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50-50 is more fair. With the FLOP(S) option the kallah’s family ultimately ends up spending more- way more!
health, now that’s a healthy attitude 🙂 Halavai should meet your bashert and get the happily ever after that I’m sure you deserve soon!
These kind of situations are never easy. But I can tell you what NOT to say. Don’t say “You’re sp lucky. It couldve been worse” or “the child would have been special needs if born.”
I don’t get it! Is this a joke?
Mommamia, you don’t deserve to live this way! I don’t know how you deal with this! As I get a clearer picture of your situation, I can more emphatically plead with you to get help and end this horrible gehinom… I’m davening for you and hope everything works out well!!!
oomis, so sad and frustrating! But bh you realize that you did your best and it is Hashem that is in control of the world!!!
aries, that is definitely a big problem, but on its own it usually doesn’t lead to a divorce…It most probably will exacerbate the situation!
Pac-Man, but the father definitely has more religious control when he is a partner in the marriage, as opposed to a divorcee with visitation rights.
MammaMia, don’t let your husband break your spirit. Seek other sources of help. Perhaps you want to contact another Rav or speak to your mentor more openly about the issues. Don’t just swallow his poison in silence…
bombmaniac, thank you so much for sharing your story. I look forward to reading it. 🙂
Well, in that situation there really is nothing you can do, unless a knew opportunity arises. If you do have the chance to do kiruv in the future, don’t be overbearing. Come across slowly and sincerely. If the person is interested, you can take it from there!
Btw, your title is so sad. You cannot fail unless you fail to try, and you certainly tried hard!
Why, Droid, can’t it be in dollars? Computers is a very big field that when you put in the effort and have the skills it can pay well. Especially considering that IUseBrains has 10 years of experience!
lol, I opened this thread assuming that it was a deep discussion about what item is most tantalizing by a shmorg…but alas I will have to wait for that answer!
YW Moderator-42
I tried that, but it didn’t work 🙁
As an “experienced responder” who has yet to start a thread, though I do not feel that the starter has the obligation to comment on his/ her thread, people like myself do appreciate when the starter responds/ updates on the thread.
Each situation is different. There is no reason to blame any specific party. Just respect and be supportive to anyone who had to go through such a difficult nisayon!
bpt, refer to my previous comment:
“It’s very hard to return to the workplace when one had been gone so long. On the contrary it would be harder for this husband to find a decent job than someone who has just been fired, because the former is less marketable”.
That’s the difference between MDG and nachas’s husband
Coke is the best 😉 good choice!
mommamia, your story is horrible and tragic! You must be enduring so much pain! Does your husband realize how bothered (that’s putting it lightly) that you are? If he does and is willing to change their might be a bit of hope. That would be a long and difficult (but hopefully worthwhile) journey for the two of you.
If he won’t come to his senses and seek help, then it is you that must seek help from another Rav to take care of yourself before it gets any worse…
Legen-dary
I hope you were just overinternalizing. Maybe he was a little nervous or uncomfortable to display his true feelings in public.
Wolf, that still is not resolving the issue. For agunas it’s a lose-lose situation unless there is some rabanical intervention. And it seems you can’t come up with a more peaceful alternative solution.
Sender Av, well the obvious answer is no, you do not trust their kashrus. Being that the friend went as far as to ask you, it seems that he/ she feel that their kashrus is not up to your standard as well. Be sensitive when discussing the matter and don’t make them feel like you’re “more frumy” than them, rather you hold by some chumros that they don’t (aka follow husband’s rosh yeshiva regarding controversial matters).
I wish you siyata dishmaya to deal with this matter appropriately!
Wolf, just wondering, not saying that beating up is the best option, but what would you have done to help this women who deserved a get?
Shlishi, when all you see is the end result, the divorce, how can you assume that you know all the options that were pursued prior to that?
blabla, good for you that you are aware of your problem and resolving it like a mature adult! You are behaving way more maturely than 15! Hatzlacha on your journey to health!
