Forum Replies Created
Whole LOTS of issues here. but ill be brief. Number. One Skype is a bad idea. Maybe its ok for a first meeting,if you are desperate, but West coast guy and East coast girl have no business agreeing to a shidduch if neither of them can stop what they are doing to pursue it properly.(and i will go so far as to say follow it thru to the end) meaning about one month committment of your time. If you are both in graduate school (which is the only reason ,short of sitting shiva CV i can imagine preventing the trip. THEN DO NOT GO OUT!!! PERIOD> No matter how desperate the matzav is today, if you cannot make the full committment of going out and following up with dates, and parent meetings, then do NOT begin the parsha. Same goes for NY to Balto. or anywhere else for that matter. But say they were “dumb” enough to do that. the next issue is why did he call it off. THe shadchan deserves that answer. he does not have to agree, but he deserves that answer under most circumstances. and if in fact these skype meetings and phone calls were moving along in the direction of building some kind of relationship, then shadchan friend is correct, it is the boy’s responsibiltiy to “man up” and tell her whatever he thinks he should tell her to get off the hook with her. (of course , if this is something stupid, like his mother calling it off because she heard she once ditched class in 9th grade, then i feel sorry for him, to have to deal with a mother like that… but they do exist. Thats my two cents for whatever its worth. My biggest question here is why couldnt anyone get on a plane?December 8, 2011 3:17 pm at 3:17 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847977
Bkavod Gadol, thats where i begin to think this is not on the up and up. Why do you need to advertise? trust me, there is not ONE HUMAN ORTHODOX person with a girl aged 19-27 who hasnt heard about this outrageous proposal. And besides, the girls are desperate remember? They should be flocking to you in droves, isnt that the point? You dont need to advertise, thats a complete waste of money. iMHO and still no one has given me this answer, if I cant get a simple yes from any boy and my daughter for example is Miss ploni bas ploni, 18, wealthy , yichusdik, thin, beautiful, size two, willing to support, earning a degree, alle malllos, wonderful family, then how is the shadchan gonna get a yes from these boys? the problem isnt “finding” them, the problem is getting their mothers to say YES! I just feel we are barking up the wrong tree here.December 8, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847972
who gets the “administratve fee” of 500? thats where the scam is. and what is that money being paid for? what serivices exactly, considering this is all done for the Klal.December 7, 2011 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847954
OK i sort of agree,,,, but the problem is this: MOTHERS OF ALL GIRLS are DESPERATE>>> its not an age thing, its not a close the gap thing, its not a we have no money thing, its not a my daughter is not a size 2 thing. yes those are problems, but NOW everyone is having difficulties getting a yes from anyone under any circumstances. I am opposed to NASI in every regard, but out of desperation I will probably sign my daughter up, not because she needs “more attention: from the shadchanim,but because she needs a YES from anyone!!and I assume, that if i throw 11K the shadchan’s way, she may just be able to come up with a yes. ITs a terrible thing that it has come to this , but that is the reality . again my advice to fix the problem is for the Roshei Yehsiva/Gedolim TO COME FORTH AND MOBILIZE< and in whatever way they can, facilitate the process of getting a yes. that may come in many forms, but one real simple way to start is to stress the importance to the klal and mothers of boys in general to get back to shadchanim in a reasonable amount of time.
how many were about the shidduch crisis? and how many were about NASI>?
thank you so much for thinking of me, but this is not going to work out. perhaps you can suggest someone with…… more…… whatever. be specific, dont beat around the bush.
Ice Cream…I don’t think your siblings’ spouses define YOU or your family, (well they do your family) but by naming them it gives pple more of a chance of connecting to you. Like oh yeh the Joneses i know them from the bungalow colony, or Chani Smith interesting, her father’s brother is a mechutan to my mechutan’s aunt. you know, that kind of thing. connections are what make pple feel comfortable, and what makes pple say yes eventually!!!
