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…My cat, Yekussiel, had payeos…
I really shouldn’t be reading in the CR during work hours, as my co-workers for the life of them can’t figure out why I just spit a mouth full of coffee on my computer screen.
Do we have a post of the year award in the CR?
What did she do that was a Kiddush Hashem? I get all my news from YWN. 🙂
My wife and I are both vegetarians for 20 years. Most of our kids are as well. Our oldest eats fish outside of the house. He tried beef for the first time when he was 9 and almost landed in the emergency room – he said never again. Not so easy to eat meat when you haven’t trained your body to do so. Our other kids are not interested yet. We won’t stop them (why should they be crazy like us?) from eating meat, we’re just not going to encourage it.
So why do I hold this way? I hate the taste. I’m no more an animal rights activist than the next guy on the street. I just don’t like the taste, texture or flavor. I asked a shaila of a big Rav in town, and I have a heter to refrain from eating meat 365 days a year. Unless the rav I spoke to is unaware of das Torah and our whole community has been duped, I’m quite sure the RBS’O is just fine with my decision.
And Baruch Hashem, I have no issues with blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, diabetes, etc… Just sayin’
I wonder if those who are so interested in the “integration” of the chareidim into frei culture are going to be surprised when the opposite occurs, and the secular godless masses in Israel end up being exposed to these newly inducted IDF Torah scholars, who in turn will inspire T’shuvah, thereby increasing the madrega of the average Israeli.
Hashem has a plan for all, and if in the end Hashem’s decision is that yeshiva bochurim should take time out of their Torah studies to join the IDF and learn how to kill Arabs, then that’s what for the best. And it’s time to start thinking about all the kiruv opportunities there will be in the IDF and how much Israel stands to benefit.
Can’t read my Kindle on Shabbos. So at least 1/7th of the time, I’m reading actual books with paper.
farrockgrandma, I wonder if your last statement is right on the head. He’s watched his daughter (and me) go from unreligious to raising our 5 kids FFB over the last 15 years. My in laws attend a “learner’s service” every Shabbos morning at an Orthodox shul, but they refuse to take on kashrus, Shabbos, etc. My wife and I, on the other hand, try to make every decision in life under the cloak of Torah. Perhaps he’s had “enough.”
We used to have this long standing game in our family to pretend to treat him with disrespect, which was actually meant (and taken) as a sign of respect. When he turned 70, I instructed my kids that game was over, and it was time to give him real kavod. Things have gone downhill ever since.
I have passed up numerous job promotions that would have forced the my family to move, in order to stay close to the grandparents (both sides are in town, B’H”). But now my wife is wondering what kind of role models the grandparents will be for the kids as they get older. They have a TV – we don’t. They eat treif – we don’t. They drive on Shabbos, etc,, you get the point.
At what point do you have to limit your kids exposure to your parents who not only eat teif, but davka celebrate it!
I just found it terribly upsetting that 3 of the parents sued for the kids to play. Sure they got to play, but in return they gave up their kiddush Hashem. So now what do they have to show for their efforts? An extra 90 minutes of cardio excercise? Was giving up the opportunity to sanctify Hashem’s name really only worth a few hundred lousy calories?
What I found interesting, is that I have 2 or 3 non-frum Jewish neighbors who were all emotionaly wrapped up in the “fight” to let these boys play on a non-Shabbos time. And they all came running to me to tell me the great news that the games had been rescheduled.
To them, it was all about reforming a sports authority to support Jews – in other words, all about man vs. man. For me, it was all about sanctifying Hashem’s name. Do you see the difference?
Forgive my ambivalence, but the story clearly started out a kiddush hashem (boys said they wouldn’t play on Shabbos and were thankful for a successful season), but it quickly decinded into supporting typical Jewish stereotypes (Jews didn’t like the hand dealt to them, so they sued to get what they want).
Big missed opprtunity, at a time when we Yidden need to put our best feet forward, IMO.
I understand Rav Nossan Tzvi Finkel, Z’tl, who suffered terribly from Parkinson’s, would say these words with tears in his eyes.
There was a fairly well-known Chassidish Rebbe from Yerushalayim collecting for his yeshiva at our shul last night. I gave him everything in my wallet – $24. He then proceeded to give me a 2-minute bracha in Hebrew, of which I maybe understood 10% of it. He also wrote down my name, my wife’s and all my children in his notebook. Hmmm, I’m not sure exactly what transpired, but I still feel good about giving.
“but whats the Pashat of not eating later than 10:30?”
Same, indigestion. I’d rather fast longer and be hungry than shorter and have an upset stomach.
