Forum Replies Created
It’s funny, because for years I’ve always said I don’t want to go, I’m not going, there’s no point… I guess cuz I wasn’t interested in another year of sitting behind a desk, another year of teachers, more changes I would have to adjust to etc. My friends thought I was nuts (similar to writersoul’s experience) But once I got in to 12th grade I was like, I am so not ready to leave! My parents were ecstatic. Fortunately, I got in to the seminary of my choice, unfortunately unforeseeable medical circumstances came up and there was no way I would be able to attend seminary as it would negatively affect my health. My friends thought how ironic it was that I finally got my wish, I was not going to sem, and I was actually disappointed.
In response to the OP – It’s true there are people who would be worse off attending sem, however as need seminary help said – people are really interested in where you spent your year and it means a lot in shidduchim. People seem to think that if a girl did not go to seminary she isn’t spiritual, she’s not grounded,(I’ve heard this too many times…) and there must be something wrong with her. At least that’s what I hear, so that’s what I think.
However, I must end saying: there are plenty of opportunities at home, and in a small way I am grateful for that year I was home. I started schooling, found a part time job, and was able to accomplish a lot more than if I had gone to seminary. I have more experience in the so called “real world” than most people my age, and I’m further ahead in my education. So while it may not be so accepted not to go, I really don’t see why?! Anyone?
Jewishfeminist – Thanks for filling the shoes of our very missed (?) member. I could lie and say my spellcheck messed up, but that wouldn’t fly well. So I’ll just be honest and say that I tend to use an extensive vernacular just for the heck of it. Problem is when I think I know how to use a word in context, but I mess up entirely. So I thank you for your warranted (albeit unwanted) correction.
Shopping – Glad the mods didn’t take the challenge. Not sure how I would protest. Leaving would definitely not be an option cuz that’s not my idea of a protest. That’s called being a sore loser. I’m going to come up with a brilliant tactic, just give me some time.
As for the non-members, do any of them have subtitles that say their status (either blocked, troll…)? It seems most users posting these days are pretty legit.
Ok, got it. And happy it’s improving. I didn’t know you were serious about always moving, that’s tough. There really should be a sarcasm font on all computers, as sometimes its just so hard to detect. Especially when I don’t personally know the person posting…
Shopping – Please don’t go around giving bright ideas. “Member” is enough of a subtitle. As I said, it is totally superfluous, as the fact that I have a username and I’m posting here shows I’m a member. So why the member? Are there any non-members?
Mods – Consider yourselves warned.
Jewishfeminist – Are you talking to me? Who’s haifagirl?
I find the title of this thread quite disturbing, which is why I decided to read through it even though it mentioned that horrible word of shidduchim.
I semi-agree with ironpenguin on one thing. “Girls are shallow, but so is the society we live in.” You can’t expect girls who were brought up in a Bais Yaakov system that preaches “perfect boy=learner” to give up their idealistic dreams of a perfect marriage.
However, in regard to the OP and FriendInFlatbush’s question: I definitely consider someone who sets aside time to learn and is serious about his avodas Hashem as someone I would date and potentially marry. As a product of a Bais Yaakov school, I understand that a home must be built on Torah, however I disagree (and always have, much to the chagrin of my teachers) that this does not mean a husband has to be in kollel full time. Personally, someone who was brought up properly, is well-grounded, and knows where he is going in life is a lot better then someone who is sitting around in yeshiva just because he must.
Aha – got the point. Well, I still hold my ground to say that subtitles, while some think they may be useful, is still superfluous. If they were invented to tell more about a person, I would think of you as an egoistical queen with puppy dog eyes (pretty please with all the toppings on top????) But I see that kapusta is the CR queen so now these subtitles are confusing me. And an ways, most subtitles are either misleading or make no sense. Hence, I am opposed subtitles and will pray that I will not succumb to the CR peer pressure and never feel the need to sport one.
