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anything other than truth, especially when it is stated in order to give a false impression is wrong. are you really wondering what i think, or are you just trying to see if im a radical. I think my push for truth in reporting abuse, my push for acknowledging and supporting victims and my push for putting an end to cover ups has been pretty consistent over the years.
Joseph – true to your word altering form, even after a long fast. Nothing I said implied he was a conspirator in protecting abusers. Many people have a need to slip in those words to give the false illusion that these abuse cases are rare, or few and far between. And I have heard it from people who know darn well how false that is. That, my dear, is a conspiracy. Perhaps NE doesn’t qualify and has only fallen prey to the verbiage he has been overexposed to.
NE – I appreciate your clarification. I have nothing to say in regard to the case, I just find people slipping those words in to make a (subliminal?)point. I apologize if that wasn’t your intent/belief.
why change it?
apy, that’s not really fair. at first i was thinking how right you are that we can always go to a bais medrash and learn for free, and that these online shiurim are different. but i lost you there. i understand your view of it being “entertainment” but i dont understand your negativity.
I listened to those shiurim almost non-stop today. As soom as I was able I had a lot of cleaning up to do, dishes to wash and kids to cook for. I also had to prepare for dinner tonight. If I didn’t have those shiurim to listen to, I would have had nothing.
Abba-unless things are drastically different in NY nobody will give you private placement because of language. Not a special needs student, and certainly not a general ed student. Also, the lawyers for the school are paid by the school, the lawyers representing the child are either doing it pro bono, or they are getting paid by the parent. The parent pays them whether they win or lose, and the school gives nothing to anyone but their own team.
There is a lot of testing and documenting that gets done before a child is considered for private placement. If a child understands English, it will be discovered but even if he doesn’t it is not even on the bottom of the list of reasons to tuition out.
But Sam, aren’t you ignoring the fact that this time is specifically designated as a time to feel the pain of mourning the loss?
Gee, Jo, this may be a challenge I’m just not up to. Usually when you want to make a point, you state it as fact and poof! it becomes fact. So now you want it not to be so, okay, poof! We can all start attending rallies on shabbos afternoons.
And the signs werethere in previous year’s pictures but if you didn’t see them, poof! Now they’re gone too.
Joseph and sushi : Oh please! Are you playing dumb? Do you really believe they were not mechallel shabbos? If I told you I walked to a college lecture on shabbos you’d be all over it. one year there were pictures of the shabbos march and some of them were holding signs. Oh,wait maybe the Hamas guys had a kosher eiruv!
Annom-I love that post!
It reminds me of the people who wanted me to use loopholes to attend their simchas when I was in availus. Went would I even want to attend a Sims. My loss felt so great that it was hard for me to stop avoiding simchas when the availus ended. We should try to touch that sorrow during this time.
Cats don’t have cows milk, and I’m guessing most people don’t have cat milk in their fridge do please don’t put out milk for any cats.
please dont give cats milk. it can make them very sick. cats need water and would probably be very grateful for some clean water to drink. There is also a mitzva to feed your pets before you eat. I think it only counts for pets, but it means the Torah obviously holds feeding animals as important.
Chaya Hirsch may be frum but her books are romance novels. I wouldn’t read them or recommend them and I wonder if calling it an orthodox romance is misleading or just chutzpadik.
Joseph, you are just playing devils advocate. If it wasn’t acceptable, it wouldn’t happen. You don’t have to punish people to make it stop, you just need to make it an expectation.
When I served hot lunch the kids left the tables a wreck. They threw stuff around during lunch and left everything as it was when they were done. The teachers just took them back to class and the kitchen staff cleaned. If they were told everyday that they would leave the lunch room as soon as the tables were clear, it would have happened.
You make a bar for them to rise to. It’s not an extra special midda to clean up after yourself.
feel free to take anything you want out of context. if you are going to worry about the defense, and not concern yourself with all the dialogue it addresses that “someone might see” that is your prerogative.
i never really thought haagen daaz was that different from any of the other really good ice creams. I prefer carvel tho. can’t beat soft ice cream. But now that i am makpid on eating only ch”y products, i cannot find ice cream that tastes even similar. Not sure why. i will sometimes splurge and buy heavy whipping cream to make my own (using a ben and jerry’s recipe book).
