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sounds like it is an open secret that every regular customer would know. They understand in advance that they are giving it to you for 2 weeks.
The only question might be that you would otherwise have it for 2 weeks and pay them more, so you are depriving them of livelihood. It sounds like absent this opportunity, you would pay for the week and use for the week, right? Then, they have no loss and you an extra convenience. Of course, it is a slippery slope to convince yourself that you really need 1 week, but in this case, you actually did it already.
n0 > Modesty is the opposite of needing attention
when a certain senator was trying to define tznius into legislation, he was asked to give a strict definition of what lack of tznius is. He answered: I know when I see it.
cheating businesses will lose out: they now post prices as $9.99 to make you feel it is less than $10. now, they’ll have to go to $9.95, losing 4 cents.
RW > psychological reason that they don’t see the actual money leaving their hand
exactly! Paying with a card requires higher psychological efforts to limit yourself from over-spending. Any invisible object is harder to perceive and react accordingly. Same with virus (v. wild animals). Same with Hashem (v. idols).
YS > paid cash for anything besides a babysitter?
quarters for parking. Pennies for kids to pay into a pushka in a store. Never paid cash or anything to a babysitter. My wife barely lets me to stay with kids.
Rw > how do you explain math of a 100 cents equate to a dollar,
you won’t. With Brandon’s inflation, dollars will be new cents soon. Italians used to pay in “milli-liras” (one word) rather than liras.
Ha, that explains all the posting bursts here! Tell us what new and productive things you were able to do at home?
Kuvult > treat everyone like a Mensch.
HaGaon Henrich Heine gives a practical advice – try everyone once, just make sure that if someone breaks your trust, make sure you don’t give hi a second chance (this is what we call now “abuse”). you will have some losses, but you can live carefree with some minor losses.
Also, this story tells you about long-term ramifications of a minor act. This old Yid’s chocolates and brachot reverberate half-century later. Imagie if he would just called the boy, said “nu”, and then sent him away with a quick nod?
YWN, it is hard to change yourself, but it is almost impossible to change others. So, start with an “easier” task:
– learn the next week parsha and the next masechet for daf yomi.
– have an alternative sefer that you can learn when you can’t find the current one. Something that is not likely to attract attention: uktzin, halakhos emes vesheker, humros in bein Adam l’havero, yiddish edition of Artscroll.
– bring your own sefer
– learn mishnah by heart like in good old times
– just actually daven.> $900 which, in Los Angeles, is not a crime.
Is 4900 a new prutah? checking my watch – how fast is inflation going?
Orange > Users could report tzinius violations while driving
“report while driving” is not safe, unless you meant ” tzinius violations while driving”. This is done better automatically. Online platforms already have skin detectors to censor inappropriate images, just add two lower notches, one for Jews and a lower one for Muslims.
Syag, thanks for your questions! I think I already answered above – I care more for Torah learning than other endeavors.
But, of course, while Gemora says that work/learn balance people are generally more successful, there are other nisayonos in life as you mention! If I am talking to friends, I would surely suggest them not studying towards non-productive degrees, and doing PhD at a faster rate and part-time. Not bragging, but I got PhD without being on welfare, first having a fellowship and then getting a job, and my wife was able to stay with the kids as long as she wanted (which she did). I surely missed out on some exciting opportunities that required long work hours for future reward.
But, anyway if there are some people here getting PhD in gender studies while staying on welfare and neglecting kids, please reveal yourself so that we can straighten you out!
amom, I apologize and sorry for using wrong assumptions. Anyway, for teacher’s salaries – did you look at starting a class teaching in a town that has ore working people and less people capable/having time for teaching. As I put above, $5K x 15 kids = $75K – $25K expenses would give you a salary higher than now. With 2-3 friends and a shul that is willing to give you use of the building, you can thrive and use your talents.
On a bright side of this serious problem, there is something about serendipity of reading a sefer you find on the table! I sometimes leave seforim that are under-read by the tzibur (usually, mussar and all bein adam l’havero) and then count number of people who peruse the book that they will never open it otherwise. The book with the most catchy title that attracted a lot of random users both here and in my father’s O’H shul was a small pamphet called “Lying for Truth”. Seems like everyone was interested in what heterim are available, but ended reading it more learned but slightly disappointed (not too many are).
n0, the point was taking public money to support Torah learning when it was not the taxpayer intent.
We had these discussions before. It is obvious that this was not an ideal in olden time, then it becomes an “emergency measure” for the times when community is in danger. But by mow, it is becoming accepted as core value to the degree that here is resentment to people who disagree, do not sufficiently support, and a challenge – support my Torah or some homeless dude.
