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much healthier to wlk around – even outdoors – without shoes.”
True, but they mean BAREFOOT, not in stocking or sox feet.
I never have changed it. Why would I? Do people not recognize my writing style and substance by now? No one is fooling anyone when they do that (exception, when someone has a personal matter, as Yitzchokm stated, it probably is better to post under another name, if you feel shy).
but doesn’t Romney’s policy interfere with our freedom of religion?”
Not if he believes abortion is murder and that life begins at conception. What about the fetus’ right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?
Suppose the vast majority of people in this country believed we should euthanize the elderly, the terminally ill, or developmentally-challenged? What if they ALL wanted to vote to be allowed to do that, but a presidential candidate arose who (rightly) believed this to be murder and even Nazi-like behavior? Should that candidate (all other things being copacetic) not be voted for because there is one area in which his religious convictions are strongly held and in opposition to the will of the majority?
I would only agree, if the religious beliefs which the candidate espoused, were contrary to Torah teachings. We cannot rely on present-day concepts of morality (whose morality, yours, mine, the Gay Alliance’s?) because what is considered moral or immoral changes with the times. ONLY Torah morality is a constant.
I fail to really “get” what the big deal is about. Have any of you actually WATCHED the women when they dance? They basically run around in circles and THAT’S IT! Decades ago, there were real dance steps to the popular Jewish music. But no more (except maybe “Yidden”). Any man who is just DYING to watch a woman run around in a circle, and worse, LIKES what he sees, really needs to get out more.
Slightly off-topic (sorry!), but just finished watching the VP debate…haven’t laughed so hard for a while as a result of hearing Biden say “loose talk” so many times about everything!! He was the commencement speaker for my 2002 law school graduation — I don’t recall him using that expression back then, at least not as often”
Biden showed a singular lack of restraint, incredible rudeness, arrogance, and obnoxiousness, all traits that I do not personally see as a good thing a heartbeat away from a presidency. Ryan, OTOH showed class, poise, intelligence, preparedness, and leadership. He may be a little young, but he is no dummy. He is also not a hothead, and he did not need to deride the other guy, in order to make his point. How many times did Biden say “my friend” which was a BLATANT insult when referring to Mr. Ryan? That alone, turned me off. His stupid grinning often quite inappropriately, (we should CALM DOWN about Iran????)was a massive dealbreaker for me.
My “frei” (for the benefit of LKY, that means religiously non-observant) in-laws were extremely respectful and PROUD of their son’s religious observance. They saw how much respect we showed THEM, as well as my parents, who WERE religious. Because we never treated them negatively, and went out of our way to show kovod and love, their appreciation for their grandchildren’s upbringing led them to a greater aprpeciation for religious life in genereal. Though it did not influence them to be frum, it enable them to shep real nachas from the Aleph pluses their grandsons brought home in Gemarah, from my youngest son being the Limudei Kodesh Valedictorian in High School, from the siddur and chumash parties my daughters invited them to, and for every yom tov that my dear father-in-law O”H spent with us after my beloved mother-in-law was gone. You bring kids up to have love and derech eretz for their non-religious Bubby and Zaydy, no matter what. The dividends will be astronomical in teaching them about what a real Yid is supposed to be. Kovod habrios is an important aspect of Kovod HaTorah.
I have vey basic criteria for whether or not I believe someone is frum. Does he/she keep Shabbos properly, keep a strictly and unquestionably kosher home (though it might not be the specific hechsher that I hold by), does the man daven every day (even if it is b’yechidus, though minyan is the proper thing to do), and does the woman keep Taharas Hamishpacha? Of course, one hopes they dress and act tznuim, send the kids to Yeshivah, and follow the Torah, but if they are doing these things they are still fulfilling Ratzon Hashem.
If you want to nitpick, you may, but I said, “frum” not Yeshivish, Litvish, Chassidish or any other “ish” except to be mishtadel l’hiyos one.
I have heard too, although I am not sure what the source is, that if there is no separate seating at a chassuna, then according to halacha one is not allowed to say “shehasimcha bim’ono” in the zimun because there is not …”
Perhaps that refers to the chuppah itself (though in outdoor chuppahs, people all stand around together, mopre or less in my experience). Maybe if the chuppah is “tainted” by this, the zimun later on is also considered to be tainted. I have never heard of such a thing, however. Hashem created male AND female. It hardly seems likely that He would remove His Shechinah because men and women were in the same place together being mesameach with a Chosson and Kallah.