Im starting to think the 11K dollars for NASI is just for the priviledge of getting a YES from any boy, no matter what the age of the girl or the finances!!!!November 15, 2011 12:26 am at 12:26 am in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847920
Dear NASI people. i think i misunderstood this whole thing!!! the crisis is not just for the older girls, then maybe just maybe NASI would make some sense but the regular 19 20 yr olds still cant get a yes from the boys because of a. the mother’s are too (whatever) and b. the boys are staying in Israel too long. Again, no one has explained to me what has changed. the target yeshiva boy in Litvish circles was always 23 and girls 19.20. You cant tell me that all of a sudden G=d decided to create more or less of one kind. That is ridiculous!!!November 14, 2011 2:16 pm at 2:16 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847909
Why is no one in the velt concerned with the psychological fallout from all this?. What is a 21 22 yr. old girl to think of herself, when poor mommy and (rebbe) Tatty, have to schnorr to come up with this money (which they just had to do for seminary, an now for a dating wardrobe) just so nebachel “chanie” can get shidduch.? We havent needed it until now, why do we need it now?. WHat has changed? the only thing i can see that has changed, is that the boys are staying longer in israel, and the girls are going out when they get home. I say either put all 19 20 yr old girls in the freezer (which will never work) or , pick up half those bochurim you saw at R Nosson Tzvi’ s levaya and bring them home for six to eight weeks to date, there goes your shidduch crisis right there. Additionally, i feel, the gedolim need to make more stringent demands on the mothers of boys regarding getting back to people, and making timely decisions etc. Also, if NASI feels so strongly about incentives for shadchanim why does it have to be a big public thing? why cant a parent of an older girl simply engage the services of a local or family shadchan, and offer them pay according to how much time and effort was put into the shidduch.? The business of it all just seems wrong. Privately, there can be (and are currently) shadchanim who specialize in older candidates, why make it a public forum whereas if you dont cough up the big bucks you are blacklisted./?
I too have been on this journey for two yrs now (fixing it) suffering much longer . i can offer you so much advice. wonder if you can get my email from the mods. but my biggest tips are these. Excercise by building muscle not necc cardio. weight training, it does wonders for the insulin probs. and cut out bread products of any kind. i dont care how healthy they are (and yes that means challah) a bread or a refined carb is your worst enemy. NOT SUGAR. also remember fruit is sugar too. Eat lots of protein beef chicken liver fish etc, and lots of non starchy veggies. once the sugar and carbs are out of your diet you will feel much better. the goal is to get off meds (what r u taking>) and solve this prob with diet and excercise. which are far more successful… please contact me if you want more advice.November 8, 2011 11:30 pm at 11:30 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847829
Daas Yochid, you have not properly addressed my comment that the disconnect is that the boys have twenty or so on their list and the girls can hardly get a yes. that is not an age gap thing. neccesarily/ part of that is that mothers of boys protecting their heilige bochurle are not treating the girls with respect. they cast them aside hap hazardly because they know there are plenty of others where that came from The only answer i see here is to put the girls into the “freezer” until 21 but i just dont see that happening in reality.November 8, 2011 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847821
It would just be so much simpler (and cheaper) if we just brainstormed amongst ourselves and made shidduchim!!!November 8, 2011 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847815
granted. the shadchanim need better pay, but why on earth do they need it up front, and why is the girl paying both sides shadchanus.? and why that much? no one has answered that yet. I again, compare it to a real estate agent, she can either spend days and weeks on end showing me properties and i buy nothing at all, or she can take the time to get to know my wants and needs, and use her skill to show me properties that suit me to a tee, and i make a quick purchase, and she gets her commission. Its simple really… THe bigger problem, is the disconnect between the boys’ lists and girls sitting week after week without a yes. Thats the problem that needs to be solved, not forcing 20 yr old boys to marry 24 yr old girls which is ridiculous. at best!
be honest with yourself, if money were not an issue, would you have problems? if the answer is no, then you need a life coach and or a financial coach to get you out of this mess. iF on the other hand its just an excuse covering up personality clashes (like she wanted to be married to a Do er and you arent) then all the therapies in the world arent going to fix it. Try and isolate the REAL problem (NOT YOUR PERCEPTION) and work on that. IMHONovember 2, 2011 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847679
I agree with the lets have the boys and girls meet. I think it should be like a gateways shabbaton. Spend a shabbos together with many like families, make connections. let the shadchanim on hand faciitate a meeting or two, and then follow up afterwards. there can even be a “brochure” with a bio of each family, background basic info etc. Something in this entire system is broken.. and its not a simple fix. I also agree with the fact that the boys are staying in Israel too long, and the girls are going out right off the plane from sem. thats the disconnect. and if you really want a good bochur, than you should prob be looking in israel, but your daughter is back now, so now what… ????
