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I always handed the tips to the counselors on visiting day and in a sealed envelope with a thank you note inside.
There is yellow and there is YELLOW. My son was a little jaundiced after birth, but I brought him to the pediatrician who was also a talmid chochom, and he called the mohel personally to discuss the bris with him. Both of them agreed and the bris was done on the 8th day, my son was wonderful, B”H and all is well. My friend’s son had a baby whose bris was delayed for weeks because he was premature. Clearly seichel has to be used by the parents to understand the ultimately the health of the baby has to come first. It is frustrating to not be able to call the baby by name for weeks, sometimes, but the bottom line is pikuach nefesh is first.
ISn’t there a halacha that if a certain number of male children bleed out (such as hemophiliacs)as a result of the bris, that no other male children are given a bris in that family? Now that seems harsh, but it is soemtimes necessary.
Mohn in the midbar (and it was kinda clear BPT was speaking tongue in cheek) was not an idea of leftovers, it was the idea that the person who kept leftovers did not have the emunah that Hashem would provide mohn for the next day. Since contrary to popular opinion, my huband and I are not gods, we definitely do not allow the throwing out of perfectly good food that was left over from Shabbos. And if you want to say that the kedusha of Shabbos makes it wrong to eat on a vohedig day, well I see it just fahrkert – that this is bringing the kedusha of Shabbos INTO the weekday (and don’t we do that anyway in davening every morning when we say “Hayom Yom Rishon (etc. ) ba’SHABBOS, shehbo hayu haleviyim….” we don’t say b’shavua. we bring a little of Shabbos into the week. We plan all week for what we will cook and shop for for Shabbos. I think it’s great to think of leftovers in that way. Just one lady’s opinion.
No, da, I never read this book. It was a story in the news related to cyber bullying.
“Vi shteit that one is either entitled to “comfort and joy” or a divorce???
“You call that spoiled to want more out of life????”
In 99.9+% of the time one will NOT get “more out of life” by divorcing for these reasons being given. Who knows if the next marriage will not be the same or even worse than the first. “
Sorry, but you and I are not on the same page here and never will be. Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha,means exactly that, and one part of avodas Hashem is the mitzvah of Pru Urvu. The mitzvah of being mesameach chosson v’kallah is called exactly that, because we ARE supposed to live joyfully and help others to feel joyful as well (“v’samachta b’chagecha v’hayisa ach sameach” are not just lip service expressions).If Hashem commands us to experience joy from our shloshes regalim which come about only three times a year, kal v’chomer that He wants us to be joyful in marriage which is 24/7. Any Jew who believes itherwise, does not know the meaning of the joy of Torah, and will have a tough question to answer when after 120 years Hashem asks why he did not avail himself of the joy in this beautiful world that He created.
The only thing that I agree with, is that divorce does not always bring a person the happiness he or she thinks it will, because there is not always something better out there. But sometimes there is.
“Girls go to high school and study hard (let’s say) for Chumash tests, staying up late and night figuring out the meanign of the ibn Exras and Rambans. Then they get married to a Kollel guy, have children, and assume the role of Akeres HaBayis, possibly never to open an ibn Ezra again.”
Why do you assume that? I am married 33 years kinehora, and I go to shiurim regularly> When did you last sit and learn a posuk of Chumash and Navi with meforshim? These kollel guys do know Gemarah, but not really much in the way of Tanach. And I am the Akeres of my Bayis, and I promise you that has never stopped me from learning Chumash whenever I was not busy with my kids and husband (not necessarily in that order all the time). And who do you think it is exactly, who sits up studying with the children before THEIR chumash tests? Certainly not the father who is either in Beis Medrash at night or coming home late from work. If those mothers were not learned, do you think they could be of much help to their children in limudei Kodesh? B”H my kids benefited from something that I could not, because in my mom’s day, women did NOT normally go to Yeshivah, and there were no Artscroll chumashim.
When I am in Shul on Shabbos I use the time when people are getting called up for an aliyah to go over a Rashi or an ibn Ezra in the Parshas Hashavua. I take the Torah sheets that some organizations send out with D”T, and read them also, and that is just during the “empty time” before the next aliyah is being layned. Don’t assume, etc. etc. etc.
CWDB????? As long as the Kallah is not asking HERSELF that, I think we are ok.
“”you can’t imagine how difficult it can be for 1 spouse to feel no emotional connection and love from the other”
I never said it’s easy, but a lot of people have it much, much worse. What should those paralyzed, but their minds are intact say? What should the childless say? Who said life is easy? We need to focus on doing what is right!
