catch yourself

An easy way to cut down the length of a speech is to omit any talking about yourself.

Common mistakes include:

Talking about how undeserving you are to speak at such a venue (which is either faux humility, AKA the worst arrogance, patently obvious, or both)

Talking about how little you prepared for the speech (even if due to lack of notice – the message is, “You in the audience don’t deserve the respect of a speech that sounds well prepared, or even the dignity to pretend that you do”)

Talking (in an “Out-Of-Town” setting) about how surprising it is to find B’nei Torah (or the like) “even here in _________ ” (You just slapped the entire community across the face)

Talking about how short the speech will be (you just ruined it)

Another common mistake is the belief that every speech must begin with a joke. This is totally false. It is not necessary to start with a joke. Nobody needs to hear the same corny lines again – and, yes, we heard that one already. DO NOT tell jokes unless they are truly funny. They lengthen both the actual and perceived duration of your speech, with no positive contribution.

In general, a speech should be planned. Determine the purpose of the speech (that is, what the audience wants to hear, not what you want to say) and how long it is expected to be, and develop a focused address that does not digress from its purpose or overstay its welcome.

It actually comes straight out of the Gemara… “?????? ?????”

( although I’m sure that’s not the meaning he intended…)

You would have to turn your fauces down to soak your shirt, and even then, it would be quite a feat.

In any case, fauces is singular.

At the outset, I must say that I agree with the question. (More on this later.)

The final paragraph of the OP, however, struck me as rather offensive.

Why would I “simply dismiss” a reasonable question about my lifestyle as “simply coming from someone who says ‘Sukkot’ instead of ‘Sukkos’?”

The insinuation seems to be that “big-city” Jews who say “Sukkos” are not sufficiently honest with themselves for even the slightest introspection, that, in their arrogance, they would dismiss the question because they consider the one who posed it to be morally inferior due to some trifle detail in religious culture.

Those who dwell in the “shtetle”, on the other hand, apparently are of a higher caliber, and are spiritual enough to perceive the materialistic character of those “big-city amenities,” as well as to appreciate the perspective of those who say “Sukkot”.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but this is how it came across to me, and I resent the implication.

Now, it so happens that I, too, live in a small, “out of town” community, and I agree that the simpler lifestyle in my community is preferable to the materialism which has unfortunately crept into the lives of my brethren in the N.Y. / N.J. region. I do not understand why this has been allowed to happen, and I think that any objective observer would concur that it is unhealthy. This is part of the equation which led me to choose to raise my children in my present community, despite depriving them of the advantages of growing up “in town.”

That said, I must admit that if I would be living in such a community, I don’t know that I would have the moral clarity to recognize the slow trend towards materialism in my own lifestyle, let alone that of my community as a whole.

Big Brother just called.

He’s got everything under control.

Yeshiva Rabbeinu Chaim Berlin Alumni Minyan

Ave L between Nostrand and 31

Started by YRCB alumni, and has become a large Shul with a lot of non-alumni as well. Every time I have been there (which has been many), I have only met nice, friendly people who take Davening and Torah seriously.

Feivel, I’m not sure why my post touched such a raw nerve. It was not my intention to get you so riled up, but simply to point something out in the context of the conversation which I felt was an important point. I did not mean to imply in the slightest that this is a formal debate, or that only comments of which I approve and are directly related to the OP should be allowed.

I am not sure why you chose to make it personal.

I, for one, have never told anyone what they should or should not post in this or any forum.

This is because I am interested in a discussion, not the obfuscation and distraction techniques of debaters. Regardless of a person’s interest, his use (intentional or otherwise) of these tactics, in my opinion (which is not binding on anyone, but no less deserving than yours to be heard) detracts from the conversation. To my mind, this is not a bunch of people shmoozing at the water cooler; it is a focused discussion of a particular subject.

Not all peripherally related comments are appropriate. If a poster were, in the context of this conversation, to launch into a scholarly conversation of the etymology of the phrase “tongue in cheek”, would you think that to be appropriate for the discussion?

PBA, you conflated two of my posts.