For me, the early breakfast causes more trouble (indegestion)than benefit. Although getting some fluids in right before the fast begins sure does seem to help me.
The key for me is to fully hydrate the day before the fast. I like to eat no later than 10:30pm the night before. I tend to fast pretty ok.
I’ve been wondering the same thing, too – did it really happen? But in truth, does it really matter? This is an opportunity for all of klal Yisroel to improve our middos.
If they are Muslim, then they are monotheists. What’s the kasha?
Could somebody tell just one Chuck Norris joke here in this thread, so we have an example to help judge your question on?
I would assume the lip-synching gives “chizuk” to others who are dancing and singing. People generally like to fit in with others. So I look at your lip synching more as a white lie (in order to do good for the sibor), which we know in some cases is fully permissible.
BTW, I think your question is not out of the realm of asking your LOR a shaila. Not that the CR isn’t full of people who play poskim on tv. 🙂
Let me try to say it another way.
Men are obligated in time-bound and non time-bound mitzvos. A woman only in non time-bound. The name of someone represents an aspect of that person’s neshama. Attaching it to a neshama that is only obligated in non time-bound mitzvos, whereas before it was attached to a neshama that was obligated in both kinds, is a lowering of the person’s mitzvah potential.
I believe I heard this to be the Tzitz Eliezer quoting somebody who I now forget. Sorry for the loose source. I’ll look to see if I can find it (unless somebody can beat me to it).
No, I really wasn’t stirring the pot with the “kedusha should go upwards comment.” My concern with naming a girl after a male relative is this…
We name the child after a deceased relative so that their neshama should have an aliya. We all know that men hold time-bound mitzvahs and women do not, as women clearly have an inherent kedusha that men lack. By naming a girl after a male, it’s as if you are limiting the deceased male’s kedusha by tying it to a girl who lacks time-bound mitzvahs.
I’m clearly not the most elequent with my words here at this site. But surely I’m not the only one who has heard this idea?
And furthermore, a child named after a deceased relative is meant to “take on” some of the traits of that relative. Since men do not have babies, wouldn’t you be concerned that naming a girl after a male could possibly cause infertility at a later date?December 7, 2011 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm in reply to: Divorce Statistics among Orthodox/Conservative/Reform families #833534
You may want to go to the SimpleToRemember website and click on the thread called, “will my grandchildren be Jewish?”. I don’t think it has exactly what you are looking for, but I think it will answer your question.
Sof Davar, your answer rang especially true to me. Well said.
But IF you must argue with your parents about this subject, you may want to ask a shaila of your LOR, as you need to tread carefully when argueing with your parents, so that You do not mis-step.
I have similar issues with my own parents, and my wife and I simply do not discuss any Torah topics deeper than the superficial with them. And we NEVER EVER engage in comparative religion discussions with them (i.e., when they say their Conservative “rabbi” says…) And if they come to us with questions like the 7 nations, we simply say, “That’s an excellent excellent question, and I’m so glad you asked it. I’d be happy to arrange some time for you to speak with my Rav about it, if it’s troubling you. He knows so much, and you should be talking to an expert. I’m SURE he could answer your questions.”
Here’s some advice that could change your relationship with your parents (as I detect some strain): Always punt when it comes to tough Torah questions with your frei parents. Steer them to a Rav, and let the tough answers come from him – not you!
“you make it seem like a black hat is needed to complete the transformation to a full BT…”
That’s funny you say that. A BT friend of mine told me the other day (jokingly) that he and his wife had a 4th child, because you couldn’t really wave your “frum card” without at least 4 kids.
So this “theoretical” BT I’m referring to has not approached his Rav yet to discuss. About 3 years ago when he did bring up the subject with his Rav, the answer was: “when I see you in shul every morning at 6:40am, day after day after day, then we can discuss.”
A similar BT friend was consulted last night, asking if he has thought about wearing a black hat. His response: “the ba’ale batim should dress one way, and the yeshiva educated another. you’re a graduate of a state college, not the Mir. I use my tallis as a second covering for my head during tefillah. Why would I need a black hat?”
This theoretical BT isn’t the least bit worried about what others will say. He simply wants to match up his outward appearance to his inner hashkofa. But he also wants to reserve the right to wear jeans (without the hat) during weekday tefillah. Is that enough to prove he’s not ready?
I cooked the entire meal for Shabbos last night (my first time ever), so my wife could relax today, and go into Shabbos tonight feeling rested and relaxed. A happy wife/mother, makes for a happy family.
Just create a list of which city has the better kosher restaurants, and you should have your answer.
But seriously, can anyone tell me in what ways the CC are different than other yeshivish groups?
