Haimy

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Viewing 31 posts - 151 through 181 (of 181 total)
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  • Haimy
    Participant

    Once again: If the problem is because of picky girls then there should be an equal amount of rejected boys who can’t find a shidduch. Where are all those unmarried boys?
    No shortage of boys? Why are girls marrying divorced men with children? Why is there no organization like Nassi for the single boys?
    How can average boys ask for full support if there wasn’t a market imbalance?
    Please provide a rational explanation that doesn’t include the age gap at the core of this problem.

    Haimy
    Participant

    There is no shidduch crisis for frum girls? Why does Lakewood shadchan Freddie Friedman have a list of 2000 girls over the age of 25 with a fraction of that number of available boys to redt?
    If boys are rejecting girls for superficial reasons then where are all the single picky boys? The market of girls is so large, it’s much easier to reject a girl.
    The boys are no longer frum? not enough to create a crisis, & plenty of girls aren’t frum either which evens it out.

    I’d like to hear a rational explanation why so many girls are not finding a boy to marry.

    in reply to: Sleep away camp and bedwetting #1508613
    Haimy
    Participant

    The medication “Desmopressin” is the solution. If you tried it & it didn’t work, he may need a higher dosage.
    Many doctors are unaware of this medication.
    Dr. Susan Schulman highly recommends this medication in her book “Understanding Your Child’s Health ”
    It is safe, & effective in most cases.

    (Also talk to the camp mother, she is very familiar with this problem & how to deal with it.)

    Haimy
    Participant

    This post has nothing to do with criticizing anyone, it’s about us frum yidden. Did you shudder upon learning that 40% of a public school of 3000 students are Jewish? Is this not a tragedy? It’s not about them, it’s about us & how complacent we have become about our fellow brothers. Chazal tell us gadol hamachtioh yoser min hahorgo. Spiritual death is a far greater tragedy. I personally was pained to read that so many precious Jewish children go to this school.

    in reply to: Does the state really support Torah? #1462200
    Haimy
    Participant

    Supporting Yeshivos & Kollelim is certainly included in mitzvas tzdaka. Talmidei chachomim are permitted to accept charity so that they can sit & learn Torah. Using Maaser for jachzokas Hatorah is one of the best ways to give tzedaka. A significant amount of hilchos tzedaka is dedicated to the laws of the communal responsibility to provide sustenance to the poor. It’s not just a private enterprise. The state of Israel is not interested in supporting Torah or feeding talmidei chachomim. The political class wants the chareidi votes so they agree to give the yeshivos money.

    in reply to: Does the state really support Torah? #1462189
    Haimy
    Participant

    The State as representing most of the Israeli population would be thrilled if every Yeshiva & Kollel closed & the talmidim would join the army as patriotic citizens. They have no interest in supporting Torah at all. Chareidim are an unwanted group of Jews stopping chilonim from shopping on Shabbos, marrying non Jews, importing chazer, recognising alternative lifestyles, & are a financial strain on the rest of society.
    We should have hakoras hatov to Hashem that the state funds so much Torah. We should also show appreciation to the chilonim even if they aren’t interested in being forced to support us.

    in reply to: Does the state really support Torah? #1462055
    Haimy
    Participant

    The state does support Torah but it’s against it does so against it’s will. The majority of Israelis wouldn’t want a dime going to support a yeshiva or kollel. It is only because of the unified voting block of the chareidim that the state begrudgingly gives funding.
    In hilchos tzadaka it states that if you give tzadaka unwillingly, you lose all your reward.

    in reply to: Can an Ehrlicher Yid be a Foodie? #1457987
    Haimy
    Participant

    I’m sure Rebetzin Kanievsky tried to cook the tastiest Kugel for Shabbos & it probably tasted delicious. That doesn’t make her into a foodie, her intention was oneg Shabbos. A foodie seeks the pleasure of food as a goal in itself, not as an act of service to Hashem. This is a secular hedonistic expression which contradicts the mitzva of Kedoshim T’hiyue.

    Haimy
    Participant

    Let me be very clear: The intention of my question was not about distancing those that are OTD, it was about not allowing severe Torah transgressions within a Jewish home become the new normal. It’s also about being realistic these people returning whether you call them a choleh or not. The smaller chances of them returning, the less issurim we should tolerate. I believe the main focus should be on those struggling within the frum world, before they het lost outside.