I don’t want to get into a debate over whether there really is such a thing as a perfect analogy, but I don’t think anyone would find fault with a dentist or hygienist discussing the detrimental effects of candy, or of neglecting proper dental care (as part of, not instead of, a cleaning).

I don’t consider doctors to be malachim, but they are highly educated professionals. The responsible ones (I try only to use these), though not infallible, generally endeavor to come to logical conclusions based on sound research. Their opinion should be respected more than that of people whose conclusions are based on emotions and anecdotal evidence at best. When there is near universal consensus among doctors, this magnifies exponentially the respect which should be accorded the consensus opinion.

Okay, so based on PBA’s post, I concede that it was in fact Avak Lashon Hara.

Let me correct the record. A legitimate question asked in a sincere way would not upset him in the slightest (I don’t think). The narcissistic stupidity of the antivaxxer movement is what upsets him.

I have engaged several doctors on the subject, and I have never encountered resistance to an open discussion of it. I have never personally experienced, nor even heard of, a doctor saying anything like, “If you even try to delay vaccines we will not take you as a patient.”

What’s interesting to me is that, despite all the conspiracy theories about Big Medicine and Big Pharma teaming up with Big Government to make oodles of money by forcing us to vaccinate our children (none of which are substantiated), the established conflict of interest was actually in the conception of the antivaxxer movement (as is well known about the Wakefield study, which was even recanted by its co-authors).

Kol haposel b’mumo posel.

I don’t propose to speak on his behalf as to why this issue is more upsetting to him than others. Perhaps, if a patient’s parent, as part of a growing movement among the impressionable masses, would seriously insist that, contrary to the position of the vast overwhelming majority of physicians, car seats do more harm than good, he would be equally agitated.

Perhaps not, for the simple reason that the negligence to properly secure one’s own child in no way endangers those of others. In either case, it certainly seems to be neglectful of the child’s well-being.

I can assure you that it is not his arrogance which causes him to get upset (he does not “hyperventilate”, and his blood does not “boil”), as you seem to believe. Anyone who knows Dr. Shanik can attest to this.

Feivel, I’m a little confused. If I understand correctly, you chose not to administer D vaccines to your children because the disease is rare in the U.S., even as you acknowledge that it has a much higher incidence worldwide. It seems obvious that the reason D is so rare in this country is that we vaccinate our children (as indicated in the quote from CDC, above), not that they are somehow less susceptible to this disease.

We all know that when individuals start choosing not to vaccinate, it increases the risk to themselves as well as to the rest of the population (see the OP). Why didn’t you vaccinate your children?

As far as vaccines being dangerous for some people, anyone with a specific reason not to take a vaccine should not get that vaccine. These are exactly the people who should rely on the herd immunity provided by widespread vaccination.

Anyone who has no specific reason to think that vaccination is more dangerous to them than the disease it is intended to prevent should weigh the cost of vaccinnating against the benefit of disease prevention.

@ apushatayid – Agreed. I realized too late that that particular sentence was very poorly written. Thanks for the correction.

Ubiquitin – According to the way you present the deal, it would seem (to me) that when the Goy decides not to keep the Chametz, it turns out never to have been his in the first place. How does this circumvent the ??????? of ?? ???? ??? ????, and why isn’t this ??? ???? ???? ?????

29, DY – I think it is quite obvious that the OP did not mean the comparison in a favorable way; this was the intention of the second paragraph of my first post in this thread.

Nevertheless, I think that he (albeit unintentionally and indirectly, even ironically) made a good point about one possible reason that Hashem allows social safety net programs to exist.

I saw nothing in the OP about “Hashem’s embrace,” and, at the risk of sounding repetitive, I think that he is wrong to compare ?? ????? ????? to government programs. My point was simply that the comparison was not inaccurate, just inverse. It may not be wrong to compare government programs to ?? ????? ????? in the sense that they may be the way in which He chooses to provide for many of ????? ??? ????? today.

29 – I would have to agree with the point that it is entirely possible that government support is the modern manifestation of Hashem’s care and support, which, to a more spiritually elevated generation, presented itself in the ?? and ???? ?????.

I don’t recall any of the ?????? saying that it was an aversion to work that motivated the ??????. It is clear in the ????, however, that their ???? was ???? ??? (or, more precisely, ????? ?? ??).

