abcd2

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  • in reply to: Who is reponsible? #849057
    abcd2
    Participant

    Real-Brisker:Google “Halacha ticketing the driver”,you will see first result will take you to this case on Hilchos choshen mishpat submitted to a Beis din.sources are listed on page

    A company hired a van service to pick up it’s workers. The van was licensed to carry a maximum of 10 passengers. One morning, 12 workers needed a ride, and the extra two workers squeezed in.A police officer noticed, pulled over the van, and issued a ticket to the driver. The driver is requesting that the passengers pay the fine, since it was issued because of them.

    Answer:First of all, we must realize that there is no violation of law to overload a parked vehicle with more passengers than it has a legal capacity to carry. The violation is for driving such a vehicle. Consequently, it should be obvious that according to Halacha, the person responsible for the penalty is the driver. The van was stopped when the last two passengers entered, and afterwards, the driver commenced driving, the driver is the one who caused the fine to be levied, and is held solely responsible for payment of the fine.

    in reply to: Who is reponsible? #849050
    abcd2
    Participant

    there have been numerous halachic queries posted in various publications and websites of similar type cases,(where passenger was doing something which could get driver in trouble) Consistently, the driver has been found to be negligent as nobody forces a driver in their own car to give them a lift. The driver should have insisted that the passenger wear a belt or pulled over until the passenger got out or complied.A normal passenger, aside from the safety issue, if explained that the driver will be held responsible will listen. It might make for a sticky situation but the driver must be adamant. Hatzlacha

    in reply to: Please daven for Chaya Esther Bas Faiga Yenta #848297
    abcd2
    Participant

    to chassidishe gatesheader: I will be dan lekaf zechus that perhaps you just knew a person with this name and are just trying to find out if they are who you knew.However, your request of hudi in my opinion(if they are a relative) is a bit to much to ask on an anonymous forum.

    There were public tehillim gatherings for her in baltimore where she resides.Disclosing more then readily available public information,would be stepping over the boundaries of appropriateness IMHO. Unless HUDI decides on his/her own to divulge such info.

    in reply to: Serious BT problem – Please help. #846915
    abcd2
    Participant

    speak to aish hatora or hineni on how to proceed. they have dealt with these things many times and can guide you in your unique case. hatzlacha

    in reply to: How do you stop family feuds???!! #870972
    abcd2
    Participant

    rubbebands: you say your uncles family, has difficulty with conflict grudges etc.. for a while already. Perhaps with the help of their family Rav you can make shalom or find out why they got hurt originally. BTW this could have nothing to do with a family feud at all . This could even be from some emotional experience that happened to your aunt or uncle when they were growing up and in some misguided way feel that by running their house in such a way, or maintaining a distance/showing a ruthless exterior to perceived slights, they will not have the real or imagined difficulty repeating itself with their kids.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846843
    abcd2
    Participant

    Rabbaim again you deserve many praises for helping the klal, but I hear your stress in your post about income. I hope you fully realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of assumed financial security. Many parents have the same financial situation as you do or worse and hectic schedule.They do not have the sechar of teaching though which is your perk.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846836
    abcd2
    Participant

    To Basmelech :This is now more about parents themselves having a hard time attending please see above posts

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846835
    abcd2
    Participant

    To Rabbaim: Kol hakavod I agree strongly with your 5a and 5b.Which when you see my above post you will see that I have true appreciation for the neshama of a rebbe. Regarding therapists all therapists making that kind of cash are working night hours as well and are in private practice.This happens after years of building up a reputation, practice and expensive schooling to work towards the reputation and PHD. Most therapists though work for non profits and do not make near that.

    I am sure that when you decided to become a Rebbe you decided to become a Rebbe with your eyes wide open knowing that it might not make you materialistically rich but rather Mitzva Rich.All jobs in life have positives and negatives, and there are many jobs that people do for fulfillment rather then paycheck.And some people are even able to have both fullfillment and high pay.

    I would just like to say , Rebbeim and other tzarchei tzibbur don’t always get their due, I hope you realize that I and many others know that your real job is chessed. The fact that you get paid something to accomplish this Chessed is irrelevant.

    A Rebbe would not be able to accomplish this important mission without a paycheck,and you are worth every penny.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846832
    abcd2
    Participant

    to apushatayid: In the strict sense a teacher is a shaliach. You are paying them to educate your child and hopefully some middos as well. (as an aside a young child can only learn true middos at home.A school can only serve to reinforce, I have heard and read this over and over again from many mechanchim and therapists).

