HaQer

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  • in reply to: Clearing up a few myths regarding Tznius problems #696846
    HaQer
    Member

    Oomis said: You were saying that BY girls should not have explained to them the workings of a man’s mind because it is not the ikkar. I believe it IS ikkar and there SHOULD be plain speaking to girls upon whom you want to impress those concepts.

    Technically it is probably not the Ikkar. The ikkar is to be tzanua in front of Hashem, v’hatzneah leches im elokecha. BUT, the reality is that it is not so easy to feel Hashem’s presence in our every day lives, etc and therefore we need reasons for mitzvos.

    The fact that the way a woman dresses will cause certain reactions in men should be taught to the girls so that they understand what they are doing so that when pure yiras shamayim isn’t enough to deter them from dressing a certain way, perhaps the physical reactions that they are causing will.

    I addition, even women who are dressed appropriately still shouldn’t be hanging around where there are men, for instance they shouldn’t be hanging out in front of the shul as the men are leaving no matter how appropriately they are dressed because even when dressed tzanua they can cause hirhurim. This knowledge is probably the best way to get them to change their ways, because they don’t realize at all what they are doing, they don’t think they are doing anything wrong, there is no clear cut halacha that says not to hang out in front of the shul, they have to apply seichel to figure it out and for this they need to know what it is that they are causing – even the married woman who have some idea of what goes on in a man’s mind does not understand completely or they tend to forget, to push it to the back of their mind.

    in reply to: Tznius in front of Non Jews #694628
    HaQer
    Member

    I have no idea what the actual halacha is. According to my understanding the laws of tznius can be relaxed in an all-women environment. I have no idea whether there is a problem around non-Jewish men. There is probably a chumra not to even if it is halachically allowed but that is just a chumra, not necessarily halacha.

    As an aside (and to open another can of wormy fish), I have a feeling that sweat pants may not be as big of a problem as short sleeves/skirts. Although frum women are noheig not to wear pants in public, I don’t think it is as big of a halachik issue as actually uncovering a part of the body that is considered erva and there might therefore be leniencies in this particular situation. (Many frum women doctors will wear scrubs at work even though it is pants).

    The bigger problem would be the fact that she is doing exercise in front of men which itself is usually not very tznius no matter how tzniusly she is dressed. Therefore I think the question should be rephrased to is it OK to exercise in front of a confirmed non-Jewish man.

    BTW, I see no problem with the comment of “( and verified as non jews i.e african americans)”. If an African American converts to Judaism he is probably not attending exercise with women. The poster just meant that it is obvious that the men are not Jewish. With whites there is a greater chance that the man might be an assimilated Jew and it can be hard to verify while by African Americans you can probably rely on Rov.

    in reply to: Whats wrong with chumros? #692890
    HaQer
    Member

    oomis:

    When the ikkar of halacha says something is muttar, and then someone comes along and decides to be machmir on something related to that halacha, something that there is no real halachic reason to do (like not wearing colored shirts), that is making something basically rather trivial into a be-all and end-all, which by itself actually can result in trivializing the very important concept that a Ben Torah should dress with derech eretz. Does it REALLY matter to Hashem if the shirt is white, as long as it is clean, neat, pressed and worn by someone who has the right hashkafa towards learning and mktzvos? (Don’t bother to answer, because if you believe the answer is “Yes,” you have proved my point to me).

    I’m not sure if wearing a white shirt falls under the category of chumra, I think it is more of a minhag, but either way you make a great point. If someone is so machmir to wear a white shirt that he would rather wear a dirty, wrinkled, stained white shirt then a clean, pressed, blue one then we have a problem. He is clearly missing the point.

    No chumra can override a mitzva d’oraysa. This reminds me of the story of a guy in a yeshiva who used to buy his own milk and keep it in the public refrigerator. He would notice every day that other people were drinking from it without his permission so he put a sign saying that this is private and no one can take without permission, people still took. He then added “lo sigzol” to the sign and still people took. Finally he wrote “Chalav Stam” on it and it wasn’t touched.

    The problem with chumros is that people tend to forget what their priorities should be. “Chalav stam” should not be more of a deterrent than “lo sigzol”.

    Another story, someone was prescribed medicine by a doctor. He had a choice of 2 pills to take. He asked his posek if either of these pills had any Kashrus issues. The posek answered that Pill A is made with pig fat and Pill B is made with Chalav Stam. The person then asked, “so which should I take?”

