Forum Replies Created
June 30, 2019 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm in reply to: Is preparing all girls for marriage contributing to the Shidduch Crisis? #1749739
Girls have a mitzvah to marry in order to enable boys to be mekayem their mitzva (Ran in Keddushin). The Rambam also states that mederabonon a women should not remain single in order to avoid chashad. There’s no question that al pi hashkofas Torah a women was created to be an Eizer kinegdo & bring children to the world. The fact that tragically this doesn’t always work out doesn’t change the way we should raise our children. We should instead try to solve the problem we are facing.May 15, 2019 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm in reply to: How did Chabad change from being Anti Zionist to Pro #1727493
This is on Wikipedia: Chabad Zionism
Chabad Yeshiva students have been joining the IDF in record numbers. There are Chabad synagogues that celebrate Yom Ha’atzmaut.
Chabad Rabbi Shimon Rosenberg spoke at Yom Hazikaron Ceremony in Jerusalem in 2011. He also lit one of the torches at the Zionist state ceremony commemorating Israel Independence Day on behalf of his grandson, Chabad Rabbi Moshe Hotzberg.
Chabad Rabbi Sholom Lipskar celebrated Jerusalem Day at Yeshiva Mercaz HaRav in Jerusalem, the most prominent yeshiva in the Religious Zionist world.
In 2011, Rabbi Menachem Brod of Kfar Chabad, who is a spokesman for Chabad, says the group is Zionist in its support for Israel. He stated: “When the average Israeli citizen says ‘Zionism’, he is referring to love of the land, strengthening the state, and being close to the nation and the land, to military service. If all this is Zionism, then Chabad is super Zionist!”
This does not seem in line with the Shita of the Rashab.April 30, 2019 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm in reply to: Why do we seclude ourselves from the world around us? #1721256
We are following the Halacha stated in the Rambam hilchos deos Chapter 6:
It is natural for a man’s character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds.
This is [implied by] Solomon’s statement (Proverbs 13:20): “He who walks with the wise will become wise, while one who associates with fools will suffer.” Similarly, [Psalms 1:1] states: “Happy is the man who has not followed the advice of the wicked.”
A person who lives in a place where the norms of behavior are evil and the inhabitants do not follow the straight path should move to a place where the people are righteous and follow the ways of the good.
If all the places with which he is familiar and of which he hears reports follow improper paths, as in our times, or if he is unable to move to a place where the patterns of behavior are proper, because of [the presence of] bands of raiding troops, or for health reasons, he should remain alone in seclusion as [Eichah 3:28] states: “Let him sit alone and be silent.”
If they are wicked and sinful and do not allow him to reside there unless he mingle with them and follow their evil behavior, he should go out to caves, thickets, and deserts [rather than] follow the paths of sinners as [Jeremiah 9:1] states: “Who will give me a lodging place for wayfarers, in the desert.”
We are living in a time where most of humanity does not believe in or follow the values of the Torah. We need to maintain a cultural distance from them if we are to remain loyal to Hashem & his Torah. Even if some individuals are able to to resist to assimilate with the masses around us, our community as a whole needs to isolate ourselves culturally if we wish to survive. The modern Orthodox community is a perfect example of frum Jews trying to take the honey of the secular world without being bitten by the snake of atheism that abounds. Many of their young people are leaving Yiddishkeit.
The Chassidim stress the idea of Simcha just for the fact that we were born a Yid. The Litvishe don’t stress this too much & rather place a big emphasis on personal achievement. My concern is that if we raise the bar of success too high for most people to reach we are lft with many people feeling unaccomplished. Every guy like me who once learned in Kollel & now works feels like a partial failure even though this is the normal way Hashem intended the world to run. I’m not knocking or endorsing either system but think we have what to learn from each other in this area. Success as a Yid can’t be limited to becoming Klei Kodesh or becoming an osher, every Yid can reach a high level of accomplishment regardless of his vocation.