    The Maale of Rebbeim and teachers is that they earnestly want to help raise this child Al Pi Torah which is why they went into teaching in the first place. Consequently they elevate through their Chesed their role of just a shaliach, to becoming a partner.

    This concept I believe is analogous to Eliezer elevating himself as if he was Avraham to find a wife for Yitzchak. Eliezer did not even ask for success in his mission when he Davened to Hashem to find Yitzchak’s wife, but rather said in the merit of my master Avraham should I find the right one.Eliezer by davening as such, was completely being mivatel Daas of himself as Shaliach, but acted almost as if he were Avraham himself davening for success.

    Strictly speaking Rebbeim are our Shlichim however due to their high Madreigos they elevate themselves to partnership.Rebbeim are mivatel their daas as a Shaliach and show a care and concern as if they were the parent. Therefore, they are Shacliach/partner in the same vain as Eliezer.

    That being said, A parent is still a parent and a rebbe is still a rebbe, each with their unique roles.Just like Avraham and Eliezer in their unique roles of finding a wife for Yitzchak.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846831
    abcd2
    Participant

    to gavra: You are right however they are no different then other people as I will explain but first a disclaimer: Rebbes and Moros are very valuable in my eyes as they used their Bechira and mission in life to help raise Klal Yisroel, and do not always get their due.

    That being said they have pluses and minuses with their career like everyone else as it still is a job. To answer your point the pay scale for experienced rebbeim and moros is consistent with a middle class job. Regarding the summer time while admittedly not true for all rebbeim and moros, many I Know actually make MORE money in the summer then school year as their kids get free or reduced camp in exchange for their work, additionally they get tips. This cost saving plus the ability to tutor or other jobs with the free time is worth thousands.

    It is a matter of Mazel of course to get the job in the summer but many professions have slow seasons. Additionally, a teacher in this sense is like a self-employed person. In their free time they can choose to work in their given field or something else,and they go into their profession knowing some of the positives and negatives. Bear in mind, during the year yeshiva employees in most cases get free or reduced tuition for their children also a benefit worth thousands.Again the fact that I am mentioning some perks does not take away my respect for them but there are positives and negatives to every career.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846829
    abcd2
    Participant

    Daas Yochid-As morah mom wrote many schools require teachers to be present at parent events we are talking about one or two sundays so an entire class parent body doesn’t loose out. Most women are working solely for Yeshiva tuition it would be nice if the yeshiva would be more understanding, that parents could have some extra yiddishe nachas without a bad taste. When they make a ladies tea or chinese auction and want OUR money they would never in a million years schedule it for the day time. Yet, as a parent you have to show appreciation and achrayus to your childs school so you make it your business and go after a long days work, and you give to the school bisimcha whatever you can afford because it is the right thing to do. This is one time that a school could be accommodating on their free time.

    EYMom: Please see Morah mom who succinctly talks about the new reality.Iam sorry but taking work home does not wash. Many people with the same salary structure take much more work home then marking tests and have to make free time off of business hours to speak to clients. I do agree that to be a teacher you have have a very good Neshoma but plenty of people in caring professions Doctors Social workers Lawyers(yes lawyers can become heavily involved in client welfare) Psychologists Rabbanim all care about people and do not have as much time off. That being said I do Fargin the teachers if they have so much time off gezunteheit.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846827
    abcd2
    Participant

    To Rabbaim-please be mochel me and I appreciate your hard work, and Hashem should reward on this world and the next for helping the next generation of Klal Yisroel but unfortunately many are in the same boat just to make ends meet especially people in caring professions. Not everyone can have a 9-5 job. You will never find a psycholgist teacher therapist pa etc.. who does not work at night just to make a decent salary. I would also like to acknowledge that you have a very tough emotional grind that might not be in other professions. BTW as a rebbe you have school on sunday and if your class made a play you could hold it without a problem 🙂

    To a pushatayid: School is for a parent as well, from a school you are not simply buying a right to send your child. You are hoping that the school will be a partner almost as much as your family to teach your child the Torah and values that you want instilled. So when the school is giving a Siddur to my child (i am attending) I want to be there because it is almost as if I AM giving over the Siddur to my child and it is a momentous occasion. This is not just simply the giving of a book. The school is my SHALIACH in Chinuch

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846814
    abcd2
    Participant

    to Dass yochid chas vishalom I believe Moros and rebbeim do a wonderful job and some of them are definitely underpaid or some unfortunately have to wait for a late paycheck. That being said I am simply stating fact, that they never have to worry about many of the time constraints other parents have. A frum teacher will never have to work till last second possible on Friday, have to worry about saving up a personal day for a dental or doctor appt, or be taken to task for not coming in on Chol Hamoed. Even a teacher that works a full day usually gets out of work between 4-430 and has a plethora of off time in addition to sick days.Once again teachers are wonderful but I am simply stating fact.