We live in a very spoiled generation. Es kimt zich mir! There’s no appreciation for life, for every breath we take, for all the good that we DO have! “
I don’t disagree,per se, but the fact that someone else has worse tzoros, whatever they are, does not mitigate the pain of someone in a loveless marriage. It is not being spoiled, to want to feel emotionally and physically connected and close with your spouse.
Being paralyzed or childless Ch”v”Sh, has its own set of challenges. BTW, being childless can be a tremendous stressor in an otherwise happy marriage. Halachically, a man can divorce his wife after ten years, if they are childless (hopefully no one does so in this day and age). And while we absolutely SHOULD appreciate every breath we take, that has nothing whatsoever to do with remaining in a marriage that gives no comfort or joy to someone. You call that spoiled to want more out of life????
“Rav Karp discusses prohibition against worms:”
Appropriate name for this discussion.
Sometimes, aspects of depressopn are related to feeling that no one else has ever gone through what the person is going through, and it can help to have a sounding board. But if the depression is a chemical imbalance problem, such a person needs professional intervention. Both can be hopeful.
“oomis, great vort! “
Thanks, but they are not my own original words. It was told to me as a peirush on the posuk.
To respond to the comment that some women always are negative towards their husbands, if a woman is ALWAYS looking for the “against her husband” part then either 1) she is a shrew or 2) he is a very foolish man who needs a wife to stand up to him, because he makes poor choices in most things (except choice of wife, of course).
“As proof of that you cited the fact that Yitzchok loved Rivka after they married, not before.”
That does not mean that love does not come before marriage, only that the love that comes FROM the marriage is richer and has more substance. Plenty of people fall in love and then get married. The commitment of marriage deepens those feelings, but it doesn’t mean they are not there on a high level for many of us, prior to the wedding.
“Of the six categories in the original game, my weakest category is Entertainment.”
That’s my BEST one 🙂
Actually the only one I am terrible at is Sports. I play with my married son whenever they come to visit, and I used to beat him until he insisted on using the more up-to-date edition. I am really good at this game most of the time, because my head is filled with useless trivia (LOL), but the funny thing is when I got the last wedge and my son would give me the sports question, invariably it would turn out to be something that EVEN I would know, like what sport gave Mark Spitz his olympic gold medals?
To answer Mosherose, there is nopthing wrong in spending a portion of Shabbos or ANY day, having fun. We are not ascetics, and one day after 120 years Hashem will ask each of us if we made enjoyable use of this world. Yes, we have a chiyuv to learn, but we also have a chiyuv to challenge our minds in other wholesome ways, and women, I would point out, do not sit and learn Gemarah, though we probably go to shiurim on Shabbos and other days whenever we can. I hope you enjoy your life, too.
EDITED
The Gedolim are also the ones who defined “ezer k’negdo” as meaning that sometimes in order to be an ezer, a wife must be neged her husband FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
Everything is a laugh riot – until YOU are the one injured by someone else’s idea of a hilarious prank. A girl committed suicide because of a really mean “hilarious” prank, that held her up to public ridicule. Many pranks result in public embarrassment for someone. Last I heard, that is against halacha.
clearheaded, if a husband can divorce her wife for burning the cholent, that is pretty straightforward. If two people cannot live together in a happy and joyful way, that is not such a good role model of marriage for their children, either. Unlike the Catholic world, Hashem allowed for the dissolution of a marriage. Truthfully, I would never want to continue being married to the type of man who would frivolously divorce me, anyway.
I like the original Trivial Pursuit.
“I’m not sure what is relevant about the fact a woman cannot remarry her first husband if she ever married someone else subsequently. “
I only quoted that because the posuk says if she marries a second husband and he HATES her, he may divorce her. The rest of the posuk was not specifically relevant to this issue, only th idea that a man could divorce his wife out of hatred for her (no specifics of why, just that he does).
I am not a big fan of even the idea of divorce. I think a couple should always try hard to work through their issues. But sometimes, there is nothing there for them to work WITH, much less through. Some people are not ready to get married, are not right for each other, and do not yet grasp what a true commitment means. In that case, I don’t think that two lives (more, if there are children involved) should be ruined just for the sake of staying together. BTW, the permanent emotionally damaging effect that a bad marriage has on the kids where constant arguing and/or abuse is involved, is far worse than the ultimate effect of a breakup. Many kids have expressed the relief they felt when their constantly arguing parents finally divorced. It’s a tragedy all around.