Funny, when I saw the title of the thread, I automatically assumed that it was about people playing with their phones during Davening.

I have never had an experience similar to yours, TM, but I certainly can agree with your point. It’s one thing if a person is simply trying to get change; it’s quite another when they are keeping busy. (For the record, it is very easy to tell the difference, so anyone pretending to get change every day can just stop – you are not fooling anyone except yourself).

CTL, I think the word “class” in your first post is what came across as a bit arrogant (although I don’t think that was your intention).

NeutEu, only those who suffer an inferiority complex are consumed with comparison.

Wolf, I have deep respect for your candor and objectivity. I also identify with much of what you describe. Along with the sense of inadequacy and hypocrisy, I, too, am confrontation averse, and loathe the thought of telling a total stranger that he is doing the wrong thing.

When I described to my Rav something I had seen (the particular case involved an invalid manner of wearing Tefillin), he told me that I had an unequivocal obligation to inform the other person that he was doing the wrong thing, or that I would be held responsible for his wrongdoing. No amount of protest and revulsion could change this Psak.

The next time I witnessed someone doing the wrong thing, I forced myself to do what my Rav had said I must do, and was astounded to find that: 1) It was difficult, but not as hard as I had imagined, 2) The other person actually appreciated that I was trying to help him, and 3) Nobody attacked me for being the hypocrite that I am [other than myself]. I subsequently learned that it does not get easier to do (at least for me).

Please consider that your Tochacha is very valuable and important, and that you could potentially be included in the category of ???? ???? ????.

Apushutayid, Rashi believes that ?????? in fact does mean ??????. I recall the explanation that ?????? refers specifically to becoming intoxicated during a meal, but do not remember the source.

For one, Rav Elya Svei zt”l is known to have used whiskey, as well as to instruct his talmidim that they may do so as well, “oif mein pleitzos” (on [his] responsibility).

My Rav, a well known and highly respected posek, told me that without question, I may use whiskey as well.

Squeak, I think you may have misunderstood my (and, if I may presume, truebt’s) post.

I am not saying that Trump is another Hitler ym”sh. What I meant [far from obviating the point, although not quite as directly expressed as by truebt] was that a true political genius (which includes Donald Trump, ???? ????) can mold any system to his ends. The restrictions of which you speak are not insurmountable obstacles in the way of a political genius. Evidence – not of Trump’s goals, but of the possibility that he can achieve them, whatever they are – can be seen in Hitler’s Germany.

Of course Hashem runs the show, and that was true when Haman ascended to power as well. Our main concern should be in earning His vote, not in how we use ours. It is for this reason that we should be concerned with the fact that a loose cannon (to say the least) like Trump could be the next President.

There is, unfortunately, plenty of Pas Yisrael humble pie available. More than enough of it is Yashan as well.

The fact is that were it not for the money spent on advertising, they would not be able to function at the level, or with the scope, that they do. As such, I think that advertising expenses are very difficult to divorce from operating expenses. The work that they do (i.e., the money spent “actually helping people”) is qualitatively different as a result of the money they spend on advertising. I do not consider the advertising money as having been “wasted”. On the contrary, it is an important part of their charitable activities.

The question is not whether it is worth spending 48 cents of every dollar on advertising to facilitate 42 cents of operation; the question is whether the operations of the specific charity are worth $34M.

Of course, the seder is great…this is more about making it whole again.

In any case, we Actually do have a nice chant for VBH, as well as for ?????? ??? ???. It’s not a tune, but it works very well.

M, I sincerely hope I’m wrong, but I must protest what I perceive, after several readings, to be the intention of your post.

Your words appear to be the product of severe bitterness, cynicism, negativity and derisiveness. It seems that you have no qualms about ridiculing a large segment of K’lal Yisrael, whose lifestyle you obviously do not understand, but are nevertheless willing to reduce to simplistic sophistry in order to mock its supposed parasitic and irresponsible culture.

If this analysis is correct, your words deserve a ????, but not a rebuttal; if it is not, I apologize for misinterpreting them, and I ask for your clarification.