Forum Replies Created
“The Torah says “Honor thy father and thy mother.”
What are the sources, should any exist, mitigating or limiting that all encompassing commandment (one of the ten commandments)?
Any such mekor? “
Yep, it also says in the Torah, “Ish imo v’aviv tira-u, v’es Shabsosai tishmoru,” a man should be in awe of his mother and father, and keep the Shabbos. Very strange second part of the sentence to be attached to the first. What has one thing to do with the other? So Rashi explains that although we are enjoined to respect and hold our parents in awe, if our father commands us to be mechallel Shabbos, we do NOT have the obligation to listen to him. That is the mekor. We have certain obligations to our parents, but when they tell us to do an aveira, we do not have THAT as an obligation. You continue to show respect to your parents in all other areas, though.
ALL milk sold in this country that has passed government inspection, is unquestionably kosher milk. In fact,kosher non-cow milk from say a goat or sheep (if there is such a thing) cannot even be sold as regular milk. In Europe or other places where there could possibly be milk from non-kosher sources, such as mare’s or pig’s milk, there was a pressing need to ensure that Jews only drank Cholov Yisroel. The milk needed that hashgocha, because it was customary for non-Jews to drink other types of milk. That is not the case in the USA. Even if one wants to get goat’s milk, it is only available in specialty venues. If the bottle or container is stamped US government inspected (or whatever the exact phraseology used), it is assuredly only cow milk.
When Goldmann (?) Farms brought down the milk prices many years ago and broke the power of the milk cartel, I began buying their milk as a show of support to the cholov Yisroel company that was not greedy. But that is no longer the case today. CY prices have gone through the roof, and for a family of MANY children, that can be beyond costly. There is no justification for this. And what REALLY grinds my gears is that I was told that there is a well-known CY cheese company (which I am choosing not to name here)that is ALSO the producer of Miller Cheeses, which is Cholov Stam. If this is true, it is almost like gneivas daas, because you are paying more for the former, when the latter is the same product. Anybody able to shed some light on this for me?
In any event, this is an issue that no two people will agree upon. Bottom line – if it has a reliable hechsher, I’m going to use it, whether or not it is Cholov Yisroel. I am only makpid on CY during aseres yemai teshuvah – otherwise, it’s whatever my kosher supermarket is selling at the lowest price. Sometimes that DOES include CY and then I buy it.
don’t feel bad about not being more persistent. Part of the problem is that the Borderline thinks he/she is perfect so I don’t see any way to get such a person to agree to go to therapy. But perhaps you can somehow get the spouse and kids to get therapy so they can deal with it without it destroying them emotionally. And give them lots of chizuk and support. “
You are right, of course,but the family members will not seek out therapy, and the kids have been brainwashed after two decades of mental and verbal abuse, into thinking this is normal. They crave any positive attention from the parent, and then rationalize away the bad behavior. The parent is excessively controlling, because it is the only aspect of life in which her or she has any control.
We give our kids one gift only, and some chanukah gelt (very nominal amount), plus when the kids were little, we gave toys to tzedaka for kids whose parents could not afford them. Now we just give the tzedaka. We also always have my husband’s family over for a Sunday of Chanukah. They are not frum, and it is an exciting day for my grandnieces to see how a real Chanukah day is celebrated. We had them light candles with us last year, their first time, doing so,and were very happy to share gifts with them, make latkes, play dreidel, tell over the neis shel chanukah,e tc.
So what did women call men before there were surnames? Hey You???? When someone refers to me as Mrs. So and So, I feel very uncomfortable, especially when they are people with whom I am well-acquainted.
Smalltowngirl, sometimes kids get put off by their parents “bringing things to their attention.” It’s often better to take thier lead from the child in question. That being siad, the mother or father COULD mention casually during dinner that they read something interesting in the paper, and ask if their child happened to read it, too, and begin a discussion. The idea is NOT to treat the subject with disdain or like it is taboo. And if it is a disgusting subject, it is a good object lesson for Torah values versus the shmutz in the outside world.
Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought someone had established that this was nausea due to pregnancy. As it is not, if you have persistent nausea (not the 24-48 hour stomach flu that is going around in droves), then you really need to speak with a reliable gastroenterologist. It still would help you to eat ginger or drink ginger-based soda or tea, and keep to a VERY light carb diet, light on protein and no fat. If it keeps up, don’t rely on the good advice of a bunch of well-intentioned strangers. CALL THE DOCTOR.
I said it before, and I will say it again. Treat your teenager, your over bas-mitzvah age daughter, as an adult. Klal Yisroel does, and so shouold you. If you have brought her up properly and in an open, warm environment where she feels she can come to her parents with questions – what BETTER way to foster a two-way dialogue than to have her read this “controversial” paper and discuss it with you? I reiterate that I have not read the Yated, so if anyone wants to post a sample of what seems to be so bothersome, I would be interested in seeing it here.
Mint tea, ginger tea, and chamomile are all good, but ANY tea you drink should be okayed with the OB-GYN first. Just because something is a natural herb does not mean it is safe for a pregnant woman. medicines are made from herbs, and many herbs are toxic to a developing embryo.
Ginger ale, cola in moderation (caffeine is really not great for the baby), saltine crackers, don’t stand up suddenly when you get out of bed, stay away from high-fat foods when you feelt he nausea and stick with carbs. Eat several small meals rather than three big ones. Keep hydrated, but don’t think you have to drink it all at one time. Sip throughout the day. You will feel better soon, B”EH, and hope all goes well and we hear besoros tovos. I would try to avoid taking any drugs, especially the first three months.
“shake a few tobacco leaves from the cigarette. you’ve now made a cigarette lighter!”
Well done! That’s the correct answer.
I will second that~!!!!!!!!
maybe they were drinking coca cola or even water. I agree it is not a great environment for boys OR girls, but it could have been innocent.November 18, 2008 2:35 am at 2:35 am in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625788
Thank you, RabbiofBerlin, for a very informative couple of posts.
Better to be silent and thought stupid, than to talk, and remove all doubt.
(I have no idea who said this originally).
Who keeps the fish?
That depends on whether prine, dunhill, or blue master is the name of a fish. It might be easier if they all smoked fish and served it with bagels and cream cheese. Hey, sounds like the Norwegian would fit that bill.
“How come “gullible” is not in the dictionary? “
No do you really think we are THAT gullible as to look it up?????????
“We have a 13 year old daughter. My wife feels that readers write section of the Yated is not appropriate for children being that there are adult related issues there. She says that if we have it in the house we shouldn’t leave it hanging around for her to read.
What do you do? “
First of all, I would generally prefer to treat my daughter like an adult, and not stop her from reading a paper which is Jewish in nature. I probably would not stop her from reading any mainstream newspaper. I would however, hope that our relationship was sufficiently open and mutually trustworthy that she would feel comfortable in coming to me with any questions that might bother her about that which she has read. We cannot treat our kids like ostriches, and when we do, it backfires, as they end up feeling stifled. I do not read the Yated myself, so I am curious as to what could possibly be in there that would be objectionable. Maybe I misspeak out of ignorance. What is it in the Yated that you are afraid for her to see there?
“Stop making the ikar tafeil, and the tafeil ikar.”
My dad O”H
“My fellow Yidden, what are we doing wrong? Why have we been unable to transmit the truth and beauty of Yiddishkeit to so many of our children? Gitty and teenager and so many others that I meet in person just break my heart.”