How did the women (in the mixed section) dance with men being able to see them dance? “
If men want to b’davka watch women dance, BELIEVE ME they will find a way to do so, regardless of whether or not it is a separate seating simcha. The only way to absolutely ensure this will not occur is if the men and women are in two completely separate buildings. When we get to that type of circumstance, I think it will present a whole new meaning to separate seating.
I STILL don’t get why Supersol became “Seasons,” either, with all the really great names that must have been suggested.
So are you saying that a Jewish married woman who does not cover her hair is irreligious? Hmmmn, a lot of those women are supporting YOUR Yeshivos. And Litvishe K”Y, I know the halacha. Not ALL sources agree, though it is clear that most do. There are well-known frum women who did not cover their hair decades ago. No one would dare to suggest they were not frum.
I personally cover my hair publicly and privately. That does not mean that the Shomer Shabbos, Kosher, mikvah-going woman who lives next door to me is frei. And if you believe she is, it speaks to an issue that is far more egregious than covering or not covering one’s hair.
Romney is the only logical choice. Obama cannot be allowed to continue to ruin this nation, not to mention diminish us in the eyes of the rest of the world. I am not sure that Romney is the best choice, either, but he cannot possibly do a worse job than that arrogant, ill-mannered, phoney who unfortunately presently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (when he isn’t out playing golf or going on yet another vacation on our dime).
And I agree, a vote for Gary Johnson is another vote for Obama because it is one less for Romney. Johnson has NO chance of winning. Please reconsider wasting your precious vote on him, it will have zero impact on Johnson, but a great impact on Romney. Unless, you WANT Obama to win. Based SOLELY on his policies towards Israel and the contempt which he has shown its leaders, I would not vote for Obama. But coupled with his destruction of our economy, and the lack of respect he has for our nation or the welfare of its troops (and should we even mention Benghazi?), I cannot understand how any clear-thinking Jew, much less ANY American could vote to give this man a second chance to screw up.
Well it certainly must have been the tallest in that region.
I would tread very carefully here. Just because the Grandmother wears pants or does not cover her hair does not make her irreligious. Some people do not observe all the mitzvos in exactly the same way as their children. And many kids coming back from a year or so of learning in E”Y come back following a differnet shittah from their own (religious) parents. The ikker is to teach respect for ALL people involved, while explaining that we are always trying to bring ourselves closer to HaShem, and the derech we follow teaches us to do those things that some family members do not do. But we still love and respect them, and so too Hashem loves them.
The issue of grandpa and Totty in shul is a more difficult one. When my father-in-law O”H, who was not frum, came to visit us frequently, he ALWAYS wore a kippah and he always went to Shul with us, even though he could only daven in English. My kids knew he was not religious, but they adored him, and he adored them, and every word of Torah out of their mouths was gold to him. If the kids are taught Derech Eretz from Day One, they will not be likely to ask those questions in a derogatory manner, either.
Some of us are still recuperating from the massive meals we have been consuming for the last three weeks. NOW I get the gam zu l’tova of Marcheshvan having NO holidays.
We had mixed seating at our simchas, but offered the alternative for those who wished to be separate, and kept the separate men’s tables (there were 2)on the side of the mechitzah where the men were dancing. The spouses of those men were seated on the side where the women danced.
The halachos of kibud Av/Eim refer to bringing food to them, dressing them, and so forth. The halachos of MORAH Eim/Av (note the reverse order, because people naturally are in awe of their fathers, and so have to be reminded to give it equally to their mothers, but the reverse is true of kovod, where kids are generally more solicitous of their mothers and therefore are directed to show those same actions towards their fathers) are to not talk when parents are talking, to not sit in their seat, and not contradict them.
Derech Eretz should ALWAYS be shown to one’s parents (and others, but especially to the people who gave you life and raised you – or your spouse). I did not agree with my in-laws on many issues – they were not frum – but I always ALWAYS expressed myself and treated them with kovod and morah. They raised an exceptional son, and for that I have always been most grateful. When my MIL would offer unsolicited advice, i.e., how to take care of my newborns, I would listen carefully, assess her input, then do what I felt (or my pediatrician directed) was the best thing in a given situation. Sometimes her advice (like my mother’s) was excellent. Sometimes (like my mother’s) it was outdated, and I discarded it without negative comment.