    Haimy
    Participant

    This is part of my question. At what point do we concede that the person has found a different lifestyle for themselves & we swe should not sacrifice our own standards for them. Are we deluding ourselves that by allowing chillul Shabbos amongst other severe issurim in a frum home will somehow bring them back? This was implied by the video posted by Rabbi Hoffman in his latest article.
    I personally believe that a modicum of halachik observance be expected from a non observant family member. This was not the message I heard on the video.

    in reply to: Fire prevention ideas #1429860
    Haimy
    Participant

    Spray Foam which is used for insulation is a highly flammable material, it can destroy a home in minutes if caught on fire. The fumes & smoke it gives of can also kill very quikly. Please consider this before insulating your wall with spray foam, & check your Mezuzos. Besoros Tovos.

    in reply to: Why are the lakewood rabbanim so against an eruv in thier Town?? #1422506
    Haimy
    Participant

    V’ahi bimei Shfot Hashoftim…
    It’s not the place to discuss the merits of opinions of the Rabonim of Lakewood.
    These anonymous conversations usually lead to bezui talmidei Chachomim.

    Haimy
    Participant

    This is the claim of Dr.Schechter of Bikurcholim of Rockland County. Google Dr. Schechter frum divorce study.
    Regardless of the numbers, we know it’s going up by us & going down by the educated secular.

    in reply to: Indecisive Dating & it’s Aftermath #1365156
    Haimy
    Participant

    The higher retention rate is no indication of a successful marriage, it mainly shows how difficult it is to get divorced in a community. Arranged marriages do work but if someone doesn’t feel comfortable, they should not be pressured to go over the line. If up to 10% of chareidi marriages fall apart, then there’s another 20% in trouble. Remaining married for the children’s sake (though admirable), is not a reason to celebrate our low divorce rate.

    in reply to: Indecisive Dating & it’s Aftermath #1364934
    Haimy
    Participant

    Pressuring singles to get engaged is a dangerous endeavor which is one reason for the increase in frum divorces according to R’Akiva Tatz. Deciding the most important decision of your life in a state of anxiety & stress leads to problems.

    Haimy
    Participant

    You are welcome to do the research, divorce among college educated people married over the age of 25 is much lower than the national average of 50%, closer to 25%.
    The facts remain: frum divorces are rising while secular marriages are stabilizing.
    We need to take a fresh look at our chinuch & dating system to see why this is happening, not just blame society at large for our problems.

    in reply to: Can a man be STUCK in a marriage? #1358517
    Haimy
    Participant

    You will only get a useful answer from someone who knows your situation well & can remain objective about it. Please try to find a qualified person to help you in your difficult situation.
    It would be reckless for me to offer my personal opinion not knowing you. There is a sholom bayis hotline which has helped people in similar situations, Google sholom bayis hotline.

    in reply to: Is technology causing the shidduch crisis? #1354303
    Haimy
    Participant

    If thousands of frum girls between the ages of 25-39 are single & desperately want to start a family but can’t find a suitable husband, that to me is a crisis. How do you define such a situation?
    The majority of these girls are accomplished well adjusted people who are full capable of being fine wives & mother’s. Instead, they wait in loneliness while some callous individuals even question that there’s a crisis.
    If it we’re your daughter I wonder if your tune would change.

    in reply to: The Casualties of Yiddish in Litvishe Chadorim #1338156
    Haimy
    Participant

    Everyone is welcome to explain how wonderful it is to learn Chumash & Rashi in Yiddish, & I admit it does have maalos, however it is ruining the potential of about 20% of each class of boys. I personally took my son from a Yiddish speaking school where he was failing & becoming a behavioral problem & is now from the top boys in his English speaking class.
    I get calls regularly from parents who don’t know what to do about their child that’s failing due to yiddish.
    The main reason why Yiddish is still in Vogue is in order to keep out certain elements from the yeshivish schools. I think we’re paying too high a price.

    in reply to: OTD KIDS ALSO HAVE FREE WILL. #1337182
    Haimy
    Participant

    Teens are going on drugs (& OTD) in the wealthiest progressive Modern Orthodox communities where the schools cater to every child’s talents & teams of social workers sooth their feelings. They live in opulent homes with few siblings to compete with.
    Personal responsibility & maturity is what will stop a child from ruining their life, let’s be good role models & stop looking for whom to blame, it will not help our children.

    in reply to: OTD KIDS ALSO HAVE FREE WILL. #1335984
    Haimy
    Participant

    The Secular world makes an assumption that people wouldn’t make bad decisions if they hadn’t been a victim themselves. So every pathology is rooted in an earlier vulnerability caused by someone else.
    The Torah approach is Ki yetzer Lev Hoadom ra minurov, at every moment the Soton seeks that we self destruct ourselves, Spiritually & physically.
    We do our teens a disservice by blaming others for misfortunes that occurred due to bad choices made by their peers. The most empowering message we can give them is that they alone hold the keys to the best choices in life. No one can take that away from them.