Do you REALLY want the answer to that? The answer will open a Pandora’s Box that you will not ever want to know about. The frum world does NOT want to really know why so many kids are off the derech, because the answer strikes at the heart of the Yiddishkeit that is being practiced by the Lakewood Bubbies and Zaydies. Fifty years ago, we were also frum Jews, but we lived NORMAL lives. Our boys and girls (horrors!) talked to each other after shul and in the street. Some went to Coed schools (like Crown Heights Yeshivah, as did I), and we were allowed to be normal kids playing in the street. We were tzniusdig, because the emphasis was not so strong on what we were wearing on the outside, but who we were INside. People were friendlier, more welcoming, more accepting, and less judgmental. Now there is a schism even among the various frum factions, where if you come from one frum background you may still not be good enough for another one. These are harsh observations, I know. But the truth is often harsh. I truly do not mean to climb on a soapbox, but it really does break my heart when I hear an intelligent, sensitive girl like Gitty say that she does not believe. Clearly she is one of MANY of our children who need to be shown that there are other equally valid ways of being a religious Jew, ways that do not necessarily “shtim” with being observant in exactly the way that the Yeshivish world is observant. I would be thrilled to hear that Gitty was keeping a kosher lifestyle and not being mechalel Shabbos. Those two things are critical to being frum, NOT how long the skirt length is, how many prakim of Tehillim are being said, or if she wears the color red. We focus so much on certain minutiae ( as perceived by those who eventually go off the derech), that we cannot see the forest for the trees.
Esav and Yishmael were standing 11 inches apart back to back?November 17, 2008 1:54 pm at 1:54 pm in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625778
The whole eiruv business reminded me of a joke about two friends for ten years who used to learn together, etc. One day one friend called the other saying he needed him for a minyan and they only had nine. The friend apologized but said he couldn’t go. So the first guy begs him, it’s a snowy day, nobody is coming to shul, they really need him. Sorry, he sys, he can’t come. When pressed, he finally admits he can’t be part of the minyan – he’s not Jewish. “But what are you talking about?” Screams the first guy.
“We learn together, you come to shul, YOU KEEP SHABBOS!!! If you keep Shabbos and are not a Jew, you are chayav misah!!” “I know,” says the other guy, “but I always was mechalel Shabbos in one way. I carried on Shabbos.” “What do you mean,” says the first guy, “you can carry on Shabbo, we have an eiruv!” “AHHHH,” replied the friend, “but I don’t HOLD from it!”
Is Frangelico kosher these days? That would sub nicely for the kahlua, I would think.If you use Godiva liquor make sure it is not milchig, if you are eating a fleishig meal. I think that the white chocolate and milk chocolate varieties are dairy.
I was happy to share my family’s story, and it was only one among many amazing things that happened during the shiva week and at an extremely unusual occurrence that was repeated and witnessed by all the guests at every family simcha we attended after the aveilus period was over. What happened to us gave each of my siblings and me incredible chizuk, and I said after that I no longer believe in Olam Haba, now I KNOW there is Olam Haba.
1)How do you light it? You don’t. THAT STUFF CAN KILL YOU, MAN!!!!!
(or if desperate, you go to the stove).
2) “I am a man. If Yankel’s son is my son’s father, what relationship am I to Yankel? ‘
I am Yankle’s son.November 16, 2008 2:42 am at 2:42 am in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625760
Even if quoted in the Gemarah, the story of the woman is NOT halacha, nor meant to be considered as such, would you not agree with that statement? Whatever lessons the Tanna wanted to glean from his mother’s statement, she is not a rov, she has no paskening power, and this was not a p’sak. It was simply her own opinion, right or wrong. I am fine with the lesson to be learned, that a woman feels she has been zocheh to a great sachar from Hashem in Olam Hazeh because of her own added dimension of tznius. But that does not mean that THAT is the reason she was so blessed. We cannot presume to know why Hashem rewards or does not reward in a specific way.November 16, 2008 2:35 am at 2:35 am in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625759
Re: oomis1105- So what if you know people who are modern and have excellent sons whats that got to do with anything? This woman might have been Zoche because her house never saw her hair but other people are Zoche for different reasons e.g Hashem wanting to pay them back in this world, Zchus Avos etc.