I assume it works well because you trust your parents and they know what is best for you. And I assume that this boy checked out in their minds to be the right fit for your nature and personality.September 20, 2011 10:54 am at 10:54 am in reply to: Question about revarnishing old dining room chairs? #811215
Always Runs… I warned you that this takes time. You shouldnt rush to finish by Rosh Hashana. YOu will not be happy with the results. This is a wonderfully theraputic activity when done without the time pressure.and you better let those coats dry completely, or you will have a real mess on your hands.September 19, 2011 4:30 am at 4:30 am in reply to: Question about revarnishing old dining room chairs? #811209
Always Runs… i cant tell without seeing your chairs but i dont think the dark spots are from putting too much stain there, I think they are from the fact that you didnt start with a clean slate. IMHO, you need to start all over again. Carefully working on one chair at a time. you need to use a stripper again, and sand a bit, and prob need to use a bleaching agent. again its like a cake, if the cake has choc crumbs all over and you just put a thin layer of white icing the crumbs will show thru. You need to start with clean wood for an even finish.Its a hard job and it takes time. Had you taken this to a professional, he would have dipped the whole thing in a vat of chemical remover and that makes the job much easier.
three simple words… daven, daven, davenSeptember 16, 2011 12:47 pm at 12:47 pm in reply to: Question about revarnishing old dining room chairs? #811204
always runs… the point of sanding in between coats is to smooth out the finish. Im sorry it wasnt clear YOU MUST WAIT FOR IT TO DRY COMPLETELY, then sand lightly with a fine grit steel wool. starting with a coarser steel wool(not the soap stuff you clean pots with) and then ending with a finer one. they will advise you at home depot. this is not the same kinda sanding with sandpaper that you were doing to remove the stain. this is lighter.more like the action you would use if you were cleaning it well with a sponge or rag. its like putting icing on a cake when you want it to be a smooth look for decorations. you put the first icing on and smooth off all the excess and imperfections. then you put another coat and smooth again. and the more you do it on the wood the more beautiful the wood will look and feel.and it brings out the lustre. Its an absolute must. ! and use a tack rag each time after sanding. sanding smooths thats its primary job, it also removes paint and stain.and i agree with others that a bleaching agent prob needs to be used to remove the stain.September 16, 2011 3:13 am at 3:13 am in reply to: Question about revarnishing old dining room chairs? #811201
first of all. this is a slow and timely process. its not a sunday afternoon and you’re done job. that said, the darker stains are probably because, as you said the chairs werent sanded completely before rubbing in the stain. also how did you apply the stain? If you are serious about making it look nice, and they are good quality chairs, take one at a time and put alot of time and elbow grease into it. Like three days per chair. Sand it down completely. you can view this on youtube. only once you have stripped it and sanded it completely and used a tack rag to get off all the shavings, then apply the proper stain with the proper tool ( i would choose a foam brush or rag) with even strokes with the grain, avoiding any drips. wipe off excess right away. and sand in between coats. I would rather a hand rubbed finish but thats up to you. and the look you want. THey make products that combine the stain and protection finish in one. good luck and watch some you tube tutorials first.
its one of those things if you have to ask…..
Magic Mill wins hands down for challah. i still knead by hand afterwards though. I like it for all kinds of baking (with the additional beaters and white bowl) EXCEPT for cookies. for that its not the best.September 9, 2011 12:34 am at 12:34 am in reply to: #816354
it makes no difference. Just like Leiby one is RL far too many.September 8, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm in reply to: #816347
K i watched the clip again because i wanted to study it carefully.
and yes as he says there, we do all have an obligation to expose this man. In the clip you can see, the mother knows what is about to transpire, and turns her body away so as not to view the brutality. (at least she knows its wrong) but then disturbingly i guess in a way to preserve what ever dignity she thinks she has left, she comes back and yells at those israelis for not minding their own business. She is a victim too, i can sense it, and they always take the aggressors side out of fear I guess.September 8, 2011 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm in reply to: #816345
THe fact that he had no Busha was disturbing to me, (maybe he’s a ger, or a bt without proper upbringing) and again the way the public reacted. If i would not have had the courage to jump between them, I certainly would have summoned the police quickly.And deporting the man only sends him back to his country of origin to wreak havoc on the rest of his family. We need to act. Where is this guy from? who is his Rav? where is his kehillah? i dont think we can let this slip us by.
I think you should go into any gift shop and choose something for the house, a hostess gift, like a dish, with a set of small spoons, salt and pepper shakers (crystal) something special for the first visit. I had the same dilemma thirty years ago, after agonizing for days, i brought crystal salt and peppers only to find out that she already had three paris exactly the same… Oh every time i see them i wish I could take them back!!! you cant find those anymore@!!!
i too have the same recurring feeling. if only i was there that day to help him or to direct him to safety. Hashem Yeracheim.
