Forum Replies Created
August 28, 2017 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm in reply to: Chareidi Extremists Protest On Shabbos Outside Home Of Store Owner…’ opinions? #1349716
It is not up to the phone dealer to install filters prior to selling a device to yidden….given the vast diversity of opinions among rabbonim about smartphones and their use, its up to each individual to follow the guidance of their local rav/posek in terms of what level of filtering (if any) they should install. If these idiots who demonstrate at the home of this dealer don’t want to use any smarphone, thats their deicsion but its not their right to impose their views on others.August 28, 2017 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm in reply to: Additional Societal Casualties Of The Shidduch Crisis #1349700
A number of frum sociologists and demographers have attempted to peform studies that compare divorce rates across various segments of the jewish community (aka chareidi vs. MO etc)…the only thing they agree upon is that there is no reliable data upon which to perform such studies….thus, these anecodotal “expert” conclusions will continue….i
It is comical that in the 21st century, t is predominantly men who are postulating on what is good for women’s spiritual, physical and economic well being. Clearly, looking around at the state of affairs in many areas of the tzibur, they have been doing a great job. Perhaps wake up and realize that a young woman is no more susceptible to the yetzer horah than a man ( and biologically probably less so). As one of the other posters noted, a young woman with strong hashkafah and upbriinging can find many opportunities for pursuing her edcuation and career without compromising her yiddeshkeit, If she chooses to delay starting a family for several years, thats probably a net positive for the future success of that family since she will be able to contribute to their economic and educational well being.
There are so many young frum women today who successfully have navigated marriage, family and careers that its hard to know where to begin to respond to your somewhat backward looking philosophy. Women should not be criticized for choosing a career path involving a graduate degree beyond college any more than those who simply choose to get married w/o any higher education or career skills. However, too much emphasis is placed on rushing to finding a husband have babies and making girls who haven’t married by their early 20s feel like damaged goods.
Several posters’ (in this thread and others) voiced variations of Joe’s theme that “going to college somehow reduces a girl’s ruchniyos outlook on life…”. Not sure how to respond to such a misogynistic allegation other than to note that bochurim are equally (if not more) susceptible to “worldly” influences once they step outside the narrow yeshiva/kollel world they have evolved from….in fact, girls attending college to be able to assure a parnassah for themselves and a prospective choson probably have greater maturity and more discipline to focus on what they are there for (i.e. obtaining job skills) and less on the more secular, mundane or social aspects of college life that Joe worries will adversely affect her ruchnioyosAugust 27, 2017 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1348060
And what is the shiduch analogy to drilling multiple holes until you find the stud in your closet?August 27, 2017 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm in reply to: Chareidi Extremists Protest On Shabbos Outside Home Of Store Owner…’ opinions? #1348058
Given that there is a wide spectrum of views among rabbonim on the use of smartphones and PDAs with various filtering apps installed, there can be no singular “daas torah” as some of the above postings have suggested with respect to the sale of these devices. Yes, there is a legal right for these zealots to demonstrate on the public right of way but most normal yidden would strongly object to such a protest at the merchant’s home on Shabbos. Just because something is legal under civil law does not make it “right”.
People keep saying that a stand-alone Statute doesn’t provide “context” for understanding the full set of issues surrounding the individual and why he is being memorialized in stone or bronze….if that is the standard we use, than probably 90 percent of these statutes need to be removed or relocated to a museum where such context is feasible. Alternatively, one can think about something like the Vietnam memorial or new 9/11 memorial in D.C and NYC….the “place” alone seems to provide sufficient context without triggering all the emotions about the underlying historical debate over the underlying event being memorialized.
Hatzola members are trained extensively on how/when to intervene in domestic abuse situations, including when to summon police or other first responders…I don’t think it is possible to generalize since each event will be very fact driven and they will need to rely upon their judgment as to the appropriate action. As someone else noted above, those decisions have to get made in real time and don’t always provide the opportunity to call “time-out” and consult with experts.