Thank you!!! Nice choice of words btw – (fabulicious?!?!) but thanks!
chani91 – You make that sound so easy. Maybe you want to help me?
Maybe you want to help us all?
WOW! What an honor and privilege. I actually have a busy life outside the coffeeroom, so there is plenty of times that I’m not going to sign in for several days at a time. I actually think this is quite healthy and should be the norm here. Too bad it’s not.
But anyways, I did just respond on that thread before I saw this one so I won’t repost for the sanity of the other users here.
@shopping – I’d be more than happy to become an honored member. Sorry if I came across any other way. And regarding your subtitle, I have a habit of NOT reading subtitles as I think they are quite pointless. It behooves me why people bother the mods with such silliness. But in any event, I will gladly join the SUC without much fanfare to avoid any other user’s discomfort.
@kapusta – Smile definitely does not equal happy. However, smiling makes you feel better about yourself. I know for myself, when I see someone smiling I do not assume everything is all fine and dandy as a smile can go a long way in covering the pain you are experiencing.
To clarify: When I say pro gay rights I mean pro the fact that it is legal. I personally think it is an outright immoral and a pure abomination.
Quite frankly, I do not see anything wrong with the fact that NJ agrees that religion can not and should not dictate the law. If you are opposed the separation of church and state I would find THAT quite horrifying, and as a Jew, quite scary. No one would like if the Christians proposed that we can not keep kosher or keep Shabbos… Not allowing gay marriage is the same thing. It’s projecting religious law on the society. So if you are pro separation of church and state and pro religious freedom you should be pro gay rights.
@bubbles17 – check out the “Seminary in EY” thread. It has descriptions for both of the seminaries you are interested in.
Wishing you lots of luck!! (Don’t want to scare you off, but you will need it ðŸ˜‰ )
@Sanity – I recall you saying that a while back on one of the first threads I’ve posted on. I generally wouldn’t do this but being that you mentioned it again I’m beginning to think this is less sarcastic then you make it sounds and more honest. I will repeat what I mentioned before and please give me a more legit response then last time.
(I’m quoting this verbatim)-
“Sanity: not sure if you were being sarcastic or not about your social skills…but at one point social media was the extent of my social life. I still remember signing in to one of my accounts after not having been there for a while and one of my friends asked me where I’ve gone. I very proudly told her that I went to get a life…maybe you should try that one day.”
On the other hand, if this tactic helps you keep your paycheck, maybe I’ll relearn it. The amount of $$$ I actually deposit from my paycheck is quite disturbing as I have no dependents legally. Now I think I have maybe 500 dependents all around the US who I never would’ve been able to assist before if not for our wonderful IRS.
@sharp – Wow! I’m feeling touched by your thoughtfulness.
@Shopping – I wasn’t aware that I had to invite myself for an invitation to your exclusive club. However, being that I never jump in to anything without checking out all aspects of how it may affect my life, I will not extend an invitation to be invited until I am sure this something I want to associate myself with. I hope you understand where this is coming from, and I am in no way against this club or have anything against you, rather this is my way of doing things. I will get back to you after the weekend. I appreciate your consideration and patience in advance.
@Bookworm – LOL! Ur actually not half bad ðŸ™‚
@This name is already taken (what type of username is that anyways??) – your posts make me want to pull my hair out!! I can’t stand this thread…
@Syag – Thanks! Hope my local library has some good titles I could pick up. And thanks for the booster as this decision was really hard and took me a long time to get there.
@Bookworm – I must say I’m impressed. And good idea not to start on adult fiction cuz I have yet to come across one that can’t be classified as romance…as you nicely put it they made me literally puke.
It’s a site solely dedicated to making females feel good about themselves ðŸ˜‰
Has some really nice poetry and essays if you appreciate those type of stuff…
@ultimateskier – I’ll have to disagree with you on this one. If she is a non-religious girl, she will only gain positively from learning the Jewish viewpoint of relationships. If it is avoided she may pick up the vibes that there is something unpleasant that you are hiding and it may turn her off. You may think I’m being extreme, but the fact is: if she is interested in learning about relationships now, go for it!
