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Omg none of the posters realized op was satirical????
“have you ever pursed professional help”
is that the verb for putting a business card in ur pocketbook?“At least public attention throughout the world has turned away from fighting a virus. Instead the government is focusing its problem solving skills on Ukraine.”
To quote someone on the jokes thread, Putin cured Covid in one day.
@forshayer I can’t tell if you’re serious or not. I sure hope you’re not.
“Rav Moshe Wolfson says that having payos behind the ears circumvents a kabalistic problem of mixing beard hair with payos hair,”
Interesting. I know of a certain big talmid chacham (litvish) who twists his peyos into his beard. someone told me it was al pi Kabbalah.
“5. How long should the Peyos *ideally* be, not considering antisemitism or other external/non-halachic factors? The satmar rov said that it shouldn’t be longer than the chin”
Huh?
you ever saw a picture of the satmar rov?When did it become in style to get drunk on Purim? Sources close to me tell me that in European yeshivos, Bochurim didn’t get dtunk on Purim. (They did on Simchas Torah.)
Americans of old have barely heard of the halacha.
How recent is this?An old lady sees a young boy at the crosswalk and helps him cross. She’s feeling good about her good deed until she hears the boy telling his friend “I helped an old lady cross the street.”
“Additonally an entire chapter of the book is devoted to his brother in law Rabbi Goldstein, his hashkapha – again brilliantly captured – and his moissad, Beis Yehuda in Detroit, going as far as to picture R’ yitzchak with the head of the adminisstration.”
So what’s the problem?rocky, ujm, and maybe others are not understanding me. An airline may impose any rule it wants. The question specifically was whether the federal law forcing the passengers to wear masks, as well as the airline to enforce said law, is unconstitutional.
Further, the question wasn’t whether it’s constitutional to set laws upon an airplane, such as requiring wearing pants. The question was whether prohibiting the travel, including entry into the country or a different state, was unconstitutional.
So the answer seems to be that airline commerce is different. Thanks, GH, CTL. I’ll research that and speak later.
You’re sure the gabbai asked you to do hagba and not glila?
The man walks away and recognizes someone else. The once all-popular, handsome, tall teenager, now gray-haired, fat, and old. “Hey,” he approaches him. “You’re John?”
“Yes,” John responds. “Who’re you?”
“Gary Smith.”
John thinks for a minute. “What class did you teach?”The Republicans should devote the energies to blasting Dems and let the primaries choose the candidate.
1. Decaffeinated coffee is on the internet.
2. there’s a little magnifying glass next to the word “contact”, plus a sticky thread called “search the coffee room”.@baltimoremaven
2/13 doesn’t = 1/60.Dear Romain
If someone steals your house, call 100 immediately.Coming from the man who boasted on his first press conference that under his administration, the economy reached the highest ever since the pandemic.
Biden: “If I got a, you know, well, quarter for every eh, george, eh, for every smart thing I said, I’d have two dimes.”
I know of a good racist joke.
Donald Trump.When I was young, I wanted to play the violin really badly. After years of diligence, practice, and hard work, I can now play the violin really badly.
What is red and really bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.
A man in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler. He killed the pit bull and saved the child’s life. Reporters swarmed the fellow to cover the story.
“Tell us! What’s your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow’s headline will be: ‘Paris Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'”The man said, “But I’m not from Paris.”
Reporters: “That’s OK. Then the whole of France will love you, and tomorrow’s headline will read: ‘French Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'”
The man said, “I’m not from France, either.”
Reporters: “That’s OK also. All of Europe will love you. Tomorrow’s headlines will shout: ‘Europe’s Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'”
The man said, “I’m not from Europe, either.”
Reporters: “So, where ARE you from?”
The man said, “I’m from Israel.”
Next day’s headlines: “Vicious Israeli Kills Family Pet”
Walking down the street in Harlem, a policeman observes a resident pickpocketing another. The pickpocket notices him, and before the cop could react, bellows at his neighbor, “Yo man! What’s MY hand doin’ in YOUR pocket?”
pretty famous joke. but if u didn’t hear it yet, it’s a good one.
A lawyer is driving down the street in his sports car when he sees the most miserable looking man he’s ever seen. His clothes are torn and dirty, he’s skinny as skin, and his glasses are held together with a string.
“Sir,” he asks, rolling down the window, “have you eaten anything today?”
“No,” the man said. “Except for some grass.”
“Oh my goodness,” the lawyer says. “Well, hop in the car. I’ll take you over to my estate.”
The man can’t believe his good fortune and eagerly hops into the car. “Can my wife and child come, too?” he asks.
“Yes,” the lawyer responds, “But I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
“They’re just down the block,” the man says, pointing. “I have elderly parents who are ill. Maybe they can come along?”