Azoy….Thanks for corrected my misguided thinking…..we should be concerned more about the possible abuser if he is frum yid, than the victim, irrespective of whether the victim is a frum yid or a goy…..sounds totally reasonable???
Perhaps you should read and familiarize yourself with the thread and who posted what before hurling sarcasm.
Just one question to all those who have posted above….would your answer to the original question have been different if the neighbor were not frum…..perhaps MO, reform or even a goy? For those of us whose view is that one should always err on the side of caution and summon first responders when one had reason to believe it was a case of possible physical abuse, the identify of the possible abuser (or the abused) shouldn’t make any difference whatsoever. Our obligations to protect another person are not a function of their hashkafah.
These kind of practices are an arcane holdover from prior generations….not just within the frum community but even in the secular world. Millenials today (frum or otherwise) have few if any inhibitions about discussing health-related matters openly and frankly. That kind of transparency is a real positive as Yankele noted for awareness and the mental and emotional health of those who sadly may be suffering in silence. Hopefully, the old “ayin horah” meshugaas in this context will simply go away.
While its a fun idea for a thread, not every minhag has any rational basis….how many times do we here that we do it because, “thats the way it was done in the alte heim”…maybe 200 hundred years from now people will say simply that the inyan for some practice is because thats the way it the experts in the YWN CR said it should be doneAugust 23, 2017 3:21 pm at 3:21 pm in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1346307
A racehorse shadchan (aka “studfinder”) works almost entirely from computer based predictive models built around the pedigrees of the horse going back several generations to the alte heim (aka Kentucky)….they don’t do trial dates or need much if any personal interaction with their clients…August 23, 2017 11:18 am at 11:18 am in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1345648
Thanks Winnie….very cogent and thoughtful analysis. However, your takeaway is the key point…today and going forward, more focus should be on the individual and less on the family’s pedigree….it may be relevant for purchasing a racehorse but less for a prospective spouse
The USITC has been debating this issue for years with very consistent outcomes. As distinct from the Department of Commerce, they are very apolitical and call balls and strikes based on objective metrics of injury to U.S. producers.August 22, 2017 11:21 pm at 11:21 pm in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1345417
What ever happend to the quaint notion of judging a baas yisroel by her own knowledge of daas torah, her own midos and her own attributes rather than focusing on her father, her brothers, or her machatunim? It seems every other week there is another thread on some variation of this theme of shidduchim driven by the yichus of the choson or kallah rather than focusing on the individuals and their own merits.August 22, 2017 11:21 pm at 11:21 pm in reply to: Here we go again with alleged theft of public funds #1345419
Again, the issue is as much an inyan of perception versus reality. For reasons most understand, the public and media seem to exploit a hundreds of year old Shylock stereotype of yidden as more prone to commit crimes invovling fraud, theft, tax evasion etc. (aka “they are all ganavim”..) Each episode of a yid in chassidish or yeshivish lvush being dragged off to jail only reinforces that stereotype nothwithstanding the fact the the real number of such instantces of proven fraud are small. i
Is there some special quality to the Litvish yeshivos in Lakewood that attracts frum families from outside the NJ area or is it like all the car dealerships clustering in the same are of a busy highway in terms of yidden simply wanting to reside where there is already a flourishing frum community? For many of these families, living in a diverse community is a negative rather than positive….another question is what this means for the long-term economic and employment growth in Lakewood. Will these new residents, in turn, help generate new jobs and expand the community tax base?August 20, 2017 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm in reply to: Here we go again with alleged theft of public funds #1343226
Ninty eight percent plus of frum rabbonim and askanim invovled in yiddeshe mosdos are honest, hard-working and true baalei chesed and follow the rules and regulations….sadly, the 2 or 3 percent who bend the rules for their own greed and enrichment and try to rationalize their vile behavior as having noble intententions or otherwise legitimize their behavior under halacha (aka “its ok to steal from the goyishe government”) have created a stereotype that feeds the anti-semitic naarative that all yidden are ganovimAugust 20, 2017 3:26 pm at 3:26 pm in reply to: Best Minyan for a modern orthodox jew in Lakewood Jackson Brick area?? #1343115
If the minhag in the alte heim when entering the court of a king was to REMOVE your hat or head covering, why is the mesorah to wear a hat when davening to show respect for hashem, melech malchei ha’malachim???August 18, 2017 12:52 am at 12:52 am in reply to: The RCA Are Outta Control, And Do NOT Speak For Me #1341606
There were Yekeshe appologists for Hitler, Y’S, literally up to the 11th hour…..I can imagine a resident troll on some frum webite in the late 1930s (yes, I know Al Gore had not yet invented the internet) telling his coffee room chevrah that the Communists were a much greater threat.