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846811
    abcd2
    Participant

    Dear Mrs. Critique,when you were raising your kids most mothers were stay at home. Can I assume that for the time you were raising your kids you worked only part time or were stay at home? Did most of your friends have full time demanding jobs? Was the economic environment so bad that face time was so important? Myself and my friends have found that many of our parents are not aware of the hardship. Like my friend said the $75 dollars i am losing equals diapers and formula.Most people I know age 40 and under with more then two kids are simply struggling

    To POPa I know your last part was tongue in cheek but BH my kids know that every available free moment even if a free one does not exist is devoted to them

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846810
    abcd2
    Participant

    From mother point of view:

    to whatshieches “Also, is it not worth a few unpaid hours to all mothers (and grandmothers) to see some nachas of your kids (gandkids” I know of many parents who cannot afford those few hours.Regarding jumping to reasons and conclusions why scheduled on this day afriend of mine DID ask and was told that they always make a Siddur party in february and we realize that it is hard for parents to take off so some will come and some wont but this is the way we do it.

    To zahavasdad-Re paying janitor The event is sponsored,And regarding teachers you are talking about two teachers coming in on one day of the year,remember teachers get out early on fridays have off all chol hamoed and erev yom tov with out issue.Regarding logistical nightmare This event is made so parents should in fact come.

    to Feifun -agreed but I think this is another example of what is wrong with schools taking parents for granted and just keep on charging tuition.

    midwestener-i hope you realize i was not talking about evening

    To soliek yes their are more pressing concerns with yeshivas and Klal Yisroel, but to ask parents in this economy to lose money so they can attend a siddur party is not right. One mother commented that she will lose 75$ if she comes and I know another that used vacation time for midwinter break. Another parent told me about A Chumash party in another school but same situation, and they are concerned about face time at work as there are rumors of layoffs and cant take off this is REAL money not peanuts.As was written schools would never make a ladies tea or auction during school hours, as it would be an inconvenience to parents I do not understand why schools do this we are way past the days where most mothers were at home with the kids. I obviously cannot tell my young child that I will not be going but my goyishe bosses will not be to sympathetic of me taking off plus i admit I will lose vacation hours money that would be reimbursed at the end of the year if I dont use it

    in reply to: lack of menchlichkiet yeshiva administration #846800
    abcd2
    Participant

    I was writing more for the parents then myself.You are correct it is very easy for a grandparent to just not attend and call to wish mazel tov. The same cannot be said for a parent.

    in reply to: Needs Help now. #846044
    abcd2
    Participant

    the jewish board of boro park or ohel

    in reply to: Kosher Honeymoons? #846020
    abcd2
    Participant

    You can check VRBO it is a website of private residences for rent usually costing as much or cheaper then a hotel, and many homes have pools. Re Mexico Carribean latin America, please be aware of the crime rates you must stay in a place that also has private security. In many of the countries in latin america and mexico tourists are walking targets. Wherever you go, have fun and be safe!p.s. Mazel Tov!(BTW how about a vacation villa in Eretz Yisroel i am sure outside of yerushalayim you can find a residence with pool.)

    in reply to: cutting fingernails #829427
    abcd2
    Participant

    an easy way to remember is to put a post it note or tape with the order

    left 4,2,5,3,1

    right2,4,1,3,5 inside your med cabinet or drawers where you keep your nail cutters. friend gave me that idea

    in reply to: cutting fingernails #829425
    abcd2
    Participant

    to cinderella: yes you should not cut in order even when having a manicure and washing your hands applies as well, the manicurist does not have to wash her hands. In terms of getting rid of nails the ruach ra applies if the nails are in a place where they fall. Obviously by a salon this is very common a manicurist should sweep away the nails to an area away from where they fall to avoid this. BTW Women can have finger and toe nails done on same day

