Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Dr. Pepper, thanks for that wonderful testament to the power of showing someone you believe in him. This is a great story to ehar just before Tish B’Av. Ahavas Chinam – that’s what we need more of.
“oommis-I don’t understand why you are so against my teacher. All she did was mention that college, support…is not e/t in life for everyone. For every person different measures work best. For her, she is able to support her family while her husband learns. Good for her. She is NOT encouraging us to do the same, she is just showing that Baruch Hashem, it works for her nicely and no, she is not one of the paupers in town. There is no set rule for everyone. If it works for you kol hakovod, and if it doesn’t kol hakavod too. “
I think you missed my point. I am not against your teacher, I am sure she is a lovely young woman. She is also extremely idealistic, and paints an unrealistically rosy picture for all of her students, EVEN if her lifestyle works for her.
When someone you look up to tells you how amazing her life is, you want to emulate her in every way. That means that person has a responsibility to say, “this works for me, but you may have a very different experience.” Otherwise you risk being so disenchanted when possibly your own experience does not work out as hers did, and developing very negative feelings. You have to hear and examine BOTH sides of the story, before deciding this is for you, no questions asked.
Blinky, I believe it IS wrong for someone’s teacher (whom that person admires and looks up to as a real role model) to subtly encourage a student to think that life is all rosy in a lifestyle that for most people is financially challenging. If what you posted was accurate, then IMO, your teacher did you a disservice by planting an unrealistic idea in the minds of her students, who look at what she says as almost kodesh kodoshim.
People who have influence over us, also have a very real achrayus not to present a one-sided view of such an issue. Kollel life is very hard for someone who does not have a financial support group. Anyone who asserts otherwise and says, “somehow the money is always there), is either being supported without their knowledge, or really blind to reality. Money is either there or it is not. Hashem does not usually send it in an anonymous envelope to us each month. And I know plenty of ehrliche kollel families whose own parents struggle mightily to meet their own expenses each month, who are NOT making ends meet and have to go for all kinds of handouts fromt he community, which is very embarrassing for them AND their families. AND still their husbands are not working. That’s just wrong. Hashem did not tell us to sit and learn while no bread is on the table. LEarning can be done every single day WHILE working to support one’s wife and children. My son learns b’chavrusah every day, and also holds down a p/t job and grad school.
“i am not a math teacher because i failed math in school “
Re-read your post – your spelling ain’t none too good, neither…(Just, kidding, I am not the English Language Skills Police).
Kapusta, I guess all is relative. I personally believe that buying a new car every year is unnecessarily lavish; maybe going to the bungalows for the summer (if you really cannot afford necessities and to pay bills) is somewhat of an extravagance; Going to E”Y every year is a nice thing to do, but yeas, I feel it is a luxury (I would NEVER go to Europe once a year, if it came down to that or E”Y); every husband should take his wife out for a date night once a week, IMO, even if it IS just for pizza, but a nice dinner is especially nice to show her appreciation. these are my random thoughts. And no matter WHAT I believe, it is not my business if someone else wants to do those things and can afford it, not on someone else’s cheshbon, of course.
So blinky, who has been raising her large family while she works to support her learning husband? Apaprently she does not take them to class with her.
Life experience is what matures a person. Most bochurim today, who spend all their time in a Beis Medrash, know nothing of the real world, and like it or not,t hat is the world we live in. They have to learn how to deal with it, and that is something most boys and girls are not ready to do at age 18.
The fact of referring to someone as being “on a lower madreiga,” is also a problem, as far as I am concerned. Who are we to judge?
artchill – ITA
A child in the parsha shopuld make up his or her own mind, but do so respectfully, even while disagreeing with the parents.
18 today is not mature enough of an age for most kids to get married. 18, 100 years ago meant kids who worked hard from their earliest years to run the farm, run the business, help momma with the younger kids, and a whole host of things that matured them much faster than today’s kids. They also were less spoiled, listened to their parents obediently, and were smeichim b’chelkam.
