Forum Replies Created
i still have my first grade report card and haven’t managed yet to throw it out.
wolf – everyone knows that men are way too meikel when it comes to pesach cleaning. women have a mesorah as to how to clean for pesach. men forget about: “dust is not chametz” nonsense. you guys might know halacha but you don’t know nothing about pesach cleaning.February 22, 2011 4:11 pm at 4:11 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747718
SJS: i feel that even if can’t afford, borrow or charge it. it’s soooo important. if doing it l’shem shamayim as mytake is, it’s a definite mitzvah and Hashem will find the means to help her pay for it.
mytake: hope it helps. good luck!February 22, 2011 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747711
cshapiro – i only got that sensitivity feeling after i completely changed my style of dressing. before then i did not naturally have the sensitivity. now, after many years, i think i have more sensitivity than most.February 22, 2011 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747708
Mytake: even when working on the same issue (tznius), we all have different things that “speak” to us. First of all, i found “inside, outside” excellent; though what helped more was hearing her in person give a speech. (also, the 6 diaries was interesting, though i read it after tznius became a non-issue for me.)
i still had issues with how i dressed – different than yours. but what really helped it become a non-issue was something that i think may apply to you also. from reading your posts, it seems to me that you’re a person who truly is trying to grow. What may be happening is that the way you are dressing externally does not reflect anymore who you are internally. this may have an effect on the type of shidduchim that you are being redt – for you may actually be misrepresenting yourself.
popa may not be so far off. best advice may be to go on a shopping spree and look for outfits that you look great in, but are also perfectly tznius. you should look nice, but they should reflect how and who you are internally. and then, throw away all your old clothes. even if you do not have the money for it, charge it on your credit card. i did – and the next person who i went out with later confided to the shadchan that he really liked my style of dressing. that guy ended up paying for all those new clothes after we got engaged. 😉
all of the above, plus named after tzaddik that died within the year my child was born.
you know you’re getting old, when you say things like “i remember when…”
should write instead to younger guys:
who knows what brady bunch is?
who can imagine typing ten page term paper on type writer, so if left out a line on page 3, had to type 7 pages over again.
was so excited when in 12th grade, we got a word processor.
who, nowadays, can get a job without knowing what a mouse is and, of course, how to use one?February 21, 2011 7:24 am at 7:24 am in reply to: bringing babies and small children to megillah reading #743007
no way. i keep my kids home until they’re about 5 and really know how to sit still and quietly for the whole thing.February 21, 2011 7:21 am at 7:21 am in reply to: Girls- things that a guy does or says on a date that makes you lose interest #742679
if a guy talked and talked and didn’t seem interested in what i said; and if he put down a lot of people during the date; also talking on a cellphone to others is a big turn-off
oh. got it. 🙂
it’s just totally different. i’m very happy that i’m not a teen anymore.
and before anyone jumps on me – all i’m saying is that sephardim have a minhag of naming after people while they’re still alive.
you must be sephardi. most of us are ashkenazim.
chayav, i’m sure you know the story of the bubby… i mean boy who cried wolf. if you continue like this, then one day, chas v’shalom you’ll really have a problem, and no one in the cr will believe you.
on the other hand, maybe that’s not too bad. 😉
of course she’s not going to – wouldn’t be allowed to go through mishpacha if that’s the end. they’ll all work on themselves and then live happily ever after.
i heard that should hold havdalah candle very high in order to get a tall husband; i davka never did, but got super-tall husband anyways.
good question: why did he/she decide to go to that yeshiva/seminary? just know that if continue dating, will get deeper answer for these questions. but still can ask questions like this to get to know person better.
where went for shabbosos when in israel or wherever? where have better friend – from highschool and or yeshiva/seminary experience? what places in america, israel, europe have seen – what was it like? what do during day – shiurim, classes, job,etc. ask for more details about them. be/act interested in what person says and ask for more details.
please let me know, anyone, if i hurt you – i definitely don’t want to hurt anyone on or off-line.