@just my hapence – we’re in this together. I’ve got 2 unanswered questions too.
@VM – Come back soon! The curiosity is killing….
There is a list I came across on imaoneandonly dot org (check it out) on how to feel good about yourself. I’ll quote some here that I personally utilized and found helpful.
Challenge yourself! Push yourself higher and harder. The sense of accomplishment you get when you achieve goals that once seemed so far away is indescribable.
These won’t make you in a better mood now (it’s okay, I wasn’t expecting a prize) but will definitely make you happier in the long-run.
@frumnotyeshivish – I agree that as Orthodox Jews morality is and should be objective. However, the fact is that in general morals are relative. Being Jewish does gives you a certain standard and certain morals that others do not have or do not achieve. Morals are your “beliefs about what is right behavior and what is wrong behavior.” (according to Webster’s you quoted). Your morals are shaped by many variables thereby making different people with different morals. So I go back to say that morality in general (and I will clarify – not specifically for Orthodox Jews, IN GENERAL)is relative as it is shaped by many different personal factors.
And thanks for the explanation on how halacha=morality as your original post does make more sense to me now.
If you don’t want to answer my first question, could you at least let me know why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
I second that Syag. I recently gave up secular books completely and I need ideas of good Jewish materiel!
OURtorah: Gila Manolson has great material about why we are shomer negia as well as material on relationships in general. Check out her 2 books on these subjects: The Magic Touch and Choosing To Love.
I’ve heard a speech of hers too, but I can’t remember for the life of mine where I downloaded it from.
If you define Halacha as “morality”, that is perfectly understood. Just realize that you are not using the word in the way other people would understand it. It is like calling an object with four walls, a roof and a door a “cat” because that is what you think a “cat” should look like.
And I will say again, Morality is relative. Can’t comment on the rest of the argument here, unless we agree to speak in English so I can understand.
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
@Redleg – while it may be true that “For an observant Jew, morality isn’t relative…” I still believe that in general, morality is relative. When you decide if something is moral or not, you are in essence comparing/contrasting the action to what your morals are. As I said before: I agree, as an Orthodox Jew one should hope that his morals come from the Torah however, however there are many out there who don’t carry these morals.
“Some people are like clouds, when they disappear it brightens your day.”
And on a more serious note – “Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is really worth fighting for.”
@Bookworm120 -Please do us all a favour and refrain from using words that aren’t recognized in the American English language.
@frumnotyeshivish – I believe morality is relative. It depends on where you pick up your morals from. I agree, as an Orthodox Jew one should hope that his morals come from the Torah however, there are many out there who don’t carry those morals.
My main underlying question when I started this thread was if these so called “rabbis” really thought they were doing the right thing. As the story developed I did get my answer and what I said yesterday summed up my thoughts on the whole incident. People who mean well may make mistakes, but it doesn’t make them immoral people. I consider the people who get involved just for themselves are both selfish and immoral.
Care to explain why halacha=morality, as in the Bais Yaakov school I went to halacha=rules…
It may be a hard time in your life, but it won’t last forever. And remember all the people that do love you for who you are.
One more thing – as I said before, can’t change people, but you can change yourself. You can’t chose how other people act, but you can chose how you react. People can be insensitive and mean it too, but it’s your choice how you take it.October 14, 2013 6:32 pm at 6:32 pm in reply to: Calling all N.J. people to get out and vote for Lonegan! #978973
Living in NJ, I must admit that I’ve heard a lot about Booker, and barely anything about Lonegan. I’m really not in to politics, so if not for the fact that I am a registered Republican, I would vote for Booker just because his name is more familiar to me.
On a different note, the fact that he is pro gay rights really shouldn’t scare us off that much. It doesn’t affect you as person. I agree, it’s not moral and it’s not the way we do things, but would you want religious law to dictate the government? Are you not pro the separation of church and state?