    If you want to keep chumros and they don’t interfere with your keeping actual Halacha (including bein adam l’chaveiro) than all the power to you, but if it does interfere then you are missing the boat.

    in reply to: Should a 2nd date be protocol ? #692840
    HaQer
    Member

    Max well: “A date is for tachlis, not “to have a good time”. (That may occur of course, but that isn’t the goal.) And to go on a date where you are already certain it isn’t going to be, is an extreme lack of tznius.”

    Yes, dating is for the tachlis of getting married, but the way that we are advised to bring about this tachlis is to have a good time together.

    gavra_at_work: “…And Kavod Habriyos, as well as Genaivas Da’as.

    Of course, the idea is not to completely close off the possibility of Tachlis, but if it is (for example, you feel she is really ugly, or any other Chisaron that you can’t get your mind off), I agree with maxwell.”

    This thread is dealing with whether one should go on a 2nd date if he “knows” it won’t work. I see 2 reasons why one should do this.

    1) Perhaps he doesn’t really “know”, there are many stories of people who have said no after first date and were pushed to try a 2nd time and ended up married. If this is the reason you are trying a 2nd time, it would be considered “tachlis”.

    2) Kavod HaBrioyos – If you dump a girl after a first date it can hurt her feelings. The concepts of mentchlichkeit, good Middos applies to member of the opposite gender as well. In my opinion derech eretz overrides the claim of lack of tznius that people are getting all up in arms over.

    in reply to: Television: A Cry of Anguish and Appeal to Our Jewish Brethren 📺 #1192896
    HaQer
    Member

    To quote: “No question, anybody who has a TV in his house should know beforehand that his life is wasted. He has no chelek L’Olam Haboa. No question at all about it.”

    When gedolim makes statements like this they expect them to be understood using seichel and not taken completely at face value. There is a chazal that if one learns 2 halachos per day he is guaranteed olam habah. Does this mean that if I learn 2 halachos every day and then go and purposely violate them I will still go to olam habah because, after all, I learned 2 halachos per day? Of course not. The point in the segula of learning 2 halachos per day is that if one does so he will, over the course of time, come to know a lot of halacha and will then hopefully follow it. It is the following of the halacha, the doing of the mitzvos properly and the avoiding of the aveiros, along with the zechus of his daily learning that gets a person to olam habah.

    Same thing here. It is the consequences of owning the TV that R’ Miller ZT”L claims will make one lose their olam habah. If I own a TV but I and my family never use it, I am sure that R’ Miller will agree that it will not affect my Olam Habah.

    I do not know whether or not it is true that the Rav had a TV in his house, but if he did, he probably did not waste away his life watching it, nor did he use it to watch things that he shouldn’t be watching. He was probably also very careful not to allow the other members of his household to let the TV ruin their lives. A gadol like the Rav was on the level to control himself and his household in this way and is therefore not subject to R’ Miller’s claim that he will lose his Olam Habah. It is therefore not a stira to say that the Rav had a TV and that R’ Miller said that a TV takes away Olam Habah. Seichel will tell you that R’ Miller was speaking to the hamon am, not to yichidim like the Rav.

    I see a few problems with an individual owning a TV.

    First of all, even if everything he is watching is completely appropriate, it can still be a big waste of time. The time spent watching TV will take away from learning Torah and doing other mitzvos which will cause a person to have a much smaller chelek in the next world than they would have otherwise.

    Secondly, there is the content itself which has deteriorated over the years. I used to enjoy occasionally watching sports but nowadays there is so much shmutz even in that. The commercials are all completely inappropriate and even during the games themselves the cameras will often focus on inappropriate things.

    Theoretically, if the content was clean and the time spent is minimal it would be OK to own and watch a TV. But, our gedolim know that this is not the case. The content is not clean and watching TV can be addictive. You might start out watching one baseball game per month, it will then progress to one per week then one per day. Then you will want to watch the pre-game and post-game and Sportscenter as well and eventually it will take up all of your time and you will waste away your life. The yetzer hara for this addiction is even greater when it comes to inappropriate programming.