Sorry, got my own answer here:
I answered the question saying my Rav told me it’s better to learn the halacha and not yet implement it (as opposed to avoiding learning it at all in order not be held liable), because if you know the halacha, at least you have a chance to eventually putting it into practice. And in the meantime, you’re not chaiv. One should only put the observance into practice once they can no longer stand the idea of continuing to do the aveira.
For instance, if one wants to drive a long distance on Shabbos to get to shul, and that’s where they are currently “holding,” then so be it. Let them come to shul. Eventually they will no longer be able to “tuen the key in the ignition,” but this means they’ll likely stop coming to shul. This is a dangerous transition time when you can lose a B’T. So it’s imperitive to encourage them to move into an eruv once they no longer are willing to drive on Shabbos.
I have a friend, at the beginning of his B’T journey ask me today if it’s better to know the halacha, but still not be on a level to do it, or if it’s better to avoid learning the halacha at all, so he will not be required to follow it. I’m curious if you would answer the question the same way i did?
Prague – just spectacular architecture
Stockholm – an amazing “old city”
Barcelona – such an easy-going pace of life there
Ouray, Colorado – most beautiful “town” in the US. Spectacular scenery
Isn’t there somewhere these HTML tricks could be sticky-posted?
So I’m aware of the situations a Jew must give up their life in order to not transgress halacha. Are there situations where a Jew must go to jail in order not to trangress halacha?
So with Penn State, there are people involved there who will likely end up in jail, because they knew of the abuse, and reported it “internally” to the school’s administartion, but not to the actual police.
It’s a good moshel for the original poster’s question here. I would think telling shomrim is no better than reporting it “internally,” and by doing so and not telling the police, not only are you further harming the victim, but you may be victimizing yourself, too.
If a Yid is to go to jail in this situation, there’s no reason it should be you and the abuser. Better one Jew in jail than two. Whatever the abuse is, eventually it will be found out by the proper authorities, and if you fail to act properly, you’re likely chaiv.
For what it’s worth, you should also be careful of a vegetarian diet. I’ve been a vegetarian all of my adult life, and I still got to be 50 lbs overweight.
Like I tell my friends, pretzles, cookies and beer are vegetarian.
It was mentioned above, but food logs is a MUST. It’s what I like about Weight Watchers online. I fill out the log every single day. It counts how many points I’ve used and how many I have left. If you stick to your alloted points, the program will work. 100%
Goq, I need to lose 50lbs. My wife threatened me with a diet plan that was going to cost big bucks. So instead, all on my own, I signed up for Weight Watcher online for Men. It’s $18 a month, and you get tons of online support to help you achieve your goals.
I have now lost 20 lbs in the first 3 months. Not big numbers, but my goal isn’t to get there quickly, it’s to get there and LEAVE IT OFF. So I have 30 more lbs. to go – I should get there, please Hashem, by summer.
It’s funny, but with just 20 lbs off my frame, I have gone down from a 40 to a 36 waist size. I’m finding shirts in my closet I haven’t worn in years that I can wear now (OK, so I’m now a bit behind the fashion times). And I just feel so much better.
You can do it!
6:40 Shacharis, although we’re davening at 6:45 this week (putting on tallis and tefillin at Yishtabach). When the time changes this Sunday, we’ll move it back to 6:40 again.
I like this time for davening. We have a shul gamara shiur at 6am every day. I find that helps my kevanah for davening.
Minchas is 20 minutes before shkia. Then we learn for 15 minutes, then Maariv. I repeat 3 paragraphs of shema before I go to sleep each night.
I once accompanied my LOR to the hospital on Shabbos when he thought he was dying (ended up being dehydration from the flu). After IVs and the such, he was well enough to go home around 5pm. Being summer, Shabbos ended a few hours later, and home was 10+ miles away. We understood that we could get a ride to the hospital for pikuach nefesh, but not home when he was well again.
In Hashem’s great mercy, he sent us an off-the-derech nurse at the end of the day who suggested to us (without asking) to do another round of IV’s to ensure (his health) we were not kicked out of the hospital before sunset. We made havdalah a few hours later, then calld for a ride.
mommamia, your MIL is likely a narcicist and cannot easily control her mouth. Most people have filters that prevent this type of behavior, but alas Hashem saw it fit for her to be born without this filter. What can you do? Well, you are not likely to change her. These are simply opportunities to work on your own middos. Try to set boundaries as respectfully as possible. Let her know when she has crossed the line, but again, be respectful. Bottom line, she cares for your kids and wants to do good by them, but she simply does not have the tools to do it in a way that does not offend. So make the adjustments on your end. And be sure your husband understands he may not take her side against you, even when YOU are the one who is wrong.