    in reply to: cutting fingernails #829422
    abcd2
    Participant

    To Sam2:You wrote “This is a Kaballah issue which most people are not concerned about.” Actually,saying most people can be very subjective, as most people I know flush their nails whenever possible instead of just throwing them away, as in lieu of fire this is the preferred manner

    in reply to: Schnoring at weddings #831219
    abcd2
    Participant

    while I agree that in certain wedding halls you can be aproached 10-20 times a night, it is your freedom not to give if you do not want to.Remember in Europe davka actual meals were set aside for the poor that wanted to join in with the community simcha.I am sure that better off community members also gave them some tzedaka as well. Tzedaka tatzil mimaves, just remember if you are posting this I am assuming you are Boruch Hashem on the giving and not the receiving end. Only Simchas

    in reply to: cutting fingernails #829413
    abcd2
    Participant

    if anyone wants to easily see this inside it is in kitzur shulchan aruch in halachos of erev shabbos chapter ayin Beis (72) paragraph Yud daled (14)right hand cutting order = 2,4,1,3,5 left hand = 4,2,5,3,1

    and as written above, most poskim say begin with left hand.

    In the book Halachichaly speaking vol.1 there lists separate sources for nail cutting and their order that are interesting such as long nails might be a sign of a thief or that Torah learning may be forgotten to others that it shows it is a sign of lack of derech eretz

    in reply to: conlict #810460
    abcd2
    Participant

    Re gaza blockade suggestion: There are no two sides.We have a right to defend ourselves against hamas. By showing two sides of a conflict you legitimize another side at least as being somewhat valid.If you read the opening post HIE actually does in fact state for the assignment reasoning for both sides must be given.In this case HIE would have to declare why hamas feels they have claims to Eretz Yisrael. (something which could also possibly border on apikorsus and Chilul Hashem)Bichlal when presenting in schools we have to be careful not to say anything that could lead to misinterpretation.Simchas to all and Lishana Haba Biyerushalyim

    in reply to: conlict #810449
    abcd2
    Participant

    in all seriousness though, what about the recent debt crisis between republicans and democrats, or pros and cons of universal healthcare plenty of info can be found online. Hatzlacha

    in reply to: conlict #810448
    abcd2
    Participant

    less filling vs tastes great

    in reply to: off the derech #801720
    abcd2
    Participant

    re for above post whether the quote is a fool should die or student be sacrificed Why should we intimate that the writer of the post be categorized in such a hurtful manner? How do we know that he isn’t the one in 1000?

    Some of past and present Rabbonim and Gedolim were not exactly mistake or aveira free growing up. This person still has their whole life ahead of them conversely there are some top boys in high school who peter out as life goes on.

    As long as there is a will to succeed and do right on the part of the bachur he will come out on top in the end.

    Boruch Hashem life does not end at 17

    in reply to: off the derech #801705
    abcd2
    Participant

    The boy is a teenager, he was most probably aware of the rules. HOWEVER even the owner of an animal is warned three times before being liable for being a muad. Perhaps the boy does not think talking to girls is such a big deal, a teacher or menahale must try reaching out educating and talking before using expulsion.

    A far better idea would have been to

    A) find out why the boy was hanging out

    B) after finding out such go over the halachos of tzniyus inside to make the boy realize that it is truly wrong. Not just some rules the school likes to enforce

    C) Then warn the boy that such further behavior cannot be tolerated as it is unbecoming a true yeshiva bochur.

    D)The informer should have spoken to the boy or if not viable to the boys parents.By speaking to the principle first, the boy was already shechted by the time he came to the office.As who knows what the informer said.

    The life of a teenager is very hard and complex.A yeshiva boy works harder then most adults from seven in the morning till late at night and no sundays.Additionally, they must constantly follow certain rules which they do not understand. We as a society demand a lot from them in turn we must be extremely understanding of them

    We cannot just press the Auto-Pilot button and assume that teenagers should just listen to everything just because it is right or came from an adult or Rebbe. How many Mussar sefarim are there? Dozens! Because it is so easy for adults to go astray. Why expect more from a teenager? Remember a teenager, does not fully comprehend things yet, is a work in progress and is in a constant state of pressure to succeed.Teenagers today have a very pressured life Yet, the chinuch model has generally not changed to help them, and we expect so much from them.Many times unfortunately, for problems big and small we just sweep them under the rug or completely asser certain activities without an effective way of dealing with them.What harm would have been done by this Rosh Yeshiva in a loving way learning together with this boy the Halachos of tzniyus with a warning that this behavior should not happen again?

