Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
“I’m not done yet:
* The bridal registry = American Girl and Scribbles
* During sheva brachos, they can go apply for YouthCore
* Instead of newly leased car, they can get his/hers inline skates
* Rabbonim will need to address if braces are a chatzita”
LOL!
BTW, Braces are not a chatzitza unless they are removeable (like a retainer), but special attention and care must be paid to cleaning the teeth and the braces. Anything which is permanently affixed for a long period of time is not a problem. Thus a permanent non-removeable bridge is not a chatzitza, but a temporary filling could be (shailas must be asked about the latter.) Yes, I have discussed this with a rov who is mumcheh in the subject…
People, you all ignore the obvious. The primary cause for divorce, indeed the cause for ALL divorces is. . .marriage”
HEEEEEYYYYY, that’s what I said in the last thread on the subject.
RAZAG is very nice. do they hold by the Crown Hts. rule of the chosson not being able to sit with the kallah? “
I don’t know what they hold now, but four years ago they SURELY did not hold by that idea. Our wedding was not like that.
Oomis: I was pointing out how the parent never tells the kid their age I still have yet to see someone bedavka not telling the age of the kid. How many kids my father (and I try also) is particular “
Whoops, I misread what you posted. The parent who refrains from telling his children how old he is might possibly believe in the Rashi (Toldos)that explains that Yitzchak Avinu started to worry about his mortality when he reached within five years of the age at which his father died. Maybe that parent does not want his kids to start to worry after 120 years when they reach that point within five years of his age at which he is niftar. I am not saying I believe one should not tell their kids their age for such a reason, but I guess there might be people who do feel that way.
In Brooklyn, we just went to a restaurant that just opened, Essen New York Deli on Coney Island Avenue (I think it is in the old Mendy’s restaurant). The food was just delicious, the service was excellent and pleasant, and the owners are wonderful.
We just made a bris two weeks ago for our grandson, and I sincerely hope people took food home with them and enjoyed it gesunterheit! That doesn’t mean you bring along a bucket and fill it up, but a sandwich or two and some nosherei is certainly reasonable.
The Christian censors were offended by this and substituted Aveid Cochavim VeMazolos (AKU”M) every time it says Goi in our printed versions.”
So where did the Christian censors get the expression from? The word goy, which has come to connote non-Jews, really simply means “nation.” Jews are the goy Kadosh.
your so lucky you are going to have a sleep-over with Bubby and Zaidy.”
This was so cute, it reminded me of what my 4-year-old ainekel said to me yesterday. My son and DIL came over yesterday with their older son and newborn baby boy. By the end of the visit, my grandson looked up at his parents solemnly and said to them, “Abba, one Shabbos I want to go sleep over by Bubby and Zaydie without you and Mommy. Just me, Bubby and Zaydie. You’ll take me to their house for Shabbos, and then AFTER Shabbos, you will come back and pick me up to go home. Now THAT’S a good idea!”
I wanted to eat him up. But I am restricting my sweet intake.
“my 22 y.o. niece and her 27 y.o. husband were tragically killed in a MVA when he allegedly fell asleep @ the wheel. R’L. …B’H, their 4 month old son survived w/o a scratch.”
I remember hearing of such a tragedy some time ago. I am so sorry for your family’s loss.
I went back to the joke list, and you have to admit that every one of them is absolute emes. I remember taking photo after photo of my firstborn enough to fill five albums. When my daughter came along, I took many pictures of her (at least an album). I have about 10 pictures that I could find of my next one, a couple here and there of my fourth, and WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FIFTH?????????I know there’s a picture of him in there, somewhere…(oh well, the school’s will take pics of them over the years…)
Oomis –
I know its off topic, but you MUST go over to the joke thread, and scroll up a day or so, till you get to the “1st, 2nd, 3rd” list. I read it yesterday, and its right up you alley (I found myself relating to almost every one on the list, to some degree or another)”
OK, now I am curious.
this topic is udderly ridicules, can we just mooove on to the next topic, this subject is not the cream of the crop, and it is also very cheesy, dont try and butter me up,ok i wont milk the matter any more ive said enough”
LOL!!!!!!! Hang in there, folks. Purim is coming… And that is no bull-oney.
“I agree w/ oomis1105, as I do many times & I think I should play her in the upcoming YWN-CR movie! 😉 “
I give my haskama 😉 Thank you, Always here.