    There may be some yichidim who have enough control over themselves and their life to be able to resist the temptations and use the TV appropriately. But, even for those people who can control themselves, the chances are that they cannot control their families. Having a TV in the house might be OK for these people if they were living alone but if they have children it is another story. It sounds to me from the discussion above that the Rav had a TV in his house during his older years. He used it to keep up with news and sports so that he could better connect with the people in the world including his grandchildren. From this I conclude that at the time he did not have young children in his house to worry about them using the TV inappropriately. It was also a time period when TV was not as bad as it is nowadays. I highly doubt that he had cable, etc. If he did have a TV he used it for occasional news and sports only and even that was all done leshem shamayim.

    in reply to: Hats and Jackets by Davening #690595
    HaQer
    Member

    “Considering that I have yet to see a rav kick someone out of a shul for lack of a hat/jacket, and considering the fact that I don’t know of anyone who has seen it, I would say that it’s not, in fact, common practice.”

    I know of a shul where the Rav will ask you to leave if you are not wearing a jacket. It is minhag hamakom, in that shul the Rav wants to keep a certain respect for davening so he asks that anyone who comes to daven there wears a jacket. (He does not require a hat.) This is in a frum neighborhood with many other shuls so if you are “stuck” without a jacket you have other options for davening with a minyan.

    “If the Yeshiva has a rule to wear a hat & jacket, one who does not wear it breaks the rule and has to face the consequences.”

    There are some yeshivas where the rebbeim will ask a talmid to leave (or go to the Ezras Nashim) if he is not wearing a hat. Again, minhag hamakom. If you are in a Bais Medrash where everyone wears hats and jackets and you are not then perhaps it is better to daven biyichidus the to go against the rules. These are obviously b’nei Torah who always wear hats and jackets for davening so the few times that they do not have them it is better to daven biyichidus. I assume that this is what R’ Chaim was referring to.

    “No lawyer would appear before a Judge in Court to represent his client without a jacket.”

    Lawyers all wear jackets but they do not wear hats. Hats are no longer in style as a respectable way of dress. I once heard it explained that the yarmalkas we wear today are not respectable either. Would you go to a king with a shmata on your head? Therefore, since as Jews, we cover ours heads, it is better to cover it with a hat then with a yarmalka since it looks more respectable. On the other hand, nowadays, yarmalkas seem to be a normal style of dress and Jews nowadays who do not wear hats would have no problem going in front of a king with just a yarmalka.

    “Wolf – What looks smart to you isn’t really of any great importance. No offence, but it somewhat comes across that you are more concerned with your own feelings rather than what the Poskim say.”

    When it comes to respectable dress, perhaps it is more what people in that area consider respectable then what outside poskim feel. R’ Chaim wasn’t necessarily referring to MO communities when he gave his answer.

    What would R’ Chaim say to the following situation? If a yeshivish guy is davening in a MO shul where everyone is dressed smartly with ties and jackets, but the yeshivish guy looks like a shlump with his shirt untucked, jacket over his shoulders and a dirty, smashed hat thrown lopsided on his head. Perhaps the yeshivish guy should leave and daven biyichidus rather than break the decorum of the davening. Perhaps he should miss the beginning of davening while he tucks himself in and makes himself presentable. I would even suggest that he ditch the shlumpy hat and daven without it!

    in reply to: Dating During the 9 Days #1024688
    HaQer
    Member

    R’ Moshe Feinstein ZTL mattirs shaving as discussed in the Beard thread.

    Many chashuv yeshivos require their bachurim to shave year-round (not during sefira and 3 weeks). I have heard that some of these same yeshivos will mattir (and even recommend) shaving during 3 weeks and sefira for first dates in order to make a good first impression. (I don’t know if this extends to 9 days or shavua shechal bo)

    in reply to: Dating During the 9 Days #1024686
    HaQer
    Member

    It doesn’t matter that she knows about shaving during nine days. It is a matter of first impressions. As you can see from the OP, girls know about the problem of shaving and yet still have an issue with it. First impressions are very important when it comes to dating. You can make all kinds of excuses that she should be able to tolerate the beard, she should be able to imagine what you look like without it, but lemayseh, the way she sees you the first time does make a big difference, and therefore many Rabbonim will matter shaving for a date.

    in reply to: Dating During the 9 Days #1024684
    HaQer
    Member

    The whole music during the 3 weeks thing is a minhag to show aveilus. Some even listen to recorded music. The point is not to be happy. Music that might cause you to dance is the real issur. Elevator music does not fall into this category. Perhaps we shouldn’t go in elevators all year because they might play goyish music!

    From what I heard, it is completely mutar to shower, wear clean clothes and shave for a date during the 9 days if it necessary for occasion (first date, etc)

    in reply to: Girls Congregating the Streets on Shabbos #691399
    HaQer
    Member

    mbachur, the b’nos tzlafchad had no father, husband, or brother to go to Bais Din for them. This is why they were going in the first place.

