Always_Ask_Questions

amom > Years ago I think it was more common, but today

I think this is because a couple of generation ago, there were working families that spent their meager earnings to send their kids to yeshiva and then even kollel out of love of Torah and out of fear of devastation that was happening with the Jewish community in America. Currently, you often have (statistically, I am not trying to stereotype) parents who do not have serious earnings with, Baruch Hashem, large families, and they are not able to support everyone. Others, and this sounds like your MiL, discovered that there is now a strong community that can support ehriche yidden who earn a living and stay true to Torah, and so they see that their children can combine both. This is a difference of opinions and everyone can easily bring proofs for their side and the answer may be different for different people.

amom > AAQ has equal preference for his taxes helping a T”Ch or a homeless beggar.

I don’t have “equal preference”:
1) There are taxes and rules that democratically elected government designated for poor. Usually, the more poor, the more money. So each person who needs charity, gets it from people who work. So, if people (through their elected representatives) say that they are ready to pay X to each poor person, I do not think it is kosher to pretend to be such a person if you are not. As UJM mentioned, if there are programs that designated for anyone who prefers not to earn money, then, of course, it is more ok to take those.

2) when you present it as a choice, I also do not understand. So, you will not do whatever needs to be done to a homeless person in order to support Torah learning by someone who is capable of working?

> means they are making very little money for a non frum lifestyle and a frum lifestyle is way more expensive

these are all legitimate arguments when you talk to a willing donor who wants to support Torah learning. You tell him what is your “expensive frum lifestyle” and he will tell you what he is willing to support.

Avira > most people would be fuming at their mother in law

I am not sure why we are going into someone’s family, but this is very puzzling. M-I-L supports the family, albeit less than others. In-laws seemingly raised multiple children and made them productive members of society. Fuming at parents for having an opinion (caring) about your life path is not something that a T’Ch would do. Again, I don’t intend to put my nose into someone else’s family.

interesting poll results from Israel, not new just happened on an article. If this contradicts some other numbers, please post!
80% of Jewish Israelis believe in G-d,
another one: 65% convinced of His Existence (60% in US, 40% Italy, 20% UK)
65% consider him author of Torah and mitzvot

Immigrants from FSU:
55% believe in G-d (70% second generation)
24% keeping kosher home (50% second generation)

> Hashem tilted the axis after the mabul.

This can be tested by looking whether older trees have rings, as rings come from seasons.

While concerns about internet are important, we might have acquired enough computer literacy in some pockets in the community, so that a much larger group can now benefit from it. There are now Rabbis with kosher phones that run regular zoom classes, enjoying ability to travel more without breaking the class schedule and have former students who moved away joining the class. At least adults can now start using internet responsibly and carefully introduce it to kids where appropriate.
First advise is to use desktops in common areas with screens towards people rather than laptops and phones.

coffee > because they didn’t teach it is wrong properly

I think Gemora in Makkos 7 says that it is a teiku whether executing 1 in 7 or 70 years makes a court “murderous” due to excessive execution (you can see the reason by the way it asks from 7 to 70 and not other way around). Then R’ Akiva & R Tarfon suggest not executing anyone, and R Shimon b’ Gamliel retorts that they’lll also increase number of murders.

> When Tattes were Tattes

Most people used to have choices within their town and maybe a nearby. A T’Ch may have choices from some other T’Ch and gvirim in a larger area. Now, you have choices all over the world and padded descriptions of each that require FBI investigations. Too many choices lead to unhappiness. There are experiments that having 3 yogurts to choose from makes people happier than having 20.

> How can this be changed?

a Rav or an older respected person should mention this in his speech.
Number bookshelves and attach notes to some seforim on which bookshelf they live.
Also, if you are learning a specific sefer and it is regularly misplaced, put it somewhere hard to find 🙂 Either the other person does not need it much and will take another one, or will spend some time looking and hopefully will understand the problem.
Not for shabbos – you can use RFID.

CTLawyer chose to mention public schools. Situation that you mention about Jewish schools is akin to what was happening in US schools up to 19th century: educated women had only limited work opportunities, so they worked as teachers for low salary. Seems like you moving to other jobs is a similar economic decision. Still, it is somewhat sad: while Lakewood may be full of qualified teachers, I am sure there are lots and lots of Jewish children in the country that do not get good Jewish education. So, maybe there are jobs for Jewish teachers in less Jewishly-educated communities where you can both use your talents and support your family at the same time.

If you can find an area where they are, say, 15 kids you can teach, you can charge them modest $5K / child and seemingly earn more than you do now.

> You mentioned it was tiring

But I used to write a lot before computerization and it did not bother me. Now, if I make written notes, I then transfer them into computer anyway.

Coffee, our schools did not take Zelle! Maybe they do now.

Amom,
so you are also blessed with MIL who helps you with money. Baruch Hashem. I don’t think this is irony that she gives more to the other siblings. There is a mitzva to help someone to pick up an animal “with him”. So, if other brothers are working hard to support their families, she wants to help them. If your husband prefers learning, then his mother feels less obligated to help with him with something he does not bother to attend to himself. And, again, I hope your husband finds a way to make his mother happier about it – not by nudging her, but by doing something that will deserve her respect in whatever ways she sees it. I personally do not know Talmidei Chahamim who do not try to excel in kibud av.