I apologize for disappearing after posting this. I blocked the frum news sites from my phone because it was wasting too much of my time, so it’s harder for me to respond. I’m sure MO Jews get married with 100% commitment, but subconsciously, I don’t think they look at marriage as a one way door to the extent Chareidim do. MO Jews who are unhappily married hit the exit doors much sooner than A chareidi person would. My point is not to put down the natural need Hashem put into a man. Rather, that a combination of fear, a false fantasy being fed by the secular modeling industry, & near zero exposure to the feminine personality is creating this. I allow my daughter to invite her teenage friends over even when my boys are home because I want them to have some idea of how girls are, though I make sure they remain separate. I’m not proposing that boys & girls should mix Ch”v, just that we may need to do a better job educating our boys about how life is realistically.
What I do know is that we Chareidim are making a bigger deal out of externals (as well as money) than other groups. Perhaps one of the readers can enlighten me why this is.March 26, 2019 9:29 pm at 9:29 pm in reply to: Any kosher ideas for boys and girls to hang out together = solve shiduch crisis? #1702578
This idea assumes there’s not enough dating for boys as well as girls.
There is no shidduch crisis for boys, only for girls. Most boys have more than enough girls to date & they are getting married. It’s the girls who are not getting enough dates because there are more girls than boys of marriagable age.
Why would a serious boy hang out with random girls when he has a list of shidduchim waiting for him to go out on a date?
The non serious boys might love this idea, but I doubt it will bring the results we want.March 26, 2019 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1701960
Chussid: The Chabad shliach can preach as much as he wants to the couple about the need for a get but by the time they’re ready for divorce they have long forgotten all his drashos.
50% of American marriages end up in divorce, why are they marrying these people of with kosher eidim & causing more mamzerim to be born later? It would be much better if they weren’t married al pi halacha.March 26, 2019 10:39 am at 10:39 am in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1701862
I an concerned about intermarriage which is why I joined Partners in Torah & after learning with a college boy for 3 years, he went on to Ohr Sameiach & joined a kollel. Both his parents were Jewish. But with an intermarriage rate of 80% & a high conversion rate among reform & conservative, we have a serious issue finding a halachikly Jewish person. Do we make public Chanukah parties knowing that 30% will be non Jews mingling with the Jews?
This problem is only getting worse & we would be foolish to think it doesn’t exist.
Another problem going on is that Chabad shluchim are officiating at weddings of non religious Jews who come as visitors to a resort. Later they get divorced without a Get, & remarry, causing mamzerim to be born. It would be much better if they hadn’t had a kosher wedding & wouldn’t have been married according to halacha. Then they wouldn’t need a get later.March 25, 2019 11:32 pm at 11:32 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1701551
Even if a shliach won’t actually marry them off, the sad thing is that they’ve gotten to know each other through a rabbi who’s trying to do outreach!.
Another problem going on is with mohelim who specialize in doing brissim for freia people but don’t verify that the child is a Jew. The child assumes he’s Jewish since he had a rabbi do his bris so he goes & marries a Jewish girl. I asked one such Michel what he does about making a brocha on the milah, he said safek brochos lehakel, he doesn’t say the shem Hashem.
People who are involved in kiruv are true hero’s who save neshamos. It’s still important for the rest of us to ensure no harm comes out of the best intentions.March 25, 2019 10:02 pm at 10:02 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1701518
There’s a large community of children of Jewish father’s with a non Jewish mother in the US. These people are highly insulted when people question their Jewishness. There are also many many reform & conservative converts in the US. Together, we have many non Jews who consider themselves to be Jewish. We need to be careful treating anyone who says their Jewish but doesn’t practice anything to be considered of Jewish ancestry.
I know I’m going against many people with a vested interest to shove this under the rug but this is a valid concern.March 25, 2019 1:13 pm at 1:13 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1700822
Thank you Chossid for clarifying Chabad’ s protocol. I saw no mention of a screening process on the website to apply. I’m happy to learn that Chabad does screen every participant as you said.
I chose Chabad because they place tefillin on anyone who says their Jewish without asking about ancestry. I wondered how far they go with being inclusive to anyone who considers themselves a Jew.
I know that Partners in Torah asks all applicants if they were born to a Jewish mother.