My kids are the same today when I have advice for them. B”H most of the time, they have come to learn that my advice is on the mark, and they regret when they choose not to take it, which inclines them to follow it more frequently. I usually only offer advice when I am asked, but once in a while something happens and I blurt out a “you shoulda” because it is really obvious. When they listen to what I say, they see that I was right all along. Not everything a MIL or FIL or ANY parent says to you is wrong. Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. BUT always be respectful. if you cannot be, then say excuse me and leave the room QUIETLY.
Also, did you all notice what I posted a year ago:
Why don’t men say “shelo asani k’rtzono”? “
Because that makes absolutely zero sense, Pops!
You’re ok, you’re safe (you’re posting, after all). B”H for that. Must have been very frightening.
OOM, thanks, but it is not my own original thought. That is what I learned in school. And it is not my first post, btw. The following 2 things were posted by me a year ago, on this thread.
1) “I actually learned a very interesting piece of science regarding this bracha. At conception, all embryos are morphologically female. After 40 days (approximately six weeks), the Y chromosome in a male embryo kicks in, and the embryo becomes a male fetus. In an embryo that is supposed to be female, this change does not take place (obviously) and the embryo remains female.
Although I wonder if the Chachomim were aware of this (I bet they were), the bracha being said by the male may be a show of Hakoras hatov of Hashem’s Greatness, that the change which was meant to take place DID in fact take place, and as a result Hashem did not make a (destined) male child, remain female, that He allowed the natural order to take place. We know that there are people with gender assignment issues, and perhaps it is due to something that goes wrong in this process. So it truly is a bracha worth making with real kavanah every day. “
(to which someone posted that I was factually incorrect, so I replied):
2)”Not according to a geneticist I spoke to to confirm what I was being told. While you are correct that a fertilized egg is either male or female and the future gender is already determined at fertilization, the embryo nevertheless remains for all intents and purposes female in nature until around six weeks, when the Y chromosome “turns itself on.” If you know something the doc does not, I will stand corrected. “
You are responsible for Kibud Av whether it is your parents or your in-laws. That being said, there are respectful ways to “hear” and respond to what your MIL is criticizing. It doesn’t have to be a battle. Do you see her all the time, does she live near you? If not, you smile, say thank you, and then do what you want in the end. You should however, acknowledge the possibility that what she says might actually be good advice. Just because she is your MIL does not automatically mean she is WRONG. APY made the point correctly. You have no obligation to HEED the advice, but you do have an obligation to repond with derech eretz at all times.
The shoe thing is real. When my kids were little, I told them to put on their shoes again – I’m not dead, yet. When they actually saw me sitting shiva for my parents, they first understood why it meant so much to me that they should not do the actions that are seen in a shiva house.
Gotbeer – too many young couples do NOT discipline their kids when in their parents’ homes for a visit. So if “Bobby” is not happy to see you parenting your children, perhaps she should visit YOU rather than you visit her. In your own home, she cannot tell you how to discipline your children, unless you are being abusive, of course.
Each group is of a specific set of people who for various reasons are not mechuyav in all the mitzvos.
Burn it with the chametz. I never heard about the shmira segula before. is this a real inyan?
Being female, that would be a no for every day. In my family the minhag is for the men not to wear tefillin during Chol Hamoed.
Always be introspective. Give your excess money to tzedaka, not mekubalim.
For the record: If you just want to be the one to block your own driveway, I have no pity. You have no more right to the space in front of your driveway than does anyone else. “
You are mistaken. When someone else pays my mortgage and the taxes on my property including the driveway and cut in the sidewalk, then we can talk about rights.
The homeowner cannot simply cut the street, they have to have permission from the city.
I live next to a Yeshivah, and the bochurim (and sad to say sometimes the rebbeim, too) have blocked my legal driveway “Just a little,” and sometimes halfway over, and even COMPLETELY once (“I’m late for mincha!”). I get that one is late for minyan or has trouble finding a spot, but that is NOT MY PROBLEM. Get to shul or school earlier and park to your heart’s content. DO NOT block my driveway even just a little, because that means I cannot park my own car in front of my own LEGAL driveway, and it is an incredible tircha for me to have to look for another spot all the way down my block (sometimes very late at night, because I work at night sometimes), as I have severe knee problems, and walking (especially while carrying packages) is torture for me. It IS gezel to block someone’s driveway, and you have no idea what nezek you may be causing the homeowner. And this is exponentially worse in the winter, when parking apots are at a premium.