    The real problem I see in some places is women congregating outside of the Shul. The men have to walk by them to get in and out of the shul. Since it is a place where the men have to walk by, they should not be congregating there. I have no problem with women coming to shul as long as they come, daven and leave without “hanging out” in front. If they want to socialize they can do so inside in the Ezras Nashim (after davening of course)

    in reply to: Yeshivish uniform #1056063
    HaQer
    Member

    WellInformedYid said:

    Yarmulka size- I think it says something about ones Yiras Shomayim

    I think this is ridiculous. Many people wear the yarmalka they wear just because that is what everyone else does. Same as white shirts, etc. True, there are people who really feel yiras shamayim and wear a large yarmalka because of that but you can’t be sure. Better to look at his davening as you mention later.

    The true litmus test for a guys frumkiet in my opinion is as follows:

    Find out his shul manners.

    If he davens with Kavannah and doesnt talk by davening, in all likelihood the guys is gold. If he respects the shul, his fellow daveners, and takes Davening seriously it means he has Emunah and a deep connection to Hashem. Usually the daveners and those who wont talk by Davening are much frummer and more “REAL” about their Yiddishkiet.

    If you can get this info on a guy it will save you hours of senseless shidduch calls.

    Im sure most of the guys will agree with me, but again, a lot of “frum” people talk by davening so they wont like what I am saying. However if you are honest you will agree that the Modern Orthodox looking guy without the hat that Davens the long Shemoneh Esrei and listens quietly to krias Hatorah is probably a lot frummer than the Yeshivish looking guy who talks through most of Davening and Krias Hatorah.

    Not necessarily. Everyone has their nisyonos. Talking in davening is one of them. I’m sure there are many great guys who happen to talk during davening. There are some people who will daven with lots of kavana (or look like they do), but will talk between aliyos. I would be more concerned about during which part of davening someone is talking. There are certain parts of davening where the Shulchan Aruch says that it is assur to talk. During other parts, it is technically muttar. (Perhaps there should be a thread devoted to this)

    in reply to: Making Stuff Up and Sources #687896
    HaQer
    Member

    Wolf, you said that he said it was “improper”. This does not mean he was giving a psak that it is assur, perhaps he was merely giving a suggestion for an added level of tznius, especially if your house is often open for hachnosas orchim. I do agree with you that people shouldn’t make up halachos or minhagim. Say what you mean, if you know that what you are saying is a halacha, quote it as such and if possible give a source. If you know that it is a minhag or chumra quote it as such and don’t say it over as if you are saying a halacha; say that it is a minhag/chumra, give a source and reason, mention which Jewsih sect holds of the particular minhag or chumra, etc. If you are making up something completly but feel that you have good reason to do so, say so! Say that you don’t have a source but you think… Perhaps you should ask a Rebbi first why it is that nobody has thought of your suggestion before, perhaps the rebbi will give you a reason why it is wrong or perhaps he will agree with you and then you even have someone to back you up!

    In regards to the tznius issue:

    Kasha said: Off the top of my head… a picture is made to be looked at, hopefully you aren’t looking at women.

    Wolf said: I don’t see how that’s really relevant. I don’t think people come to my house to look at the picture on my wall.

    People aren’t coming with the intent to look at the picture but once they are there, their eyes may wander…

    In terms of the difference between a picture of a woman and the woman herself being there in person, I can see how someone might find the picture to be more of a problem. Someone who is looking at a woman might feel more busha if the woman herself, her husband, or someone else notices that they are looking. It is a lot easier to look at a picture without being noticed by others than to look at an actual person. The guest may at some point be alone in the room with the picture where nobody can see him staring (other than Hashem of course).

    That being said, I have been in the houses of great Rabbis who have pictures of their wives and daughters on the walls. Like most of the issues of tznius discussed in the tznius thread where there is no clear halacha, this is a question of how far one is obligated to go to stop men from looking. Different people will have different chumras and minhagim.

    in reply to: iPad — Kosher? #685915
    HaQer
    Member

    You can probably get apps for the iPad with all kinds of sefarim, it can be great for learning on the go

    in reply to: Jokes #1201000
    HaQer
    Member

    Q: Why do we have Parshas Zachor and not Parshas Nikeiva?

