Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
cshapiro: I think he just wants to make himself look better and is playing a game of cover up for the shadchan.
You can text him back, tell him explicitly that no plans were made, to/with you.
Anyhow, don’t you have to stay at work late next week, maybe Monday?
whatrutalkingabt: I don’t think you’re being fair. Calling a girl who appreciates being walked to her door “flirty” is not right. I’ve stated over and over that not doing it is no biggie, and that some girls don’t like it.
I do feel that by nature, any girl would appreciate it. Some have a special reason why they don’t want it (neighbors, keep it quiet etc).
Its not right to suggest that a girl who does appreciate it is not yeshivish.
Its not an easy task, and certainly not an a first or second date, but it is a life-long task.
AZ: Wow. I’m impressed at your work. Truly beautiful!
yogibooboo: Thats a seperate issue.
Which posters do you mean?
cleverjewishpun:
Excuse me, please. What type of content is there on TV? What do all the studies indicate are the result of watching TV? Less gossip? Or, much more gossip, much more crime, and just an overall decayance of academia and a pervasiveness of immorality.
Forget about new studies. Just read the studies done about Sesame Street back in the 70’s and 80’s. It’ll forever turn a parent away from using these “educational’ methods.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two wrights made an airplane
Lomed Mkol Adam:
As the Mishnah says “Shaalas Chacham Chatzi Teshuvah”, and Rabbeinu Yonah explains that when you get inner recognition of your shortcomings then you are already halfway through rectifying it.
There is no such a Mishna. And certainly, no rabbeinu Yonah explaining said “mishnah”. I did not bother reading anything else you wrote, once you’re willing to falsify mishnayos to make “your” way the right way
yogibooboo: The percentage of singles amongst the communities that follow this very approach you’re suggesting is greater than amongst those that work through shadchanim.
Difficult enough that its taking a long time. Do you want to rob these singles of their kedusha and tznius as well?
AZ: 1. Fair enough.
Lomed Mkol Adam:
“There is no way to know if therapy actually works”. Heard from a well-known frum therapist
cleverjewishpun:
Are you choosing this lifestyle and all the halochos it violates on the baseless assumption it will aleviate gossip???
I like apushatayid’s idea. Pick a time, even a very short time, where you’ll not get angry etc, no matter what! even if it’s 10 minutes at first. It’ll make a huge difference, it’ll put you in control.
It’s easier to finish all of shas than to reverse a middah. But it can be done, and its the reason we’re here
eclipse: A friend once got a call from a person who introduced himself as a rabbi, to resolve a dispute the guy was involved in. He told him only he can resolve it (and no other Rav can) since he’s “kulo l’shem shomayim”. My friend wanted to know if this “rabbi’s” name was shomayim
No 1. When people describe how good they are, what are they raving about? What are they omitting as far as the must middos you need?
emesvyatziv: Thank you for your work. Its inspiring to see the kindness and the l’shem shomayim in your efforts.
I do feel though, that if the parties had a responsibility to the shadchan, then they would be more courteous. It would serve as a reminder that the shadchan does not owe them anything.
Its very difficult and frustrating for people in shiddduchim. When they get their hopes up, emotions running.. and its a flop- a big flop- its very hurtful. So they let it out. If they had a responsibility, they may be more courteous. On the other hand, shadchanim (I don’t mean you), would work harder at suitable matches. Sometimes a shadchan just matches two names out of the phone book (or list book), without giving it the proper thought and effort.
AZ and Daas Yochid, I think your right. People who get paid for their work, are certainly more motivated.
One issue I do take with you, AZ, is the exact amount. In other threads you felt that a date 2 should automatically get a certain amount. Sometimes people agree to a second date after a dismal first date, due to the excuses being offered.. If a person knows the second date will definitely cost them, they may hesitate and refuse to even try. I think if the second date turns out like the first, an acknowledgment of $20/30 dollars should suffice.
Otherwise, I do feel your number for a second date makes sense.
cleverjewishpun: Gossip in the “frum” community is the replacement for television and outside media.
Many many halochos can be violated with every nighttime TV show. We should though, be able to mind our own buisness. You’re right.
iyhbyu: I didn’t scroll through all the posts now. A few posts up she said this: “As I explained many times, I think it’s chivalrous. You don’t. That’s FINE!”
dunno: YW
iyhbyu: May I mix in over here?
I think your being a little factitious over here. dunno stated explicitly that this is what she prefers . She said she understands the other side. But, this is how she feels.
Hummingbird: Yeah pretty amazing. I’m sure she wishes she could of ctrl+z on the years in the interim. I assume that child is extra special though
1) Someone who hurt us on the assumption “I can hurt him/her, they’ll forgive me anyhow”.
