streekgeek

It’s funny, because for years I’ve always said I don’t want to go, I’m not going, there’s no point… I guess cuz I wasn’t interested in another year of sitting behind a desk, another year of teachers, more changes I would have to adjust to etc. My friends thought I was nuts (similar to writersoul’s experience) But once I got in to 12th grade I was like, I am so not ready to leave! My parents were ecstatic. Fortunately, I got in to the seminary of my choice, unfortunately unforeseeable medical circumstances came up and there was no way I would be able to attend seminary as it would negatively affect my health. My friends thought how ironic it was that I finally got my wish, I was not going to sem, and I was actually disappointed.

In response to the OP – It’s true there are people who would be worse off attending sem, however as need seminary help said – people are really interested in where you spent your year and it means a lot in shidduchim. People seem to think that if a girl did not go to seminary she isn’t spiritual, she’s not grounded,(I’ve heard this too many times…) and there must be something wrong with her. At least that’s what I hear, so that’s what I think.

However, I must end saying: there are plenty of opportunities at home, and in a small way I am grateful for that year I was home. I started schooling, found a part time job, and was able to accomplish a lot more than if I had gone to seminary. I have more experience in the so called “real world” than most people my age, and I’m further ahead in my education. So while it may not be so accepted not to go, I really don’t see why?! Anyone?

Ok, got it. And happy it’s improving. I didn’t know you were serious about always moving, that’s tough. There really should be a sarcasm font on all computers, as sometimes its just so hard to detect. Especially when I don’t personally know the person posting…

I find the title of this thread quite disturbing, which is why I decided to read through it even though it mentioned that horrible word of shidduchim.

I semi-agree with ironpenguin on one thing. “Girls are shallow, but so is the society we live in.” You can’t expect girls who were brought up in a Bais Yaakov system that preaches “perfect boy=learner” to give up their idealistic dreams of a perfect marriage.

However, in regard to the OP and FriendInFlatbush’s question: I definitely consider someone who sets aside time to learn and is serious about his avodas Hashem as someone I would date and potentially marry. As a product of a Bais Yaakov school, I understand that a home must be built on Torah, however I disagree (and always have, much to the chagrin of my teachers) that this does not mean a husband has to be in kollel full time. Personally, someone who was brought up properly, is well-grounded, and knows where he is going in life is a lot better then someone who is sitting around in yeshiva just because he must.

Thank you!!! Nice choice of words btw – (fabulicious?!?!) but thanks!

WOW! What an honor and privilege. I actually have a busy life outside the coffeeroom, so there is plenty of times that I’m not going to sign in for several days at a time. I actually think this is quite healthy and should be the norm here. Too bad it’s not.

But anyways, I did just respond on that thread before I saw this one so I won’t repost for the sanity of the other users here.

To clarify: When I say pro gay rights I mean pro the fact that it is legal. I personally think it is an outright immoral and a pure abomination.

@bubbles17 – check out the “Seminary in EY” thread. It has descriptions for both of the seminaries you are interested in.

Wishing you lots of luck!! (Don’t want to scare you off, but you will need it 😉 )

@sharp – Wow! I’m feeling touched by your thoughtfulness.

@Shopping – I wasn’t aware that I had to invite myself for an invitation to your exclusive club. However, being that I never jump in to anything without checking out all aspects of how it may affect my life, I will not extend an invitation to be invited until I am sure this something I want to associate myself with. I hope you understand where this is coming from, and I am in no way against this club or have anything against you, rather this is my way of doing things. I will get back to you after the weekend. I appreciate your consideration and patience in advance.

@Syag – Thanks! Hope my local library has some good titles I could pick up. And thanks for the booster as this decision was really hard and took me a long time to get there.

@Bookworm – I must say I’m impressed. And good idea not to start on adult fiction cuz I have yet to come across one that can’t be classified as romance…as you nicely put it they made me literally puke.

@ultimateskier – I’ll have to disagree with you on this one. If she is a non-religious girl, she will only gain positively from learning the Jewish viewpoint of relationships. If it is avoided she may pick up the vibes that there is something unpleasant that you are hiding and it may turn her off. You may think I’m being extreme, but the fact is: if she is interested in learning about relationships now, go for it!

There is a list I came across on imaoneandonly dot org (check it out) on how to feel good about yourself. I’ll quote some here that I personally utilized and found helpful.

Challenge yourself! Push yourself higher and harder. The sense of accomplishment you get when you achieve goals that once seemed so far away is indescribable.

These won’t make you in a better mood now (it’s okay, I wasn’t expecting a prize) but will definitely make you happier in the long-run.

If you don’t want to answer my first question, could you at least let me know why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

OURtorah: Gila Manolson has great material about why we are shomer negia as well as material on relationships in general. Check out her 2 books on these subjects: The Magic Touch and Choosing To Love.

I’ve heard a speech of hers too, but I can’t remember for the life of mine where I downloaded it from.

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

“Some people are like clouds, when they disappear it brightens your day.”

And on a more serious note – “Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is really worth fighting for.”

Living in NJ, I must admit that I’ve heard a lot about Booker, and barely anything about Lonegan. I’m really not in to politics, so if not for the fact that I am a registered Republican, I would vote for Booker just because his name is more familiar to me.

On a different note, the fact that he is pro gay rights really shouldn’t scare us off that much. It doesn’t affect you as person. I agree, it’s not moral and it’s not the way we do things, but would you want religious law to dictate the government? Are you not pro the separation of church and state?

I remember hearing once that our souls are compared to a candle (ner Hashem nishmas adam. A flame is always flickering and swaying while reaching upwards. So too, when we do something spiritual, our soul is feeling it and our body sways in reaction.

I would politely decline as I don’t see any point of knowing the inevitable before it happens. And I like surprises.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

@wallflower – lol, that brings back such memories from 11th grade…

@tzaddiq: R’ Tatz expounds on this extensively (I read it in The Thinking Jewish Teenager’s Guide to Life), but I will try to put it in a few sentences.

If someone is, say, a kleptomaniac. He can’t control his impulses to steal. Does he have free will in this area of his life? Is he found liable in her country’s legal system? Probably not. He can’t control his inborn trait to steal. In Judaism however, the “system” works completely different. The urge may very well be outside his area of free will/freedom but the action of stealing is within his free choice. The point of free will is whether he yields to his nature or not.

Bottom line is: You can’t control your background, inborn nature, character traits, and many events that will ultimately affect what type of ordeals you have to overcome. You can blame whatever or whoever you want for the fact that you came across this ordeal, but how you handle the ordeal is your doing entirely, your free will.

And just for the record – Lakewood did have hespeidim last night which was heavily attended.

SanityIsOverrated – What we need is some Jewish pride, and that includes the diversity that goes along with being Jewish.

Couldn’t have said it better.

I heard this from a teacher I was close with in high school: The word FRUM is the perfect word to describe anyone who thinks s/he is such. FRUM has U in the middle. Anyone above U is Fanatically Religious and anyone below you is Modern.