Keep in mind, that knowing that detail may actually change whether that detail is correct…
And I won’t start ranting about how my name is always misspelled, miscomprehended and totally mistaken…
I remember hearing once that our souls are compared to a candle (ner Hashem nishmas adam. A flame is always flickering and swaying while reaching upwards. So too, when we do something spiritual, our soul is feeling it and our body sways in reaction.
@superme – I have had similar experiences throughout my schooling years. I remember confiding with a different teacher who just shrugged it off by saying “That can’t be, our staff is hand-picked…blah blah blah” I’m sure you know the drill. One thing to tell you, just hang in there. You can’t change people, but you can change yourself. And remember, you’ll be out of there soon enough!
I would politely decline as I don’t see any point of knowing the inevitable before it happens. And I like surprises.
This is proven to lower stress in your life, guaranteed, tried and true.
Study conducted by: ME
Okay, so this thread went a bit off topic cuz I specifically mentioned “not halachakly” rather morally. But it seems from what I read here, that the intentions are what defines the act. If you have the klal’s best interest in mind, it’s morally okay (I’m not saying halachakly) as opposed to just going after it for the money. Thanks all, that’s what I wanted to know.
As for halachakly, the lingo used here is so confusing, I barely understand any of it and hope that I never will need to.
I agree it’s not by chance. But since I was thinking about this today, I am seriously wondering why people think it’s okay to become physical in regard to religion. It seems to me that there are some things that was permissible in the past, but just isn’t the correct way to do things anymore.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
@wallflower – lol, that brings back such memories from 11th grade…
Noone? Come on, there hasta be some people that use them here! Please!!
@tzaddiq: R’ Tatz expounds on this extensively (I read it in The Thinking Jewish Teenager’s Guide to Life), but I will try to put it in a few sentences.
If someone is, say, a kleptomaniac. He can’t control his impulses to steal. Does he have free will in this area of his life? Is he found liable in her country’s legal system? Probably not. He can’t control his inborn trait to steal. In Judaism however, the “system” works completely different. The urge may very well be outside his area of free will/freedom but the action of stealing is within his free choice. The point of free will is whether he yields to his nature or not.
Bottom line is: You can’t control your background, inborn nature, character traits, and many events that will ultimately affect what type of ordeals you have to overcome. You can blame whatever or whoever you want for the fact that you came across this ordeal, but how you handle the ordeal is your doing entirely, your free will.
@wallflower – google chocolate peanut butter mug cake novice chef
Its an awesome recipe, and dairy too. Mmmmmmmmmm have me in mind please!October 9, 2013 4:25 pm at 4:25 pm in reply to: Why no mention of Rav Ovadiah in Monsey/Lakewood, etc. #978752
And just for the record – Lakewood did have hespeidim last night which was heavily attended.
Syag Lchochma – thanks! It’s good to know I’m making some progress. Though streetgeek would actually describe me pretty well as I am kind of street-smart, but streekgeek has that certain ring to it that I like, so we’ll stick to that ðŸ˜‰
SanityIsOverrated – What we need is some Jewish pride, and that includes the diversity that goes along with being Jewish.
Couldn’t have said it better.
@Shopping – nope, I’m as female as they get, not sure why I came across as boyish… and Little Girl is definitely one of my favorite songs on Heartbeat (which I purchased right when it came out cuz I personally know Nechama ðŸ™‚ ) And pleeeease could you people get my name straight? Please???? (BIG CONGRATS to writersoul who actually got it straight!!)
I heard this from a teacher I was close with in high school: The word FRUM is the perfect word to describe anyone who thinks s/he is such. FRUM has U in the middle. Anyone above U is Fanatically Religious and anyone below you is Modern.
Afterteens are kids who legally grew up, but in reality never did. Shopping – not sure why you limited it until 25. I don’t plan on ever growing out of this stage (once I reach it, that is).