On topic tho, we had many reasons why we did not establish a home that was makpid on ch”y products and a major factor was that it would have been a “yet another” barrier for certain relatives.
Many of my kids have taken it upon themselves over time, (one because his rebbe told him he would rot in hell if he didn’t). When I finally took the plunge, it was only because I had a tremendous bakasha for Hashem. I wanted to give something extra that required much restraint and sacrifice (and did I say restraint?) in exchange for something in return. If my purpose had been to “upgrade” my ruchniyos in the food department, i am told being makpid on yoshon is much more of a priority.
“In Gan Eden will they serve non-Cholov Yisroel?”
i guess that would depend on who’s mashgiach!
it is a derogatory term to you. Your use of it is derogatory. I brought some past examples of you stating that it is the same thing as cholov akum but the mods didn’t post it.
no, but we may tell him so if he starts mussaring people to be more observant while he’s smoking!
DaMoshe, what an excellent point, of course. I crack up listening to people spout religious doctrine while spending hours around the clock on the internet. Just give it a minute and you will hear either excuses, defensiveness or personal digs in response. As I’ve said before, logic cannot compete with denial (or the yetzer hora)
Cholav Stam is not a derogatory term. What we all said was that there are those who use it as a derogatory term, they attach negative connotations to it, and Joseph is one of them.
golfer – i had actually meant to post that but she already had…
joseph – nomenclature? Ha! As if it is all the same halachically.
Joseph – that is ridiculous even for you. Oh please. Anyone who is machmir on cholav yisroel is doing so because it is what is right. Whether or not the people who eat Cholav Hacompany (yes, you are 100% wrong in calling it chalav stam. if it was cholov stam nobody would be eating it) are also right is irrelevant. We don’t keep mitzvos or chumros because we get extra schar for it.
And i have found that that way of thinking is exactly the basis for the rude and self righteous attitude people are speaking about. I have run into so many people who have a need to put other people’s ways and lives down because they dont want to believe that someone could be “enjoying extra stuff” and still be right in Hashem’s eyes. They need to stomp them down to keep that image that all their sacrificing and deprivation is getting them something. How about just serving Hashem because its right? Try having some pride in the mitzvos you keep and you wont feel deprived or sacrificing. If you keep your nose and eyes out of other peoples schar and “enjoyment”, i can almost assure you that you may just get that olam habah you are looking for.
chaplaintzvi, there are Rebbes in the midwest?
i dont have an answer for you regarding pizza but there is a hallal truck with a chof-k you can try…
chaplaintzvi, there are chasidim in the midwest?
and by the way, i find our cat to be somewhat abusive to my younger kids. We cannot declaw him and i find him taking full advantage of that. what are my rights?
i think this is ridiculous. I have always loved animals and have owned many because i don’t have the heart to turn away an abandon creature. But even in my own obsession im mature enough to be aware that it is not about the animals at all. people are personifying animals based on themselves and their own feelings. what actually bothers an animal is minimal in terms of the things labelled by some as abuse.
Redleg – thank you for resetting the tone. I mean it.
I am not sure what you mean about him being right and me being wrong. Him being right that the yeshiva system stinks? Me being wrong about not wanting half dressed people in my face?
The problem was that we weren’t even talking about the same stuff! I have shared his opinion of “the system” but as someone who lives much further from it than he, I have learned to find a new group of peers and work around it. My visits here often remind me of those behaviors/feelings but it is not right to say that if someone (me) decides we should be careful around pritzus, I must be one of those ‘narrow minded chareidim’. Lehefech, prove yourself as someone who is just as makpid in things that matter even when you aren’t chareidi.
Regarding your post script – I thought about what you said about me responding angrily first. I had thought about it before I posted. Really, you are right, and you are wrong. If you read his short response in relation to his other posts, you will know that it was plenty angry. He had my whole persona nailed because “who else would push for a filter?”
my later comments weren’t about his view of the internet, it was about the assumption that I could ONLY care about such things if I am chareidi. That, to me, is the same garbage that the chareidim throw back at him. (see DY’s comment, case in point, assuming/accusing you two don’t learn gemora or mussar.) I happen to HATE that fighting. I HATE it. I HATE the hamster wheel that they spin on. I would give anything to live in a world where Torah Jews can inspect a halacha for what it is, not for who is “wearing” it, and to stop making sick assumptions about each other based on awful community experiences.