Sender Av – let me state for the record and in no uncertain terms – I have only one screen name and do not believe in posting under more than one, and the only itis I have is osteoarthr-itis. I guarantee you NO ONE wants that from me! 🙂
Health, by all means PLEASE let us know when you plan to be on the road, so we can be elsewhere… 🙂
Seriously though, if that is happening, then you really should not be driving when you are that tired. We lost a dear friend who succumbed to his injuries, several days after hit a tree when he dozed off for “a few seconds.” No one’s family should go through such a loss.
Anyway,I am not a believer that couples should abandon their kids for selfish reasons,such as a ” much needed break”
Esther, that was a little harsh-sounding, and my response is from a mom who never went away without the kids (or with the kids for that matter), with the exception of one shabbos when my son was two and a half and I was pregnant with the second child.
Your use of the word ABANDON implies a very negative connotation for a vacation that many parents need from their families. Although I would not go for a week, that is for each parent to decide. The kids are witha loving Bubby and Zaydie, that is surely not abandonment by any stretch of the imagination. And you think this is SELFISH????? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but once in a while parents NEED to be “selfish” so that they can reconnect with each other without little ones tugging at them. If they did this and left the kids frequently for a week at a time, I might agree with your assessment. But I think you are sounding a little judgmental about this. I wish I could have afforded to take such a vacation once a year.
It’s a psychological thing. Either it makes you hurry up, OR, as in my case when I was a teenager, it let me know I can sleep an additional ten minutes when the alarm goes off, and I am still on time. It also helps that when you are running late, you can relax a little because you gave yourself an extra ten minutes.
As very few people today (in the USA, anyway) are actually “Ovdei Kochavim U’Mazalos,” the term Cholov Akum as applied to milk taht is not supervised by a Yid, might be considered inaccurate. Cholov Stam is therefore an appropriate name to refer to milk not obtained from the cow under the supervision of a Jew.
It’s not uinladylike, but it is rude to ask her that question (rude to ask anyone except a child, really). The thing about not telling children’s ages, Yossi Z., is NOT an American mishegas. It is a JEWISH “mishegas” (though I think people have a right to their mishegasin) that people are worried about ayin hara regarding their kids, so there are many people who will never tell you how old their kids are, or how many kids they have. I don’t hold that way, but that’s my prerogative.
I loved RAZAG, we made our daughter’s wedding there four years ago. They were extremely gracious, the food was great, and we were totally happy. Eden Palace is beautiful, if you are ok with going to Williamsburg,
Most doors open on both sides, but in point of fact, I ALWAYS leaned over to check the door was open on my date’s side. Good manners are a two way street.
Ben Levi and Gabboim, you are both making statements that are questionable. I personally am acquainted with TOO many yeshivah/kollel couples who either broke up after less than six months of marriage, or became pregnant and are waiting for the baby to be born before taking the final step. That is especially sad, because now another life will be involved.
You are closing your eyes to the truth, if you believe what you posted, because it is much nicer to believe what you said, than to recognize that two people who barely know each other, do not know what they are in for when they get married too quickly, and with a false sense of what marriage will be like (especially for the kollel wife, who is made to believe that her life will be perfect as a true Eishes Chayil). Yes, there are many who do manage to live the life happily, but make no mistake – there are many who do NOT.
I know couples who are NOT divorcing, but the wives are totally disenchanted with the kollel life, primarily because their husbands are never around when they are needed. Many of them had babies within the first year, and if they do not live near either set of parents, they are struggling on their own with babysitters, working full time both to support the family AND pay the babysitter, coming home exhausted to an infant who needs attention, AND having to prepare dinner for their husbands, who waltz in from Yeshivah, MAYBE play with the baby for a few minutes, eat dinner with them, and go back for night seder. This was not the idea many of those girls had in mind when they were talked into the beauty of kollel life. It is a miracle that many of them continue to accept this, and I applaud them for their strength, but make no mistake, there are many young women who are NOT accepting this and feel betrayed by their seminary teachers, their married friends who were not candid with them, and the social pressure that was put on them to begin with, to get married without thinking things through first and having a plan.
You may disagree with me all you like, and maybe ion your circle of friends you do not see this, but statistically, you are mistaken. The divorce rate has risen among ALL frum people, including the yungerleit.
“The masculinization of women being pressed into society by the feminists, and unfortunately affecting even some frum folks, is a leading cause of this.” (Gabboim)
Yep, and it is not the fault of the “feminists,” but rather a society of frum men who do not want to understand that it is THEIR job to provide for their families, not their wives’ responsibility. We have forced women into this role, and not only made it mandatory, but LAUDITORY. When did it become insignificant and shameful almost, for a woman to raise her children?