    A: We do have Parshas Nikeiva, we just call it Parshas Parah!

    in reply to: Crazy Shidduch Story #683703
    HaQer
    Member

    I think that Stranded should tell “big shadchan” that she is not interested in being one of her “clientele” if these are her rules. She shouldn’t feel a necessity to use this particular shadchan. The boy seems like a nice guy who would make a great husband and she should go for it, no matter what the velt thinks of it. When they are happily married the velt will forget and life will go on. And for those who don’t forget, she shouldn’t worry about them, they are not the type of people she is interested in impressing anyway.

    This girl has a chiyuv to do proper hishtadlus to find her bashert. The husband that the girl is looking for doesn’t have to be “Chosheveh Bochur” and if it is meant to be, then another shadchan will suggest it, or perhaps this “chosheveh Bochur” will pass by the next time she gets a flat tire…

    in reply to: Crazy Shidduch Story #683702
    HaQer
    Member

    Mezonos Maven wrote

    A second problem, as slightly alluded to by Mayan Dvash, is that she is trying to date two guy simultaneously.

    No, she is not. She is about to be redt to the chosheveh bochur. That doesn’t mean that she is already dating him. She is worried that if Dovid doesn’t work out than she would want to date chosheveh bochur next. It does not sound like she is currently dating anyone.

    True, but as bein_hasdorim pointed out, this story isn’t just shmoozing for no reason. For the purpose of marriage we allow boys and girls to talk. You agree that we allow a boy and girl to go on a date after a shadchan has set them up, so why not allow them to set themselves up? Why would this be any worse? these are two marriageable age yidden who are looking to find their bashert, and Hashem puts them in this situation. Perhaps Hashem is being the shadchan here as is even more evident from the follow up that was posted.

    As The Wolf wrote:

    I think we can all agree (can we?) that a single person talking with a member of the opposite gender for the sake of shidduchim is permitted, correct? After all, that’s what happens on dates all the time.

    However, if someone who is in the shidduch parsha just happens to meet someone of the opposite gender that they think they might have an interest in, why shouldn’t the “small talk” be permitted? After all, how else is s/he supposed to determine that this person is/isn’t a potential match?

    Or is a shadchan the *only* way to meet someone and if you happen to come across someone in “real life,” you just have to forget it?

    Exactly. There is nothing wrong with just meeting someone and trying to see if it will work out. Obviously at some point you will have to look into things a little more (as “moe green” pointed out, what if they are not halachically allowed to marry each other) but this can be done through the aunt without an “official shadchan” getting involved. I think that everything that has happened until now is completely kosher and if they want to continue, the aunt should be involved as the shadchan.

    in reply to: Couples Having Shabbos Guests #707979
    HaQer
    Member

    I have been invited many times to Shabbos meals where they have single girls which usually makes me uncomfortable. I don’t mind so much going to houses of Kollel couples although I can see the tzad to be machmir, I don’t think it is necessary. Each person has to make his own judgments.

    in reply to: Yeshivah Boy in a Co-ed College #661639
    HaQer
    Member

    In todays society it is often necessary to get a degree and I beleive that people should go to college. Whether to go to a “Jewish” college or not is a question each person should discuss with his or her Rebbeim. I know many people who got their undergrad degree from Touro college and got a very good education. On the other hand, I wouldn’t necessarily say that Touro is that much better then other colleges when it comes to co-ed. I have seen the scene at Touro on Avenue J between classes during the summer and it is, in my opinion, not appropriate for a ben Torah. Better to go to a non-Jewish college where at least you realize that the people around you are not your type of people then to chas veshalom be negatively influenced by the “frum” people at Touro.

    in reply to: Laundry on Chol HaMoed #661771
    HaQer
    Member

    Mepal, it’s not tznius to wear holy clothing

    in reply to: Mistaken Lyrics #1087736
    HaQer
    Member

    “How can anybody concentrate, when hearing the ladies in real estate” (The correct word is “latest”)

    I always wondered if they were talking so loud that you can hear from the other side of the mechitza or was this part referring to girls trying to concentrate.

    in reply to: Tu B�Av – Put the Girls in the Freezer #668035
    HaQer
    Member

    How about if both the boys and the girls have lists and each looks into what they want and inform the shadchan. This way, sometimes the shadchan will call up the girl to say that a boy has “approved” her and sometimes will call the boy to tell him that a girl has “approved” him. Once someone is approved, they should look into the one who approved them before the rest of their list.

    in reply to: This Date in History #924569
    HaQer
    Member

    [1]. It is the first time the UK has recorded a temperature over 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

    in reply to: Tu B�Av – Put the Girls in the Freezer #668006
    HaQer
    Member

    inspiredteen wrote:

    But what do you want the girls to do until they turn 20? They shouldn’t teach because they are inexperienced and we would Chas Vishalom want them to go to college! So what should they do???