2) Someone who was motzie shem rah on us.
Here it seems you did it without any malicious intent. In fact you meant good. We still have to do all we can to undo the harm.
If we do all we can to undo the harm and seek forgiveness (if it wont make things worse), things can work out. Someone showed me an article, I think from the yated, a couple of months ago, about a person who was insensitive to a collector on the way to her daughters wedding.. After her daughter was unfortunately suffering with fertility, s/t prompted her to think how she may have hurt anyone.. She thought and thought until she fell asleep. Eventually she remembered the story.
She resolved to ask forgiveness, but had no clue how to find her. Went to hall after hall every night to look at the collectors, no where to be seen. Out of no-where she spotted her in the airport when she (uncharacteristically) took her daughter there on way for treatment.
Asked forgiveness, got the news that— her daughter was expectant..!
TY Moderator
Hey, hey. Wait for me. Please
HaLeiVi: You keep on skirting the points.
If the truth is to be told, I must say… that I really can’t stand this disgusting behavior of yours. If you really case that much about truth, how do you allow yourself to attack someone based on the fact that his view is slightly more extreme than your tolerance level allows for?
You never answered my questions.
Until recently, they chose to appease America, since it was worthwhile for them. Now, that 1.5 billion dollars a year can come to unfortunate use, G-d forbid.
iyhbyu: Why not give points to a person who can sensed what you prefer?
smartcookie: Hello.
Are you sure? What purpose does this instant response serve? I would think, out of desperation of try to alleviate the pain/problem they’re in, they create a distraction. The physical pain serves as a distraction.
HaLeiVi: You have left me very confused. Please clearify which point you’re adressing with which statement. Thank you.
it’s true that he doesn’t want people to Paskin from his writings, but he does give advice. Since this is not a Halacha, as I mentioned above, he does advise people on such matters.
Good. Please find me a repudable source that:
1) he ever told someone who had one of these names (whose origin is not a roshe mentioned in Tnach), to change it?
2) That the advice he gave one person, is a blanket across-the-board advice he would suggest for everyone. If he dosent want people to follow his p’sak halocha, unless told specifically, do you think he wants people to “follow” the advice he gave someone else? No two cases are ever the same.
If you cannot find a source for #2, I respectfully request you clarify that people should simply follow their rov.
Emotional pain is a lot worse, in my opinion. The crazy phenomenon of kids cutting their hand, originates with this, according to psychologists. They have emotional pain so, they create physical pain to help them “forget” their emotional pain.
Of course the emotional pain remains, just the physical is now added.
To suggest that it is Rav Chaims will or opinion that all those with these names on the extended list shall immediately change their name with a Kiddush, is misrepresenting Rav Chaim and misrepresenting Halocha.
Additionally, can you find a reputable source that Rav Chaim told someone who had one of these names (whose origin is not a roshe mentioned in Tnach), to change it?
Does your tolerance level allow you to tolerate my being upset about this and seeking to expose this unholy behavior?
Ragachovers Assistant: Thanks for the gemara. Its so important to remember. i also see this in my personal life eclips. Brocha is only on the quiet things. As soon as people who dont have to, know, then…
iyhbyu: To you it would be a red flag. Fine. Nothing wrong with that.
Just as no two couples have exactly the same relationship, so too do no two potential couples have exactly the same courtship.
I got it several years ago. It has the classic, easy to understand perushim of mateh levi etc. in a new print. I use it
This is scary. To make him go in a very disgraceful, not even allow him a lame duck period, points to them ready for the greatest changes. We can only daven the outcome won’t be too bad..
bochur24: Hello. I wouldn’t blame all on chivalry. I find it to be part of a certain respect and consideration. Have you ever had the opportunity to drive a Rov, Rebbe or Rosh Hyeshiva? I have. And I always got out and walked them inside. Was never told to. If I would have asked if its necessary, they would have said no. I just thought its the proper way to display respect.
No, no, I’m not turning girls into rabbits or whatever, but it is a sign of respect. Again, no biggie if it’s not done.
1st timer: then this entire post was not necessary!
Especially considering that Rav Chaim K Shelita was being misrepresented in big way, and that most of the stories of name-changing with kidayshim are bubbeh maasseh (baloney).
Gotta love Joseph’s perseverance
Ofcourse: Didn’t mean to attack you. However, what good can it do for you to even remember him, or furthermore, think and analyze how his life will turn out??
dunno: Finding a difficult situation humorous is a great attitude. But, wouldn’t people rather not have had to go through these humorous situations? Maybe reliving it humorously helps. IDK