    May the writer find Hatzlacha in all future endeavors

    in reply to: Yarmulkes with graphics #798933
    abcd2
    Participant

    As a side note One actually does not have to kiss a Siddur when dropping it is also minhag.

    While you are correct that they are not on the same level of devarim shel kedusha as Tefillin.RE:, Halachos of putting tzitzis out for disposal the ideal way to dispose of them is in shaimos, also tztzis are not allowed to be defaced to get rid of them.Does this not signify that they are to be treated with respect.

    Would you put a secular item on on the covering of a Bima in a Shule? Imagine a big Yankee logo on or a barney just to intrigue kids.

    How can a person justify putting sports teams and cartoon characters (who as I mentioned above are also portrayed in christmas shows) on something used for a Tzivui. when we say the Bracha Asher Kidashanu that which is made holy should mean something when putting on the Tzitzis.

    RE Yarmulka as mentioned above it signifies fear of G-d and keeping in mind that which is above you, elevating yourself wherever you go. More importantly it identifies you as a Jew, by secularizing it you are belittling it and taking away its purpose.

    And while there might not be a chiyuv you are defintly now causing a Bizayon to something used in a Mitzva as it reminds a person about Anochi Hashem Elokecha and uvichukosiechem Lo sailaichu

    How many Jews risked severe beatings just so they could wear one. A choshuve Rov told me that he will never forget the beating my grandfather got from a Nazi for wearing one.

    putting cartoon characters and sport teams is not exactly a tiferes.

    I would also note While many poskim do not agree, there are poskim that do in fact say wearing a yalmuka is Halacha. (even though there are certain Heterim)The ones that do not hold it is Halacha say that it is midas chasidus.

    This is more then se past nisht.You can say se past nisht about wearing what might be inappropriate clothing but belittling what is an ID tag of a Jew and that which is meant to signify what is above you and keep you from Aveioros is a bizayon of the Middas Chassidus or Halacha.

    As I said above Just because an item was designed by a Jew and is in a Jewish owned store does not mean it is correct.

    in reply to: "going rate" for bar mitzvah & wedding gifts #799030
    abcd2
    Participant

    Bar Mitzva between $36-$54. For weddings, between $54-$120 depending on what you can afford and your relationship. Many people give 72 -100 but plenty give 54 and there are some that exceed 100

    Most normal people are acutely aware of the times we live in. Do not give more then you can afford just because others might.

    Boruch Hashem at this time of year there are many Simchas in Klal Yisroel a few wedding and Bar Mitzva gifts can equal a month of Yeshiva tuition or a grocery budget don’t feel pressured to stretch yourself.

    Good friends will appreciate your participation in the Simcha regardless of how much a gift you give.May you only have Simchas!

    in reply to: Yarmulkes with graphics #798916
    abcd2
    Participant

    Elmo and barney are cartoon characters that you are putting on Devarim Shel Kedusha.(btw They also have christmas episodes and on sesame street they are very open to alternative lifestyles) This is not Chinuch, it is warped. If you feel that you need to entice a child by putting graphics on Tzitzis, at least let it be depicting a Mitzva. In terms of logos on Yarmulkes regardless of age, A yarmulke is a Yerie Malka. TV shows are highly improper, and sports teams for the most part don’t have the greatest role models. A Yarmullka signifies Hashem is above you and to fear him I do not understand where sports team logos cartoon characters etc.. fit in. It is a Bizayon that any secular topic should be on a Yarmulke

    If you want to put a Jewish name (whether in english or hebrew) that is Kadosh, quoting pasukim or scenes depicting mitzvas are Kadosh. Flowers and nice sequined designs for kids are beautification.