Such fun ideas! I’m not on bedrest but maybe I’ll try some of those 😉
Adorable, first of all, good for you for setting standards in your job. I am sure I am one of many that impatiently waits for your hatzlacha in the job market.
Secondly, it makes more sense to be more indecisive about the smaller things. The answer to bigger decisions if often more clear cut (black/ white), also these are the kind of decisions that you can ask daas torah or follow your gut (whichever applicable). But smaller decisions are frustrating because they “don’t matter” and are usually more too taste. But often with those decisions you can live with the repercussions anyway…
Gedolei Yisroel cry against many things. Unfortunately we’re in galus, there are many many challenges that we face (divorce being one of the more common ones). That doesn’t make divorce a BAD thing. What’s bad is that a spouse causes the marriage to be such a horrible gehinom that the only option is divorce. You should feel bad for people experiencing these tzaros- not make them feel worse like some of the comments in this thread might manage to do.
Observanteen, How do you know that the girl wasn’t just “messing with you”?
What about if the husband is a Kohen? Then they SHOULD NOT remarry.
giggle girl, Thanks. It’s nice to have an epiphany once in a while 😉
a mamin, but that’s not your typical story… It’s like saying don’t drive a car because you might get into an accident. You have to weigh the pros against the cons, but usually it IS a mitzvah to invite young couples over.
coffee addict, once you get used to all the recycling rules, it will become second nature, like riding a bike.
Taxes is the price you have to pay to live in ny, but ny is certainly less broke than other US states, and provides way more funding for many important areas (special ed).
Coffee addict, “kol haschalos kashos”! I hope your move gets easier with time!
‘google it you’ll find a bunch of sites’
I googled it, and I don’t see how the “restricted freedom” effects you. Unless you smoke marijuana, tobacco, or homeschool. Most of the “excessive” laws are for protection.
‘it’s an example as to how controlling this state is’
Recycling is for your own good. The environment is polluted enough.
deiyezooger & Boro Park Girl,
Thanks! I’m glad you like it 🙂
coffee addict, where did you see this ranking?
It’s funny that for you, “sick of ny” correlates to recycling 😉
Obviously, there is no attraction, weight or no weight. I’m sorry but there is something wrong with HIM. Like Deiyezooger, I suggest you get help.
droid, it is not as minute as you think. You can’t judge another’s person situation!
cshapiro, In what world?
mg, yeah but sometimes for the sake of the children the divorce is the better possibility. Let me know if you’d like examples.
kapusta, lol- but perhaps a little too obvious. She may attempt to maintain her anonymity under FuschiaNails!
always here, thanks (now how did I miss that?). I just wanted to confirm that my other statements weren’t too dramatic- I still stand behing them.
Depends on child’s age, but don’t walk home alone in the dark, try to walk on more populated streets, safety in numbers, better to call and get a ride than to go home very late alone, etc.
Englishman, It has alot to do with the mentchlichkeit of both sides. Are they more worried about themselves or the children? But I know some situations where the marriage didn’t work out but b”H the parents tried to take the high road and minimize the damage.
Just a point to ponder, but usually children of divorced are more sensitive. And they also have more clarity on good/bad relationships. (I’m just saying that it’s not “all bad”)
As Jews, no matter what we do, we will always be in the spotlight.
It’s very hard to return to the workplace when one had been gone so long. On the contrary it would be harder for this husband to find a decent job than someone who has just been fired, because the former is less marketable.
If you show the children how much you care about them, they won’t feel stifled. They will feel loved and will you usually respect your rules (eventually).
Englishman, just fyi but not all divorces have children.
Shame on you to judge when you are not in the situation. Nebach on the divorce and nebach on the horrible marriage. Neither situation is pretty. Can’t we just end with that?!?
Mommamia, would you be able to define the term “rejected” in relation to your situation?