“A man is not complete in a spiritual sense until he gets married whereupon he can then be called a comlpete Man.”
A man is not complete until he gets married. Then, he is FINISHED. 🙂
I thought the stacking issue was to see if we are too lazy to make more than one trip to clear the table.
I try to always give a yid parnassah first, and in fact, if I buy from a Jew who charges substantially more than a non-Jew down the street, I cheshbon the difference that it cost me as part of my maaser (yes, yes, I asked a shailah). I would rather spend a little more and a help a Jew. BUT – if the Jew is obnoxious to me when I buy from him, if the service is lousy, and he does not make good on refunding my money for inferior merchandise, then I will not hesitate to go elsewhere. We should support our bethren, but not allow them to cheat us.
“Nevertheless, not being warm enough or feeling “unloved” is not a halachicly actionable reason for either party in the absence of more substantiative reasons.”
Actually, does the Torah not state that if the husband finds something unseemly in his wife he should give her a GET? And if she remarries, and her second husband hates her and divorces her, she cannot be re-married to the first husband. Check out Devarim Perek 24, Pesukim Aleph and Gimmel. I would find it rather hateful to be married to someone who made me feel unloved. But the Torah clearly uses finding fault and hate as criteria for divorce. Why should two people who make each other miserable stay in a loveless marriage?
Kasha, according to halacha it is actionable if a woman burns the husband’s dinner.
The main cause of divorce is marriage (ok that was a tongue in cheek statement). The truth is some people are emotionally pushed into quickly getting engaged to the wrong people (he’s a top boy, she’s a baalas chessed, it’s a perfect shidduch), who might otherwise be nice people but are still wrong for each other. They get married for the wrong, though possibly well-intentioned reasons, and barely know each other. They might eb too young, too immature, too self-centered to be ready to give themselves over to living with someone from a different family, who is NOT mommy and daddy, and used to doing things differently from the way in which they were brought up. the adjustment may be TOO hard for such a person, and counseling cannot help, ebcause fundamentally they are wrong for each other. Should they stay in such a marriage and make each other miserable. Should a girl or boy who are very warm and demonstrative and marry someone who is not so, stay in a marriage where they feel unloved? Marriage takes a lot of work, and some people are not cut out to be together. The tragedy is if there are children involved at this point.
“Use water.
When I set up the candles for shabbos, I put some water (colored, to make it look nicer) in the glass. Then I put in the oil (which floats on the water. “
That sounds so pretty.
“why do you seem so reluctant to even ask a shaila?? “
Is everything a shailah?
This entire discussion by Yeshivishe people of whether or not a woman can go outside the home is bordering on the questionable. If you beleive that the halacha is she cannot go out, then there should be no question of her going out to support her husband, because that is REALLY GOING OUT!!!!!! It exposes her to the outside world on a daily basis, possibly brings her into contact with non-Jews or males of Jewish or non-Jewish persuasion, and allows her to be influenced by the distasteful stuff that goes on on public transportation and in the street. Anyone who believes that women should ONLY be in the home, had better be prepared to put his money where is mouth is.
P.S. I personally believe a woman’s place IS in the home. I just see what happens to many kids when they are brought up by non-Jewish babysitters.
EDITED
One more set of kudos to BP Totty, for a seicheldig and non-hysterical attitude.
“Married couples should not be going out on “dates” or spending more time with each other than necesary to run the household.”
I am curious – are you married yet?
“We also have an explicit pasuk in the Torah that a woman gives birth… “
Not to mention an explicit pasuk that man is obligated to work hard to provide parnassah for his family (he, and not his wife, has this obligation). It is amazing to me how the words of the Torah are manipulated by people trying to “prove” their hashkafos are correct, but only when those words suit them.
Before feminism, women did not work outside the home, either. So by all accounts, all the kollel wives must be feminists.
“Okay, so please explain to me how Iyov could have existed and not existed. Explain to me how Beis Din could have executed a BSUM and yet never executed one.”
This is my personal take on the subject. Whether or not Iyov existed is not so important. As with Midrash, it is the LESSON we learn from his story that is important. The idea that someone who has everything wonderful in his life but fails to worry about or daven for others less fortunate than himself, and that we need to be empathetic to others who are suffering, is one lesson. The idea that everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye, and therefore we are all equal in the eyes of Hashem, is also a lesson. The idea that nothing is in our control is another lesson. And finally, the lesson that no matter how bad things seem, they can always change. Just as the good does not last forever, neither does the bad, and the bad is a way of teaching us things that are meant for our benefit.