Today’s kids are a ME generation, that want instant gratification. They want to think of themselves as kollel families, but are not happy to live what is meant to be a kollel life. They want to sit and learn, but not to be concerned with the money tree that does not grow in their backyards. They want to have lots of kids, but not take care of them without nannies, because it’s “too hard,” or “not fulfilling.” Above all, they do not have a clue about working through problems, and when those problems inevitably crop up, as they do in most marriages, they want to cut and run.
“So, when discussing acceleration of rockets, I shouldn’t say that the acceleration has the effect of 10g? :)”
Wolf, that is the ONLY appropriate time! 🙂 (You discuss the acceleration of rockets???????? Wow, am I ever impressed!)
common can mean very usual, or it can be an insult to mean that someone has poor manners. Ordinary means nothing special one way or the other, very pareve.
BTW, HEalth, when I wrote “you,” I did not mean YOU. I am, sure you seek to do chessed for all people.
Health, we do chessed for the benefit of our OWN neshamos, not just to help someone else. And who are we to judge if someone frei deserves that chessed or not. Only HASHEM gets to make those determinations. There may be many zechusim that that frei person has accrued, of which you are unaware. when Hashem points us in the derech that enables us to do a tova, there is a good reason for it.
Any label that is used in a derogatory manner, is a bad one (even call a girl a princess).
I never heard about the drinking (or not drinking) while eating fish. Is that based on halacha – or is it more like a “good idea” not to drink while eating fish because one might accidentally swallow a bone while simultaneously drinking, that would have been more readily apparent while chewing the fish?
I have cried several times since reading this thread. Be Happy, it broke my heart to read about your monumental loss,and SJS I cannot imagine what it must have been like to lose a parent when you were so young. But Cantoresq, Yiddishemishpacha, and Mamashtakah, your stories really opened the floodgates for me, because … well.. just because. It gives me tremendous chizuk to hear about people who get it RIGHT!
My kids’ yeshivahs all gave us AMAZING tuition breaks. When my daughter wanted to go to Seminaryin E”Y after High School, the Seminary reduced her tuition, and her High School picked up the rest of it. We only had to pay for the plane fare and incidentals.
When we were going through another financial crisis (and I had lost my job of 14 years), someone in the neighborhood who heard about our situation, privately arranged to pay off a large grocery tab that we had run up around Pesach time. I never found out who did it. But I thank them from the bottom of my heartand wish them continued good health and arichas yamim.
But one of the biggest chassadim done for me, was the many, many people who drove me to and from appointments and for shopping, helped me with carpool, when I was not yet a driver and did not have a second car even when I did finally learn. I made a promise to myself, which I keep as often as I can, to likewise give rides to people in similar situations, even when it takes me “out of my way.” I am appreciative for the opportunity to give back some of what I received.
YI USED to be thought of as having a certain (more modern) hashkafa. That is no longer necessarily the case today,as the shuls run the gamut from very modern to Yeshivish,depending on their balabatim and Rov. In my shul we have a very diverse group of mispallelim. I would say most of the women cover their hair, and ALL the new young couples coming in, are thus inclined. There is no one in my shul in whose home I would not be confident I could eat, in terms of their kashrus (can’t say the same for their cooking, though). Our Rov is a Torah Vadaas graduate, and he is very learned and exceptional at giving over a shiur.
CC, they may feel that way, and more power to them, but the expression fruitcake and nut job both are accepted vernacular expressions saying that someone is crazt. Period. So whether or not you like nuts and fruitcake, it is very uncomplimentary to call someone that, by most people’s standards.
“Did you ever walk by a bakery on Tisha B’av afternoon and tell yourself not to smell?”
Unfortunately smells, both good and bad cannot be avoided. Sights can. No one is telling anyone to be a fool and walk with his eyes so averted that he cannot see a pole in the street. That is a ridiculous extrapolation. You avert your eyes while the person is getting out of the car to avoid potential uncomfortable sights. You also walk looking at the rest of the street ahead of you. And if you walk carelessly in the street while crossing it, to avoid seeing a short skirt, then you are putting your life at risk, and there is no chiyuv ever do that except on the 3 yehareig v’al yaavors.