    You want to know what girls should do until 20? The most obvious answer is go to college so they can support their future husband in Kollel. And if you really think that college is assur, so send them for shana bet in seminary. If their parents can afford to support an uneducated daughter and son-in-law then they can probably afford another year of seminary in Eretz Yisrael.

    And if they start going out before 20, what are they doing anyway? Is dating/marriage a full-time job that it gives them something to do? They should be going to college or teaching during this time anyway, dating or not. I don’t agree with you that they shouldn’t be teaching because they are inexperienced. Many girls have the ability to teach well. And how else will they gain this experience?

    I do agree that not all girls should start dating at 18. Some 18 year-olds are much more mature than 24-year-olds and should start dating immediately if she so desires. Others should wait a few years. There shouldn’t feel pressure because all their friends are getting married, they should do whatever is right for themselves and have bitachon that they will find the right person at the right time.

    And I don’t understand this whole solution anyway. There are plenty of stories of couples who at first did not go out with each other because of age and a few years later ended up married. I’m sure the experiences that each had during the years before agreeing to go out helped them to better appreciate each other later. Whether a girl’s bashert is close in age, much older, or even younger, she will marry him eventually no matter when she starts dating. Hashem has a plan for everyone and although the numbers might seem to not make sense, they make perfect sense to Him.

    in reply to: Pet Peeves; A Little Negativity, But a Lot of Fun! #997208
    HaQer
    Member

    People who mix up the words “who” and “that” when referring to people and objects. “Who” refers to a person as in “the guy who davened for the amud today really annoys me”. “That” refers to objects as in “the thing that is buzzing is really annoying me” (as opposed to the man who is buzzing at the amud)

    in reply to: Open Letter Aggressive Drivers #650987
    HaQer
    Member

    Why are people in such a rush anyway? How much time do people actually save by driving aggressively? Someone should do a study, find the average commute time from point a to point B of a certain aggressive driver and then have them try driving unaggressively and and time that. Will it really be that much slower?

    in reply to: Jewish Money History and Historical Jewish Coin Chart #909942
    HaQer
    Member

    Could this mean that the p’ruta will be completely replaced by plastic?

    in reply to: Contact Lenses #1108996
    HaQer
    Member

    Is it a kosher tevila if one is wearing contact lenses?

    in reply to: Sefira Music #882814
    HaQer
    Member

    Are there any CD’s available that have just people singing without any attempt at instruments? I would like to listen to songs that bring out the feeling of this time of year. songs about Yerushalayim, teshuva, etc. What type of CD’s are available like this?

    in reply to: Yeshivishe maaselach #897137
    HaQer
    Member

    I wear special sunglasses that were worn by the Gedolei Yisrael Shlita during Birchas Hachama whenever I need to say a beracha around an erva.

    in reply to: Storm of Taxation Threatens to Swamp Internet Stores #646422
    HaQer
    Member

    Is this use tax only for NY residents or do residents of other states have these rules also?

    I know some very ehricheh people who will buy something at a store in NY and ask the store to ship it to them (in NJ) so that they don’t have to pay sales tax. As I understand it, the buyer pays shipping instead of sales tax which comes out to be a lot less and the store doesn’t have to pay the government taxes for that purchase because it was an interstate purchase. According to this thread, this seems to be wrong.

    in reply to: Swine Flu in the Frum Community #656934
    HaQer
    Member

    Jax, which school do you send your kids to?

    in reply to: Kugel #876073
    HaQer
    Member

    What about Shalosh Seudos, Melave Malka, Sunday breakfast…

    in reply to: Shavous Learning #647299
    HaQer
    Member

    Where’s the mitzvah for MEN to stay up and learn? If you look in the S”A, you will see that on Shavuos it is a minhag. However, if you look in the same S”A by Hilchos Pesach, you will see that there is a mitzvah to stay up all night on Seder nights and learn Pesach/Yetzias Mitzraim inyanim. I don’t know of any packed Vasikin minyanim on Pesach mornings, so tell me what’s going on.