I don’t disagree with you at all. I just don’t like these types of stories being held up as indicators of what constitutes tznius. There is no reason why a woman who uncovers her hair in her own home, EVEN IF NO ONE IS THERE, should be considered less tzniusdig than the woman in the story – yet that is certainly the lesson which may be inferred.
Pinchas dis ask a shaila.”
According to Rashi, yes, but not according to the p’shat. I hear you, though.
AS the saying goes, “You’re a good man, Charlie Brown!”
“The man who invented it doesn’t want it. The man who bought it doesn’t need it. The man who needs it doesn’t know it. What is it? “
A burial casket?
“What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps? ”
The askanim, whoever they may be, might not have gotten as quick and direct a contact with the manager. Did Pinchas ben Elazar ask shailos when he saw Zimri ben Salu and Cozbi bas Tzur en flagrante delicto? No, he saw arayos, and he stepped up to the plate, something that needed to be done, risking his own reputation in the bargain. I am not suggesting that Azi do anything further than what he already did, but he certainly did not do anything wrong, and in my opinion did something brave that may result in a modification of the sign. Sounding judgmental and second-guessing , often results in people being afraid to do the right thing for fear of censure.
Gitty, I hear what you are saying, but you are very young, and the so-called doznes of very smart people whose opinions you value so highly, are not necessarily espousing anything other than THEIR opinion. There are other opinions, equally smart, equally compelling, and more truthful in the long run. I cannot get you to believe in G-d. But I want to relate to you something that happened to me, that absolutely strengthened my belief in “the afterlife,” and if you don’t accept what I tell you as being the absolute emes, I cannot force you to. The following story is 100% truth, with no embellishment:
My father unexpectedly passed away exactly 15 years ago. His Yartzeit is in a week. I have three siblings, we are two girls and two boys. we all sat shiva together in my parents’ house, together with my mom, who passed away five months later. Except for one brother and myself, everyone else went home each night and returned in time for shacharis the next morning. By Shabbos time, everyone went to their respective homes (none of us lives near the other), and my hsuband, children, and I stayed with my mom.
Shabbos afternoon, we all went to lie down for a nap. I had an amazing dream about my dad, very vivid, and in the dream itself I thanked my father for comign to visit me in a dream. He was dressed in his jacket and a fisherman’s cap that he often wore. I remember so vividly hugging and kissing him and telling him how sad I was that he left us. I asked him repeatedly why he left, and his answer to me was very specific and I have never forgotten his exact words. He said, ” I am sorry I had to leave, but I am very, very happy. I am in a beautiful place with Mama and Papa, and my brothers, and I am very, very happy.” He kept reiterating that to me, saying over and over how happy he was. He also said he missed us all, but, “I could not live in my body the way it was anymore, and I am very, very happy now.” These are direct quotes. He had first appeared to me walking through his living room doorway, to where I was sitting. After kissing me good bye, and again assuring me he was very, very happy, he disappeared. I woke up, crying in my sleep, and went downstairs to see my mom, too, had awakened from her own nap. I could not wait to tell her about my “visit” from Dad. But she cut me off excitedly to tell me she had had an amazing dream about him. She then proceeded to tell over my own dream to me. With the exception of his physical appearance (he looked as he did as a young husband), she had experienced the identical dream, same dialogue, from start to finish. She and I were finishing each others’ sentences at oen point.
I could not wait until my siblings re-joined us after Shabbos. My two brothers came, followed by my sister. needless to say, as you may have guessed by now, each one of us had the identical dream that Shabbos afternoon. My dad appeared in different clothing and/or ages to each of us, but the scene was precisely the same, and the dialogue did not vary from one person to the next. There was only one addition to my youngest brother’s dream. My dad finished speaking and started to disappear, but added, “And Yanky, it’s shoen tzeit for you to wake up, you need to get to mincha.” he woke up with a start, he told us, and then about five or ten second later, his wife knocked on the bedroom door, informing him it was mincha time.