Adults don’t continue to dig in their heels when they clearly made a mistake, and try to “prove” their point by making a foolish analogy (the bakery). I bedavka would go out of my way NOT to walk by a bakery on Tisha B’Av at any time, if you want to know the truth. All I said to you was to try to avoid looking at things that offend you. Sometimes you can’t. There is pritzus all around us. And since neither of us is in charge of “Town Tznius,” you will have to learn how to deal with the different kinds of clothing that you will see on the street. One of those ways is to simply look away WHEN YOU CAN, WITHOUT ENDANGERING YORSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. Obviously that goes without saying, especially if you are driving.
We live in Golus, and we are not the bosses here. You also did not address the fact of your asking me why I dress in an untzniusdig way, when in fact I do not do so, and you had no right to say such a thing to me. Instead you go back to the first issue, which as far as I am concerned has been discussed, asked and answered.
(BTW, the expression “gee” should really not be used by a frum Yid. It is derived from the English name of Oso Ish, and is used by the non-Jews as a way of cursing without saying his whole name. That is how it came into common usage. Just FYI.)
“I do not know where oomis 1105 lives nor do I know what I will be doing next year, but I do know that I will make every attempt to be in Jer for both Pesach and Yom Kippor.
I would also like to point out to oomis 1105 that sfardeem do not say “Next Year in Jerusalem” after the fast on Yom Kippor “
I wish I could do likewise. And thank you for the informative nugget about sefardim not saying L”HB after the fast on Yom Kippur. I did not know that, and I always enjoy learning new things.
“oomis –
Is that the best you can do? “Look away?” What kind of ‘cop out’ answer is that?
Of course we look away, but why are you dressing/acting that way in the first place? “
Yatzmich, your somewhat chutzpadig reply, left me non-plussed for a moment. Clearly you did not read the rest of my post. I was not copping, out, but pointing out the obvious. When you see a potential situation (a car door opening and a woman getting out)that you can reasonably predict will cause you to see something untzniusdig, turn away from it. Even if the person is dressing improperly, at least you will not see anything embarrassing.
But then, you question me as to why I am dressing/acting that way? What gives you the idea that I do so? I absolutely do NOT dress in such a manner. And given your feelings on the subject, that was a not-so-nice conjecture on your part, and especially so, as we are about to go into The Nine Days. I don’t think that was your intention, but it nonetheless came off that way to me.
How do we say L’Shana Habaah B”Yerushalayim on Yom Kippur, and then AGAIN on Pesach? It would appear that the latter cancels out the former? My answer is that that on Yom Kippur we are expressing our bakasha to Hashem that we should be in Yerushalayim by next year. On Pesach, however, we are not expressing a wish, but rather affirming our belief in the FACT that, just as we were taken out of Mitzrayim, we WILL be in Yerushalyim by next year.
BMW, I wrote my post as an immediate response to your original one, before anything else was posted. It was not posted right away, though, and other posts, including your explanation, appeared before mine, so I did not have your information when I wrote it. I understand your situation, and I still think that your best bet is to have a pro show you what needs to be done, after evaluating the extent of the problem. What seems slight to you (and his teachers) may be a more extensive issue, or hopefully truly nothing that he cannot grow out of as he matures. In any case, hatzlacha.
I have never heard that. Can you post a sentence including them, so we can see the context? I am really curious about this.
Unless you are an OT or ST, you are really not qualified to judge what is a “slight” problem, and I don’t mean that as an offensive remark to you. You can do more damage to your son by doing the WRONG therapy for him. Better to have him evaluated properly, and then perhaps if indeed the problem is slight, the professional therapist can teach you what to do to help him. I get the sense that a money issue might be holding you back from seeking professional help. When it comes to health, try not to be penny-wise. Your son might be entitled to free services.
Machine Kneidlach?????? That’s almost (but not quite) a yehareig v’al yaavor.
“Not their own ego to feel good”
That’s actually part of the S”CHAR MITZVAH for their efforts. My son volunteers during the year with Yachad, an organization for developmentally challenged kids, and also used to volunteer for Camp Simcha/Chai Lifeline. He feels VERY good about it. Not an ego thing. Just makes him feel gratified.