    Just because an item was designed by a Jew and is in a Jewish owned store does not mean it is correct.

    in reply to: Shliach Haken #795988
    abcd2
    Participant

    also must be kosher bird

    in reply to: Yavo Song – Terrible Mistake #794593
    abcd2
    Participant

    Re chazak song: For that reason myself and friends of ours requested that song not be played by simchas.However RE Avraham Fried: I am sure it was a thousand percent judgmental mistake to use these words for a song.He is a tzaddik that has so many zechusim of bringing joy to people, enhancing their mood Shabbos tables, simchas etc.He probably wanted to use those words and switch into a positive, IE that the same Kochos used for avoda Zara can be turned around to benefit Klal Yisrael.

    in reply to: TEXTING ON SHABBOS #815417
    abcd2
    Participant

    to quark. Every time you speak/text on aphone or computer you create electric impulses also sending radio waves. When you speak text or are accessing internet on a phone you send electrical signals back to towers and satellites, and they definitely are creating there own impulses as well.

    in reply to: Belt Buckle #790199
    abcd2
    Participant

    they sell this type of belt in many stores in flatbush and Boro park.I just brought one last week. Rosa Englander or Gadamo on J,hats plus, shirts plus, or hatbox on coney.Some shoe stores sell it as well. In Boropark I cant name which stores to try but many have it.I got most recent by Rosa Englander and hats plus

    in reply to: Do I tell the parents about kids being mechalal Shabbos??? #790517
    abcd2
    Participant

    How old were the kids? That could also make a difference as to whom you approach. Also, maybe your neighbors kid was not being mechallel only his friend.(sad either way)Unless you have definitive proof think a million times over about if he was mechallel shabbos speak to your Rov or another qualified rov that handles family crisis as if this is befarhesia then it is a huge issue (which the parents might or might not know about)

    While in high school, two boys were kicked out (in different grades) after people called the yeshiva that they saw them acting inappropriate of a yeshiva boy, instead of speaking to the family or family rav instead. The boys were persona non gratta in the yeshiva.The Rebbes did not even try to help them overcome their temptations and went straight for the hammer and threw them out. One boy was lost for a bit but straightened out. The other took it as a wakeup call but was very emotionally damaged and embarrassed as to why he was asked to leave.

    in reply to: How to motivate a spouse #791888
    abcd2
    Participant

    Why has no one suggested that before the wife tells him about divorce, that she should bring up contemplating divorce with her Rav or their Rav. If it is a real Rav The Rav in this situation would even be willing to make a house call to speak to the husband directly,as to what his wife is contemplating.

    I know of a similar situation as described here, and once the Rabbi came to the couples house to speak to the husband directly about his wife saying marriage break up being an option things things started to change for the better As, the husband could not believe that it was so serious that his wife spoke directly to his Rebbe about how bad it was that he made a house call .There is definitely a difference between telling someone gently to get a job or help out more and being told a second time in a harsh manner.

    Think of the famous story where the husband was not helping in the house and the wife complained to Rav Gifter ZTL, and Rav Gifter ZTL showed up to his talmids house the next day to take out the garbage.The talmid never refused housework again.

    B)We have no idea what other mitigating factors might be present except for what has been presented here.To suggest divorce without all known facts is ludicrous.

    c)I am sure at this juncture even the friend (nachas)is not fully aware, and is contemplating all after the opening thread,one week ago. Notice,there have been NO FOLLOW UPS. This is a very serious topic to give anything but constructive advice at this point with all the information that we know of (merely from a paragraph)is irresponsible.A family in distress is like a sick patient. A doctor would never suggest such drastic measures for a patient simply from a paragraph that they read about the case.

    in reply to: Sick of NY #812123
    abcd2
    Participant

    First of all welcome :)If recycling is your first complaint, I think that actually you are adjusting rather nicely.

    I think overtime you will like it here or at least tolerate it better you will also make more friends something a bit hard to do in summer time when people are constantly away. You have not given it long enough.As above poster said every place has pros and cons.

    Where did you move to maybe we can give you some pointers to make your adjustment easier.BP Flatbush Marine park Queens? What type of shule you want places to eat and shop etc..

    I do definitely agree that NY does have some onerous regulations.I would just like to point out regarding the study published by George Mason university in Virginia”NY is the the state with the least freedom” I read about that study.The same study which criticized NY tax practices also mentioned Maine for over controlling for having a helmet law and criticized the northeast in general. The study seems to neglect that northeastern states are also where you can get access to many city and state benefits, and have some of the most tolerant people(albeit, sometimes a bit to liberal) you will find anywhere.

    Hatzlacha in all please respond so we might help you with your move

    in reply to: Attn parents of special needs children! #787321
    abcd2
    Participant

    p.s. To clever jewish pun in my post I am not doubting about your personal experience and its roughness,and am sorry for your experience.I would also say that the situation you described at one point was very common. The fact is that unfortunately while not around when you were growing up there are tons of more resources available emotionally educationally and even physically and monetarily then there were a few years back.These resources greatly ease the families needs and take away much stress when raising such a child.

    in reply to: Attn parents of special needs children! #787320
    abcd2
    Participant

    it is not at all like clever jewish pun says

    There are also wonderful times to be had, as with any other child.