I am afraid we are losing our values – while trying to preserve them. Again, let’s presume we still need these emergency measures, but somehow we need to ensure that this emergency character is remembered – and, when possible, moved towards a better one. Can a talmid chacham spend two hours a day working, or training to work? If not, maybe one hour? Do we have economic disincentives – he will lose gov benefits and stipend doing that?
If true, the numbers for 2nd generation immigrants are very encouraging. We do not have a similar success in USA. What percentage of R- and C- Jews eventually have kosher homes? 5? 10? Here we have Jews coming after several generations of total assimilation and having 25% kosher homes and their children – 50%?! Consider those 20-30% of non-Jews as the price we paid for saving a mln+ of Jewish neshomos from communist gehenom.
amom, you got to take the whole package. These are same democrats that bring all government programs that help you. More “law and order” republicans tend to tie public assistance to work encouragement/requirement. Current welfare work requirements are due to mid 90s Republican reform that reduced number of people on welfare from 13 mln to 3 mln.
I don’t know whether kollel wives are not on internet, but I think most are on the sister site.
amom > Years ago I think it was more common, but today
I think this is because a couple of generation ago, there were working families that spent their meager earnings to send their kids to yeshiva and then even kollel out of love of Torah and out of fear of devastation that was happening with the Jewish community in America. Currently, you often have (statistically, I am not trying to stereotype) parents who do not have serious earnings with, Baruch Hashem, large families, and they are not able to support everyone. Others, and this sounds like your MiL, discovered that there is now a strong community that can support ehriche yidden who earn a living and stay true to Torah, and so they see that their children can combine both. This is a difference of opinions and everyone can easily bring proofs for their side and the answer may be different for different people.
Ok, I looked up current SNAP rules for NJ, as this was mentioned. There is a work requirement, with exemptions for <6 y.o in a family for one parent in the family or for someone studying for a job. So, I guess if amom works and studies, her husband gets the kid exemption. State of NJ should not be bothered that it is heroic amom who de facto cares for those kids, so this makes it within rules, even if against the “spirit of the law”. Is this what you mean, ujm? Thanks for legal education. I feel better now, but still do not understand why people want to go through this.
amom > AAQ has equal preference for his taxes helping a T”Ch or a homeless beggar.
I don’t have “equal preference”:
1) There are taxes and rules that democratically elected government designated for poor. Usually, the more poor, the more money. So each person who needs charity, gets it from people who work. So, if people (through their elected representatives) say that they are ready to pay X to each poor person, I do not think it is kosher to pretend to be such a person if you are not. As UJM mentioned, if there are programs that designated for anyone who prefers not to earn money, then, of course, it is more ok to take those.2) when you present it as a choice, I also do not understand. So, you will not do whatever needs to be done to a homeless person in order to support Torah learning by someone who is capable of working?
> means they are making very little money for a non frum lifestyle and a frum lifestyle is way more expensive
these are all legitimate arguments when you talk to a willing donor who wants to support Torah learning. You tell him what is your “expensive frum lifestyle” and he will tell you what he is willing to support.
Amom, I apologize if I am coming so negative, somehow we are talking past each other and not understanding. I mentioned the money aspect only as a qualification to my “kol hakavod” not even expecting that it applies to you as you were describing your job. And, frankly, I am more picky with this than with other members of society that may or may not be productive: we re talking here about yidden who spent years toiling in Torah. Surely, hopefully it is done in purity and honesty. for an extreme example, could you imagine someone learning whole day and then cursing people, or robbing them, or driving over them on the way home? Surely, everyone would say that this is not real Torah. If a college professor spends years researching Greek philosophy and then misbehaves in his private life, I will care less. This is my only concern, I hope I explained it better now. The rest are specific details that, as I mentioned before, people disagree about and I’ll try to address separately.
Avira > most people would be fuming at their mother in law
I am not sure why we are going into someone’s family, but this is very puzzling. M-I-L supports the family, albeit less than others. In-laws seemingly raised multiple children and made them productive members of society. Fuming at parents for having an opinion (caring) about your life path is not something that a T’Ch would do. Again, I don’t intend to put my nose into someone else’s family.
n0 > Nor do you have any idea which programs are popular among kollel members
Sure. I used to be very poor, but somehow avoided using most of it. I am not accusing anyone of anything. I just said what my principles are. If there is a moral way to get gov money, gezunte heig. For example, Andrew Young’s stipend for everyone would be a great thing for learning. If the economy will survive that, it will be great. In a big picture, current human productivity in developed countries far exceeds what humans need to survive. So, choosing learning obviously a better choice than many others chosen…
interesting poll results from Israel, not new just happened on an article. If this contradicts some other numbers, please post!