As this golus continues it’s becoming more & more difficult to know who is a Torah obliged Jew. At some point, we shouldn’t be treating anyone who thinks their Jewish as a ben mitzvah. If we treat them like Jews, we are like encouraging them to go marry another Jew who may truly be Jewish.
Even if my numbers are off, we are certainly going in that direction rch”l.
This is a question for all kiruv organizations but especially for Chabad.March 24, 2019 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1700453
Who would show up at a Chabad event if they weren’t Jewish? They don’t advertise it as a Chabad event at all, just as a week of celebrating in NYC for Jewish teens. I’m not intending to bash Chabad but to bring up a valid point that much of their clientele are nebach disapearing to intermarriage. Maybe the future Chabad house will be intended to promote Noahide observance among non Jews.
I do not trust the vetting process they have in place. I believe much too many non Jews are being catered to & then urged to convert.March 24, 2019 3:11 pm at 3:11 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1700373
I read the brochure inviting all Jewish teens to attend which didn’t mention anything about a Jewish mother. Even if 25% were non Jews is that ok? There are no formal studies about the percentage of secular Jews who are halachikly Jewish. There’s no question in many areas of the US the majority of Jews are not Yehudim. Should we be stopping random people on a public square & putting tefillin on them knowing that many are not Jewish?
I E ven when secular Jews marry each other, many of those they are marrying are actually non Jews who think they are Jewish. Should we be treating all cultural Jews as though they are halachikly Jewish?March 24, 2019 12:26 pm at 12:26 pm in reply to: Chabad? Most non religious Jews are not halachikly Jewish. #1700276
A Chabad rabbi in the southern US told my chavrusa that about 75% of those who claim to be Jewish in his town are actually non Jews. As of 2013 the intermarriage rate among the non Orthodox was 71% & continues to rise exponentially. The reform & conservative perform many thousands of conversions each year. According to Pew research 1 in 6 Jews in the US is a convert. You can be sure the majority of those converts aren’t Orthodox.
It is quite possible that more than 50% of those who claim to be Jewish in the US are actually ainom Yehudim.
My point is not to support high density but that we’re becoming overly reliant on it for financial survival. High density is harming our quality of life in numerous ways but for many people it’s been the source of their Parnassa. We are now married to the curse of high density housing in Lakewood.
There are no reports of problems with a rising water table in the rest of NJ due to increasing precipitation. This seems to be a localized problem in Lakewood.
When you build a new home in Lakewood you are required to dig a water catch basin underground for all the rainwater to collect. This is because non of the rain can collect & then evaporate. Imagine 100 homes densely built in a former piece of forest, all the water that would have remained on the trees or on the surface of the earth to evaporate is now flowing directly underground. Repeat this over & over again & the water table will rise. Surely the recent wet weather isn’t helpful which is even more of a reason for the township to consider this problem.
People often mixup psychological disturbance with spiritual failure. A person who walks around thinking that others think he’s a rasha is most likely suffering from depression, OCD, or paranoia. Really evil people generally think very highly of themselves & excuse their bad behavior. Please seek the help of a doctor who’s able to treat emotional pain. There’s no reason for you to walk around feeling so much pain Inside.
I’m specifically addressing underage drinkers who may impulsively drink alcohol despite the danger involved with mixing with meds. It’s up to us adults to be responsible & not offer them a possibly life threatening substance.
Is the title too open-ended & broad to get anyone interested?
He will be playing the songs on his keyboard, I don’t believe there are any royalties the he would owe.
It seems that YWN believes that most of its readers would like to see photos of young attractive women on this site. This may be correct but is a michshol to the male readership. I wish there would be a truly Chareidi news site without the female photos but I’m not aware of one.March 1, 2019 12:13 am at 12:13 am in reply to: Why don’t we go like the Slabodka mehalech in regards to clothes? #1687993
Chassidim are certainly makpid on the mitzva dioraisoh of Elias Shma bizmanah. It’s motzi shem ra to suggest otherwise. I have many chassidish relatives who be aghast at the suggestion that they aren’t makpid on this. Please do your homework. The nefesh hachaim was referring to a small group of people in his time. Inapplicable to the chassidim of our time. Of course there are amhaaratzim in every community that don’t know basic halacha but don’t insinuate that this is acceptable behavior.