Yiddish is a dying language and its not clear that anyone here has provided any reasons to extending its life one more day than necessary. Between English and Hebrew, or the lantive lanuage of whatever country they live in, Yidden do not need any other lashon. The time spent learning yiddish could be much more usefully spent in limudei torah.
To Apushetayid: Much better to have that hybrid English than to have some native Isreaeli mumble “yashar, yashar” in response to your request for directions.
After 7 months of this self-absorbed moron in the WH, the fact that there are still more than a few yidden defending the Trumpkopf in Chief is beyond belief. While Ivanka unfortunately cannot disown her father, the fact that the Yidden in the cabinet ( especially Mnuchin and Cohen) have not spoken out is tragic. About an hour or two ago, the head of the Veterans Adminisration, Dr. David Shulkin broke the silence and forcefully repudiated Trump’s remarks. Hopefully , he will follow up with a resignaiton.
Its all a matter of what family tree impresses who…beyond the first generation, there is unlikely to be much direct impact on a descendant. I’m sure for purposes of shadchanus among a small percentage of the tzaibur, being able to claim yichus to EITHER the Chasam Sofer or R’ Eiger would be a net positive but even then, most frum young men and women today are much more concerned about the attributes and midos of the prospective chasan/kalah than who their grandfather or great-grandfather may have been.
This is a really slippery slope, especially in the workplace and has lots of risks. Better to simply smile and say “boker tov” or “what a lovely day”
Shakoyach on a concise and very accurate set of responses to a lot of questions….your points on the preferences of the baal koreh are espeically appreciated since too many receiving an alyiah inadvertently end up making the reader either lose his place or c’v damage the sefer. The inyan of a “shenadar” is also problematic and more shuls are correctly moving away from this custom of a “standard price” for an aliyah and simply leaving it up to the person receiving a kavod to make the offer. As to lengthy lists of those mentioned in the mi sheberach, its rare these days in most shuls to go beyond the immediate family (wife, kids and sometimes parents) but when it happens, it always seems to be on the shabbos with the longest parashas and the person with the aliyah seems to have memory issues with the in-laws name etc.August 11, 2017 2:15 pm at 2:15 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1337613
However, their (men’s) lack of tzniyus does not have a deleterious effect on others. That’s not sexist, it’s just nature.