i also always wanted 7 boys for that reason.
someone once told me that women always want one more than they actually have.
and, yes, i’d love twins, but don’t think i can handle sextuplets.
popa – and here this whole time i thought you were chayav. 🙂
i believed chayav in the beginning – thought it was a sister or something, but as someone said, nobody applies to only bjj – and if you do aplly to bjj, you don’t write on the cr – “what’s wrong with watching movies?”
it’s not good for my middos.
zeeskite; huh? i didn’t understand your last comment. keep writing. 🙂
i think it’s cute. and if he’s older than 14, which i’m pretty sure he is, he’ll be really annoyed about what you wrote.
i thought that maybe it’s multiple family users – like brother, sister
actually, zeeskite seems to me to be a 20 something reincarnation of eclipse, or what eclipse would have been like 20 years ago. 🙂
i know you’ll still “live” without a response, but didn’t want you to get too lonely. 🙂 keep up all the cheerful posts.
thanks – i did once hear spaghetti, so couldn’t decide which one to use – but never heard “lokshen” – thanks for putting me straight. 🙂
you guys are arguing about apples and oranges. it depends who you are, and in which direction are you going. for kids who grow up in an environment where they don’t watch entertainment videos at all, who learn almost their whole day, even an uncle moishy video may not be so good for them. (even if that video is okay, will want to watch others, and very, very few would be appropriate for them – so why even start up the yetzer hora and show them that these things are available to them?) for others, cleaner movies than would otherwise watch is a step up.
this sounds like the joke when a person who’s gonna be going on his first date, asks his friend what he should talk about. he was told: food, family, and philosophy. (should i continue or do y’all know this joke already? ok. i’ll continue just in case 1 person in the CR never heard it.) so on date, guy asks girl: do you like potatoes? girl say “no”. guy then asks: do you have a brother? girl says “no”. guy thinks very hard and says: “well, if you had a brother, would he like potatoes?”
oomis – i was going to say the same thing, so i’ll say …”a heart”
that i’ll start a new thread in the CR and it will just sit (stand?) there and no one will respond. 🙂
it’s interesting how placement in family affects so much who we are today.
oldest of large family – i like that even till today, siblings will ask and respect my opinion on things.
depends who you’re talking to – it’s like got shabbos vs. shabbat shalom
aries: i agree with you, technically. But i sure liked getting information from the boys rabbeim, much better. I would ask them a question, and then they would ask me questions to get a better picture of who i was, where i was coming from, and to clarify what i meant by the question (such as “is the boy deep/ can he learn?” and then they would really answer me – often, i would get from the rabbeim that this boy is not what i’m looking for, while others would get upset that i wasn’t going out with such and such a boy. i’ve had rabbeim tell me point blank about the boy’s emotional history – ex. had breakdown, took medication, etc. – and nobody else even mentioned it.
truthbetold: i was dating in my late 20’s and the guys i saw – good, Lakewood guys who must have dated 100’s of girls really were depressed – you could see it. i know because i also was there. luckily (obviously, with b’tziata deshmaya), i got renewed strength, did maximum hishtadlus and maximum tefillah, and Hashem had my zivug find me (who for various reasons had barely dated, so he came in with a lot of energy and interest). the answer is that they also should really think about what they’re looking for and do better research (not necessarily into nitty gritty, but into things that are of importance to them).
apushatayid: of course a person should be mature enough to handle some disappointment, but do you have any idea of what it’s like to be dating (whether you are a boy or a girl) for 10 years, and trying to go out each time with the same optimism that started with when one was 20?!? would you tell someone with fertility problems that if they were old enough to get married, they should be mature enough to handle the disappointment of not becoming pregnant each month? that’s what dating for many years is like for many people.February 15, 2011 3:04 pm at 3:04 pm in reply to: Predicting success of marriages and Kesher with a Rov #741656
i’m not saying not to go to a rav, but if have more serious issues -choose a rav carefully.
i think popa took chayav’s advice about having that stiff drink.
