oomis

“i once read a good example. imagine your husband will come home one day with a yarmulke thats made of real hair so that he has the covering but it should not be recogniseable. wouldnt it be hilarious? well we are doing the same thing with our wigs… “

I believe there is a frum actor who did exactly that.

Sister Bear, I don’t know what kind of men you know personally, but the ones I know like to dance with the men.

Then cancel the DANCING. I do not go to anything of this type where my husband and I cannot sit together as a family with our children. I am forced to do so at simchas on occasion, but I emphatically do NOT like that, especially if the only person I know there is my husband and the wife making the simcha.

right side/left side brain use.

My shul is extremely accessible for wheelchairs, walkers, etc. We have a ramp as well as stairs (just a couple of stairs anyway), plus two downstairs rooms for the women who cannot walk upstairs, which are directly in the back of the men’s shul, curtained off. We are very accepting of all types of people davening by us, as long as they are not disruptive. We used to have an entire group of men from a group home, who were regularly brought to daven on Shabbos by their direct care workers.

I am not certain what the halacha is regarding such a person davening for the amud (if he can in fact do so properly), but I think it is not permitted, so I am not sure about that. Doesn’t one have to be able to form a proper kavanah to be a shaliach tzibbur? In any case, I think it is a beautiful thing to see someone get an aliyah that he learned to do with much effort, as long as it is not assur.

My mom (not often is at all my dad) would give me a potch when I deserved it, then when I started to cry, she would hold me lovingly in her arms and tell me she loved me and wanted me to be a “tayereh maideleh.” I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew it was something good, if she was hugging me when she said it. I did not get potched much in my childhood, but when I did, there was always a good reason, and I never felt unloved or traumatized.

SJS, this is one of those rare times when we somewhat disagree, but only somewhat. In most cases, I am not in favor of potching. Sometimes (and the situation itself determines the proper course of action) it becomes necessary to utilize the hand to rear method. There is a reason Hashem padded it so well. But it is to be used sparingly, when no other option serves.

BTW, my 2 year old granddaughter is one of those rare angels who CAN be told not to draw on the walls or furniture and she will listen. We show her what she MAY use, and tell her that paper is for coloring, but walls are for staying clean. She has never colored on the walls, and if she accidentally gets some marker on her little table, she asks me for a baby wipe to clean it up when she is finished coloring.

Kol Yisroel Yesh lahem chelek etc…

means that L’chatchilah every Jew by virtue of his Jewishness has a chelek to start with. Whether or not he can hold onto that chelek depends on his actions in life. That’s how I understand this line.

(and it’s hard to imagine that when the Gospels were written they made an error of three centuries only a single century after the events described).”

The gospels cannot even agree among THEMSELVES as to what happened. Weren’t they written decades after the fact, anyway?

SJS I generally agree that spanking is not the most effective method, but I also firmly believe that spanking is the only way to get a child too young to understand better, that there are painful negative consequences to doing something dangerous. I also believe that after the spanking, which should NOT be a beating), a parent should hold the child lovingly and then say he or she loves the child and wants him/her to be a mitzvah boy/girl, and that it made him/her very very sad to have to give a potch. The only time I had to give my son a potch was when he was around 2 and he tried to climb onto the stove. He didn’t listen when I told him to stop, and though the stove was cold at the time, this was unacceptable. He got one potch and a loud exclamation from me of “HOT!!!!!! DON’T TOUCH!!!” and NEVER went near the stove again until he was old enough to use it safely with supervision. And yes, he cried for a minute and then wanted me to hold him. Which I did.

The number of Torah mitzvot for which men are chayev and women are patur is quite small. “

And the reasons for that are a) they have other chiyuvim that take precedence over time-bound positive commandments and b)l’chatchilah women need fewer mitzvos, because they are already in a spiritual state where they do not NEED those mitzvos (like davening in a minyan every day, wearing tefillin, etc)

in order to elevate themselves. They are already on a high madreiga, one that boys need to attain through the fulfillment of their additional mitzvos. Or so I was told.

There already is such a thread, but it never hurts to bring it up again.

Philosopher, I beg to differ. The main thing that changes with boys is their requirement to daven shacharis with tefillin, and that they may be counted in a minyan. The boys AND the girls, are EQUALLY chayavim in fulfilling those mitzvos that are incumbent upon them. It matters not that boys have mitzvos that girls do not. Girls also have mitzvos that BOYS usually do not.