I would respectfully disagree that the lack of tzinius by men if they act inappropriately or if their l’vush draws attention to themselves, DOES have a deleterious effect on others, aside from the obvious inyan of kavod for a talmid chacham etc. I suspect your view of “nature” in one-directional
The key variable here that is not being commonly accepted across all threads is how much information the rav who is providing the guidance actually has….in some postings, the supposition is that the Rav is well informed, has a personal knowledge of the individuals involved through some prior interactions etc…in other postings, the underlying assumption is that one must always follow the guidance of a Rav even though the immediate and real time facts/sounds may imply otherwise…there has to be some degree of common sense applied to each situation. There is no general rule of applicability that works in every such situation. Presumably,, if the Rav is not familiar with the individuals and the risks involved, he will instruct you to seek intervention by shomrim, if possible, or whatever first responders he believes will work best to mitigate any risks of harm to anyone with an awareness of the complications that could result from a “false alarm”August 11, 2017 11:36 am at 11:36 am in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1337495
Just to beat a dead horse, within the confines of the issur of t’sar baalei chayim , I’ll return to the theme of how often men show up at simchas and civil functions dressed in ill-fitting, frumpy, torn and sometimes dirty/smelly clothes but I don’t hear the cries of “tzinius” that seem to arise almost constantly if c’v a woman’s hem is 7 mm above her knee or if a portion of the arm above the wrist is showing on a very warm day…..you can try and rationalize it by saying its a totally different inyan of “kavod” for the occasion or venue but that’s simply a rationalization…..either be consistent or learn to surpress your sexist view of Tzinius….
At some point, you need to rely upon your own gut rather than punting each time because some rav keeps telling you that “he has everything under control”. If c’v something happens, you will never be able to forgive yourself for not intervening….if the yelling or screams continue, call 911 and sleep well.
We don’t rely on our own gut instead of listening to a rav.August 11, 2017 12:46 am at 12:46 am in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1337313
“Scooping bagels” is per se assur, assuming one knows what you mean by “scooping bagels”…..
Bottom line is that if there is even a small risk of possible abuse or harm, than there is an absolute obligaiton under daas torah for some intervention…the form of that intervention is really a matter of judgement and several posters above have offered very helpful optoins (e.g. having shomrim respond first if in a neighborhood where they are active etc.) short of calling the police. However, if police are the only optoin, we are not permitted to stand by if c’v, someone may being and we could have taken action to prevent that harm. I’m not sure if any competent rav would really advise to do nothing unless the facts described really sounded like an otherwise normal but vocal couple who simply never learned to communicate in quiet and respectful terms. I know couples who seem to yell at each other for trivial day to day matters….its discomforting, but they’ve been married for 20+ years and never physically hurt one another.August 10, 2017 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1337056
Again, not walking back a factual statement….many young fum bochurim have difficulties on gender issues when first starting work that are unique to frum kids starting out in an unfamiliar environment…..no one said that they are the predominant source of workplace issues just that they have their own specific issues…of course, the largest percentage of complaints to HR would come from “public school” kids since they probably constitute the vast percentage of new hires…their issues are generally different depending on their backgrounds, locality and family upbringing…your experience is your experience…August 10, 2017 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1336849
Curiosity……sorry but I respectfully disagree and there was no disparagement….I’ve had numerous experiences where frum bochurim who had recently entered the workforce seemed awkward in their social interactions with female work colleagues….its not just handshakes and simple stuff like that….its not a stereotype since the same or other types of awkwardness afflict other groups….for those who have spent much of their lives in a narrow environment with very little interaction with girls/women outside of their immediate family and/or those of other faiths (or even non-frum yidden), there will always be a transitional period where some cultural biases and misunderstandings will arise. Over the longer term, its not an issue as we know from the very large numbers of successful frum individuals in American business. Remember that this discussion evolved from the original point of avoiding comments or inappropriate “looks” regarding the weight or dress of a woman in the workplace….its all part of a normal and gradual process of familiarization , not some dark stereotypes…
For a more nuanced and Talmudic answer, consult Rav (Captain) Yitzchak Elson who recently retired as the Senior Chaplain of the Marine Corps after nearly 36 years of active duty. He held Shabbos services (albeit w/o Kiddush club) during operation Desert Storm and a full seder in newly liberated Baghdad…his email contacts are readily found via a google search….Rav Elson has semicha from YU and has published many meforshim, including perhaps one on the provenance of the term “Marines”August 10, 2017 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1335885
One of the first things we teach young men entering the workforce, especially those whose social skills are limited based on not having grown up in gender-mixed school system and living in a heimeshe community, is that you NEVER comment on the looks or appearance of another co-worker, even if the comment is meant as a compliment. Aside from the fact that there are many frivolous lawsuits brought based on totally innocent comments, the workplace policies and guidelines of many employers discourage such comments. Even at home, its best to avoid such commentary since its so easy to frame the comments in a way that is misunderstood or makes the recipient feel uncomfortable.August 9, 2017 10:47 pm at 10:47 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1335468
Have you ever been to a Chasideshe simcha of one of the “fringe” chassidus where everyone is wearing all Black except that the Rav or one of his gabboim are wearing a white, gold or striped Bekeshe and his Shtreimlach is mad from a totally different fur than those of the others? Do we say these Rabbonim have a “Tzinius problem” by deliberately drawing attention to themselves??August 9, 2017 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1335296
“Modern society views a woman’s weight as almost the single determining factor of her value as a person”…..