I agree with the T.I.D.E. guy!!! Thats the way to go, but if you are in shudduchim be wary of the fact that most girls today are looking for boys who at least for the first few years are committed to full time learning. You may be advised to put off college for a few years and even though its harder after marriage and kids, it is do able… “
I agree also, but be careful of attributing any ideology to MOST girls. Many frum girls are NOT of that mindset. Most girls who want learning boys for the first years of marriage, are from a specific hashkafa. There is a world of frumkeit that does not embrace this philosophy as an absolute. they believe in TIDE (and in order to be able to afford Tide on a regular basis, you need to have a job). 🙂
Use it to make creamed chicken crepes, turnovers or in puff pastry cups. You cube or shred it and add it to a roux made of equal parts of flour and melted fat. Add in a little chicken stock (from the water in which it was boiled), a little white cooking wine or sherry, mushroom stems and pieces and green peas. Cook until the mixture is creamy. Then fill the crepes, raw puff pastry squares (fold over into a triangle shape, seal the ends with water and bake), or bake the pastry cups, remove the tops, hollow out the insides and fill with the creamed chicken and replace the tops. Then serve with some of the chicken mixture spilling over the crepes, triangles, or cups. YUM!
I think it is more out of the idea that this is a style of aveilus, so it’s like tempting an ayin hara to do so. Is there really a law about it????? And we cannot go by Kohanim. They did MANY things that the rest of us are not permitted to do.
Sure. But sometimes you only THINK it was appropriate.
A always came first for me, and I wish my parents were still with me, as their combined wisdom and advice was ALWAYS on the mark, especially as they did not impose it on me.
Now I seek counsel from an eclectic group of people. it depends on the subject at hand.
My Bubby used a grinder for her liver. First she broiled it in the kashering pan, then she sauteed lots and lots of onion and put it through the grinder together with a hardboiled egg. Seasoned to taste, and voila. I have NEVER made this myself, nor do I ever plan to. You can get pre-broiled/kashered liver. Steer liver tastes better to me than chicken livers. There is a commercial chopped liver on the market that tastes great.
Can any of the good and fine people in the CR accept the idea that NOT everything that is done in their particular circle is Kodesh Kodoshim to be done by ALL of Klal Yisroel? I never received a bracelet OR a ring when my hubby and I became engaged, though he did give me a pendant. I got my ring much later. My husband was and is my diamond.
Neither did my son give a bracelet to his Kallah. He did give her a ring when he proposed. My daughter received a non-diamond or gold bracelet (very pretty though), but not for any reason other than the fact that her chosson saw it, thought of her, and saved it for that time when he proposed, especially as he had not yet gotten her a ring.
There are no “rules,” about anything, and if there are for some, there shouldn’t be. Pearls in the Yichud room come to mind. WHO SAYS SO? What if the girl does not like pearls? What if the chosson does not like gold watches? My husband is a prime example of such a guy. When did we turn a moment of simcha into such a regulated, materialistic occasion?
I want to be Oomis. I kinda like her.
I happen to agree with Eclipse. I think that too many arm-chair psychologists are throwing around these terms with no real substance to them. Sometimes nice people get divorced because they are not right for each other. Sometimes kids rebel, because well… that’s what kids do when they become teens. Sometimes they are intransigent, but it does not mean the parents did something wrong OR that the kids are emotionally disturbed. Having said this — sometimes people ARE mentally ill, and parents made horrific mistakes with their kids. But it still is not our place to judge.
Am I the only person who thinks that this post was possibly written either by the parents of a boy who wants to stay in Yeshivah, and they are trying to encourage him to leave, or by someone in the CR who has this view (myself included, depending on the situation)?
Look, there is no question that in the ideal world of Yemos Hamoshiach, all men should be able to sit and learn and not worry about parnassah. But THIS is the real world, contrary to what some of you may believe, and in the real world, bills must get paid, parents must take MUTUAL responsibililty for the rearing of their children, and there is a (Torah)life OUTSIDE of the Beis Medrash.
Oh yes, children grow up and have to take charge of their own lives, and let their parents FINALLY relax and reap the benefits of their hard work to provide a Torah life for their children while they were growing up. This next generation is in for a real shock when THEIR kids want to sit in Beis Medrash all day, and there are no financial resources to help them because everyone stopped earning the parnassah that their parents did.