80% of Jewish Israelis believe in G-d,
another one: 65% convinced of His Existence (60% in US, 40% Italy, 20% UK)
65% consider him author of Torah and mitzvotImmigrants from FSU:
55% believe in G-d (70% second generation)
24% keeping kosher home (50% second generation)The only way Trump will not be able to win re-election if he updated Constitution Putin-style! (Russia had “constitution” that allowed for 2 _consecutive_ terms, leading to Putin having 4 non-consecutive ones). I think he will be bored by the middle of his second term after appointing a couple of more Supremes, vaccinating Alex Jones, approving HCQ, giving nukes to Ukraine, building pipeline from Jeddah to Haifa, making Sweden join NATO, and buying Greenland at discount. None of that will buy Gadol’s vote, of course, except jabbing the Joneses.
> Hashem tilted the axis after the mabul.
This can be tested by looking whether older trees have rings, as rings come from seasons.
Zaphod, I am not giving practical advice, I am starting with an “ideal” scenario so that we can then tailor practical advise to that ideal, rather than to the “usual”.
See how stereotypes work: you say that kids in this ideal scenario have less social skills. I contend that kids who interact with more mature kids/adults will have better social skills. This is a well-known fact, for example, that younger siblings are better talkers due to interaction with older ones.
So, in regards to your concerns, if you want to form such groups, invite best behaving older kids to pair with a larger group of younger ones, do not invite the worse behaving older ones.
While concerns about internet are important, we might have acquired enough computer literacy in some pockets in the community, so that a much larger group can now benefit from it. There are now Rabbis with kosher phones that run regular zoom classes, enjoying ability to travel more without breaking the class schedule and have former students who moved away joining the class. At least adults can now start using internet responsibly and carefully introduce it to kids where appropriate.
First advise is to use desktops in common areas with screens towards people rather than laptops and phones.Avira, again you harking back to the times of Ben Yehuda. At this point, there are so many Jews who lived in Israel, or learned with Israeli pronunciation, or have an Israeli parent, that this should not be so surprising. What about sephardim who are not “visibly sephardi”, as many Levant Jews look like Europeans, and many now assimilated from turbans into black hats. Just answer the shabbos greeting the best way you can and enjoy it.
coffee > because they didn’t teach it is wrong properly
I think Gemora in Makkos 7 says that it is a teiku whether executing 1 in 7 or 70 years makes a court “murderous” due to excessive execution (you can see the reason by the way it asks from 7 to 70 and not other way around). Then R’ Akiva & R Tarfon suggest not executing anyone, and R Shimon b’ Gamliel retorts that they’lll also increase number of murders.
> frum therapist with the correct hashkofo
I think if someone knows what the corect hashkofo is, this is already a worrying sign.
I would rather first have shomer Torah therapists give talks to communities and teachers and train community leaders in correct handling of children and seeing warning signs to call therapists. This could reduce number of cases requiring intervention.
> When Tattes were Tattes
Most people used to have choices within their town and maybe a nearby. A T’Ch may have choices from some other T’Ch and gvirim in a larger area. Now, you have choices all over the world and padded descriptions of each that require FBI investigations. Too many choices lead to unhappiness. There are experiments that having 3 yogurts to choose from makes people happier than having 20.
Gemorah in Eruvin says that relationship with SIL is better than with DIL: when a family went to spent shabbos with the daughter’s family, we can presume they will stay there for the whole day, if they went to son’s family, they can come back abruptly due to some machlokes.
> How can this be changed?
a Rav or an older respected person should mention this in his speech.
Number bookshelves and attach notes to some seforim on which bookshelf they live.
Also, if you are learning a specific sefer and it is regularly misplaced, put it somewhere hard to find 🙂 Either the other person does not need it much and will take another one, or will spend some time looking and hopefully will understand the problem.
Not for shabbos – you can use RFID.> Can’t use Google on Shabbat. I miss having a dictionary in the house.
Indeed. We have a multi-volume encyclopedia that is being used exclusively on shabbos.
CTLawyer chose to mention public schools. Situation that you mention about Jewish schools is akin to what was happening in US schools up to 19th century: educated women had only limited work opportunities, so they worked as teachers for low salary. Seems like you moving to other jobs is a similar economic decision. Still, it is somewhat sad: while Lakewood may be full of qualified teachers, I am sure there are lots and lots of Jewish children in the country that do not get good Jewish education. So, maybe there are jobs for Jewish teachers in less Jewishly-educated communities where you can both use your talents and support your family at the same time.
If you can find an area where they are, say, 15 kids you can teach, you can charge them modest $5K / child and seemingly earn more than you do now.
You can also mail people USB drives with videos and require no internet at all.
> You mentioned it was tiring
But I used to write a lot before computerization and it did not bother me. Now, if I make written notes, I then transfer them into computer anyway.