“My point was that a persons obligation to say thank you is because they have to be a mentsch. However you have no right to demand or expect a thank you because in reality you didnt do anything and its actually inappropriate to take the credit for something that Hashem gave you and enabled you to do. “
I guess we disagree on this point. In fact, my Rov (who is VERY big on haloras hatov), gave and entire drasha on Shabbos Shuva, how people who are not makir tov to other people, cannot possibly be makir tov to Hashem. If you don’t recognize a tova that someone does for you, you will also not recognize the depth of what Hashem does for you. And by the way, no one should demand a thank you (unless a parent is trying to teach good manners to a child), but we have every right to expect people to HAVE good manners. if not, they are boorish and ill-bred. People might get their parnassah from HAshem ultimately, but if they choose to use that parnassah to give a down and out friend an open-ended loan (as opposed to buying yet another car or going on yet another vacation), do you not think that merits a little appreciation? A simple thank-you can go a long way, if it is heartfelt.
“No, men are not perverts, but if you stick this stuff right in front of us, what would you like us to do?”
Here’s an idea. When you notice women starting to get out of their cars, LOOK AWAY from them. But, yes, you are right, they should be more careful. In fact, when women shop for clothing (this is a tip for you ladies), they really ashould bend in all directions when in the dressing eroom, to see what happens to the clothing and thier tznius when they twist and turn.
For everyone who has a heavy-handed approach and attitude to kiruv – get off your pedestal and come down to earth with the rest of us. MOST OTD teens became that way ebcause of people who spoke to them as you suggest (too strongly, btw). Just as with a wounded animal, you need to speak gently, softly, and act slowly and sensitively, so too do you need to act with a yiddishe neshama that has been wounded. if you don’t GET that by now, you have no idea how to bring people closer to Hashem.
People who are ehrlcihe frum who work in kiruv day and night, have learned that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Stop preaching fire and brimstone, and start preaching acceptance. People don’t go OTD in one day, and they don’t come back in one day, either. If they are so disenchanted, they need to be able to see that the frum world CARES about them. That is not what I am hearing from some of the expressions being used by some individuals here. Others (like Aries), who are being argued with, have got it right, and I am certain they are doing a great job, and making a kiddush Hashem all the time.
BTW, as regards the concept of “thank-you” – it is VERY important for people to be makir tov to other people who have done even a small kindness for them (like opening the door for them). If one cannot be makir tov to a human being who does naarishkeiten tovos for us, as well as more substantial things, then how can one EVER know how to be makir tov to Hashem, whose chessed to us is daily and boundless? How many people really have the right kavanah when they said,”Modeh ani,” “Modim,” “V’anachnu korim,u’mishtachavim u’MODIM?”
The story about giving someone money for kosher food so they won’t eat at MacDonalds (but not knowing if in fact they would use the money for kosher food) , reminded me of something that happened with me a long time ago. I was the shomeres for a kallah on her Shabbos kallah, and she was heavily into kiruv and invited a non-frum single co-worker to spend the shabbos as well. She wanteed her to see how enjoyable Shabbos could be and how much fun we would have being that it was an extra-special Shabbos.
When we were ready to turn in, we each had our own bedrooms, and I noticed that the girl had turned her light on. Gaivedig big shot that I was, I decided to prevent her from being further mechallel shabbos by turning her light off, so I offered her my (dark) room so she would have no need to turn off a light. I didn’t tell her my reasoning (that was a mistake, btw, as I should have told her that we don’t turn the lights on and off on Shabbos). She was puzzled, but switched rooms with me, and then promptly turned THAT room’s light on. Meanwhile, I had to sleep in a well-lit (and as it turned out, extremely freezing cold) room. Didn’t get much sleep that night, but consoled myself with the fact that I had tried to help someone from doing an aveira. Talk about personal hubris!
Thanks 000646. As long as I did not inadvertently diss you.
“is that there is not a single mention of him across the entire treifa internet. “
What do you call THIS?
“1. square kneidlach are assur.”
The Squarer Rebbie hold differently.
“Thanks guys-I just had my morning laugh:) “
Why – don’t you realize that kneidlach are a serious matter?
“The Shtusenstuffer Rebbe is equal to many of his opponents put together.”