As to using public funds, as you already see, there are other opinions. It depends how programs are structured: I am all for using public funds to support Jewish schools, provided those schools fulfil the general public goals, educating responsible citizens. If the State of NJ consider establishing programs to support Torah learning as it benefits the world, I’ll vote for it. As to using programs designated for poor, as you already see, there are differing opinions here. I see several parts here:

1) benefiting from Torah learning (that is saying my kollel is working, pay me for that). You can ask your husband to point you places in Gemorah of people who refused to have any physical benefit from their learning. So, just the system of paying people to learn is problematic to begin with, as much as we have good social reasons to have it.

2) taking money from charity designated for poor, rather than for learning. In old Jewish communities, poor were supported but checked out also. I am not aware of T’Ch being supported that way. Maybe someone knows.

3) personal attitude. Why would a T’Ch want someone else to pay for his Torah learning, especially questionable? You figured out a job that pays. If you feel you do not get enough, your husband can figure out how to work for a couple of hours a week. you said a Rav permitted it. Did you ask the Rav whether you are permitted to be machmir and not do that?

4) taking general public funds designated for poor. This is a can of worms. When you asked me about a false choice between supporting homeless and a T’Ch: I will obviously pay for both. I would rather donate to a T’Ch of my choice directly and benefit from the mitzva, rather than paying extra taxes and gaining no benefit! Or maybe just use an extra hour to learn myself instead of working to pay the tax. This sounds petty as T’Ch is 1% of welfare funds – but in some places we now have whole cities and people can do analysis how much of public funds is spent on voluntarily poor.

amom, CTLawyer,
google tells me:
The average Public School Teacher salary in New Jersey is $66,876 as of November 29, 2021, but the range typically falls between $58,376 and $77,219.

A wise older friend, while going out of state to fix his sister’s problems, told me: remember that your relationship with your siblings is longer than with your parents or your children! (is this discussed anywhere?)

Also, pandemic is a great way to make the little siblings under your control into friends and hevrusas between each other. Hopefully, it will serve them well in life.

amom,
schools are pretty different. CTLawyer describes a different reality.

How many kids are in the class and how much tuition are they paying, nominal and real, in your school ?

I am saying that it is not ideal to keep bunch of kids, esp teenagers, in one room and expect them to learn behavior from each other and one adult, who was appointed to that class. Ideally, you want the kid to be in a room with several well-behaving adults and maybe a couple of good peers. The problems that are discussed are following from that.

RebE > someone carrying in a place where there is no eiruv don’t mention shabbos

say, eruv is down, and you see a mother with a stroller who is not aware of it. You are not supposed to alert her until she gets the kid home safely. Now, in your humros-ness, you say “Hi, whats up” instead of “gut shabbos” immediately alerting the lady (who also learned halokha, of course). As you are probably reluctant to continue exchanging the kid with a lady, not your wife, every arba amos, you would have to find another lady to help, while you will be standing there till the end of shabbos to guard the $1,000 stroller.

Zaphod > Most of the incidents I was referring to actually happened between children

Without detracting from your main idea, I am also wondering how sensible is the prevailing approach of shoveling tens of kids of the same age into a classroom and educate and socialize them that way?

This is obviously a practical way to deliver instruction to multiple children at the sane time, let them do work at the same time, and let the same teacher check multiple similar tests at the same time. But how would you educate a kid, given unlimited resources? I would probably put a kid in a small group of older people – some old to be an example of learning and behavior, some a little older than the kid so that he can relate to them, and let him listen and sometimes participate in the discussion. I would also let him work on his own a little to develop independent skills and sometimes to work with younger kids and explain material to them. Sitting in the room with other kids of similar skills and possibly worse behavior seems to have the least educational value.

Indeed, Einstein in his later work was motivated by the goal to show that there is one unifying theory of the world.

But I think the Big Bang theory was an even bigger (and simpler to grasp!) contribution to the Jewish-Greek dialogue whether this world was created or existed eternally.

ujm> opening up the Pandora’s Box known as the Internet.

I know we obviously can’t “see” here people who are not on Internet, but I have an impression that a large part of the community gets the negative side of internet already. Many/most adults have social media. mostly on their phone, judging by grammar. Many teens also. Those who do not have access – they seem to be getting “news” from those who do – either directly or through several steps. So, this virus is already inside.

At the same time, most seem not to have general internet literacy – how to search for information, what is a reliable source. As a result, they follow inane and insane sources and are not able to process information. I don’t know at what age, but at some age, there should be a class about using internet responsibly.

use your time wisely!

n0, yes, I am paraphrasing mussar suggestions. Maybe we have so many mental cases referred to doctors because we dont work before at earlier stages.

Romain, there is a fallacy in the numbers you bring:
you compare median salary with (average) cost of living. Average cost of living closely tracks AVERAGE salary: people spend as much as they earn! So, your economist is simply saying that median person can not live like a rich person!

HaKatan, you are free to organize your anti-Zionist community anywhere nearby – Syria, Jordan. They should be quite supportive. You missed a moment to live under ISIS.

One takeaway is appreciation of halakhic public policies that regulate both religious and social life.

Seeing disintegration of norms and sanity and lack of unity when we are confronted with novel problems makes you think – how would Jews behave if they were not repeatedly told to daven every day, wear proper clothes, and not steal from each other. It is rare to see Jews fighting for a seat in shul or who gets an aliya because we have rules about all these trivial matters. You can come to most any shul in the world, and you feel comfortable knowing what the rules are. Many “lo plug” takanot make one wonder – would people really confuse chicken with meat, but seeing people confusing scarfs with masks convinced me.