In the case of the BSUM, I would believe there might have been such a person, but even if not, we are being reminded what is supposed to happen in such a case. The description in graphic detail of a B”D execution, is enough of a deterrent for most people.
“oomis1105, do you still share a tuna sandwich on Fridays? “
ABSOLUTELY. How cute that you remember! We do all our errands, shopping, doc appointments, etc. then, because my husband is off on Fridays, but at some point, ya gotta eat, so we go to the same place every Friday late morning/early afternoon to share a tuna bagel.
“Nevertheless, the man of the house can and should make the decisions for the house – including for elections. I know this concept although steeped in Torah”
This concept is NOT steeped in Torah, as there were no elections in the Torah. People did not vote for their leaders, and please do not equate a secular concept (voting) in a secular country, with a religious mandate. This is getting silly.
As to the comment about women voting for Bill Clinton because he was so good looking (seriously???? – I never saw it)… well no one will argue that SOME women are very shallow and foolish. So are plenty of men who vote for a guy because he’s a “man’s man!”
I totally agree, and that is why my husband and I have “date night” every Tuesday evening when he gets home. Whether we go out for a pizza, or just sit on the boardwalk,it is our uninterrupted time together.
Do we hear music at weddings during dinner? There’s your answer about halacha vs, minhag. According to some poskim, it is assur to listen to music, period, since the churban. Most people do not hold that way, and it would be too much tircha d’tzibur to follow that.
Do you have a disposal? Try throwibng some lemons down it and turning it on. Baking soda also is supposed to work. I agree with calling in a plumber, if nothing else works.
“women don’t share men’s intellectual acumen.”
Apparently not. From some of the statements I have read here recently,it is clear that some if not most of the women surpass the intellectual acumen of some men. And btw, women have bina yesairah, which makes us uniquely more than qualified to be better decision-makers than many of our male counterparts.
“It is obvious that you have never done EXTENIVE research. We are asking things you are trying to figure out ON a date, we are trying to confirm BEFORE the date. Including middos, personality, chessed, compassion, love of children, affectionate nature etc. Everyone knows that a boy and girl on a date are on their best behavior. Dont you think that speaking to a boy or girls roommate, co-counslor, neighbor, etc pple that have seen him through thick and thin would bring you the most accurate info? Dont forget that boys and girls are on their best behaviors on a date. Then of course the boy and girl can meet to “spend time having meaningful conversation about their hopes and dreams, the path they want to follow in the future,the kind of family they want to raise. “
You are totally right – I never did ANY research, my husband and I met the boy my daughter was dating (whom she met in college in a very wonderful chevra of frum girls and boys), and saw that HE was a real mensch. I met his family and saw that likewise THEY were real menschen, we spent time together before they got engaged, getting to know him and each other. I didn’t care one whit what type of tablecloth his mom used, whether or not his siblings went to xyz seminary, what the grandparents did for a living, or whether or not they stack their dishes or remove them one at a time. I saw with my own eyes (NOT from hearing about it second hand from friends and family who have a vested interest in showing someone off in the best light) the kind of middos my now son-in-law has. I saw the derech eretz he shows his parents and us, and above all how he treasures my daughter and granddaughter. No one’s friends will say about him anything other than “he’s a top boy,” “she’s such a wonderful girl.” Otherwise, why would anyone give those people as “references,” (I HATE THAT EXPRESSION – it’s not a job interview). People are so worried about loshon hara, do you honestly beleive friends and relatives, roommates, dorm counselors, etc. will EVER say something negative?
“When my brother was 7 years old, he had a dream that my father met him in the hallway leading to his room and my father handed him a pair of white “clothing”. Somehow my brother knew that they were tachrichim. He went into his room, put on the tachrichim and lied down in his bed. Then he heard TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK…He woke up and heard TICK TICK TICK…
It happened to be that someone put a clock into his room that day! Any meaning to this?! “
It means that while he was sleeping, he was “dead to the world” and needed a better alarm clock to wake him up for school.
“squeak, what did you mean by
da- Do you by chance live on Elm Street?”
Now what did you mean by that 😉
The so-called extensive research that parents are doing really has no bearing on what type of couple the children will be together. Knowing that a bochur is a good learner, says nothing whatsoever about what kind of husband he will be (other than probably continue to be a good learner). Knowing what seminary she went to says nothing about her chessed, compassion, cooking skills, love of children, affectionate nature, etc. The research usually involves the asking of questions about naarishkeit (type of tablecloth, plastic vs. china, tied shoes or loafers, etc.).
