apushatayid

the article did not promote alcoholism, however, left unanswered (and unasked) was exactly what pressure these bachurim feel they are under that they have this need to “chill” as the bachur put it. they have no financial, social or personal obligations to anyone. all that is asked from them is that they act like a mench, attend davening, shiurim and sedarim. if that is too pressure packed, perhaps the bachurim are in the wrong yeshiva or worse, the wrong venue (yes, I am making a leading statement).

How would her kids feel if they wanted to go to a treif restaurant with the chiloni neighbors and she said no? Surely her kids know the family has standards vis a vis pritzus (if not, it would be hypocritical if she waved the pritzus flag and said no). Surely her kids know that not everyone does everything that they are supposed to, this is parenting 101. I’m sure your friend can handle it. If not, she surely has a mentor she can speak with.

“This Shabbos, my son was invited by his Yeshiva to a Shabbaton. And he went!”

How did he spend shabbos? Did he sleep all day? Did he join his classmates for davening, the meals or learning?

“On the one hand, he now says maybe he will go back to Yeshiva to finish, but on the other, he says he hates learning, and won’t continue to Yeshiva Gedola.”

Perhaps he needs a different Yeshiva, specifically, a different type of program. Perhaps an hr in the morning of a shiur of some sort, or learning one on one with someone to keep an anchor to torah and then he can pursue other things.

“I suggested he consider learning a trade instead, but he doesn’t feel he will fit in there either.”

Dare I say it. College?

“I agree that kids tend not to go off a derech they are happy with, however I’m sure other factors play a role as well”

I’m not sure what the “however” is in your sentence.

I am not advocating that kids use their brain all the time with no break. I was responding to what I originally understood was being written.

The point I guess I am trying to make if summed up in 3 sentences is simply; Rejecting the path one grew up with is an extreme action. Sometimes, an extreme action, requires just an extreme a reaction. Perhaps the rest of the family displaying the exact opposite reaction (by going out of their way to show the satisfaction with torah and mitzvos in the examples I gave) might have some merit and have a positive effect.

“The problem is, no matter how beautiful the Shabbos table is, we can’t compete equally with the stimulation and excitement kids get from computer games and videos.”

If you look at it this way yes, I agree. However, I dont agree that computer games and videos should be the primary source of enjoyment and stimulation for children of any age. When they dont have these available, they will be miserable and bored, not just on shabbos and yom tov. I believe it is a complete abdication of parental responsibilities to relegate stimulation and enjoyment to computer games and videos, especially when the parents are unable to replace computer games and videos when they are unavailable (shabbos for example).

“A really good dvar Torah is no match unless the child is thrilled learning Torah to begin with.”

I disagree. I child who is used to being stimulated by using his or her brain will be perfectly happy to be asked a question at the shabbos table and be quite happy to get involved.

Children of all ages who are used to being entertained, expect the same at the shabbos table or in shul, or will grow bored. Jumping around like a frog explaining the makkos might help for a 6 year old. Your 13 year old will yawn and walk away. If it happens often enough, they wont want to come altogether.

I believe I wrote this earlier in the thread, generally speaking, kids dont go off a derech they are happy with. They either leave because they are unhappy with the path they are currently traveling on, or because the path is so boring, confusing or filled with hypocrites they seek another.

I dont know you or your son and will obviously not comment on what, how or why in your particular situation, but I am willing to bet that if your son saw you enjoying yiddishkeit it will have an impact on him sooner or later. Perhaps have your husband arrange to have a chavrusah with someone at 3am so that when your son comes home from wherever, he sees him learning enthusiasticly. Perhaps he needs to see the rest of the family eagerly anticipate going to shul or eating a shabbos seudah. If he sees the rest of the family eagerly anticipating something, he might eventually be tempted to join the excitement.

“for a teenager its a day they cant listen to the Radio, Cant Use the Computer, Cant Drive to their friends house, Cant Talk to their friends on the Phone or computer and basically a day of NO , Cant do this, Cant do that. In fact all they can do is Eat Sleep and Learn a Sefer which they find unpleasant.”

If this is as common as is it being made out to be, we can stamp FAILURE across our entire system of chinuch (as parents, teachers, rabbonim and community) and look for a new approach.

“must always”? without spelling it out, you can also use your imagination to come up with numerous scenarios where always, does not apply.

I know 2 different only children. Both are extremely level headed, not spoiled and socially normal. On the other hand, I know children from families of 8, 10 or more children who are resentful to their parents and their siblings and are always looking for attention which makes for very awkward social interaction.

“Its agreed that a loving calm home life with praise and encouragement is the best prevention against having kids go OTD,”

Praise and encouragement will help foster a relationship of love and trust. They will not prevent kids from going OTD. Especially if the parents (and other role models) are master practicioners of the “do as I say, not as I do” approach.

Since reading comprehension is apparantly not my strong point, perhaps you can explain what he means and explain how 1+1+99 = 100.

Courtesy of the Fun City Facebook page:

Dear Friends, Fun City has permanently closed. The Palisades Center has de-leased the entire wing to convert the area into a Dick’s Sporting Goods. The news came to us suddenly and we apologize that we have not been able to give advance notice. We greatly appreciate your support.

Perhaps the Rav gave a hetter to eat Gluten Free “Matza style squares” (made from Tapioca starch) on which one makes a Shehakol 🙂

If we are taking on that the first day is kodesh, any preparation for next day is preparing for “chol” which you may not do on yom tov, even with an eruv tavshilin.

They are not allowed to discriminate based on weight. They might try to encourage you to purchase a low fat, low calorie meal, but they can not be makpid if you choose the high in saturated fat, 17g of fat per serving meal.

Why do you want to assign blame?

Dear Rabbi Wolf. While it is difficult to discern from the words, they were written in jest.

On a serious note. In the branch of CC that I learned in, bekius seder was set up in a manner we called “1st time and 2nd time”. We would regularly go through 3-4 blatt during the 1st seder of the week, with the express purpose of knowing nothing more than the translation of all the words and the basic flow of the gemara (question, answer, proof, question etc.) Ever try lihavdil to read and understand a complicated document where you had to stop every few words for a dictionary or thesauraus? The same concept applied here. Perhaps this is what he was doing.

Whose wallet?

Shhh.

Chasidei umos haolam. Not a large sect of chassidim.

I read an advetorial for the asifa. It stated that they were designating blocks of seats for those who did wish to view anything on the jumbotron screens. Huh?

Chasidei Tinokos Shenibu. The group is larger than the next 10 combined by a factor of at least 5 perhaps 10 and its members are probably found on every continent.

didnt president kennedy say, you can hate some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.

Those denominations that use icons, use them as prayer tools, they are not prayed to.