What’s really drinding my gears is when I see someone actually doing this when there is ample parking ALL ALONG THE BOCK, often including the very spot they are parking in, if they would only move back a foot or so. They just thoughtlessly park without actually looking at how close they are to the driveway. I came out to ask a boy to move his car because I ahppened to observe him parking and he was blocking us. He looked at me like I was from Mars and insisted I was mistaken (he was a third over the driveway). When I told him to take a second look, he realized his error and actually drove off further down the block. GRRRRRRRRR!
(I’m really a nice person. Thank you for allowing me to vent).
I do not care for Obama. I am not sure how I feel about Romney, but he definitely creamed Obama in the first debate of the week. I caught Obama letting his facial guard down for a moment and he looked like he wanted to kill Romney. In contrast, Romney looked Presidential, confident, and respectful. He spoke intelligently and passioantely, and if the elections were held based on that one debate, I daresay many undecided votes would have turned the tide last night.
It certainly would bear investigation. Even if it were to be that in both cases the HUSBANDS were both losers, one has to wonder about her judgment in marrying two poor choices for husbands. Personally, I tend to believe that both sides contribute to a divorce situation, and there is nothing glatt about it (unless the spouse is abusive).
No problem at all.
How about baked apples stuffed with nuts, raisins, and cinnamon, fruit ambrosia, angel food cake topped with strawberries, Ko-jel, chocolate pudding pie in a graham cracker crust…
I bought shoes three weeks ago, to specifically wear for Yom Kippur for the first time. They were white Skecher-type shoes (very pretty). I had bought those along with a pair of the identical style of shoes in black,(which were the ones I actually tried on). Imagine my shock when I went to put them on Tuesday evening for Kol Nidrei, only to discover I had two RIGHT-FOOT shoes! I never noticed this when I bought them (neither did the clerk ringing up the sale, apparently), because I snatched them up together with the black pair. Since the black ones had fit me perfectly, I didn’t need to check the white ones, or I would have realized the error. I have learned a valuable lesson. Thankfully, the store took them back and I was able to exchange them for a right and left shoe of the same style in white. (No, there did not seem to be pair of “Lefts”, left).
While high heels are very attractive, they are 1) very unhealthy for the feet and down the line will absolutely ruin that girl’s knee joints and arches and 2) certain types really ARE very untzniusdig and are even known by an expression (which I will not repeat) DAVKA because they are meant to be seductive. Clearly that is not so appropriate for frum girls, though I often see them being worn, especially as boots (and that makes no sense whatsoever to me, as these things are too precarious for snow weather).
There is a very small parking lot in the bank where I sometimes have business to take care of. The lot is meant ONLY for bank customers. I went there and the lot was almost full, but there was a spot available and I was about to pull into the driveway to go there, when another car got there first. OK. They got there first. BUT… the woman preceeded to go to a store next DOOR to the bank, with her kids. She was not going into the bank. I ended up paying for a parking space, finsished my banking, and went into that same store next door to shop. The woman was still there with her children. I had been in the bank for around twenty minutes or so.
I finished my shopping quickly, and the woman coincidentally did as well. We both went out the store and she went to her car and drove off. She never went into the bank for any reason, so there is no kaf zechus here for her parking in a spot meant for bank customers. And yes, it was a frum woman, someone I recognized from the neighborhood. I should have said something to her, but her kids were there, and I didn’t want to get into an argument on the street.
People may think it is harmless to park for “just a short while” in an illegal space, but it is really stealing from the person who a) is not able to legitimately use it, and b) the owner of the space who designated it for HIS business puprposes. it is this same mentality that allows someone to thoughtlessly block someone’s driveway, “just a little,” thereby preventing them from easily parking without going up on the sidewalk or having difficulty angling in.
Did you seriously ask this question? It is called White Collar CRIME for a reason. Does the end result matter if you take a gun and point it at someone to rob him, or rob him by swindling him?
And if you care, it isn’t very sanitary when a baby nurses from its mother either. Nor when they kiss their baby”
Not true. Unless the mother is ill, the baby already is used to her germs from being in utero. The danger is greater from everyone ELSE’S germs.
There is NO halacha that I know of to refrain from chrein. So the Chrein on the main, makes my gefilte fish less plain.