In my opinion, and yes i have done it, is that it is safe for you to put your child on the floor during flight times when you would otherwise be allowed to roam around without a seatbelt. IT is not at all like driving a car once the plane is airbound. Yes, if it is taxing you need to be buckled, but if CV that plane falls out of the sky at fifty thousand feet, what good is a seatbelt going to do? I suppose the airline regulations dont like it because it may be a tripping hazard for exiting passengers in an emergency. Also, if the flight attendant asks you to move the child, then yes, in the name of kiddush Hahsem you are obligated to do so.IMHO
i did that. aries 2756 thanks. and narrowed it down to the Peg Si and the Inglesina trip and wanted advice on that. not whether or not Kollel couples should own bugaboos!!!
yeh have the uppa baby, need a second stroller for busses and taxis
need advice!!! plse
looking for a lightweight supplemental stroller. to use in israel for taxis and busses.February 3, 2011 11:24 pm at 11:24 pm in reply to: Everyone is "amazing"- how can you tell who really has great Midos? #736592
find out what his chevrah is like that tells alot about the person
I was talking about middos not whether he is OTD or in college or not yeshivish, those are other issues you might want to take into considration. but middos are the things that come out in the children. and its not just the brothers its the parents and sisters too. I would look at a family you are considering marrying into and ask yourself if they possess qualities you are able to deal with. If the answer is no I think you are asking for trouble
i will be glad to address this issue. I have personal experience. Here is the problem. the brother may be a wonderful boy with issues you think you can deal with or dimsiss. However< and this is a big however, you must understand that the issue is that the children often come out with the middos of the brother. and often times it is very difficult for parents to interact with a child who has “foreign: middos, meaning they are not middos you have been raised with in your family, and have no experience dealing with. If you do not like what you see in the siblings and parents, remember that it is true you arent marrying them, but you WILL have a child with some or all of those middos. MOST LIKELY
something is missing from this psak. Perhaps the person who went for a shaalah and was having issues. Rav Chaim meant this is not a name … meaning this is not a name for her. She needs a diff name for a specific refuah or for a yeshua or a shmirah or somthing like that.
Itche Srulik: you missed my point. Names like Leora, Ahuva, Adina, Aviva are :”made up” in the sense that they are not biblical. It seems according to this psak you need a biblical name. like sarah, rivka, rochel leah, devora, esther, tamar, avigail, whatever. but Eliana would not be any more of a name that Shira. it would seem
Dan and Calev are biblical.January 28, 2011 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm in reply to: Of your Shidduch related decisions what would you change if you could #735756
i know its sounds crazy but talk to alot of pple who know the person and just listen to them talk. if there are negative words then investigate but it probably is an indication of something worse. Its not that you are only looking for perfect people. Its that you are looking for :alle maalos” becuase life itself throws you so many curve balls you need to start out with as many maalos as possible. Dont ever base a shidduch on negative traits. Like he is so perfect for me we both love shopping for clothes, or spending money, or are self centered. Traits for a mate need to be positive even if you think differently about yourself. and if you are a girl, i would BEG YOU to put yourself in a situation where you see him interact with his mother. how does he treat her? how does he talk to her? because he will treat you like that one day. DEFINITELY…NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES… and if you ever hear the words. “Do your homework” run like the wind!!!!!
one other really important aspect is this. Once you have decided to get engaged, DONT get engaged right away. Take a week of just getting used to the idea and making sure you are comfortable with the decision. Also, after that period guys usually let their guard down, and dates that are more like errands to the cleaners are sometimes more telling about a person than a formal or casual planned date. Have a few of those and then make sure you are comfortable. Its a must to have a mentor who is married and knows you well. NOT JUST THE CR!!!
can someone explain this better? I understand if the name is made up from modern hebrew like Leora, or something, but does this mean only biblical names have real name status. Shira comes from davening. and so does Tehila or the like and what about names like malka, atara, aviva, adina, ashira, aliza, ahuva, meira, meir for that matter. and then all the yiddish names. Seems to me that it means only biblical names are ok. am i understanding this correctly?
Same way most of you do, Bought easy to make processed food. BUt you have to admit home made gefilte fish and liver dont taste the same as meal mart.
believer, can you let us know how it was AFTER your brother’s wedding. how was the service, the bridal rooms etc. thanks tons
Health, I am no newlywed, grandmother a few times over KNH I just want to try making real old fashioned heimshe food because i read about the health benefits of slow cooked foods with bones, (i.e gefilte fish) and organ meats (iE chopped liver) cuz i sure aint eating any other organs!!
anyone try out Ateres Golda?
DONT LAUGH about the wine thing!! My daughter was newly married living in Baltimore and she couldnt buy wine for Shabbos!!!
yes please!! someone make a chart!!! location, price, minimum. valet thanks. Where is TIf mord located )14th?_
OMG YOU ABLSOLUTELY MUST PURCHASE THE INSURANCE. ITS NOT LIKE IN THE USA. WE almost didnt get it, and our windshield was smashed (remember they hate Jews there) and the replacement would have cost us like 600$
Heimshe fish i guess is carp, whitefish and pike.
it would be so helpful if someone doing research now could just list the typical brooklyn halls and minimums and prices.. thanks