    First of all, how do you know they don’t stay up until Alos and then go to sleep. Unlike on Shavuos, you are not in Shul Pesach night so it is harder to get people who have been up all night to go to a vasikin minyan. For those who do sleep, it is not as easy to stay up Pesach as it is Shavuos because people are probably more tired from the day’s activities of preparing for Pesach

    in reply to: Shidduch Segullah! #1150594
    HaQer
    Member

    The basic argument here seems to be that because of population growth, there are more 20 year olds then 23 year olds. Therefore, if boys date at 23 and are only marrying the 20 year olds the extra 20 year old girls will be left out. This only makes sense if you assume that all girls are getting married at 20 and all boys at 23. In reality, those may be only the average ages. Meaning, that some boys will not get married right away at 23. Some will not marry a girl 3+ years younger than him. The suggested solution here is to force people to marry their own age. This is not going to practically work. The real solution as the popular speaker suggested is to remove the stigma, to suggest shidduchim between people closer in age, to teach boys that they don’t have to marry someone much younger than them. If boys would listen to all shidduch suggestions equally and not first look at the younger ones, then the problem might go away. Someone used the line earlier “there are not enough boys”. Of course there are enough, only one is necessary. The trick is finding that one. It’s all in Hashem’s hands. Hashem decrees who everyone will marry and it’s just a matter of finding that one person (and realizing that the person might not have every quality that you think you deserve/need).

    As for segulas: daven sincerely, work on your bitachon, do your proper hishtadlus.

    in reply to: Screen Names #1175702
    HaQer
    Member

    Areivim, are you one of the 3?

    BTW, why are you called areivimzehlazeh? Did you sign up for the Coffee Room in order to help other Jews because of Kol Yisrael…? Why did you take out the first 2 words?

    in reply to: What is a Yeshiva Education Worth to You? #642035
    HaQer
    Member

    What is “IIRC”?

    in reply to: YWN Coffee Room Nightly D’Var Torah #1123989
    HaQer
    Member

    Hey, mod72, I saw your request so here it goes:

    This dvar Torah should be a zchus for a refuah shlaima for Shmaryahu Yosef Chaim ben Pesha Miriam and Aron Zelig ben Mayta along with all other Choley Yisroel.

    We say in ha lachma anya, “hashata hacha,lishana haba biyisrael”, “now we are here, next year in the land of Israel”. R’ Chaim Brisker explains that we are comparing the geula from Mitztraim to the future geula from our current galus. Just as we were redeemed from Mitzraim bizchus the mitzvah of tzedakka, so too we will be redeemed from the current galus in the zchus of tzedakka. This is why we say “kol dichfin yaisai viyaichol”, to remind ourselves that through tzedakka we will be redeemed as it says “tzion bimishpat tipadeh vishaveha bitzedakka”.

    He points out that tzedakka is one of the few mitzvos that can be done in completeness by everyone nowadays. In our current situation in galus, most mitzvos cannot be done completely. For instance, Shabbos can be kept but we don’t have the korban mussaf. Furthermore, even the mitzvos we have cannot be done in the best way possible by everyone because not everyone has the means. For instance, not everyone can afford the most mehudar tfillin. But, tzedakka can be done in completness by everyone because it is not limited by money. This may sound strange since tzedakka is the giving of money, but the best way to do the mitzvah is not in how much you give but how you give it and what percentage you give. Everyone is required and able to give between 10% and 20% and unfortanatly there are aniyim to give it to. So, the mitzvah of tzedakka can be done by everyone and in the zchus of everyone fulfilling the mitzvah of tzedakka to its fullest we should see the geula shlaima bikarov. Amen.

    in reply to: Multiple Screen Names? #1110674
    HaQer
    Member

    For all those wondering, I consider myself a little more frum than the “pro-freikeit” people. I won’t mention any names but I do not post kfira like some posters do. But, I was once accused of being one of them by jent1150 (who included Pashuteh Yid in the list). I am not as “radical” as jent1150, The Big One, or even Jospeh; rather, I consider myself in the camp of Pashuteh Yid, tzippi, Jothar, etc.

    in reply to: Multiple Screen Names? #1110643
    HaQer
    Member

    Of course! How can I forget moish on the kids list! I also left out oomis and pashuteh yid on the frei list

    in reply to: Multiple Screen Names? #1110640
    HaQer
    Member

    Perhaps all the posters from each “group” are really one. For instance, canteresq, illini07, lesschumras, sammygol, nevealiza, rabbiofberlin and all the other “pro-friekeit” posters are all one person. Then there is Joseph, Will Hill, chochom, Bogen, ujm, Feivel, jent1150, lgbg who are all one person promoting frumkeit. Then there are the new kids asdfghjkl, qwertyuiop, kapusta, an open book, anonymisss, teen, etc who are all played by one very bored high school kid

    in reply to: Text Message Warning #630346
    HaQer
    Member

    Due to the bad weather in NY the terror attack has been rescheduled for another day. Call 1-800-TALIBAN for more info.

