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Rabbi Ezriel Tauber has great tapes on Emunah and the purpose of life. Available thru Shalheves.
For all you complainers, how many of you can honestly say you ever thought about the elderly people on your block, or the almana or divorcee who can’t do it by themselves? Did you ever think to help them?
Easy baked corn flake chicken: spray chicken with Pam or brush lightly with oil, then sprinkle with garlic powder, black pepper, paprika (and any other spices you like), then roll (or pour on) corn flake crumbs. Bake covered 1 hour, then uncovered for one hour or until nicely crispy.
ZAHAVAS dad: I’m not sure what Rav u asked but u should certainly not eat salad in a treife restaurant. There is the problem of tolaim in greens and the utensils and knives can not be trusted to have been clean and not touched tarfus.
It’s a total waste of money. Go to a stationery store, buy a gold or silver ink calligraphy pen (no professional lessons required) and hand address them nicely.
Best games are linko, perpetual commotion, flux, monopoly deal, skip-Bo.January 1, 2014 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998109
One crucial aspect of all this that I can’t believe is being forgotten or ignored, is that every person has a Zivug and a set time for when they will marry. Where is your Emunah in Hashem in all this??? Rabbi Ezriel Tauber said that a single can sit home and twiddle their thumbs and another can run after every Shadchan in the world, and neither one will get married any faster than they’re supposed to. The purpose of Hishtadlus is just to do what Hashem asked, and to keep the person from feeling despondent that they’re not doing anything to help themselves, but ultimately it accomplishes nothing. Only Hashem decides, and no statistics or age gaps or any other excuses, or titles (Shidduch crisis) mean anything.November 25, 2013 3:39 pm at 3:39 pm in reply to: Chofetz Chaim: It's not just a Yeshiva. It's a way of life. #989164
I took my son out of the chiofetz Chaim in Brooklyn due to a very modern parent body in his class and unwillingness by the hanhala to deal with the vast majority of TV-owners as well. Their response to me when I brought up the tv issue, although their application specifically asks if you own tv, was “The whole FLATBUSH is modern. We can’t change the world for you.”
I didnt get one, 🙁 . Anyone have an extra they don’t need? 🙂
Don’t try denying now. You disparaged the Rov. How dare you. Who do you think you are. Don’t ever deem yourself worthy to challenge a Rov’s opinion in a demeaning manner. You’ve shown who you are.
@popabarabba, just because a concept makes no sense TO YOU, does not mean it isn’t so. And watch when you go around disparaging a Rov. your holier(and smarter) than thou attitude just doesn’t cut it here.
Anyone know a store in Brooklyyn for dining room chairs,other than the ones in Boro Park? (tried sterns, lofflers, regal, accentuations,,,Ddnt see anything) the non Frum stores don’t seem to have formal dining room sets.
I learned from a big Rov that an ayin hora can only hurt you if you believe in it. He therefore does not believe in it.December 30, 2012 10:42 pm at 10:42 pm in reply to: Where in NYC can I donate clothing, etc for tax deduction? #916059
I’ve heard it said that since many athletes lead lives with questionable behaviors, ie drugs, steroids, troubled personal lives, that we shouldnt want our youth to believe they should be admired and emulated, much less seen as heroes or role models.
Pain is relative. It does not help to try and “comfort” someone in pain by telling them about someone who “has it worse.” a Rov tried that with me, and it didn’t help one iota, I just came away feeling he didnt empathize or feel my pain at all. You should try and speak out and work thru your pain with a trained professional who can validate your feelings and help you move past them, people who have gone thru painful childhoods, especially with u supportive or critical/abusive parents can be scarred for life if they do not get help, I wish you much Hatzlacha,
I think what needs to be added is that while every feeling person can and should commiserate with your unfortunate situation, you seem to have a bit of an attitude and an “es Kumt Mir” outlook which is off-putting to most people. To expect more than a dollar from each person is totally unreasonable and smacks of a lack of gratitude. I wish you Hatzlacha.