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
the problem with giving marriage advice is that we’re all different. the challenge of marriage is that 2 humans are living together, each with their own needs, and own way of communicating. and often due to pregnancy, childbirth, family members dying, illnesses, or any other stresses, spouses can be pulled in different directions and not understand each other. only way to have good marriage is to work hard, and to learn how to communicate with spouse and what is important to them, and to learn how to express your needs so spouse can understand. on plus side, if do that can find true happiness and fulfillment in life and have partner to help you rise up to challenges. most often, it’s a learning experience – have ups and downs, but if work hard, hopefully gets better and better.February 15, 2011 8:18 am at 8:18 am in reply to: Predicting success of marriages and Kesher with a Rov #741648
depends who the rav is. not all ravs know how to advise people correctly in difficult situations. there are some rabbeim who are amazing; while many others can give dangerous and/or harmful advice. a person who has s’micha can answer halacha sheilos, but may not have the ability to answer relationship shailos (even if they have a great marriage).
i think some of you are under-estimating the pain, hurt, waste of time, and expense of just going out and then finding out that the person is not “shayach” at all. the importance of doing “research” is not just to find out that they don’t have some hidden malady (though i’m sure that many emotionally scarred spouses wished that they had done more research), but to help you find the right person without going out with tons of others, with all the hope, dressing up, etc. and then disappointment. i’m not so afraid of the disappointment, but the despair that comes with going out with so many people and not finding the right person is very harmful. it’s hard to date correctly and with optimism if gone out with so many before and nothing happened. (may then even miss signs that person is right because one is too depressed to date properly). much wiser and effective is to invest time to thinking of who truly are and what truly need and seriously look for that when doing research. if a person wants to be an engineer, why should he go on tons of interviews for jobs which are looking for a doctor, a teacher, a salesperson – just in case and will see what happens afterwards?
don’t set yossi up with a girl with diabetes just because he said he would go out with her. if you know someone who seems like a good match and they could support each other in their avodas Hashem, etc. Meaning if set him up, set him up because it’s a good idea for him, not just because it’s a good idea for her to date someone without a physical ailment.
that feeling is a good, normal, healthy feeling. as others said, it means that you recognize that you are missing your other half and are yearning to be whole. As you said, the best thing to do is to use that feeling to be close to Hashem, use that feeling to understand what it can mean for longing for mashiach to come so we can experience the closeness with Hashem, and use it to daven and to really imagine Hashem finding your bashert – the one that is right and perfect for you. And with your zivug, you will be able to fulfill your tachlis in this world.
i never read the one negative post, but isn’t there something that if all members of beis din agree unanimously, don’t go by that. but if even have 1 dissenter, rule goes by the majority.
even mordechai hatzadik wasn’t accepted and loved by all of the yehudim.
good luck in everything, and may you one day be zocheh to find your zivug and true shalom bayis!
a person who hasn’t fixed a middah can’t give others advice; so instead i’ll tell you what i do and you just do the opposite.
– when have a bunch of stuff to do, always make sure to check your e-mails. respond to them
– call your friends and/or relative for quick 5 min. chat, which then lasts an hour
– read mishpacha magazine or whatever newspaper you get right away, especially if you have something very important to do
– GO ON THE CR!!!!!!
– and always, always do what is urgent and never spend time on the important, but non-urgent things. if it’s important enough, one day it will become urgent
mytake – i’ll get back to you after i finish everything else i’m doing. 😉 (sorry, i couldn’t resist.)
whenever i read posts such as these i think of those logic problems where there is an island full of knights (who always tell the truth) and knaves (who always lie) and you have to figure out who’s who. i wonder who in the cr room are the knights and who are the knaves. some logic problems also have normals – they sometimes lie and sometimes tell the truth. 🙂
always here: right. 🙂
someone i know’s Rebbe told him that he never knew that parents ever yell at each other until his family went away to the bungalow colony, and he heard other families yelling.