hanib

SJS: i feel that even if can’t afford, borrow or charge it. it’s soooo important. if doing it l’shem shamayim as mytake is, it’s a definite mitzvah and Hashem will find the means to help her pay for it.

mytake: hope it helps. good luck!

Mytake: even when working on the same issue (tznius), we all have different things that “speak” to us. First of all, i found “inside, outside” excellent; though what helped more was hearing her in person give a speech. (also, the 6 diaries was interesting, though i read it after tznius became a non-issue for me.)

i still had issues with how i dressed – different than yours. but what really helped it become a non-issue was something that i think may apply to you also. from reading your posts, it seems to me that you’re a person who truly is trying to grow. What may be happening is that the way you are dressing externally does not reflect anymore who you are internally. this may have an effect on the type of shidduchim that you are being redt – for you may actually be misrepresenting yourself.

popa may not be so far off. best advice may be to go on a shopping spree and look for outfits that you look great in, but are also perfectly tznius. you should look nice, but they should reflect how and who you are internally. and then, throw away all your old clothes. even if you do not have the money for it, charge it on your credit card. i did – and the next person who i went out with later confided to the shadchan that he really liked my style of dressing. that guy ended up paying for all those new clothes after we got engaged. 😉

you know you’re getting old, when you say things like “i remember when…”

should write instead to younger guys:

who knows what brady bunch is?

who can imagine typing ten page term paper on type writer, so if left out a line on page 3, had to type 7 pages over again.

was so excited when in 12th grade, we got a word processor.

who, nowadays, can get a job without knowing what a mouse is and, of course, how to use one?

if a guy talked and talked and didn’t seem interested in what i said; and if he put down a lot of people during the date; also talking on a cellphone to others is a big turn-off

it’s just totally different. i’m very happy that i’m not a teen anymore.

you must be sephardi. most of us are ashkenazim.

of course she’s not going to – wouldn’t be allowed to go through mishpacha if that’s the end. they’ll all work on themselves and then live happily ever after.

good question: why did he/she decide to go to that yeshiva/seminary? just know that if continue dating, will get deeper answer for these questions. but still can ask questions like this to get to know person better.

where went for shabbosos when in israel or wherever? where have better friend – from highschool and or yeshiva/seminary experience? what places in america, israel, europe have seen – what was it like? what do during day – shiurim, classes, job,etc. ask for more details about them. be/act interested in what person says and ask for more details.

i also always wanted 7 boys for that reason.

someone once told me that women always want one more than they actually have.

and, yes, i’d love twins, but don’t think i can handle sextuplets.

it’s not good for my middos.

i think it’s cute. and if he’s older than 14, which i’m pretty sure he is, he’ll be really annoyed about what you wrote.

i thought that maybe it’s multiple family users – like brother, sister

i know you’ll still “live” without a response, but didn’t want you to get too lonely. 🙂 keep up all the cheerful posts.

you guys are arguing about apples and oranges. it depends who you are, and in which direction are you going. for kids who grow up in an environment where they don’t watch entertainment videos at all, who learn almost their whole day, even an uncle moishy video may not be so good for them. (even if that video is okay, will want to watch others, and very, very few would be appropriate for them – so why even start up the yetzer hora and show them that these things are available to them?) for others, cleaner movies than would otherwise watch is a step up.

oomis – i was going to say the same thing, so i’ll say …”a heart”

depends who you’re talking to – it’s like got shabbos vs. shabbat shalom

truthbetold: i was dating in my late 20’s and the guys i saw – good, Lakewood guys who must have dated 100’s of girls really were depressed – you could see it. i know because i also was there. luckily (obviously, with b’tziata deshmaya), i got renewed strength, did maximum hishtadlus and maximum tefillah, and Hashem had my zivug find me (who for various reasons had barely dated, so he came in with a lot of energy and interest). the answer is that they also should really think about what they’re looking for and do better research (not necessarily into nitty gritty, but into things that are of importance to them).

apushatayid: of course a person should be mature enough to handle some disappointment, but do you have any idea of what it’s like to be dating (whether you are a boy or a girl) for 10 years, and trying to go out each time with the same optimism that started with when one was 20?!? would you tell someone with fertility problems that if they were old enough to get married, they should be mature enough to handle the disappointment of not becoming pregnant each month? that’s what dating for many years is like for many people.

i think popa took chayav’s advice about having that stiff drink.

depends who the rav is. not all ravs know how to advise people correctly in difficult situations. there are some rabbeim who are amazing; while many others can give dangerous and/or harmful advice. a person who has s’micha can answer halacha sheilos, but may not have the ability to answer relationship shailos (even if they have a great marriage).

don’t set yossi up with a girl with diabetes just because he said he would go out with her. if you know someone who seems like a good match and they could support each other in their avodas Hashem, etc. Meaning if set him up, set him up because it’s a good idea for him, not just because it’s a good idea for her to date someone without a physical ailment.

i never read the one negative post, but isn’t there something that if all members of beis din agree unanimously, don’t go by that. but if even have 1 dissenter, rule goes by the majority.

even mordechai hatzadik wasn’t accepted and loved by all of the yehudim.

good luck in everything, and may you one day be zocheh to find your zivug and true shalom bayis!

whenever i read posts such as these i think of those logic problems where there is an island full of knights (who always tell the truth) and knaves (who always lie) and you have to figure out who’s who. i wonder who in the cr room are the knights and who are the knaves. some logic problems also have normals – they sometimes lie and sometimes tell the truth. 🙂

someone i know’s Rebbe told him that he never knew that parents ever yell at each other until his family went away to the bungalow colony, and he heard other families yelling.