    What I will agree with clever jewish pun though is the extra patience money and time such a child needs. Also whatever decisions you make make sure you are on the same page as your spouse. In terms of strain on marriage, there are many more resources that are available even more then a few years ago, that could help you and your spouse raise your child. Just remember as with ANY CHILD you both want whats best for your child even if you sometimes disagree a bit. Communication is the key

    Regarding making you feel like outsiders I can tell you from experience that the community has become much more acceptable of families that have a disabled child,more then even a decade ago.Some people used to be just plain ignorant.

    If you need further guidance and live in brooklyn,two excellent organizations are womens league (jumpstart) and otsar. Womens league, 718-853-0900

    otsar 718 946 7301

    in reply to: Laying Off Employees #786879
    abcd2
    Participant

    If you are laying someone off, the best time is the morning so that the employees don’t feel like they worked the whole day for nothing. This will give them time to get their belongings and say their goodbyes prior to the day being over.

    While the atmosphere might not be pleasant as the workers that are still working will be upset about their colleagues, you are just delaying the inevitable. If you let go of employees at the end of the day the following day the employees that still have their jobs will notice that their former coworkers are not there and will be upset over the job losses anyway and that they could not say goodbye. Also you might have to reassure your employees that hopefully there will not be more layoffs or your best employees might seek greener pastures for more job security before waiting to be let go of.

    Obviously while painful for both you and the employee,the employee might have doubts about their job performance which led to the firing. reassure them that it was due to a change in business and not their work that led to their being let go, and if possible give a severance package to all involved

    Additionally, if you are laying off people I am sure you exhausted all other options and it is a very hard decision for you and your company. I want to wish you further Hatzlacha in your business so you may begin to hire again and not have any parnassa worries

    in reply to: nails that are cut off and pregnant woman? #786414
    abcd2
    Participant

    you can also read up about it in kitzur shulchan aruch it is bought down in the area about preparing for shabbos which includes nail cuttting as well as the order the nails should be cut in. Should be bishaa tova umitzlachas simchas!

    in reply to: Would this be stepping over boundaries? #786236
    abcd2
    Participant

    *Forget about you, one of those guys might also feel uncomfortable helping a girl 🙂

    If you ask for help in front of others(the frum boys as a group, usually they hang out together) instead of just one on one you will not come across as it being a boy girl thing, or that your interested in one specific guy

    however with your concerns.

    It depends also on a) what a few questions are. math problems have to be explained usually and this could take some time a person will probably have to help you a bit before or after class Calculus usually cannot be mastered over a five minute class break.If you feel you need extensive help depending on how important your grade is you might want to get a tutor beside help from classmates.

    b) if any of the frum guys are married, their wives might not appreciate them helping you long term one on one in such a casual atmosphere, while college is like a workplace it is much more casual.(requests of others in the workplace are an accepted norm,I assume in a workplace you would not hesitate to ask the best suited to help you on a project as long as you keep it professional and tznius)

    *On the positive,I know of plenty of wonderful shidduchim (yeshivish btw)that came about as a result of being a small frum clique in college you never know if any of these guys have a friend or brother to redt to you.Hatzlacha

    in reply to: KVH #784738
    abcd2
    Participant

    Most friendly Ice cream is KVH and reliable, however, also depends if you are talking about prepacked friendly ice cream in supermarket or friendly’s that is served in the restaurant.If in the restaurant itself, you might have other Kashrus issues even though the ice cream is kosher. While i have not been to one in a long time, some restaurants have a completely separate ice cream area where the utensils are used only for ice cream and have there own sink area (it is just in the same building)sometimes even has separate entrance, but otherwise you might have to think twice about buying from a friendly’s restaurant.

    in reply to: What Constitutes Abusing Hatzolah #784338
    abcd2
    Participant

    I think what the thread writer is asking is if you call Hatzala for what probably are non-emergencies on a consistent basis (when in doubt obviously err on side of caution).