Perhaps you live in an alternative society…..yes, weight and looks are frequently a factor in how women are viewed… but “the single most important”…not where I live and sorry things have gotten so bad in your misogynistic neighborhood. The quality of her chulent and the sechel of her husband are considerably more important among members of my tziburAugust 9, 2017 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm in reply to: Tight-fitting clothing and tznius – the elephant in the room #1335275
Just a reminder that the inyan of tzinius is relevant for BOTH men and women although 99% of the focus seems to be just on women….How we act, how we talk and how we treat others are all a part of tzinius which doesn’t mean to be “modest” so much as to act with propriety and dignity..men are obligated to avoid dress or behavior that attracts inappropriate attention to them or otherwise would lead to inappropriate thoughts and visuals among members of both genders they encounter.
Chazal bring down that tzinius applies to men’s clothing along with women’s lvush…e.g.
•In Yoma (35b), Rav Elazar’s chevrah would not permit him to wear a finely-woven bekishe because it was too sheer and his form was visible through the translucent material;
•In Shabbos (114a), clothes are referred to as, ” the things that honor a person” and chazal bring down that it’s considered shameful for a talmid chacham to wear stained or patched clothing, as such are beneath his dignity (Note: by that standard the lvush worn by kolel yungerleit in many kollels is a massive “tzinius” issue). Likewise a neatly kept beard is fine but its not meant to look like a habitat for endangered species…
•Also iinShabbos, (113a), we are told that it is unseemly for a person to be overly concerned with fashion, except in the case of special lvush for Shabbos when such a fashion sense is an appropriate way of showing kavod for Shabbos kodesh
Bottom line: (as the Dems would say) Stop the war on women (at least in relation to clothing and hairstyles)
There are a variety of new soy-based proteins that look and taste nearly exactly like real meat but w/o all the fat and cholesterol that are sadly major factors in the obesity and cardiac issues afflicting many in the frum tzibur. I you only eat chulent on rare occasions (e.g. visiting family or friends in those areas where chulent is still popular), than its no big deal to eat the “real thing” once in a while. However, if your family minhag is to have some form of chulent every Shabbos/yom tov, than think seriously about the alternative in the context of “u’shamarem es nafshosechem”….There are peer-reviewed studies showing that regular ingestion of fatty, salty chulent will take years off your life
To a pushatayi yid…..
The art of generalization is to avoid statements which subsume facts not widely agreed upon and to create a generic stereotype wherein the exceptions swallow the rule of general applicability. Does that make sense??
