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Great point Pashuteh Yid. Sometimes people can get so caught up in the hype that they forget that a successful marriage takes work. Hard work.
Just read an article about a kallah who got engaged after many years, due to a rabbi revealing the name of her (then future) chosson and the shadchan. The way it was written got me scared that the kallah was forgetting that after she’ll be married, she must still remember to work on her marriage and not rely on the magic that produced brought the shidduch about, at that stage.
I don’t particularly care. If he does then he does.
Lets take it a step further. Would you prefer he sees this? I’m guessing yes
If only our religious epiphany would be as directed at ourselves as it is at others. Something to think about
It’s not worthwhile attacking what our good schools teach. What’s the famous parable with the medication?
ive noticed usually the same people who humiliate “fat girls” (see above “rant”) also attack yeshiva girls (same post).
There are halochos about rebuke.
I once saw the following question posed.
One place we’re told “al tocheach letz” do not rebuke a scoffer
Another place we’re told to rebuke over and over, even one hundred times, until we’re hit for the rebuke we offer.
Theses two directives seem to contradict each other. How do we answer this?
Thank you.
A wonderful and beautiful Pesach and Sederim to all Coffee Roomers and all of Klall Yisroel, temporarily out here in galus
Like everyone here said, it has to be taken very seriously, and then dealt with (whichever way it may go).
Only thing about suggesting a therapist is, her parents. Why haven’t her parents picked up on this? Quite possibly they did. But, “how embarrassing it’ll be if their daughter breaks it off” and other fears etc etc. I don’t know her financial standing, but she may be hesitant to go spend a thousand bucks on a qualified therapist, with a proven track record, especially if her parents will know about it. (Divorce court is whole lot more expensive).
Young Man: She’s a size minus 2
I’ve heard said in jest. At the same time the guy was making fun of the girls who want a “comfortable” (=ostentatious) lifestyle provided by a guy who davens, learns and does chesed 36 hours a day.
Both attitudes equal out.
HIE
I’m afraid I’m on different planet. (Out of the tri-state area)
Mazal tov, mazal tov!
Thanks for sharing the exciting news
eclipse:
What story don’t you believe??
Are you friends with my ex? Do you abuse your own wife?
Do you feel this is the healthiest reaction? There aren’t any other possibilities?
This is precisely my point. When we’re in pain, our vision blurs a little. Our reactions are not the same of that thought-out high-school teacher. That’s why I feel it’s crucial to get advice, in person, from a person with proven track record, to guide people through their painful situations.
I remain,
tbt,
a Kosheren un Frielichen Pesach
eclipse:
I’m sorry you are hurting. I’m sorry you’ve gone through some very difficult times.
The question is what should be done now. Treating wounds with the wrong type of medication will not only not improve things, they will make it worse. Sometimes, a lot worse.
Have any of the Tzadikim you’ve gotten brochos from advised to inform your children as to how terrible you feel your ex, their father, is? If so, ask them to do it for you.
But I’m certain that they didn’t advise you that. There’s a reason why.
A Frielichen, Kosheren un Frielichen Pesach
gaslight:
Please do not forget about the case nebech where the father molested the daughter and not only abused the wife but had the sons abuse her as well…
aries2756:
Are you a prophet? How can you possibly assume its gas lighting or ambient abuse. You are not helping anyone by claiming this. In fact, you may be making things worse.
if anyone still believes this , i have a bridge to sell you.
True about both threads
aries2756:
YOU don’t know what goes on….
ucgnet12:
What are you doing in this thread?! Its a mean joke for a woman to play
HRH:
I know you didn’t mean this, but not everyone who doesn’t have thirteen, is it by choice.
___
anonymrs: Which elementary school did you go to
Those are all considerations. However, no shidduch has every advantage. If everything else works out, why not. It may be worthwhile.
One just has to be certain that the child makes their own decisions, and the parents arn’t overly possessive of him.
A23:
It’s $13 nowadays. $6.50 each way
May Hashem continue to grant you strength and clearmindedness to be able to raise your children in the best way possible. May your unconditional love towards them help them grow up well and bring you much nachas.
s2021: Don’t girls always complain about having to walk in heels?
and im not even sure why its bad for the kids once they are mature married adults.
In a world of fighting and strife, no, its not bad– it’s good. In a world of jolliness, friendliness and happiness, its not just bad, its a lot worse.
The whole question of L/R Orthodoxy is somewhat meaningless as we’re talking about Toras Emes, not, lihavdil, petty politics. And you can’t be only somewhat orthodox; you either are, or are not.