    Haimy
    Participant

    Let’s be realistic, not every person can find their place in a super sheltered environment trying to live culturally in the 1800’s. If as a society the frum world can begin accepting those that want to be both fully shomer halacha & professional’s, this would help them remain frum. This was actually the objective of R’Sh’R’ Hisrch Ztz’l.
    In some Chassidisher communities the situation is absurd. The girls are taught almost no in-depth hashkafa or Yahadus because they aren’t allowed to learn, then they go out to work at a young age & get exposed to the wide world completely unprepared. Why are we surprised when they go off?

    in reply to: Additional Societal Casualties Of The Shidduch Crisis #1331161
    Haimy
    Participant

    Much more common than in the past.

    Haimy
    Participant

    Your solution might save the next generation but it’s too late for those disillusioned today. We can either ignore the problem & watch them drift away or we can try to find them a place within the frum community.

    Haimy
    Participant

    What is your information based on?

    in reply to: The Halachic Perils Of A Frum Chat Room #1325912
    Haimy
    Participant

    I admit that I can’t explain the nuances between a chat room & a forum, I’m also not condemning the general idea of a frum coffee room. But what difference does it make if people are publicly criticizing well known frum yidden or institutions? If there is a heter, please let me know of it. If there isn’t, why do we tolerate it? We are the Yeshiva world after all.

    Are the regulars here just so used to it that no one sees a problem?
    Sincerely, Haimy the newbie on YWN.

    Haimy
    Participant

    When I wrote expert, I meant a person with years of experience & professionalism in a given field. Of course, everyone has an agenda or personal interest to promote otherwise they wouldn’t waste their time sharing their knowledge.
    For example: would you be interested in posting questions to a professional career coach about possible under explored parnassah opportunities for yeshiva type people?
    Which college degrees are not worth pursuing because the market is saturated with graduates looking for a job?
    Someone experienced in real estate investing: Is there a conservative way to enter this field without undo risk?
    A person experienced with kids at risk, How to give them the space they need without lowering the standards for one’s other children?
    Accountant: Is there a simple way to manage the books of a home business?
    My point is that There’s a lot of useful knowledge we can learn from each other if the right medium existed to share that information. I’m wondering if YNW could provide the platform for this interaction.
    (A secular site with this kind of idea would be Quora.)
    I prefer learning new useful information to reading anonymous posts on any random topic.

    in reply to: Every Menahels Difficult Dillema, the underperforming career rebbi. #1316982
    Haimy
    Participant

    Relieving an incompetent Rebbi of his job is a very rare occurrence in the chareidi world we live in. It’s not just the financial distress, it’s his self-esteem as a member of a kehillah. After having a number of my own children go through the yeshiva system as well as having tutored within the system over several years I can say without a doubt that this is one of the biggest challenges of Chinuch for this generation. There is no exit door for the underqualified rebbi, he remains teaching unhappily & unappreciated with no respectable way to leave. Along the way, countless boys are needlessly hurt.

    Haimy
    Participant

    Rav Yaakov Kaminetzki was famously known to recommend keeping young bachurim at home for their high school years. A stable family environment creates emotionally healthy people. The teen years are most prone for depression or anxiety disorders to manifest. Out of town, there’s limited access to good therapy or tutoring. Many parents only realize their child has a problem after years of sending them out of town & being told how well he’s learning without mentioning his nonexistent social life. It can take years to repair the untreated condition when it explodes later.
    I’m not saying out of town isn’t for anyone, I’m saying be sure your son is ready & then closely monitor his level of happiness & social interaction.

    in reply to: The Post Kollel Financial Crisis #1314140
    Haimy
    Participant

    I went to PCS they said 90% of employers aren’t interested in hiring a 37 year old with no work experience & a large family to support. An entry level paying job leaves you poorer than beforehand due to increased childcare expenses & major reductions in social services benefits. The fine gentelman at PCS said I’m sorry, the yungeleit show up too late I can’t help many of them.

    Haimy
    Participant

    Social services are meant to be a safety net for those who can’t make it on their own. I happen to fit that category, I work full time my wife works part time & we have B’H 9 children. Tuition & day camp is what’s sinking my financial boat. As long as the private school is no more expensive than public school I don’t see why the cost of education should not be calculated as an expense just like utilities or mortgage interest are.
    The government loses nothing by me sending to private rather than public school.
    For the safety & wellbeing of my children, I cannot send them to a public school. I don’t want them getting hooked on drugs, edited suicide & many other modern ills of western society.
    So after sending my kids to a safe school, I am just as financially needy as a poor homeless guy at the soup kitchen, am I less deserved of food stamps to feed my kids? Do I need to call Tomchei Shabbos?

Viewing 31 posts - 151 through 181 (of 181 total)