I have noticed basic manners to be sorely lacking in many of of our brethren. I was sitting eating with my family in Glatt ala carte, a nice upscale restaurant, where the waiters and service are usually impeccable, classy, elegant. I cringed when I heard a man at the table next to me call the waiter over and say, “Get me a coke.” in hindsight I’m sorry I didn’t mention to him that a “please” at the very least, and at best, a total rephrasing of his demand into a request, was necessary.
Don’t get it. What are u laughing about?
Have a good Shabbos all.
I too have seen appalling behavior from yeshiva kids on the school bus. In one particular incident, a well known yeshiva in marine park has a bus stop right near my house, and one day when many neighbors, frum, as well as non-jewish, were sitting out on their porches, as one boy got off the bus, another shouted out from the window of the bus, “bye, you $&?!$& idiot!” as the rest of the boys proceeded to laugh. I was mortified in front of a non Jewish neighbor! Another day, when this same bus from the same yeshiva let out in front of my house, and my husband happened to come outside for a moment to put the trash out wearing a t-shirt, one boy from the bus yelled to him, “hey, put on a ?!$(&’ shirt!” I then called the principal of the yeshiva to voice my disgust. What kinds of ones do these kids come from?!
Be wary of those, even a so-called Rov/college teacher, who without formal training deems himself to be a counselor and has actually encouraged divorce to couples who could have worked out their problems, only to have the couple later discover that he had personal interest in seeing the couple divorce.
@wisey: what is your question about how a person has bechira even though Hashem knows in advance what the person will choose to do? just because Hashem knows in advance what your ultimate choices will be does NOT mean He is choosing them for you! You are given the free will, but Hashem can predict in advance and knows what you will want to choose. He does not interfere with your choice.
I think one aspect is being overlooked. Oftentimes certain drugs, even if stopped, can have a permanent effect on the user’s mind, and may manifest itself in subtle, easily overlooked ways, at first. Later on, though, one may realize, if they’re knowledgable enough, that the person suffers from personality changes,
Mood swings, etc. Be very careful.
@wiy: actually ur wrong that if she doesn’t know the meaning of the words, it’s just like Chinese. Music goes into the Neshama , therefore whether she understands or not, it will have a positive effect on her.
Oy. I cannot believe how many people here did nt catch the glaringly obvious
sarcasm Wolf uses when “bemoaning” his so-called “sins” in treating those strangers with obvious Mentshlichkeit,
I know a giyoress who did not separate from her Jewish husband while she was supposedly going thru the conversion process, which was required of her, and the Rov doing the giyur believed they were indeed separated when they were supposed to be. . Is her conversion valid?
Which leads one to the question of, how can Hashem give a person a Nisayon/challenge he can’t overcome?
Well the therapist did think that this path to divorce would be “hitting rock bottom” for him. But in actuality, he is now telling ME what he thinks I need to do to make the marriage work this time! Typical addict behavior…blame the other person and pretend you dont have a problem. He is in therapy with a useless, non-Frum woman who doesn’t challenge him (his own admission) on his stuff. I guess he’s just gotten comfortable there. I asked him many times to see an addiction specialist, he has yet to do it. Do I hold out much hope? No. But the Rabbonim are saying to try once more, and if it doesn’t work, then divorce. I feel so sorry for the kids and am scared at the prospect of being alone. He doesn’t use the Internet on Shabbos but at every other time he can be seen with more than one device being used at the same time! He takes his devices to Shul, to shiurim, to weddings (might need it for driving directions!), to the grocery (might need to look up a hashgacha!) and everywhere else. As soon as he gets in from work, his iPad gets plugged in to charge, presumably because he just finished using it. He refuses to install any filters and allows my kids to play games on it against my will, he had past gambling addiction as well, has a very compulsive personality . Sometimes I just really wonder why Hashem gave me this challenge and what He wants me to do with it. My husband seems to think any other wife would not be as bothered by “his stuff” as I am, I doubt that.