Gitty, you may or may not accept that Hashem allowed five people to have the same visit from our loved one. You may think (and maybe some of your philosophers would rationalize away) that somehow, separated by over a half hour drive away from each other, we all had a collective hallucination, but they and you would be wrong. I have spoken to more than one rov about this, and they all agreed that we were zocheh to an amazing miracle. That Hashem allowed our father’s neshama to speak to us individually, but in such a specific way as to let us know it was not a coincidence or wishful thinking. The quote about not being able to live in his body the way it was, is not the same thing as someone saying, ” I will be watching over you,” which so many “ghost whisperers” and charlatans claim the dead are saying. He was very specific, and used the exact same phraseolgy quote for quote with each of us.
It is ironic that my father’s petirah is the very thing that gave me chizuk in my emunah in Hashem. Most people are busy blaming Him for the death of a loved one. I hope, Gitty, that you have not written everything off just yet. You are, as I stated earlier, very young and have a long way to go before you make decisions that have lifelong ramifications. You write intelligently, and I hope you are as intelligent as you sound, and that you re-think some of the things that you are starting to feel you beleive or do not believe. Because ultimately it all boils down to one thing – WHAT IF YOU ARE MISTAKEN??????????
Yasher Koach Azi. On both counts. The Victoria’s Secret display was particularly problematic as it was out in the open only a few blocks from the local kosher pizza places where young kids go to eat lunch, as well as some lcoal Yeshivas. It WAS a mitzvah, and don’t allow anyone to say otherwise. What’s worse is the type of clientele that this place must surely attract.
I did indeed mean day 28, at which point he will be 27 feet high, and only needs to climb another 3 feet, at which point he has reached the top. This is like the riddle,” If you have three pills and they have to be taken at the rate of one every half hour, how much time will pass by the time you have swallowed all three?”
LOL!!! We are all such incredible cooks that there ARE NO LEFTOVERS!!!!!
Seriously though, my very spoiled children (just kidding) are not big on eating leftover anything, so I try to cook a little smaller in terms of portions, so that there is really not much leftover for a Sunday meal (except maybe for my husband and me, because I can’t stand to waste food).November 13, 2008 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625741
Regarding the woman who said that the reason for her children being beautiful and her sons all being talmidei chachomim was that the walls of her house never saw her hair:
THAT is not halacha l’maiseh. It is a really nice story (even possibly true), but it is just a story. It is also HER OWN OPINION as to why she was thus blessed. I know some very amazing Yeshivah bochurim, whose mothers never even went to the mikvah, much less covered their hair. They too have attractive siblings, and all the kids became frum within a short period of time from each other, though the parents did not go down the same road.
There is a “danger” inherent in these nice stories, in that some people start to accord chashivus to them as if it were Torah m’Sinai, and it is not. The idea is to take from the story that which is important, namely, that it is a good thing to be makpid in the mitzvos that we do, because when we are, we are able to provide a good environment in which our children may grow up.
The Jews were forbidden to touch the Aron Kodesh. Period. They had seen enough miracles to know that Hashem would not let the Aron Kodesh fall unless He wanted it to fall. It was an issue of bitachon, and also proved the idea that even well-intentioned people can err.
Day 28 it is, then.
Facebook is a terrific palce for people to stay in touch at their convenience without wasting time they might not have at the moment, on a phone call. Then when they have time, they can make the call, but this way they are able to post news, say a quick hi, and everyone is happy. You can only access those with whom you are “friends.”