I’ve been a vegetarian for 2 decades. I davka eat meat during the nine days. (just kidding, of course). Although the irony is this: I really am a vegetarian. So I like the fact that all the fleishig restaurnats have “alternatives” during this time each year.July 29, 2011 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm in reply to: What happens after they leave for Shul Friday night. #792208
If my boys do not sit right next to me, they do not come to shul. They do not have to daven (well, my younger ones), but they MUST be silent and show derek eretz.
And when I see others with unsupervised children, I find a soft but firm way to tell them that this in not OK.
Over the years, I lost close friends I never thought I would, who simply could not relate to my new found frumkite (ok, it was new found many years ago now). But I have retained a small group of those non-religious friends who are not the least bit interested in anything religious while obviously gaining many new frum friends through the years. Actually, I gained an entire community. It’s very seldom that non religious people have access to a community to be a part of.
If you want to dispose of those old friends really quickly, just proselytize to them your faith. That ought to do the trick. (If there was a winking emoticon, I’d use it here)
We can debate the merits of the case all day, but it’s irrelevant to us. As Yidden, we need to understand the MESSAGE of this case. For me, I find it interesting how she is receiving death threats, and in general, she’s been convicted by the court of opinion, not the court of law. As Jews, we need to understand how quickly this great country of ours could turn on us, too. Even without the law to support it.
If you look at my screen name, you’ll know I’m the expert on this subject. Nearly all the men in my shul do the pinky thing. And I have no idea why we do it!May 22, 2011 1:57 pm at 1:57 pm in reply to: Why don't jews have dogs? It is clear in the gemara and shulchan aruch that #770388
Frum Jew here with a dog – and a big one at that. We got him 12 years ago, before we started having kids. He has brought both joy and frustration into our lives. He’s great with kids – very gentle. But we have sadly decided he will be our last dog.
I would say 50% of the guests we have on Shabbos are terrified of him. Some of these people are so terrified they’d rather soil themselves than be in a room with him. My kids have friends who will not accept invites to play because of the dog. So you say, just put him away when people come over. Well, we do that, but the dog doesn’t understand why he’s being separated from all the fun, and he then barks and disturbs the neighbors.
The only solution we can think of, is to give in to the fears of our friends and guests and let our dog play out his final years so he can hold the distinction of being our last dog.
I’m having so much fun reading all of your suggestions. I’m having even more fun taking you up on some of them. BP is surely a sight to see, for a frum Jew not from a town with so many Chassids. I live inside an eruv and I’m surrounded by Jews on Shabbos when they are all afoot, but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw yesterday in BP. Everybody dressed in their Shabbos finest for a regular old Monday afternoon. Beautiful to see Torah Jewry thriving the way it is in Brooklyn. A Beis Medrash on nearly every corner. Rav Aron Cutler would be proud if he could see…
We live in the middle of the US, and our city has about 6 kosher restaurants, so the food in NY is a BIG draw. Yes, any suggestions are welcome. I think what we’d really like to find would be an Asian style (Thai, Japanese, etc) restaurant.
Luckily, we have a great free place to stay. My wife’s aunt/uncle live in Manhattan for half the year and Florida the other half. They’re still in Florida, so we get the use of their apartment for free.
A rav once told us we should take 3 vacations a year:
1. One as a couple (check)
2. Another with the kids (it’s been a while – we’re due)
3. And for the third… separate vacations (sounds doable)
If you make a post, see it in yellow. Then it disappears from the coffee room entirely, is it fair to assume a mod deleted the post. I fully understand, if that’s the case.
Does anybody see anything wrong with spending a good $100 to $150 on top shelf single malts like Laphroig, Ardbeg, Coal Ila, Lagavulen, etc? I hate to spend so much for a bottle, but they bring such joy and kavod when drank in moderation at a Shabbos seuda.
We have a 11 year old dog. I’ve had a dog nearly every day of my life. This current one has always been a great companion. But when he goes, he’ll be our last dog. It’s just so very difficult to have guests on Shabbos, because nearly every FFB I know is afraid of dogs (the BT’s seem to do much better with dogs). And it’s just plain mean to our dog to lock him up on Shabbos (and no, that’s not an issue of trapping an animal, when they are fully domesticated).
By “HDHP with HSA” Squak means: High Deductible Health Plan with a Health Savings Account.
Stir-fried tofu and vegetables (I’ve been reading all the threads in the coffeeroom about keeping your weight down).
BT’s can simply take on the minhagim of their rebbe. Then they can tell their parents all about their family’s minhagim, much to their parent’s amazement.