For those assuming that I’m looking for answers from The Coffee Room as to how to proceed, you’re wrong. We have been in touch with numerous Rabbonim, even lawyers, and well on the way to divorce but now my spouse has been asking for another chance. I’m just looking for a bit of support here from my peers. The specific addiction is to Internet, and the OCD issues involve various excessive behaviors. He has a need to control and make all decisions for the family. My kids want us together at all costs despite the constant arguments and days-long silences. I am miserable with him, but my other considerations are of course the kids, plus the thought of being alone and not as financially secure, and wondering if there will be another marriage in my future, as I am still relatively young, attractive and have a lot to offer the right person.
Hi. If you could be a bit more specific about the kinds of addictions your spouse has, it would be more helpful in others being able to share insights. It sounds as if our spouses may be very alike. I am currently in the process of divorce, and seem to be sharing your questions, doubts, mistrust about the future, and wondering how I will ever be able to have faith in another marriage. I wish you relief from your pain and the ability to move forward and build a new and better life for yourself,
Most honest shAitelmacher ever is Aziza wigs in Boro park, her name is Suri.
Thanks but I meant something more interactive to keep busy, aside from time with arents. And some aren’t lucky enough I still have arents.
For the same Aston the recipes have been the same for the past 2 years.
I’d say Flatbush has more than “a few” Modern. Unfortunately many of the women are not dressing completely Tzniusdug and it should be a consideration when planning where to move.
One thing everyone seems to be overlooking is the Emunah factor. Everyone has a Zivug out there, created especially for them by Hashem, no matter what you look like, that person is out there. Just trust in Hashem, Daven a lot, and don’t worry about the weight issue, your Bashert will love you and want you for you.
I too feel so hurt for all the pain u’ve suffered and give u a virtual hug. I’m sure there were and are many people who would have been so willing to reach out and try to help, to ease your pain, to give u love and acceptance,nut perhaps they didn’t know how to approach u, or just doubted that u wanted their help. If there were some way u and your friends could somehow reach out for help, before concluding that the only way out of the pain is thru self destructive behaviors, and going off the derech, I believe there would be many, many good people out there who would love to help. I too went otd in my late teens, and was lost for over 10 years, but I finally realized that life did not bring me any happiness, only temporary but FAKE reprieves from the pain. I finally realized I wanted to come back, got myself into therapy, git myself a religious mentor, and am now thankfully Frum again and leading a more stable life. If there was one thing I could impart to those in that situation, I’d want to stress that running away from Hashem will NEVER bring any happiness, only more pain. Exploring what made u leave, getting therapy, and surrounding yourself with good, stable and Frum people who care and accept u no matter how u are, is what will help ease the pain and give u back a chance at a happy, healthy existence. Good luck to you and all your friends. And remember, there are good people out there who would love to help.
As some here already know, I’m one of those In a bad marriage with a spouse whose addicted to Internet. He denies there’s a problem and refuses to get help. We had seval marriage counselors try to help, my spouse rejected all their advice as soon as it didn’t suit him. He made promises only to break them. I’m trying to stay focused on my kids who love their father so much and doing lots of Davening, while getting therapy for myself. I seriously don’t know whether to divorce or not. One one hand I dream about having a 2nd chance at marriage with someone new and hopefully more “normal,” but theres no guarantees. The thought of being alone terrifies me. The thought of my children being c” v hurt by a divorce tortures me. Do I sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of my kids and wait until they’re older before I think of myself? Will it then be too late for me start over? It’s a heart-wrenching decision, not an easy one at all. I believe my spouse won’t get real help unless the kids and I leave him.
I was told by a wonderful Frum therapist that people don’t even begin to realize the devastating effects of divorce on the children, and that unless there is actual abuse or infidelity or something equally as serious c”v, notch at the best course of action if you want to protect your children, is to try and work thru the problems and stay together. Ndivorce should be the very last option, as I said only in the case of severe, severe issues.
L’maancha (otherwise known as HaNeshama Lach) by Eitan Katz is probably the most beautiful song I ever heard.
@557. How are you so sure these women have gotten a Psak from a Rov that their way of showing hair is okay, OR that their husband approves? Maybe the husband isn’t well aware either of how much a tefach is, and he is just as unknowledgable as she is? You deign to know too. Much.