    HaQer
    Member

    Parah complete

    in reply to: Places Where Police Pull People Over #628899
    HaQer
    Member

    qaws: “At 4:30 in the morning you will make a complete stop at a stop sign when there is no one around for miles?”

    At 4:30am it is dark and you might not see a pedestrian that is coming. Good grief! Make a complete stop, how much extra time will it take you? Can’t you spend an extra 10 seconds to possibly save a life?

    In our “ADD society” everyone is in a rush, everything has to be done as quickly as possible. Calm down and take your time. Zrizus does not mean to be reckless.

    There is an intersection in my neighborhood where there is a 4-way stop and often there is a cop hidden there to give tickets. There is someone in the neighborhoodwho sends text messages warning when he sees the cop there. I often have to cross that intersection on foot and it bothers me that there is a good chance that cars will not stop for me unless they know that the cop is there. Aside from following the law and stopping at stop signs, drivers should also realize that pedestrians have the right of way.

    in reply to: Have any computer tips? #996615
    HaQer
    Member

    there is a add-on to Firefox called ImgLikeOpera that I always use. I keep pictures turned off at all times (except some filters that turn them on for sites like YW) and I can right-click individual pictures to show them, or click the button on the toolbar to show all pictures from the current site. It’s a great add-on and I highly recommend it to all who use Firefox.

    I also recommend using FlashBlock which makes Flash objects show up as play button that you have to press to activate. This stops Flash videos from playing automatically.

    in reply to: Have any computer tips? #996614
    HaQer
    Member

    To disable the RSS feed on top of GMail click settings on top-right of the page and choose the “Web clips” tab and uncheck the checkbox. You can also keep it there but chnage which feeds it is showing. You can add a Yeshiva World feed!

    in reply to: Have any computer tips? #996613
    HaQer
    Member

    I like GMail better than Yahoo.

    Pashuteh Yid: you can probably allow http://mail.yahoo.com without allowing the entire yahoo.com but I still don’t like that site because the main page will have links to the main page with pictures and sometimes inappropriate headlines, etc. I would set them up with GMail accounts. The only problem you might have with GMail is the RSS feed on the top which can be edited in the settings. You can get rid of ads using AdBlockPlus for Firefox

    in reply to: Danger of Talking on Cellphone When Driving!! #642436
    HaQer
    Member

    tzippi, I wasn’t responding to the problem of driving, I was being dan lechaf zechus about people in the Bais Medrah with Bluetooth. I have friends in Yeshiva who learn over the phone using bluetooth with people from across the country (parents, Partners in Torah, etc).

    Side point: In the car is a good time to talk on the phone since you have “time to waste” anyway unless you would be listening to a shiur or doing other productive things otherwise. If there are calls that you need to make then why not do it in the car when you have the time instead of during work or at home when there are better things to be doing. Of course it should be done in a safe way; use handsfree, only dial while stopped, etc. And you certainly shouldn’t be texting while driving as this takes more concentration because you actually have to look at the phone to see what you are doing. Talking while driving could also prevent the driver from falling asleep late at night.

    in reply to: Have any computer tips? #996610
    HaQer
    Member

    It’s the Windows key (between aLT and CTRL) and ‘D’ to show desktop.

    Windows-L locks the computer (you have to type your password to get back on but it doesnt log off), I use this a lot if I have to leave the computer for a few minutes and don’t want anyone playing around with it but also don’t want to log off.

    Web browsing tips:

    Use Firefox Browser.

    Install the add-on AdBlockPlus in Firefox.

    On my computer it’s CTRL+ and CTRL- to make text bigger or smaller (need to hit shift to get the plus or minus to work)

    in reply to: Screen Names #1175476
    HaQer
    Member

    I like to hock, and I like this strange spelling with a Q because I like Q’s

    in reply to: Who’s Your Favorite for Moderator? #652990
    HaQer
    Member

    I think Pashuteh Yid is a moderator which makes him Joseph since Joseph is all of the moderators and the Editor. Hold on, does that make me the Editor? I’m confusing myselves!

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