “force” them to return from E.Y. sooner. This is actually implementable, but many factors would have to go into such a decision.

(and really, it is not by choice, much of the time – they are sometimes pushed into it before they are ready)

Well, that’s not Hashem’s doing, it’s the doing of those pushing them to get married before they’re ready – also human bechirah.

If you’re right that girls are being pushed into getting married before they’re ready, then advocating shidduchim with “older girls”

would be beneficial anyhow.

Soliek,

On a different thread, AZ posted the following (referring to the current NASI program):

This program is endorsed by the following Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva

Rav Moshe Brown Shlita (Far Rockaway)

Rav Kalman Epstein Shlita (Queens)

Rav Yaakov Forcheimer Shlita (Lakewood)

Rav Shmuel Fuerst Shlita (Chicago)

Rav Moshe Mordechai Lowi Shlita (Toronto)

Rav Yaakov Neuberger Shlita (Teaneck)

Rav Shlomo Feivel Schustal Shlita (Brooklyn)

Rav Dovid Weinberger Shlita (Lawrence)

Rav Herschel Welcher Shlita (Queens)

pba – The poster is less than an hour old.

Yes, but this is a personal question and a regular poster might want to separate it from her regular screen name.

Now, had the poster asked, “I’ve always wanted to marry a learning boy, and I am going out with someone who seems to be a baal midos, I hear he’s a big masmid, and he has a wonderful personality, but someone told me that when he was learning in E.Y. he didn’t ibber meiser and took a cigarette once a month. Should I marry him?”, I would say (s)he’s definitely a troll.

DY is a troll

Rav Moshe still only meant it as a Chumra, I think.

It seems to me that he considered it assur, but not necessarily because of amira l’akum, rather, because of zilzul Shabbos.

Just curious what the Rabbonim who endorsed this program suggest and approve these girls do?

Probably the same they are recommending for the already plentiful group of unmarried 20-22 year old females.

Yitayningwut,

Try this:

Exactly like cholov hacompany.

You mean chalav akum. There’s no such thing as cholov hacompany anymore because the government no longer inspects the dairies for which species the milk comes from.

Popcorn,

That’s an unusual scenario, because one can still light after the z’man on Yom Tov, from an existing light.

Apy,

Do you think anyone has better priorities than we do?

If one ever forgets to light {and not for the reasons that you “adorable” state that happened in your circumstances} and does have to light an extra candle, this only continues until the following Yom Kippur inclusive.

Not according to the Shulchan Aruch (263-1).

http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14171&st=&pgnum=72&hilite=

R-b,

That SG meant nothing teefer than what you knew he meant.

SG,

Actually, I meant the “pshuto shel mikra” as under stood by the “mavinim”, which, I guess, is not actually the pshuto shel mikra.

Health,

Would you like me to go through the posts of yours, before the milchama line, in which you could have been more respectful?

snjn:

The point that I was trying to make originally was the reason the chassidim don’t have a shidduch crises can be for many reasons and not necessarily only the younger age the boys marry. They look for a shidduch wish such a different attitude. Poor girls don’t get left behind, neither to fat girls. That’s what I was trying to say.

Choosiness would explain why there are many singles remaining; it wouldn’t explain why there’s an imbalance; a much higher percentage of girls than boys. If there were an equal number of boys as girls, for every poor or overweight girl who was left behind, there would be an unmarried boy.

Apparently, “ein mikra yotzi midei p’shuto” applies here as well.

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/iced-coffee-or-iced-tea#post-344775

Medium Size Shadchan,

Giving approval to a specific project is, in fact, encouraging people to join it, at least under certain circumstances. If under the same circumstances, these rabbonim and R”Y wouldn’t join, as you imply, it would be hypocritical.

AZ:

Dear Moderator: I’m told…

That probably wasn’t a moderator. Anybody can write in bold.

I referred to the study finding how many girls were still unmarried. Since you did not study the boys, all you have is the conjecture- but no study. I don’t see how you can disagree with that.

Sorry, I thought you were referring to a study which demonstrated that there were more younger girls than older girls. But since you agree that that’s true, and that we start with the “pool” containing more girls than boys, the assumption would be that it remains that way unless either more girls leave the pool, or more boys join it. Again, it seems the opposite.

So you concede that more boys are leaving the pool than girls? So that means that there are also more girls because boys are leaving the pool? So then even if we solve the age gap, there will still be more boys than girls?

Very likely. That doesn’t in any way obviate the need to close the gap. L’moshol, if a family needed to spend $50,000 anually on living expenses but was only earning $48,000, we wouldn’t suggest that they give up a side job with an income of $5,000 (part of the $48k) since they’re anyhow not making ends meet.

Had the reverse been true, and there were more girls leaving the pool and/or more boys leaving, then age gap might counterbalance that and we could keep it. That, I believe, is not the case, however.

Pba,

You acknowledge that (1) there are more 9th graders than 12th graders.

I assume (correct me if I’m wrong) that you would extend that to say that (2) there are fewer 12th grade boys than there are 9th grade girls, and that you would also agree that (3) the tendency is for the 12th grade buys to marry the 9th grade girls (eventually).

You started this thread assuming two flaws in the application of these facts to the shidduch crises. The first, if point (2) is conceded, would have to be retracted altogether. The second would only be true if it were reasonable to assume that there are more girls leaving the conventional shidduch pool than boys. Anecdotal evidence suggests the opposite, and it’s a waste of time, money, and energy to try to prove the obvious with a controlled study.