How do the chassidim manage to keep their tuition manageable despite having large families & many lower income parents? Because every member of the chassidus takes responsibility for its mosdos. Even after their children have graduated & moved away.
We need every member of the community to share the burden of chinuch habonim not just the parents.
The current yeshiva model does not encourage the broader community to share the burden.
I don’t know of a solution other than lowering our lifestyle or increasing Parnassa opportunities.
People will make the choices they believe is best for them. Unless you are part of a chassidus there is no way to institute a community wide takana. Very few boys are interested in being forced to go out twice if they are sure after 1 date it’s not for them. It may even be halachikly problematic.
Improving your appearance, personality, learning/Parnassa capabilities will make you a more sought after marriage partner.February 25, 2019 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm in reply to: A Solution: Finding Shidduchim (aka “Shidduch Crisis”) #1685222
It’s a terrible thing that some people are unemployed. Let’s make a communal takana that no one can go to work until everyone finds a job. The job must earn at least $20 per hour.
The solution is simple, get a Panasonic phone that allows you to block a number with the push of a button. Most of these robo calls come from the same companies, I rarely get an annoying call anymore, they’ve all been blocked.
I highly recommend the book “The one minute masmid” by rabbi Jonathan Rietti. It describes a system of learning where even someone who feels discouraged about his learning can develop into a Talmid chacham. I know of others who felt a real chizuk in limud Hatorah after reading this very interesting book.
Don’t assume limud Hatorah is just not for you just because learning in yeshiva was difficult.February 23, 2019 10:02 pm at 10:02 pm in reply to: why does wearing a white shirt make you more frum in the yeshivish world #1684028
Lehavdil bein Kodesh lechol. It’s part of levush Yisroel which differentiates us from the umos haolom. Dressing uniquely sends a message that we are different & are expected to act differently. It’s a hanhaga tovah especially at a time when we are becoming culturally affected by the society around us.
No respectable mekubal advertises his miraculous powers. Every month another charlatan comes to town trying to make a buck. Hashem doesn’t need these intermediaries to bring a yeshuah.
YWN should ban their ads.
No it wouldn’t be ok, but KAL vechomer if they are attacking us physically.
There are Blacks punching out frum Yidden in crown Heights, do we need to add fuel to the fire? Let’s use common sense & avoid antagonizing ainom Yehudim.
Every tool Hashem gives us can be abused including photos. I understood that the question was about the responsible use of a photo when looking into a shidduch.
Pictures only show a small amount of persons chein but they are still a useful piece of information.
Rav Matisyahu Solomon said a bachur should know that when he goes under the chuppa he takes along all his taavos with him. Being overly righteous while dating is a recipe for unhappiness later.
I don’t think it’s a chessed do date someone & then reject them for something that you would know in one glance at a photo.
It all depends on the needs/values of the individual involved. If externals are high on the list then by all means pictures are useful. If not, then why limit your choices based on a photo.
David Lichtenstein posed this question to Rabbi Sorcher of Detroit & Rabbi Shafier of the Shmuz both endorsed the looking at a photo for shidduch purposes.
The consensus among the poskim is that this din only applies to Adar sheini. Let’s be patient.
For me the coffee room is a place to soundboard ideas, not social interaction. Some might call me a troll because I start a topic & then drop out. Even if such a forum is acceptable in our time we should at least be aware of the spiritual cost it has on us. I think a gender exclusive forum would be more popular with the general readership of ywn. From a readership of many thousands only a small percentage ever post. It doesn’t pas for people to jump into a mixed gender conversation.
I don’t think this kind of virtual intermingling would fly in E.Y.
In America we’re so used to mixed gender offices it seems normal. Really, men & women should not be casually chatting together even virtually. A recent study showed that the members of the opposite gender in an office the higher the risk of divorce. My concern is that this innocent chit chat is eroding the healthy barriers that once existed between the genders among erlicher yidden.
The question is if by schmoozing with the opposite gender over here it dulls a person’s sensitivity to remain separate which then affects behavior offline too. You can’t completely separate the virtual world from the real world around you.