@557 Why are you assuming the Tochacha will not Be heeded? I really believe many women don’t know that the way they leave too much hair showing, is just the same as init covering their hair at all. I’m sure some don’t care and rheir priority is only to feel hey look a bit cuter today with their hair sticking out, than consider tomorrow and their future S’char or Onesh, c”v. Hopefully the majority are doing it because of lack of knowledge of the severity of the transgression, rather than because they place more importance on how they look than on caring about committing sins,
As far as covering the hair, if the Rov did not tell you t’s Assur to show more than a tefach of hair, then I suggest you ask again because ou must have misunderstood. Rabbi Ezriel Tauber said specifically that if a Woman shows more than a tefach of hair, she might as well not cover her hair at all, because it’s the same thing! And considering how many women I see wearing snoods hanging off the back of their heads, or a fall which has the front of their own hair completely showing, I’d say many don’t know the severe transgression they are making. It’s incumbent on all of us to inform those who are unknowledgable about this issue to advise them that they are not at all coving their hair if they’re not doing it so it more than a tefach shows. There are no compromises on this it’s not like covering some of the hair is better than covering none.
I’m puzzled as to why he told his wife he couldn’t get the image of the woman on the street out of his mind. Sounds strange.
The women we are discussing are MARRIED women who should know better. They are wearing the requisite (very long) Shaitels but the rest of the clothing would make you think the person is not Frum. Don’t they see what they’re teaching their daughters? That they are objects? That they have no real self respect and will sell themselves out just to get a stare or some attention? I’m not clear on the explanation that “you don’t understand the struggle we’re going through and our yetzer hara which makes us want to dress like that!” what exactly is the pleasure you are deriving from wearing a short skirt and tight clothes and being stared at as if you are a floozy. Is it knowing that men are looking? Is it revenge against your husband who is used to you and maybe doesn’t look at you or compliment you so much any more? What exactly is it doing for you? And aren’t your children more important, instilling proper values in them so they won’t learn to objectify themselves like you do? And what about your Neshama and those of the people you are causing to sin? Think about the next world and or just a moment’s pleasure today!
It’s not practical to have to address personally every woman who’s not dressed with Tznius. You can’t go up to numerous women you don’t know and tell each one what they’re doing wrong. I be,I’ve its incumbent upon the Rov of their Shull to do so. I couldn’t believe what I saw outside a well-known large Shull on Rosh Hashana this year and how 75% of the women walking in there looked like! It looked more like Times Square than a Flabish Shull. And I believe that Rov should be addressing their husbands if he can’t get through to them.
Additional problems are the snoods and tichels that are worn all the way on back of the head, ctainly showing a lot more than a tefach of hair (which Rav Tauber said is just as serious as not covering the hair at all!), not to mention the problems with the clothing itself. I understand that some feel it’s up to the woman herself how Frum she wants to be and how it’s her choice how to dress, but when other women see it and then emulate it (which is prevalent in Flatbush…some women started the trend, now it’s the norm) then she is responsible for causing others to sin, and also for causing men to sin when they see her. It’s not like she’s committing an Aveiros privately and it’s her own business….she’s out there affecting other innocent people who will be caused to sin through her inappropriate lack of Tznius.
Hi all. What I think some here might be missing when they say basically that “all he needs is his wife to be supportive and for him to have some willpower…”, is that it really isn’t that simple. I know this is addiction, definitely addiction to Internet, maybe not on,y to pornography, but each time I try to broach the subject his answer is that if in fact he is addict, which he doesn’t think he is, then the next step for ME is to go seek out an AA type room for spouses of addicts. He is totally absolving himself of any need to get help. I can already see he’s in total denial even about addiction to Internet in general, so I know if I’m more specific and bring up the accusation that he’s addicted to the bad sites, it will only be met with more denial. There is no “working on this together and being a suppportive wife” while I can’t even get him to admit he has a problem. He just spouts how helpful the internet is for so many different things, but won’t admit he can’t live without it. And believe me he can’t live without it. He takes it everywhere, to the most inappropriate places and doesn’t see anything wrong about it.