Nuts
I think this is a touching and very moving story. Even were it 100 untrue, it would still be a beautiful post. Maybe I am naive, but I believe it to be true, and the people in the story recounted, were clearly doing Tashlich. They might even have been Chabad, who are known to go ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE.
Aurora, whoever you are, if this story is exactly as you described it, then it seems clear that Hashem is tapping you on the shoulder and saying, as it were, “Go for it! I’m sending you some help.” Little steps can bring you on great journeys.
I make no apologies for wearing makeup. No matter how hard you try to convince me, some girls were NOT created to be as physically attractive as others, and they may need a little or even a LOT of help. All Bnos Yisrael are not necessarily beautiful externally, though internally they can be, and it is naive to say otherwise, no matter how spiritually PC that sounds.
So in order for guys to bother to get to know how beautiful that Yiddishe tochter is inside, it often is VERY necessary for her to make the outside match the inside. Clothing, makeup, jewelry, the way she carries herself, all help to enhance the immediate visual presentation. Make no mistake, Hashrm created us with eyes that see. We are attracted first by what we see, whether it is a person, a food platter, a house, etc. and THEN we see what else there is to hold our interest on a more permanent basis. Maybe that’s not fair – but it is what it is. Hashem even created babies to have huge expressive eyes and very round faces, because it is a visually pleasing look. Otherwise, many people would find that squalling, messy spitter-upper, and diaper-soiler, to not be so appealing for caretaking purposes. Looks should not matter, but realistically, they do.
Not as bad as me getting both the hiccups AND a case of the giggles during the silent Amidah on Yom Kippur, when I was around 11 years old.
Jothar, perhaps I am extremely naive or just getting old, but I honestly do not recall any of those bad things you purport to have done. In any case, I am sorry to see you leave, I have ALWAYS enjoyed reading what you had to say, even if there were rare times that I disagreed with your thought process (I nonetheless respected it), and I hope you will change your mind, upon further reflection and stay with us. Whatever the case, I wish you well, and a g’mar chasima tova (as I likewise wish everyone here).
Works by Mark Twain,, Twelve Angry Men, as an aside, I HATED Animal Farm, Lord of the Flies was good, Shakespeare (The Merchant of Venice, Macbeth, King Lear), most of the classics. Stay away from more modern novels, if that is an issue. Most classics are safe.
Even if the stats are off, he’s right. People will vote the guy in who will keep their personal status quo. For them Obama is a known quantity. Sad, but true.
For all the men out there. Exercise both your minds AND your bodies. But don’t try to look like Ah-nuld. it is not a pretty sight.
Hi Rashbak, nice to hear from new people. My cousin from E”Y many, many years ago was the Chazzan and youth leader in a Shul in Atlanta, for about five years (on Shlichut). He said the community was exceptionally warm and welcoming, and his family’s saty there was most memorable and happy.
GAW, every time I see a frum Jew who thinks that Obama is the best thing since…well.. white bread (sorry about that), I am shocked. I don’t know what Romney will do or not do, but I DO knwo what our present leader has done, and I do not want fou r more years of THAT. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. The man is arrogant, cold, and a phony. He is a charming snake oil salesman and nothing more. When he could have shown real leadership, he showed instead, his true colors. And they were neither black nor white, but yellow. he has no courage of true conviction, but waits to see which way the wind is blowing. His trackr ecord on Israel and blatant and extremely offensive disrespect of PM Netanyahu, shows him for what he is: a spineless, non-leader who will kowtow to the Islamic world, until there is ONLY an Islamic world in this country. That may be exactly what Hashem wants – I don’t know and neither does any of us, but Obama cannot remain in office. It will destroy this country. Wow – this is why I never talk politics with anyone.
And btw, tough as it is to think, we should not be voting for a president based on what he will give to Kollel yungerleit.
I try hard NOT to offend or insult anyone, but if I have done so, albeit unintentionally, I am very sorry. I likewise am not upset with anyone here, so no one needs to ask my mechilah for any reason. A good gebensched and healthy year to all of us.
I was at work in my Shul, getting the Rosh Hashanah bulletin written and sent out. My friend called me to tell me to turn on the radio fast, and it was a NIGHTMARE. A relative of my niece’s husband was one of the victims in the Twin Towers.
No point in buying it. It only said that the “cure” is to avoid gluten for life. We know that already.
More interesting is that there is some exciting stuff being done with attempting to desenitize the body to gluten (like allergy desensitization), by introducing minute amounts. It is very early and experimental, though.