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Everyone is intelligent!!!
Really!!!
Anyone that is looking for a Zero Is the Zero ….
My logic :
Any guesses
I think to reject is hard… What i mean to say is… that sometimes the question of “maybe i am making a mistake?” Will arise…. But all is minhashamayim… you do hishtadlus to the best of ones ability to make correct chioces hopefully… i hope im not wrong but i believe if through the process you speak to a rav … if its ment to be … it will come around …
no… bh it was not like that at all… just sometimes when one person says no… the result is a grudge… Dating is personal but trash talking isnt the best approach…. I really wish the best for the other person… Side note after a person says no sometimes not always their is trash talking which leads to conversations with family … “riping that guy/girl because.gets people involved with a confrontational behavior which is never good.. its not the best response… too many ppl get involved resulting in messy situation…. Dating is personal so ppl do get hurt its really sad but it happens….
The person knows who i am talking too… I would rather not specify…
But i am not ref to you… no worries
Once again i am sorry if you were hurt but venting on website…. may make you feel better now but more so…you may feel better finding out why by asking the guy why he said no… at the very least you deserve to know why that happened….
Gmar Chasema Tova
Hi
as a guy who possibly dated you… i am sorry that you feel bad… Although you may feel that the guy had cold feet while in some cases that could be true but if you are who i think you are… then sadly you were misinformed….
Wish you hatzlocha………
sorry about that…
So manny times i hear how someone didnt act in a proper manner….whoever that other person party is … We really need to think about our actions in regard shidduchim… i have had the ZECHUS of being a sheliach to make a bh blh few shidduchem….. It appears that there is a lot of feelings of hurt in regard to this topic… We are zelem elokim we have to act accordingly…
NISHT A SHIDDUCH CRISIS RATHER ITS A BITACHOM AND MIDDOS CRISIS!!!
no more all-caps please
ASK A RAV….?
As i guy i feel this conversation is one sided…..
First you need to be honest with yourself… Normally their is a huge rush of excitment that may blind you or encourage you… Like eclipse said “mind and heart” with someone to hear what is on your mind and heart and give advice…. However the person you speak to should be someone that knows you well or is very well versed in the parsha….
I am not saying forget betachon i am saying everyone has a responsibility to pay for things… i have so many friends going to college after learning in kollel…. HAkol beyday shamayim chuts meyiras shamayim…
And the best part about this vent is that i am an older single giving this advice …so i have seen may married friends through their struggles…. i hope to see less pain…i hope to see less of yidden without a means to pay for bills. since its not possible to figure out who i am… let me tell you i have helped many yidden through their struggles i have seen much pain when a husband and wife have no one to turn to for help wheither to get a job or other help… and i tell you its all min hashamayim but you gotta do your histadlus…. i am sorry if i offend or have stated inaccurate info…
may we share have only simchas gezunt and much hatzlacha….
Also, there are so many amazing working guys… Their middos dedication and THAT should not be taken for granted….
I know guys who learn and work… And people tell them that their not shtarch!!! The truth is they are very shtarch… any one that works and learns should be treated With dignity and respect… NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR profession but rather their unique sacrifice of not being able to learn the entire day….
I am not one to talk… since i am just one person…. But i have respect for everyone The kollel guy and the working guy … Each according to their individual story… i was on a date and the main focus was parnassah… not once was middos spoken about on the date the girl said wow your parnassah after school… WOW you could make alot of money…. I am anit college…yet i did go to college… I would rather just learn all day and night…. But there are sad realities i cant learn and say nothing else matters because when you get married EVERYTHING MATTERS… Responsibilities are present and thats life get a job…
Sorry for my vent i hope it made sense ….
To whom it may concern…. I learn in yeshiva, go to college, am going for smicha at the same time…. I believe that everyone has rights… The guy who wants to learn who is a mentch gam zu litova!!!The guy who works gam zu litova….
The point is not to bash but to become cognizant that everyone boy/girl needs to have a strond foundation to build a house (its called hishtadlus) you lean in yeshiva and kollel with a goal in mind.and/OR you go to college to get a profession.. Many times over the years i dated people who ask about my profession over my middos AND That is very scary…. The truth is If you have decent middos, balanced, and have a common sense…. You could be ok…. The problems is we have forgotten whats important… You need torah and you need parnassa…. You need common sense to pay bills…(ie.. hishtadlus….)
Health is an important topic to be aware of in regard to a shidduch…However, the definition of being healthy is very much misunderstood (I hope) a skeleton is NOT healthy for many medical reasons… Weak bones in relationship to falls can lead to serious injury…. could lead to heart problems… Basically, an average healthy person may eat, exercise, and be healthy….
About a farher….
Would you be mad and walk out or would you step up to the challenge? I heard a story where a very chasheveh yid traveled from town to town trying to find a shidduch for his daughter… He would ask a complex question with the goal of if “you answer the question you get to marry his daughter.”… Well after his travels no one was able to answer the question… As he left the last yeshiva a bachor ran after him and asked so what was the answer to the question… This chasheveh yid said this guy should marry his daughter…..So sometimes its not the question or farher that matters… Rather your reaction to the farher….
just a thought….
As a person that puts seforim away after use of seforim and as a person that puts away all the seforim left out on the tables, shtenders, and the like… People Do sometimes forget.I would rather be dan lekav Zechus on everyone… Although i must say i can spend hours putting away seforim left out by other people… Just a friendly reminder no one is perfect….
Since everyone wants to live in Flatbush…..
Why not a get a parnasah and at least you can learn in yeshiva without any worries.. you have something that you can use… I know many people that got degrees and are in yeshiva/Kollel….
Isnt it possible to go to yeshiva and college at the same time? say touro or something like that?
Is a BTL the same as First Rabbinic Degree (FRD)?
Middos Must override money…
You can always go to college to make more money… You cant buy middos… Its something that is in a person that you spend a lifetime perfecting… Therefore although jokes about middos, money, and looks are sadly closer to the truth it is important to see truth and have a clear understatnding about right and wrong al pe das torah… The boy can go to school… The girl can go to school… The goal is to build a BNB with proper siatha dishmayah may we all be zoche to make it happen….
So does anyone think i am wrong?
I believe some topics require a certain “careful approach”
Since it is a very serious topic that if you dont discuss all the variables properly to inform, educate, and help people see the truth in a proper way… People will get upset… The best idea would be to ask Das Torah what is the proper way to explain and discuss this very serious and important topic.. Then realize that…we may not be qualified to explain it properly without true guidance of DAS TORAH…
With respect to all on this forum…
To be honest as single this topic is very scary…. specifically if you are a single person looking to get married…. Is there any way to see (“dating wise” what personality or type to avoid…
With respect to you all…
Shidduchem is really yad hashem…
Have you ever meet a person that no matter what they do things go wrong…
There was a shidduch where the guy tried to open the door and the door slipped out of his hands, later on the date he spilled water all over…. Well the girl also seemed to do stuff like that… Her heels got stuck in a grating, her contact came out…. Well the end of the story is Its really yad hashem…
ITs funny how people have different POV of a situation….
I heard a story about a boy and girl on a date…The boy offered to open the car door girl said she can take care of herself… Later in the date the girl said something that i am sure the guy misunderstood. throughout the date there was a lot of confusion … When Both sides called the shadchan they BOTH SAID “Well the date was one long mistake…” Thats what they said…..Well… Three years later they went out again and got married… So the lesson that cat be learned….