I wish you many long years, Redleg. Thank you for your post. And when you turn 120 and meet HKB”H and see the truth, just know that I will be so jealous of your vision.
I don’t know if you are correct or not but thank you for clarifying what you said.
what you are saying makes no sense. If I was spouting chareidi doctrines then you could pretend you are correct. but my point to you was not that I have seen the other side, my point was that I am not who you think I am.
You decided (speaking of assuming ultimate truths) that if I believe unfiltered internet is assur, I must be a flaming chareidi. I was telling you that my belief in the dangers of the internet comes from inside, truth and experience. I don’t spout doctrines just because someone else say to. I tossed my television out when I was modern because I ran a daycare center and saw how it was warping children’s minds. I make my own decisions based on what is right, not what my neighbors are doing.
How sad that you can’t even allow me to be someone with an opinion of my own because you can’t stomach anything that smells “black” to you. How sad for you that you are having a freak out about a system of arrogance because I personally, from my own life experiences have found a filter to be necessary. I have been able to make choices in my home based on what is right and wrong, even though it often runs against the grain of those around me. including my kids teachers. Are you able to do the same or do you need to reject everything that is chareidi in the same way you accuse me of accepting it?
You couldn’t possibly know whether or not you want to trade places with me cuz you havent an inkling where i am even standing. Does my desire for a filter automatically cause you to box me in to a specific place? apparently it does –
Suffice it to say that I have a close relative who is a therapist in a super-chareidi neighborhood, and I know what goes on. I would never trade places with you,
who said anything about chareidi, let alone super chareidi?
Why didn’t you fight me on my belief that phones need filters, why shadowbox the whole yeshivish culture as if it applied to this discussion?
Are you really that stuck in your racism? Are you really that incapable of making decisions for yourself? Wow.
Annonymouschochom – your post contradicts itself. The stickers are a scam to make people by them at kosher stores but the ones without stickers may have kashrus issues. That reminds me of the joke where someone complains about the food at school: It tastes awful and there isn’t enough of it.
oh ho old man, your racism seems to have gotten the better of you! I never learned a daf in my life, and never went to yeshiva!
I am a WOMAN, middle aged, who grew up modern orthodox. I wore shorts and pants til I was 14, I grew up on tv, movies and trashy novels that have filled my head with things that will never disappear no matter how had I try. I watched R rated movies that have left life long impressions on me. I have three friends who are divorced due to their or their husband’s pornography addictions or online chats with people who promised to give them a better life than their own spouse gave them.
I have a filter on my internet because nobody is immune. I don’t find myself yearning for inappropriate pictures. Neither do my kids, B”H. But when half dressed women with their boyfriends show up as a cover story on the news, even the modernest orthodox find themselves spending a second too long looking at it. I would know, I used to spend a lot of time with such guys when I was that age. And I hate to tell you what they were spending their time on.
I waste my breath answering you because your ears are shut, just venom for the yeshivish, black hat, dude you assumed (knew?) I was.
If you really can find yourself faced with a screen showing two 20 year old girls in bathing suits without taking notice, than maybe I don’t feel sorry for your grandchildren, maybe it’s your wife I should pity.
old man – if that is your standard for distancing yourself from nisyonos then i feel sorry for your grandchildren.
midwesterner – thank you. I only asked because I was marvelling at your level of prophecy.
May Hashem bless you and the new couple with simcha always!!
Amen
And when He sends other more difficult things, He should send strength to get through them as well.
do you mean like yesterday?
Thank you so much midwesterner and the Mrs. I am so grateful that you came! And I agree, it is always a special treat to see my brother.
By the way, the “new””business venture” seems to be a success.
popa – maybe that’s cuz your friends are lame and nobody ever scored.
Sam2 – because that is the halacha according to at least one Rav.