It IS a momentous occasion when a girl at 12 years and one day (a full year before her male counterpart), is required to fulfill the mitzvos. And that day SHOULD be marked in some way. Not as a seudas mitzvah(unless her father decides to make a siyum that day), because their is no seudas mitzvah for this occasion otherwise, but a simple birthday party can be made for her family and/or classmates. There is no issur in that. The issur is in people equating the bar and bas mitzvahs in such a way as to actually teach a girl the Torah laining (or haftarah)or even the brochos for an aliyah and call her up to the Torah, which of course is not halachically acceptable.

I see absolutely no halachic reason not to make a girl feel special at the time she takes the ol malchus Shamayim on herself. And it is a wonderful opportunity for her to give a D’var Torah and show that those first 6 years in yeshivah have been productive. What I DO object to, is the oneupsmanship some people feel they need to display. Who has the better Viennese Table?

It is especially NICE to see the Bas Mitzvah girls take on a chessed project to make the occasion really special.

I don’t condone violence towards chidlren, but a potch on the bottom, especially in the type scenario that was described about kids running into the street, is one of those where it may be necessary. A child can be taught not to run into the street, but ONCE HE HAS DONE SO, a potch is effective in teaching him how serious his actions were. Little kids cannot usually be reasoned with unless they are exceptionally mature. I know a 2 year old girl who kinehora will TELL you what she is not allowed to do because, “It’s not safe!” (and she doesn’t do those things). But she is a yotzais min haklal, and CAN be reasoned with, something you cannot do with most toddlers.

“oomis, then you treat them as you would anyone else, and you pass another nisayon Hashem sets up for you. You still treat them with Ahavas Yisroel and set an example for them. Maybe they will learn something from you and that is why Hashem sent them to YOUR home. “

Believe me, we did. We treated this guest like all our guests, as if he were a choshuvah rov in our home, despite our noticing very odd and obnoxious behavior on his part. I am not going into it obviously, but the fellow was really a most disconcerting guest.

A friend of mind had a guest who was even worse, who kept criticizing the food (they did him a chessed as he was a total stranger to them and a friend had asked them to host him for a seder). He also argued with them repeatedly throughout the seder, criticizing the way they conducted it. I am sure they got HUGE brownie points for that night.

Sometimes having even nice people might also be hard to have on a given Shabbos or Yom Tov ( i.e., I am not feeling well, I ended up with more people than originally were supposed to show up, the nice people have specific dietary restrictions, etc.). This year was especially challenging for me, because I was recuperating from major surgery, but I always love to have company. So even though that pleasant company might not be so easy to have, nonetheless we DO have them, and graciously, too. But I have decided that lefum tz’ara agra or not, I do not need to be made to feel uncomfortable in my home. If someone acts in a way that insults me in my own home through clearly obnoxious behavior, I am probably not going to give that person a chance to do it a second time.

“It’s only a problem if the children become chutzpah like a niddah! “

I must take issue with that characterization. My mother-in-law of blessed memory never went to the mikvah in her life. I promise you, you could not find a more derech eretzdig person if you combed the world.

On the day she had what would turn out to be a mortal stroke, I had an intuition something was up. I normally called her every day, and when I spoke to her, her speech seemed slightly slurred to me. Her son-in-law had passed away suddenly three weeks prior, and she was deeply affected by his death. So when she really sounded “off” to me, I made my husband spend Shabbos with them (though they were not frum). I sent food, challah and grape juice with him. They had paper goods and plastic ware for whenever we came over. My intuition proved correct, as this was the last Shabbos she lived.

She was totally blind and bedridden, so she normally had her TV or radio on all day, as it was her lifeline to the outside world. When my father-in-law O”H wanted to put the tv on for her, she told him adamantly, “No! J. is here and it’s Shabbos.” The TV did not go on. I want to emphasize my husband did not request that the TV not be turned on. It was totally from her, out of respect for her frum son being there on Shabbos. Essentially, she became a baalas teshuvah just before she died. I would never in a million years classify this remarkable woman as a chutzpahdig niddah. It comforted my husband greatly, when she was nifteres three days later, to realize that her last conscious act was to be mekadeish Shabbos.

Lambie

I am only in Shul on Shabbos and Yom Tov, so for me ANY interruption is one too many.

“I can’t believe no one mentioned pickles and ice cream or pickle flavored ice cream”

Only gets sold to pregnant women (kills two birds with one stone).

SPA, definitely – if she likes that type of thing and would not fargin herself.

“ok i understand your logic (i dont agree with it but i understand it)”

Thank you. Have a good Shabbos.

No question about it – PISTACHIO, followed by Jamoca Almond Fudge, Heavenly Hash, and anything with chocoltae chunks, cherries, and banana.

Least favorite – cholent-flavored and M&M had this, don’t know if they still do.

BTW, M & M candies ARE kosher, just not CH”Y.