Kfb (why is fried chicken suddenly coming to mind…), if you are sincere, and this is not a set-up (and I aplogize for being chosheid on keshairim, if you are indeed a yeshivah boy asking a legitimate question), then I suggest you figure out a way, as do so many other young men, to COMBINE Torah learning with secular education and preparation for THE REAL WORLD. Everyone who called it the “Oilem Hasheker” means well. Spiritually,they are correct. But their SC (spiritual correctness), much like political correctness, is based on emotion and not on the logical realization that ultimately you must rely on your own resources to make your way ion the world. Parents’ finances are not a never-ending well for children. We have created a generation of young adults who feel a sense of entitlement, and that is AWFUL.
My father and my brothers both learned and worked. My father O”H was an amazing talmid chochom, who gave shiurim, learned on a daily basis, worked hard to provide for his family, and taught that same ethic to all of us. There is no reason why you cannot do the same. Clearly it matters to you, whoever you are. And even if your post was written by someone other than a Yeshivah bochur who genuinely was seeking an asnwer or just as a joke, it resonates strongly, with the idea that our kids need to be the masters of their own souls, and stop thinking mommy and tatty are totally responsible for them at age 25.
The number 1 reason for divorce is – marriage.
OK, this is really not a funny topic. I think that people get married for the wrong reasons nowadays, they are not realistic about what marriage entails, and they have seminary stars in their eyes. when reality sets in, they realize that a) they really do NOT know each other very well, and the people who said they would learn to love each other AFTER marriage might not always be right and b) doing a superb job of supporting one’s husband in kollel while simultaneously raising a family is something only a very few women are really cut out to do, no matter WHAT your Morah told you and c) marriage takes the work and commitment of BOTH parties, no one can be married alone. This eye-opening experience can have a negative effect on otherwise nice people, and they realize they married for the wrong reasons at the wrong time. Societal pressures on the religious girls, sometimes push them into early marriages before they are ready. Some guys are pushed to get married, when they are inexperienced in how to take charge of their own lives. Being in the Beis Medrash all day can be very insular for many, and it is a shock to the system when they discover, Yes, Virginia, there IS a household budget.
it’s nice that you are so thoughtful about this. Don’t come LATE to shul, but if you get there early enough, just ask someone.
meatballs made with ground fish are called Gefilte fish.
“this has been built up in my head all these years, one can’t expect it to not scare me in any way or form. “
We can expect that now, as so many of us have already told you that this is nonsense that you were told. Soem bubba-meisas really ARE absolute naarishkeiten. Relax and enjoy your engagement period. BTW, if you feel this way based on all the years you have heard this foolishness, why did you go out with him a second time after seeing him the first time? If the reason is that you saw this was a real possibility that this is your zivug hehagun, then clearly the nonsense you heard meant nothing to you. Now, LET IT GO and live a wonderful life with your bashert.
If there were eidim, how are they not married”
What – no kesubah???
Popa, heheheh
Artchill, let’s agree to strongly disagree. Chessed IS a mitzvah. Al shlosha devarim haolam omeid…etc. We are human and as such cannot ALWAYS be in a great frame of mind. That does not preclude or excuse us from doing chessed. If I go to visit someone who is ill when I myself feel exhausted from a day of watching my granddaughter, doing laundry, running household errands, and I really just want to lie down and relax (did I mention there are 18″ of snow on the ground and I have to dig out my car?) then I have done a chessed that I was really not up to doing. Sometimes we have to just suck it up. Would it be better to NOT do the chessed?
Miritchka, it really is assur for someone to whom you are indebted, to make you feel that way by word or deed.
Make stuffing if you want to use it, or French toast. Otherwise do what we do and throw it out for the birds on Sunday morning. Btw, this will sound crazy, but we know the birds KNOW we are going to put out the challah for them. They gather at our house every Sunday morning and WAIT for my husband to come back from shul and throw out the challah to them. The do not do this ANY other time. I believe they recognize him, and they don’t fly away when he comes out, as birds normally do.
Sometimes one is put in a position where he is compelled to do a chessed for someone who is unpleasant. My friend who opens her home to anyone and everyone for a Shabbos meal, had a VERY last-minute Pesach Sedorim guest, a stranger who was supposed to be by someone else, but at the last minute they decided to go away for the Sedorim. My friend was kind enough to say yes. At their home, this guest was incredibly rude, insulted the meals she had prepared, proceeded to tell her how she SHOULD have prepared the food, because he doesn’t LIKE xyz of what was being served. He did some other things as well, but I cannot recall what she told me. I was appalled however, that someone would be such a kafui tov to anyone, much less someone kind enough to host him for Pesach at the last minute. And if the stranger who acted in this manner happens to be reading this – hamayvin yavin.