Coffee, our schools did not take Zelle! Maybe they do now.
ujm> Any Jew qualified for public benefits
I am not sure which programs amom used, but it seems that NJ welfare program’s focus is on helping people get a job. So, if someone is capable of finding a job, would not qualify:
WorkFirst New Jersey (WFNJ) is the state’s public assistance program, designed to help families move to self-sufficiency by offering them a full array of supports, from child care, health insurance and transportation, to substance abuse treatment and emergency funds. Recipients face a five-year lifetime limit on cash assistance, and must become employed or take part in work activitiesAmom,
so you are also blessed with MIL who helps you with money. Baruch Hashem. I don’t think this is irony that she gives more to the other siblings. There is a mitzva to help someone to pick up an animal “with him”. So, if other brothers are working hard to support their families, she wants to help them. If your husband prefers learning, then his mother feels less obligated to help with him with something he does not bother to attend to himself. And, again, I hope your husband finds a way to make his mother happier about it – not by nudging her, but by doing something that will deserve her respect in whatever ways she sees it. I personally do not know Talmidei Chahamim who do not try to excel in kibud av.As to using public funds, as you already see, there are other opinions. It depends how programs are structured: I am all for using public funds to support Jewish schools, provided those schools fulfil the general public goals, educating responsible citizens. If the State of NJ consider establishing programs to support Torah learning as it benefits the world, I’ll vote for it. As to using programs designated for poor, as you already see, there are differing opinions here. I see several parts here:
1) benefiting from Torah learning (that is saying my kollel is working, pay me for that). You can ask your husband to point you places in Gemorah of people who refused to have any physical benefit from their learning. So, just the system of paying people to learn is problematic to begin with, as much as we have good social reasons to have it.
2) taking money from charity designated for poor, rather than for learning. In old Jewish communities, poor were supported but checked out also. I am not aware of T’Ch being supported that way. Maybe someone knows.
3) personal attitude. Why would a T’Ch want someone else to pay for his Torah learning, especially questionable? You figured out a job that pays. If you feel you do not get enough, your husband can figure out how to work for a couple of hours a week. you said a Rav permitted it. Did you ask the Rav whether you are permitted to be machmir and not do that?
4) taking general public funds designated for poor. This is a can of worms. When you asked me about a false choice between supporting homeless and a T’Ch: I will obviously pay for both. I would rather donate to a T’Ch of my choice directly and benefit from the mitzva, rather than paying extra taxes and gaining no benefit! Or maybe just use an extra hour to learn myself instead of working to pay the tax. This sounds petty as T’Ch is 1% of welfare funds – but in some places we now have whole cities and people can do analysis how much of public funds is spent on voluntarily poor.
amom,
I don’t think anyone would object to your husband’s and yours dedication to Torah if you are using your own funds or money from someone who dedicated them for that purpose. Kol Hakovod! Your M-I-L may be different as she, understandably, is looking for your benefit and she may be thinking ahead at how your family will live. As Torah is supposed to be sweet for everyone, maybe you can find ways to make your MIL happy with your husband’s learning. Depending on your circumstances, Either invite her as a honored guest when he gives a dvar Torah to public; or start a class for ladies that includes her; or spend 2 out of 12 hours to learn a profession or an internship at some job so that she can see that her grandchildren will have food to eat.Back to finances, when I said “using your own funds”, there are different views here. My personal view is that this should not include using public funds dedicated for poor people, such as foodstamps, welfare, unemployment, tax credits. Someone who volunteers not to work, for whatever great reason, should not depend on charity, but many people (and here too) disagree.
amom, CTLawyer,
google tells me:
The average Public School Teacher salary in New Jersey is $66,876 as of November 29, 2021, but the range typically falls between $58,376 and $77,219.Kuvult, I saw people following your psak! Just walk with a sefer or a siddur in front of you and move your lips, and you will avoid the mahlokes.
A wise older friend, while going out of state to fix his sister’s problems, told me: remember that your relationship with your siblings is longer than with your parents or your children! (is this discussed anywhere?)
Also, pandemic is a great way to make the little siblings under your control into friends and hevrusas between each other. Hopefully, it will serve them well in life.
Yes. At some point, the only thing I was using my writing for were monthly tuition checks written in one batch in September and I found it very tiring. Some of the kids will use online textbook even if a printed version is right on front of them. I tried to make them excited about using dictionaries at some point, but they say googling is faster.
amom,
schools are pretty different. CTLawyer describes a different reality.How many kids are in the class and how much tuition are they paying, nominal and real, in your school ?
Without getting too depressed, you may still ask yourself a question – what middos might have turned them off? Ask a teacher or a good friend. And work on improving that middah.
I am saying that it is not ideal to keep bunch of kids, esp teenagers, in one room and expect them to learn behavior from each other and one adult, who was appointed to that class. Ideally, you want the kid to be in a room with several well-behaving adults and maybe a couple of good peers. The problems that are discussed are following from that.