Until two people spend both qualituy and quantity time together, you can ask all the questions you want and everything can look perfect on paper, but the shidduch is still NOT GOOD. A couple needs to spend time having meaningful conversation about their hopes and dreams, the path they want to follow in the future,the kind of family they want to raise. It is less crucial for them to spend that same time discussing the very superficial things that these couples often discuss, because they have (naturally) not as yet reached a sufficient comfort level with each other to make deep conversation.
People who rarely see each other during the engagement period (in order to avoid stress and sniping at each other), are probably also people who have not yet learned how to constructively disagree with someone and still realize they love that person. If they cannot disagree “safely” before marriage, what makes you think it will be better AFTER marriage?
IMO (and I acknowledge I could be wrong), people who date for short cycles (3 or 4 dates) and get engaged, have an intrinsically lowered expectation regarding dating and marriage. And if that works for them, who am I to say it’s bad for them? But when one has lowered expectations and then gets disappointed (because even with lower expectations, there has to be a minimum of something good going on in the marriage), that disappointment is demoralizing and disillusioning, and that’s why there is a rising divorce rate amongst certain groups that normally had a much lower incidence of it.
I see no reason why not. To each his own. Some people might feel that the ambience and “idea” of being in a hotel is very romantic.
Others, like you, would feel more comfortable in their own home. Suppose their own home is a noisy apartment building? Maybe the wedding night would be less stressful further away from that down-to-earth aspect of building a new life together, the first time a chosson and kallah are spending time alone.
“don’t get it “
Seriously???? The bee put on a yarmulkeh so he would not be mistaken for a W(hite) A(nglo) S(axon) P(rotestant)
.
“No they wont say it because its not true. Teh gemara says otherwise and any woman who doesnt believe in what the gemara says deserves to be fired from her job in a yeshiva. How can you let a woman near our dear children who will tell them that the Torah is false?”
Mosherose: Head lice do not generate spontaneously – they come from nits (eggs) that are laid by live crawling lice that go onto the heads of unsuspecting people. They do NOT come from dirt (OH gosh I am starting to itch just writing about this), and plenty of otherwise clean people can get it. Most notably, people coming back from overseas might bring it with them, or kids in camp situations (daycamp as well as sleepaway)often are infested. I have had ONE summer many years ago when my kids had licwe, and you had better believe I spent several agonizingly exacting weeks treating my ENTIRE family (presume they all have it if one does), and then checking for nits every single day. It is a tedious and disgusting job, but once you have seen either a louse or a nit (grayish pearly teardrop shape that attaches to the hair shafts), you will NEVER forget it. It can easily be seen with the naked eye, and the heads must be inspected in good light (preferably outdoors, so the nits are not brought back in the house). You cannot check too well. There is nothing spontaneous about this, and if the Gemarah says otherwise, then perhaps the Gemarah is actually talking about something else entirely. It certainly is not correct information about head lice, no matter what you think.
Body lice might be a different story, as I know absolutely nothing about that (B”H)and I am unqualified to comment. But I doubt that it is spontaneously generated, either. Even the maggots that we find in dead bodies generate from microscopic eggs that are ALWAYS present on us (now there is a nauseating thought). If you could actually see what is on your own eyelids, you would vomit. The larvae hatch and feed on decomposing flesh (as Hashem intended), but they are always present, from what I have been taught.
Your remark about the women who check children for head lice, is inappropriate, and your zeal to defend the Gemarah, while laudable, is based on a refusal to call a spade a spade. Lice eggs are VERY visible and very gross, despite your assertion to the contrary. You are mistaken. A person who insists he is right in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, needs to ask himself why he needs to be so insistent. In any case, the head checkers are not telling our dear children that the Torah is false. They are only telling them to come closer so they check their heads for nits.
SJS is right about that, and better then than after the wedding.
My former friend COULD afford to invite – she made the wedding at a country club. You seem to fail to see the point that it was an unclassy way to invite someone to a simcha. Either invite or don’t, but please don’t think there is something fundamentally justifiable with issuing this type of invitation. It is something that I have been seeing in very recent years, and I do not like it and would never do that to someone. I’ve been invited to the KP and chuppah only before, and that was fine. I understood that money is tight for many. It is for me too, but I looked for ways to lower my costs, so I could be mesameach with all the people who mean a lot to me. whatever, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. Thank you for the point that you tried to make.