“Sure, sure,” the lawyer says. “We just have to hurry.”
“And how about my sister in law? She’s been living with us for the past month, after she was evicted.”
“As long as we do it fast,” the lawyer says, a tad impatiently, “I don’t care how many people. The grass in my backyard is over foot long.”huh, emunas? Why don’t you practice what you preach?
With the covid19 insanity there are plenty of horror stories. To quote umm, never leave a patient alone. I heard thirdhand that someone wrote a note that if he dies, it’s not because he can’t breathe, but because of starvation. And many more.
Sara wakes up one morning but stays in bed.
Her mother comes to her room, “Come on Sara, time for school.”
“I’m not going to school anymore,” Sara says. “The teachers hate me, the kids make fun of me, and all it is is work, work, work.”
“Come on Sara, you have to go to school,” her mother chides her. “You’re the principal.”Who is this due by?
how many words does it have to be?A man walks into a pet shop.
“How much is that parrot?” he asks.
“Ten thousand dollars.”
“What? Ten grand for a parrot??”
“This is no simple parrot. He knows the entire sefer tehillim by heart.”
“Oh, I understand. How much is that parrot?”
“Twenty thousand.”
“What???? Twenty grand for a parrot??”
“This is no simple parrot. He know the entire tehillim and mishnayes by heart.”
“Oh. How much is that one?”
“Fifty thousand.”
“What??????”
“Yes. He knows tehillim, mishnayos, and the entires has buy heart.”
“Wow. Well, how much is that one?”
“One hundred thousand.”
“What???? What does he know?????”
“To be honest, I’m not sure what he knows. But all the other parrots refer to him as “Kvod HaRav.”He was engaged until 8:33
HaHaHaHaHaHa
Can someone help me understand why YWN has to give minutely updates on his (dis)approval rating?
Mr. and Mrs. X take the mishpacha to a dinosaur exhibit. Mrs. X’s mother comes along for the trip.
“Wow, this place really changed since I was a little girl,” Grandma says, eyeing the fancy floors and high ceilings.
“Yes,” Mr. X agrees. “It’s no longer a zoo. Now it’s a museum.”Cuz he hasn’t mastered the art of emojis yet.
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Hey, you want to hear a blond joke?”
The bartender says, “You see me? I’m blond. You see that six-foot-five guy there? He’s a body builder, weighs 200 lbs., and he’s blonde. You see that guy in the corner? He’s and undercover security guard with about three guns on him, and he’s blond. You see that woman at that table? She’s completely crazy, will fight over anything, and she’s blond. Still want to say the joke?”
“No, no, of course not,” the customer says. “Not if I’ll have to explain it four times.”How do you clean and type at the same time?
A ventriloquist is performing and in middle of his spiel says a blond joke.
A blond woman in the audience gets up and starts screaming “That’s rude and offensive! Blondes are just as intelligent as any human! How dare you say such a disgusting thing?”
The ventriloquist starts apologizing, explaining it’s just a joke, but the blond cuts him off. “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that jerk on your knee!”That’s a stupid thing to say.
Along with several other factors.
Can someone help me understand why Biden’s approval rating is so high?
He’s doing a terrible job. 72% of Americans think the country is moving in the wrong direction. Why do only 54% of Americans disapprove of Biden? Why do 28% of Americans want to see Biden run again in 2024? I am having trouble comprehending these numbers! Do the American people not see Sleepy Joe’s incompetence?You should have celebrated it.
“When we celebrate one’s birthday, we are showing them that we see them as a tzadik.”get with the program, buddy.
Culturally North America wears masks.
Full stop.I said I’m right here. How can I help you?
I’m driving along a bridge when suddenly a car crashes into my trunk. I lurch forward; luckily, I was wearing a seatbelt, and lived to post this tale. I get out onto the shoulder of the road to inspect the damage–pretty bad, mind you–and the crashing driver also does.
Anyway, we schmooze a bit, and he reveals that he’s a CR mod. I told him I’m Participant. So he says, “you know what? I think this is a sign from Above that we put our differences aside and become friends.”
“That’s right!” I enthused. “Let’s drink a lechayim to this!”
I get a bottle of Scotch from the passenger seat–luckily it wasn’t in the trunk–and offer it to the mod.
He takes a long swig and hands it back to me. “Your turn. Enjoy.”
“Nah,” I said, promptly tossing the bottle into the ocean below. “I’ll just wait for the police to show up.”Did you celebrate your birthday?
people who talk about therapists just want to hock.
I’m right here. Can I help you?
pegasus
“How frum Jews could ever support an orange-haired”
Agree 100%.
Maybe that’s why Trump died it blond.
But still, in less there’s no alternative, frum Jews should always be behind brown or black haired politicians.