Its difficult to generalize but Chassideshe hashgachos are generally considered the “gold standard” of kashruth and are usually also subject to much more scrutiny and challenge by their clientele than the national commercial lines; Just because a hashgacha is labled “chassidish” does not always mean it is governed by a Chassidic Rav; Because of its premium reputation, the term has been distorted on occasion, to includes a big part of Litvish world. Overall its a general term for hashgachos that impose more strict standards, churahs and gedarim but it obviously is the quality of .their mashgichim, shochtim, etc. are yirai shamayim, talmedei chachamim and have very extensive training in all technical matters of kashruth. Most of the larger chassideshe hashgachos require frequent “continuing education” and offer on-site and centralized programs to assure that their mashgichim etc. are updated on all the newest information. Of course, there are also some other hashgachos (e.g. Eidah in EY) but those who are machmir on kashruth more often than not prefer a chassideshe hashgacha. Most of the larger chassidus have their own hashgachos which may vary slightly in certain areas of focus but not in their overall adherence to the highest quality standards. Some of the smaller “boutique” Chassideshe hashgachos may team with larger national lines and overlay their own standards on certain issues (e.g. chalav yisroel, etc). No one ever went wrong with reliance on a top of the line Chassideshe hashgacha.
There is no objective standard by which one can judge a “good yeshiva”….just like hashgacha, where many consider only chassideshe hashgachos as “good enough” for someone who is machmir on kashrus, the are also some good litvish hashgachos. The “greatness” of a yeshiva is defined by its rabbonim and yungerleit…not by some artificial label of the affiliations of those rabbonim…August 7, 2017 2:15 pm at 2:15 pm in reply to: Kensington, Brooklyn, NYC versus Kensington, London #1333666
To Avram in MD
Perhaps you should wake up and smell the Chulent….there has been a slow migration of frum families west from the silver spring/wheaton areas over towards Connecticut/Knowles/Howard Avenues in the past several years…most importantly, there has been a regular minyan meeting in one of the small buildings off Antique Row on Howard Avenue since February…..
Not sure what level your game is at? If you are a scratch golfer and looking for a challenging course with narrow fairways, etc. than the Enegineers Country Club in Roslyn would be a good choice….its clearly a Jewish Club and can arrange for kosher meals. The Great Bay Club a bit further out on the island is more of a resort style course with wider fairways and less challenging greens.August 2, 2017 8:45 pm at 8:45 pm in reply to: What Happened With Ezras Nashim In Boro Park On Monday Night? #1331152
After reading 150+ postings on this issue, I still come down on the side of those who believe that there are no legitimate reasons under Halacha or practicality that women cannot function as first responders other then gender bias or simple ignorance. Nationally, nearly half of new hires by the nation’s leading first responder paramedic and medical response teams are women. With proper training, women can do the job as well or better than men. I’m not talking about those responsible for rescuing vicitims from a crushed car or carrying the victim down three flights of stairs….just those providing emergency medical care.
My comment was written from a real world perspective….right now, EY is “all about” protecting the lives of its citizens ….this is NOT an issue of hishtadlus and bitachon….this is about dealing with an Amalek that is coming after us and we must respond with a force and might that doesn’t have the luxury of time outs for debate over the nuances of Halacha. This is pikuach nefesh, not some abstract existential threat analysis.
After Friday’s terrorist attack, all this nareshkeit about a “haalachic army” seems both absurd and irrelevant. An army for EY has only ONE purpose…to kill our enemies and keep us from being killed….the army will do WHATEVER it takes to get this done w/o worrying about the hashgacha in the mess hall, taking time out of battle for davening or worrying about “kol isha” if a woman chayal sings to herself in the foxhole….I understand that some of the threads are meant to be intellectually challenging or humorous but somehow, this one seems neither in the context of recent events.
The Trumpkopf-in-Chief contradicts himself mid-sentence and claims he never said what we just heard him say. He tweets claims even his own staff ridicule off camera. His talking head surrogates on TV try to excuse his apparent detachment from reality with claims that he is “not a typical politicians”, “is talking in allegorical terms”, speaks in codewords that only other Trumpkopfs can understand, etc. In short, when the President makes CNN look like the paradigm of accuracy and consistency, we should look out on Eastern Parkway and see if the ususal suspects running up and down the street with yellow flags, are instead riding down the median strip on a white donkey (or elephant to avoid partisanship).