Probably ate one too many kneidlach. I’m just sayin’…
“Oomiss, what do you define the problem of Neturei Karta? (I’m not stating my opinion yet, but I want to know what you hold is their problem and why) “
My problem with the NK is the incredible Ch”H they commit when they align themselves with our enemies, the terrorists, in a very public way. As nauseating as it was to see Hilary Clinton kiss Suha Arafat yemach shema, it is a million times worse to see frum Yidden so misguided as to do the same by hugging Palestinians and picketing eith them against the Medina. You want to believe that we should wait until Moshiach comes to rebuild E”Y, fine. But don’t give our enemies even more fuel to add to their fires. The press eats those pictures up, and Goyim look at them and say, “See, even their own kind don’t support Israel, and believe in the Palestinian cause and fight for freedom from oppression.”
Since they are living in E”Y, it behooves them to NEVER do anything that can be construed as agreeing with monsters who would blow innocent men, women, and children up in pizza shops, with bombs constructed of sharp nails and screws. When one is a friend of your enemy, he becomes your enemy, too. And that is a terrible chillul.
000646 – this is going to sound like a rather odd question, but did you by any chance send me an e-mail today? The subject line said “thank you,” but I deleted is without reading it, because it came to my Spam folder and was not a screen name I recognized. I have a fleeting memory of similar numbers to your user name, and I feel bad if I deleted something that I should have read.
There is a chiyuv to learn Torah, but I cannot see there being a chiyuv to be a talmid chochom, because not everyone is CAPABLE of being a talmid chochom.
Where is that Purim thread again????? Next, we’ll be discussing the shiurim for the proper size kneidel, and how much you have to eat to be Yotzai.
“Member
90 (but I’m new so I don’t know if I count) “
You most certainly DO!!!!!!!! Hello…
If it doesn’t bring the Geulah, at least it will bring us Taam Gan Eden…
“But when kavod HaTorah or talmidei chachomim or anyone who represents harbotzas torah is at stake, in a public matter”
I would never argue with that, but I would say that how one goes about dealing with such an issue, should still be within respectful guidelines, so that a chilul hashem is not inadvertently cause. The Neturei Karta also beleive they are showing respect for the Torah.
Ok, I stand corrected – on this. But, please elaborate – is this halacha or just one of many opinions expressed by different rabbonim.
OK Mosherose, you finally crossed the line. What you posted was mean-spirited. “If they let you in then the’re putting the other kids at risk…” And you know that – how, exactly? Do you even know Wolf-M, did you know him when he was a kid? (I am not trying to defend you, Wolf, you are more than capable of doing that yourself, but this was just such an egregious remark that I had to comment).
Mosherose, you would make your points more worthy of attention, were you not so caught up in your very one-sided and extremely judgmental views.
Mosherose, when men don’t spend enough time with their wives, their wives feel neglected and that leads to shalom bayis issues. Al tarbeh sicha does NOT refer to one’s own wife, but with other women.
Respect means acting like a mensch to everyone, regardless of your personal feelings or opinions. It means, not taking your annoyance out on a waitress, when the cook ruined the meal. It means not treating a young person as though he or she does not have a brain in the head, EVEN IF YOU HAVE REASON TO THINK SO. It means standing up for an older person, a rov, a parent or grandparent whent hey enter a room, or for a pregnant woman, or someone who is disabled,or carrying many packages, and offering your seat to them. It means acting with good manners even when someone else is showing poor ones. It means listening to another person’s point of view, even when it vastly differs from your own. It means being quiet when someone is giving a d’var Torah, even if the speaker’s voice is very boring, because he is speaking words of Torah. In fact, even if he is not speaking D”T, the fact that he is up there speaking (unless he is advocating hate or the like) is good enough reason to be respectful. I could go on an on and I am sure I left out some important criteria, especially as regards respect between husband and wife.
“When a father yells at his son not to talk during davening, and then turns around to discuss business with his friend, that is hypocritical, and that sends a more damaging message then non kosher cell phones and internet in my book.”
I could not agree more! It’s like the obese doctor who tells you to lose weight and quit smoking as he puffs away on his third pack of the day.