I have seen this billboard while driving in the area, and it is an embarrassment and a disgrace. BUT – it is the public domain, and I am not sure that legally the so-called “gentleman’s club” ( though what type of gentleman would ever set foot in such a place, I cannot imagine!) can be compelled to take it down. If I were the local citizen’s group, I woul;d flood this place with letters requesting that they modify the ad to be less offensive. There are people who have done protest marches in front of such places to get them to close in a given neighborhood – maybe that is another option. I personally would not be comfortable to walk into the place and speak to the management, but I would think that if someone else did, he should not be berated for taking a stand that was surely VERY uncomfortable for him, but applauded for trying to do the right thing. And if he succeeds in getting the sign removed, would you feel differently?
I am with day 27. Once he is at the top three feet higher, he just walks out.
I wouldn’t make chicken or potato kugel on THursday, because my husband doesn’t want to eat a “Shabbosdig meal” soc lsoe to Shabbos. But I would make rolled chicken cutlets (filled either with cooked flavored rice, or bread crumbs), rolled in egg and bread crumbs, and baked with marinara sauce poured over it. I actually prefer to make non-cooked type meals (i.e. deli sandwiches), or hot dogs, only because I have already been cooking for much of the afternoon, for Shabbos, and don’t want to have to potchkeh even more for dinner.November 13, 2008 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm in reply to: Tenor of Discussion on YWN: When Discussions Become Acrimonious #625731
So how would some of you feel about women who wear ladies’ pants with a skirt (that comes below the knee) OVER them? Would you still feel it is a tznius issue?
27? Because on Day 26 he will be at 26 feet plus 3 = 29 , but fall back two feet to 27, and on day 27 he will climb to the 30′ and go out.
How many 3 cent stamps in a dozen?
twelve obviously. Did you think I would say four?
This is like the riddle, how many months have 28 days or does England have a July Fourth?
I don’t think that evolutionary theory denies the existence of G-d. We are not sure of the exact time frame of the creation of the world. Evolution actually makes a lot of sense. Life started in the sea, and the sea animals crawled out on land, and so on. Who is to say that what we read in Parshas Breishis is not exactly describing that? We believe the world was created in six days? By what time passage? The sun was not even set in the sky until day four. Who knows how mcuh time passed before that day? Even if we believe each day was a 24 hour period of time, do we really think that Hashem who created everything, could not create it in a speeded-up evolutionary way? I don’t really see the contradiction.
“SJSinNYC- There is no source per se that real-looking sheitels are assur. But it is still a lack of tznius in the spirit of things. “
Again, it is not good to make assumptions about the nature of the reason for the halacha of covering one’s hair. If there is “no source, per se, that real-looking sheitels are assur,” then you really cannot necessarily assume that there is a lack of tznius in the spirit of things. It may be in Hashem’s eyes that any manner in which a woman covers her hair after marriage, is considered tzniusdig, because it is only the actual fact of the COVERING (and not any specific reason WHY) that is the important aspect. Since none of us has spoken to Hashem about this recently, we really cannot presume to speak for Him or ascribe reasons to Him that may be based on a mistaken opinion. Because the halacha was not spelled out in the Torah but only alluded to, there is a machlokess throughout the ages as to exactly how it is meant to be observed. I said it before – we should be glad that many women, who otherwise might be turned off from wearing a head covering, are in fact covering their hair, instead of arguing whether or not they are doing it the right way.
Not all skinny girls are attractive, not all overweight girls are ugly. People should stop generalizing. there needs to be some type of attraction of the genders to each other, but we should re-define our parameters of attractiveness. A very plain girl with an amazing sense of humor and good middos, may be way moer attractive than a blonde blue-eyed girl with less than kindhearted middos.
First of all Yasher koach to all those who correctly guessed that feathers are measured by a different standard of weight than gold, so a pound of gold is really lighter in weight than a pound of feathers, 4 oz. less per pound, to be precise. Next, I am wondering about the bar and the water joke – was the gun a water gun and the man needed water but either could not drink it from a cup (maybe he had dental work or something that interfered with normal drinking),or maybe he did not need the water to actually drink necessarily, but either to wash off something or the like. I bet the answer is something really obvious.
What weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of gold? (This is an oldie)