I found out this story, because I myself had had an unsettling experience doing a similar tova for a stranger whom my Rov had asked me to host unexpectedly. Both my friend and I try to be gracious hosts. And I will always try to be welcoming at the time, even if I don’t care for the guest (though he will not get a second chance to insult or embarrass my family or me).
Sometimes you HAVE to do a chessed with a less than sterling attitude. And I disagree with Yochie. I believe that Hashem gives us GREATER sachar for doing a chessed when it is especially difficult and we might have negative feelings. It is easy to be nice to nice people. Much harder to be nice to intransigent and rude ingrates. If we still manage to be, despite their ill-mannered behavior, kol hakavod.
Oomis:
What kind of people would have put such nonsense into her head?”
She said she has heard this all her life, no? So maybe family members have expressed this idea. Certainly, some of her friends seem to be a safe bet. Whether or not that is so, clearly it is on her mind, and a simple “no, it makes no difference whatsoever” would suffice.
Liora, if you are happy about this shidduch, then allow yourself to BE happy and excited. If you are looking for reasons to not be excited (my Dad, O”H would call them “klutz kashas”), then perhaps this shidduch needs to be re-evaluated. If you really care for your chosson and can see yourself building a life with him because everything else makes sense and is what you are looking for, then ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE matters, and I give you permission to allow yourself to be excited about your upcoming marriage to your chosson. If you have doubts for other reasons, and they are merely manifesting themselves in this area, then you need to ask yourself some hard questions right now.
APY LOL!!!!!!!! The visuals!!!
I wanted to offer my own take on why there might be an inyan of proposing by the water. First of all, the Torah is referred to as Mayim, and this should be a reminder to the chosson and kallah that their home should always be pervaded with Torah. Also, the fish of the sea represent fertility, and thus the water is a nice place to begin that new chapter in their life together, witht eh wish for their union to be blessed with children. I am also thinking that just as the water appears superficial on the surface, there is greater depth to it, and so is marriage a point at which we take our superficial feelings of attraction and “love” and find out within marriage that there is more depth to the emotions invested in a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.
My husband proposed on the beach at sunrise. He spoke a lot about starting our life new. A fresh start. About building a family and a Torah home.
“
How beautiful!!!!! And romantic, too. My husband started sending me roses every day for the twelve days preceeding our engagement, adding a new one (kind of like the menorah) each day, until I had a total of 78 red roses. He took me out for dinner to the restaurant at which we had our first date (remember Rosenbloom and Rosetti’s?), and proposed to me in the car before we went in. I told him I would give my answer AFTER dinner. :::fleeing:::
During dinner we were served a complimentary glass of wine, and I picked up my glass, and said, “Mazel tov, Chosson!” The restaurant comped dessert for us when we told them. And I got the best deal of my life, going on 34 years now, bli ayin hara.
If one’s “cover is blown,” do you really think that that person’s posting style would not be easily recognizable in another persona? If I started posting as say, LovingBubbyof3,(oops, now I can’t), don’t you think you would recognize my hashkafos and way of expressing myself?
I also think people tend to think this more once (G-D willing) the kids are born and they resemble both parents, and then you think, hey the parents look a little alike. “
So true. I think some of you are coming down a little hard on Liora, though. True, it is a bit silly, but if her whole life people have put this idea in her head, she is coming from a sincere place in asking about it. She asked a simple question, based on her feelings. Sometimes all that is required is a simple yes or know, not some insulting response about her growing up.
Well, Eclipse, it’s where it’s at…
I guess we all just have to take it on faith.
I have been known to answer B”H to non-Jews, without thinking. When they would look at me blankly, I would realize that like Lucy, I had some ‘splainin’ to do.
Liora, mazel tov, and may you be zochim to build a B”NB together.
It is not that it is an inyan – it is just a simple fact that after many years of marriage, many couples DO begin to resemble each other. They begin to adopt each other’s mannerisms and facial expressions, which has a lot to do with the resemblance.
Yes, there ARE couples who actually do seem to look like siblings. Maybe facial features that they love in their family members might be unconsciously sought out in a partner. But it does not guarantee that the marriage will be perfect. I knew a couple where you would NEVER believe they were not brother and sister. Unfortunately, their marriage did not last.
In any case, it is of little real significance in the grand scheme of things, don’t you think?