    Or if you have an individual with a serious medical need but would be classified as somewhat of a non-emergency. And this individual for whatever reason needs ambulance transport

    For example, a patient that is in no immediate danger, but is prescribed to start I.V. medication for cellulitis. Assuming that the city EMS will take you to your hospital of choice, it does not matter if Hatzala or the city takes you.

    in reply to: Shidduch Issue #783184
    abcd2
    Participant

    as a side note related topic. When having one of our kids a close friend of ours had their child within a week.

    While our child was healthy, their child was born with a severe mental and physical disability. My Spouse and I decided not to discuss our new child within our circle of friends or family even though it was fresh off the presses and went on for the first year or so.

    At the time we were wondering if we were being hypersensitive to the other family as some of our family and friends realized they we were playing down everything about our new baby and of course never discussed our new bundle of joy with the other couple or their parents and grandparents as we are all very close.

    Recently, at a family simcha (now many years later)the grandmother of the disabled child saw our child who was present with us. She remarked how hard it was for her when our child was born, that she could not even think about our baby, as to why Hashem could not bring two healthy babies into this world, why did her granddaughter have to have a sick child (she did not chasvishalom begrudge us BTW). She then complimented us on how nice our child has turned out and wished us only simchas and yiddishe nachas.

    My spouse and I were so grateful for being conscientiously “hypersensitive” when our child was born.It was a major nisayon to not talk about a new baby. We are now so grateful to Hashem.It would have been terrible to cause someone else tzar just to say how cute our baby was.

    in reply to: Why Is Tzitzis Mandatory? #794895
    abcd2
    Participant

    I remebered hearing the story about Rav Ketina and why to wear tzitzis it is discussed on many websites after i did a google search for Rav Ketina’s name

    the Gemara tells of a certain Rav Ketina who purposely wore garments that did not require tzitzit on them. He encountered an angel who told him that he was not doing the proper thing. Indeed, the angel told him that although one who does not wear a garment with tzitzit has technically not transgressed the mitzvah and therefore, is not punished directly; nevertheless, when Heavenly Wrath is forthcoming he becomes more vulnerable to it, as he is lacking the extra protection that the mitzvah of tzitzit would afford. The second Gemara relates that one who is conscientious in performing the mitzvah of tzitzit will receive the great reward of being able to greet the countenance of the Divine Presence at the end of his days.

    An excellent downloadable to word presentation from virtual bais medrash to the extent of obligation

    http://www.vbm-torah.org/archive/halak63/09tzitz1.rtf

    in reply to: Is GATESHEAD the place to live? #838802
    abcd2
    Participant

    To ZahavasDad: To say that the only Jews that got killed by the British during WW2 were the ones that got killed in the armed services is patently not true. While they might not have died in the UK itself, Britain has the blood of thousands of Jewish souls on their hands.

    How many thousands of Jews were turned away from Eretz Yisroel and Britain due to antisemitic British mandate and sent back to suffer and die in germany during the early stages of the nazis, and even during the begining of the war when the British definitely knew the Jews could be killed if denied asylum? How many Jews got killed due to antisemitic officers in then palestine who turned a blind eye at arab violence toward Jews? How many Jews suffered while interred at Cyprus?

    While Boruch Hasehm things seem to have improved, the brits are still by and large pro-arab with many having a polite antisemitic streak.

    in reply to: Same gender marriage- immoral? #781321
    abcd2
    Participant

    Derech Hamelech: I believe that you by your own admission need further clarification on this issue”Obviously if the gedolim say to oppose it….trying to understand why.”There is nothing wrong with that and I commend you for your honesty please consult with your Daas Torah or some other respected Talmid Chochom if you wish to remain anonymous. But I will answer your last point, unfortunately one must realize that having this taiva can stem from addiction, sickness, the result of being emotionally unwell or somewhat of a predisposition to this behavior which became triggered.This can happen to anyone not just people who could not get married. May you be Zoche to be Derech Hamelech

    in reply to: Same gender marriage- immoral? #781318
    abcd2
    Participant

    Derech Hamelech: How when this is out in the open now does it not effect Yidden in NY? There is no where in the world where Jews reside when this issue comes to the forefront that it does not effect Yidden, whether it be the US UK France or wherever.You were concerned about pashkevilim in Yerushalyim? Do you think we did not have the same thing here? there were notices in Shules it was on the cover of every newspaper talked about on all news radio stations and has been discussed in frum media as well.Please recognize that the Aguda CRC OU RCA and Young Israel used all their pull to try to fight this law from coming into effect, they obviously had a reason for it. May we only have simchas

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