Well said.
I did not start this thread. The original post, which I responded to, was deleted.
how is it fair to your ex, even if he was the biggest rasha in the world, but its not fair to turn his own children against him.
You may want to get out of the drunken stupor, chayav. It’s about the kids, not the ex.
Funny, Chazal didn’t agree. Neither did Rav Saadiah Gaon, Rabbi Bachyah ibn Pakuda, Rambam, Rabbi Yehudah HaLevi, the author of Orchot Tzadikim, the author or Tzena Urenah, the authors of Meam Loez, Rav Hirsch, Rav Herzog, Rav Soloveitchik, Rav Lichtenstein….
Do any of these sources say you should learn foreign languages in order to learn Torah? Please cite.
They did teach or write in other languages, but that was to address a need. They wrote and taught in a way that people understood. Not because they wanted people to learn those languages, they wanted people to learn Torah.
Aries: You may call me naive. You may even go the route of calling me a mechutsaf. Fine. However, you are not advising her well.
Why was his father always silent? His father wanted him to at least have a mother, without any resentment or upset-ness. He should at least have his mother to love, worry-free.
Eclips, or anyone in such a situation, should not allow the other one to make the rules of the game. They should seek to always be the tzadik/tzidekes, period. Of course humans fall through at times. That, though, should not be the rule. She should follow her own rules of darchei noam.
adorable: I beg you, please, discuss with a mentor, teacher, Rav etc. Online posters are online posters. You and I are only hearing one side of the story. We should definitely empathize with those in pain. But, we should not base important life decisions on their version of events.
Your Rebbe in your current Yeshiva, assuming you’re indeed a Bochur attempting to enter RTK’s Yeshivah
Another one? Related to yoyo?
Anyone can choose to block incoming texts from a specific number. Phone companies and police departments have all the info
shkoyach:
Theres the cRc app for free. You can get Tehillim for a dollar. Siddur etc I haven’t found
I agree with the above posters.
Things have to make sense. There is no rush prior to the engagement, if you feel dates are still necessary. But once you know the person well enough, and all else makes sense, well, an early mazal tov!
May HaShem give her the strength and wisdom to overcome the challenges she faces.
May she see them as the Chasidishe Rebbe of yore, Reb Zishe. “I never faced any difficulties..” despite his extreme poverty, difficult family situation etc etc
aries2756,
I respectfully disagree with you. If they “figur[ed] out things for themselves”, why would they need their mom to help them along? What can she add?
What does the halochos of slander and rechilus have to say about this?
aries2756
but one day when your kids are much, much older and married, they might want to know the truth
Do you really really think it’s healthy for a parent to tell their child that the other parent was bad?
smartcokie: Was that difficult for you? Impressive you guys did it
morahmom: So you would suggest a chosson get a 1-2-3 thousand dollar watch in order for his mother to be able to show off? He doesn’t have to forgo any spirituality for this, sorry. She could show of all she wants on her own bill.
Or, she could show off the fact that her son isn’t too materialistic.
I don’t understand why eveyone is attacking Sacrilege here
Eclips:Sorry you’re felling this way. I hope you’ll be able to put the past behind you soon, as calm, serenity and happiness will overtake you.
adorable:
No reason to be naive, but I don’t think you should worry yourself too much because of rare stories (where we aren’t aware of all the details).
Ofcourse: I have a lot of respect for your posts. This is one I disagree with. We should attempt to put our adversaries out of mind. “Bnfol ovecha, al tismach”.
psst: (they’re in the coffee room. shhhah)
Yeah, we should all apologize to each other, and of course, ourselves
mdd:
I know the mekoros and what Rabbonim pasken
You have yet to share a single “mekor”. You have yet to even mention what it is you’re disagreeing with. I’ll have to assume that your “mekoros” escaped you for the moment. If so, why don’t you start reading the Chofetz Chaim’s sefer? Scroll up, its right here, just under the instructions about a coherent argument.
Thank you
mdd:
Here’s a book on the subject, go through it and then argue. Thank you
mdd:
Truth be told, you are so yeshivish-wrong!!
Lets get this,
1) Attacking yeshivish in general, but no specific part.
2) Whatever it is you’re attacking your attacking through referencing, without citing. Wow.
A coherent argument would go as follows. You would mention only what was said that you’re debating. Labeling would be left out. Then you would proceed to prove your position, clearly. Otherwise, do you think such an argument is taken seriously?
HRH: Thank you