And yet, I have been the tenth man in a yeshivish mincha minyan (not in a yeshiva) more than once and watched them wait until another person dressed like them showed up before starting. But we have ten! Sorry, only nine.
i didn’t even know such things happen, honestly. Garbage like that would have sent me packing ages ago. not from religion, but i would NEVER, EVER raise children in a place where they could learn such behaviors. besides the gross lack of understanding the value of a yid, throw in embarrassing someone in public, hmmm…kinda like killing in the name of Gd, huh?
It really sickens me to think of that. And if you are a poster who is somehow justifying it in your head, let alone in your life, or trying to formulate some type of defense for this, you need to do some serious work on yourself.
I just don’t like Joseph’s sweeping assumptions that ignore reality.
im right with you. and even more odd is that there are others out there agreeing with him….
Joseph – you have always had the habit of imposing your ideals on others as truth, and assuming you can speak for any women, when you have made it so clear that you are not of the type who would have conversations with them, is ludicrous.
My only question for you (if I wanted an answer, which I don’t) would be if you are making it up for the sake of getting a rise out of people, or if you actually have convinced yourself this stuff makes sense.
bais yakov maidel – While I agree with everything you have said to Joseph in this last post, I have to disagree strongly that you are speaking for women in general. There may be many, many others who agree with you, but there are so many, many of us who couldn’t disagree more. I for one, have never met anyone who thinks like you do tho I do not doubt your word. I would only ask, respectfully, that you, also, not generalize or make assumptions about women and what makes them happy. And please don’t give the impression that you are a majority because I don’t think either one of us could possibly know if that is true. Represent your side, as will I, and the others can speak for themselves.
i would definitely go back to a date before my sisters and parents had died. What would I change? Probably whatever would need changing to prolong those lives. (But that shouldn’t imply any lack of acceptance of Hashem’s plan. Just answering the question)
On a more “fun” note, I would like to go back to a time when life was more sincere and the yetzer hora had a bit less access and thank Gd for every second of it. Oh, that wasn’t fun either.
Okay, I would love to go back to a time when the chofetz chaim was still alive and people got married in their backyards and didn’t have to wear high heeled shoes. What would I change…
I held the baby in front of me, his back to my belly,with my arm across him and leaning him forward a bit so he extended his arms into the sink. I then used the other hand to dump water on his hands alternatingly, not worrying so much about the exact coverage, just the best approximation I could do.
I don’t think anyone was saying a hat and jacket is inappropriate for davening. The issue is when people insist that a hat and jacket is the ONLY proper way. Is a hat and jacket respectful? Absolutely (assuming they’re clean). That doesn’t mean that someone who comes in without a black hat is not. I don’t wear a hat when I daven. But I also never wore a hat on a job interview. I didn’t wear a hat when I met some high-ranking politicians.
DaMoshe, thank you for this post.
old man is simply bigoted against non-mo. Everything else is a symptom of that.
while you may be right that some comments from some people are motivated by certain biases, it is highly unfortunate that you and others use that excuse to write off everything they say as untrue. It would help for you to take responsibility to some of the accuracy of the comments, or at least some of the behaviors that make people feel that way.
Mine’s a tichel. I bought it at the tichel store.
and people who have made excuses for themselves will actually feel free to come out and defend themselves even against the advice of those greater than them
atypical teen – What a hysterical thought! Oh gosh, I am with you in wondering how it would be handled but I almost don’t want to know.
If i see you holding an iphone, i can assure you 100% that i will judge you favorably, if at all (which I would probably not). But to come out and say that some people have good and productive reasons for using something that the rabbaim have straight up said not to own is not the way our religion works. Sorry if you take insult. It seems to have somehow become almost acceptable in my town to get memberships to the new mixed gym. am i obligated to pretend that that is okay as well because i have to assume that they are using it productively and i need to be dan l’kaf z’chus? On an individual basis – absolutely! But to not speak against it when people nonchalantly open threads as if it is a rule we have all chosen to forgo? that live and let live policy has been very destructive for our religion. Sure, i can go open a new thread about it but people who are doing things that aren’t advised are usually not the ones who read those threads. and people who have made excuses for themselves will actually feel free to come out and defend themselves even against the advice of those greater than them, instead of thinking it thru. Oh well.
Have a safe trip.
I don’t recall hearing anyone telling me directly or indirectly that they were offended for not being invited, and quite honestly, it seems rather petty in the greater scheme of things.
nicely stated!