If your hocking with a female on ywn, what will stop you from hocking with someone at the office water cooler. You’ve gotten comfortable schmoozing with ladies in a virtual form.
The brain is a complex instrument that doesn’t always follow raw logic.
As I posted earlier, a person who goes in public without tzniusdig is a mazik es horabim. This is very different than someone struggling with a personal yetzer horah. I don’t live in the 5towns so it’s not my place to criticize them. Most are probably tinokes shenishbu. I this is a problem because whenever my relative from the 5towns comes for a simcha we cringe over how she will be dressed.
Tznius is not just a bein odom limokom obligation, it’s a bein odom lichaveiro obligation. A woman who dresses untzniusdig is a mazik es horabim. She is a walking michshol to every man than sees her. The Steipler called these people spiritual terrorists ruining the neshamos of those who see them. Many of these yidden are tinokes shenishbu who don’t understand how damaging their behavior is to others.January 29, 2019 11:23 pm at 11:23 pm in reply to: Anyone Know How I Can Get Zohar’s Album (the tzlil v’zemekid soloist)? #1670830
Does anyone know where Zohar Aghbashoff is today? He was very popular in the late 80’s & I haven’t heard about him since then.January 29, 2019 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm in reply to: If Nassi is wrong, how do you explain why 1000’s of older girls are stil single? #1670785
There are many more older single girls than boys. There are moremore typical single older girls than typical boys. The many older typical single girls are having hard time finding a spouse from the fewer typical older boys left.
Why are there so few typical older boys left? The rest of them married girls 2-4 years younger than them.January 27, 2019 1:48 pm at 1:48 pm in reply to: shopping at a new super grocery store vs the corner grocery store. #1668812
Rav Avigdor Miller said you should remain loyal to the original store you used. He shtelled Tzu the story of Avraham Avinu who stayed at the same motel on his way back from Mitzrayim as the way there. This part of the midda of hakaras hatov & neemonus.
The following Rabbonim should be able to guide you. They have seen & heard the full gamut of human challenges.
Weinberger, Rabbi Moshe of Aish Kodesh in woodmere.
Rav Dovid Goldwasser
Rav Reuven Drucker of Highland Park
(Contact info removed)
I don’t need any studies (though studies were done). I see it by my extended family & friends. For every single relative or friend Bachur over 26 that I know, there are 3-4 single girls that age. As difficult as it is for these girls & their parents to come to terms with this crisis, it’s even worse when people deny it even exists. Your doing no one a favor when you preach bitachon to a lonely girl who rarely goes on a date because very few marriageable boys are left in their mid 30’s.
You’re in denial of a real problem we are living through today.
We have a boys to girls ratio crisis which leads to many girls remaining single. The boys are doing great. They have long lists of girls to choose from & they can ask for as much support as they want for willing to marry someone.
Bitochon doesn’t apply to maasei nissim. We can’t expect Hashem to rain down 1000 boys from heaven to marry all the single girls over 30. We need to change the communal structure so that the boy/girl ratio is more even so we don’t end up with a bigger problem down the road.
Suddenly once you’re married the crisis is over. 1-2000 girls over the age of thirty is a serious communal problem. They’re tired of “enjoying” their singlehood & would like to move on with their lives. Calling it a “Crisis ” is just a way to motivate people to try to ease the plight of these girls. If you have a better way to help the situation please tell us.
It’s an Es tzora for klall Yisroel when 1000’s of frum girls are remaining single.
Stop blaming the awful media for president Trumps’s problems. If he would act more refined & dignified the media would not have such an easy time criticizing him. I believe his low poll numbers are directly connected to his constant lashing out at people. Even people who faithfully worked under his administration. The media is terrible but so is mr. Trumps habit of acting like a bully to whomever he feels threatened by. If we show respect to others, we will also be respected. Don’t ignore his personal flaws because you hate the democrats & the media.
Joseph says he trusts the CRC. Why do you trust them? Did you research their policies & mashgichim? Please explain what your trust is based on so that we can be more educated in kashrus.