For all who said to let it go – would you feel the same way if the money you spent ended up being the only money you had (i.e. you lost your job a few weeks later)? If you really needed that money now, would you want this guy to get away with his dishonesty? What if he hurt someone else you know? Forgetting about all that, should anybody be allowed to get away with cheating you? Anyone who has an ounce of self-esteem would NEVER want someone like that to feel he got away with it. HE COMMITTED A CRIME AGAINST YOU! And probably, he did so knowingly and deliberately.
My husband worked for a Yeshivah that knowingly wrote him three worthless paychecks after months of not paying him at all. Meanwhile all the people who ran the Yeshivah were going to their summer homes in the mountains, while we almost lost our house due to non-payment of the mortgage! THAT was something we should have ignored???????? Yes it was aggravating, but we took them to a DT after a year of trying to speak with the people in charge to rectify this avla. They refused to accept delivery of our certified letters. If my husband had owned a business and things were tight, he would still make sure his staff was paid before he took a penny for himself. The halacha is very clear on the obligations of an employer towards an employee. BTW, although we prevailed in the DT, the Yeshivah cried poor and wanted us to settle for a fifth of what was owed, even though it was l’chatchilah illegal for them to write a check against an account that has no funds. Had we gone to civil court we could have “owned” that Yeshivah. But this also would have been a terrible chillul. At least that Yeshivah saw that they didn’t just get to walk all over my husband without a reaction. In the end we decided to drop the situation for personal reasons, but we had made our point and won the DT. I would not want to be any of those baalei batim after 120 years when Hashem asks them if they dealt honestly with their employees. All of them were heimische, too.
IMO (humble as it is), the reson for the numerous breakups is very simple. The couple barely know each other, have not spent any meaningful time with each other before the l’chaim, plan to get married too quickly after the vort, and have never learned how to argue constructively. They are apparently pressured into getting engaged by parents and shadchanim who both have agendas, and are fearful of not having another chance. By the time some of them are breaking up, it is the approximate amount of time for many dating couples who have been seeing each other for a few months, to come to realize that maybe they should not get engaged at all. When a couple starts to feel comfortable with each other, they let their hair down so to speak, and thigs come out in conversation or behavior that might not otherwise have been revealed. This process takes more than a couple of weeks. Couple who become engaged after 4 or 5 weeks are still on their best behavior, and do not act naturally with each other at this point. Right or wrong, this is my opinion, although I realize I give a simplistic reason for an ultimately complex issue.
It’s not that halacha changes with the times, but rather our interpretation of what the halacha actually sigifies, and whether in fact it is halacha or custom of a particular time and place. I am reminded of the story of a Din Torah where a wagon owner was brought to the BD by a client who had hireed him to transport some merchandise for him. The roads were treacherous,the wagon turned over, and all the items were smashed beyond repair. The wagonmaster denied responsibility for what was an accident but the BD was ready to rule in favor of the merchant. The BD told the wagonmaster that the Torah states that when one is hired to do a job, he must be very careful not to damage the goods.
The wagonmaster was very upset because he stood to lose a great deal of money. when he suddenly thought to ask the dayanim, “When exactly was the Torah given?” To which they replied on Shavuos, of course. “Oh,” said he, “you mean it was given when the weather was sunny and dry in the summertime??? Had it been given during a nasty winter season when the roads are snowy and slippery, perhaps the halacha would have been different!”
The point I am making should be obvious (not that the wagonmaster was correct, of course), that many factors need to be taken into consideration, as to how an interpretation of halacha is or should be made in a specific time and place. What seems so obvious at one time in history (women washing their husband’s feet), clearly is not necessarily shayach today. Most women do not sit at the spindle or loom anymore, either.
And although it is true that sometimes a husband has to be the final arbiter and decision maker regarding a specific inyan, likewise there will be times when it is the wife and wife alone who should be making that decision for them. A secure man is not threatened or upset by that, btw. And is it not halacha that a man should be mechabeid his wife more than himself??????? Or did I misunderstand what I was taught in Yeshivah, and that idea is merely meaningless lip service? Someone who truly honors his wife would not bully her.
“it’s not normal, or human nature to have 2 ppl agree all the time, or one always saying OK we’ll do it your way this time. there has to be one boss”
I did not marry a boss. I married my husband to build a life with him and raise our five children together. Sometimes his opinion is more knowledgeable than mine, sometimes mine is more knowledgeable than his. We base our decisions through discussion together of the information we both have, both express our opinions, and make a joint decision. If one of us feels REALLY strongly about the outcome, then the other will probably defer. We both have deferred to each other, when we see the final decision matters very strongly to one of us (assuming there is not a compelling argument for the other decision).