Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Whatever we might think of this sick woman, I believe that her child’s death was accidental, probably the result of incompetent parenting or the result of trying to put her sleep for a few hours so she would not interfere with her mother’s partying, and when she realized her baby was not breathing, she panicked, called her parents, and Daddy helped her get rid of the body to make it appear she had been kidnapped and murdered. He was a cop, so ghe would know forensically what DNA evidence would not survive a month long decomposition period. But anyone who advised Casey to wait that long to report her baby missing, had rocks for brains. Her behavior during that month, is bizarre, to say the very least, and shameful and unconscionable. It sickens me to my core when I look at that child’s picture. My only hope is that she died quickly and painlessly. They are lucky I was not on that jury or it would have been a mistrial.
And call on your husband’s birthday to thank her for giving birth to him.
From what I’ve read in the coffeeroom it seems that even after death is not to late to fix up a relationship. ‘
That’s why we ask mechillah at the grave.
msseeker, thank you for the clarification. I responded immediately to her post (as did everyone else, btw, which is probably why she realized how she sounded). My criticism is really one of ANYONE who believes that because someone has a “problem” of some type (or even a perceived problem), that automatically it relegates that person to the less worth shidduch.
Each person shoudl be judged on his/her own merits and no one else’s. I’m glad Observanteen retracted, but she definitely sounded patronizing in the initial post, and I am sure she herself would not want to be thought of that way.
Minyan Gal, limericks aside, do you have trigger fingers syndrome in the thumbs (often comes from using the remote, btw). I had a problem where my thumb would contract during the night and I would wake up with a bent over thumb, which I had to straighten up each morning. The thumb hurt like the dickens and clicked all the time when bent, but I was scared to go for shots. Instead, I wrapped several bandaids around the knuckle, so it could not bend at all (effectively splinting it), and after a couple of weeks of doing this, the condition disappeared altogether.
I am not reading past Wolf’s response. Observanteen, I truly wish you mazel tov on your engagement, that you may be zochim to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel. That being said, your remark about your friend probably getting a second-rate shidduch sounded a little smug, and I am certain you didn’t mean to come off that way. SO WHAT if her parents are divorced? Why should that garner her a “second rate” shidduch, if she she has all the mailos you described. Whatever you do, PLEASE do not come off in such a condescending manner when you talk to her or about her to others.
Instead of making what sounded like a mean-spirited remark, you and your chosson should actively look for a TERRIFIC shidduch for her, a boy with NO issues (unless he is a boy that she wants for a shidduch). This judgmental aspect of frum people really saddens me. Is it HER fault that her parents couldn’t make their marriage work? They might both be exceptionally nice people, just not with each other. Please re-read what you yourself posted and see if you understand why I have responded like this to you.
I file this under the category of tasking the broken glass bits and making them into a mezuzah case for the new couple. It’s not assur, so who cares what they do, if it makes them happy?
Most places will pay the scrap metal value of the silver only, meaning they will weight it and based on the present market value of silver per ounce, they will calculate what they will pay. They don’t care that your mother nesched licht on these very candlesticks, or that the becher was used in your chasuneh. Those are good reasons to pass them along to family members who would value them. i know. I have been there and done that.
oomis – I guess we will have to agree to disagree. “
Spoken like a true gentleman. I agree with THAT.
Oomis – I think the litmus test is would you discuss these issues in detail face to face with the opposite gender with whom you were not too familiar?
If you would be embarrassed to do so (and I personally believe that the main participants in a forum within ‘Yeshiva World’ should be) then that shows that the issue is too sensitive to be discussed openly in a way that does not very very subtly cause ‘hirhur’ (inappropriate thoughts).
If so then that is something that will be a problem (albeit to a lesser extent) even on an online forum. “
I would agree with you, were we all talking face to face about a subject that probably WOULD cause hirhur. But people have responded to a realistic question that was posed that affects the WOMEN, not the men. Any man who was truly bothered by the women here being taught a little Torah that is mamesh nogeya lahen, should by all means read another thread that is less threatening to him.
We are all anonymous here (one of the true pluses), and I would venture that though some people are reluctant to admit on this forum that the topic was relevant to them, that they were secretly glad to see the mekoros that were quoted.
Happiest, make that three who agree. it is the cover up that is shameful, not the talking about it.
I doubt that would be affected.
Basket of radishes (love the name), I happen to agree with you. I personally feel uncomfortable when I see guys walking around without shirts (which is often seen when you are in a beach locale, but not at the beach).
As I do not know precisely what is in Orach Chaim siman 220, I cannot intelligently respond to that. My guess is, that since you mention it, probably it contains material not best suited for a mixed group discussion. That is not the same as asking if it is untzniusdig for a girl to see male in a swim suit, which is a perfectly legitimate question, if we have already been discussing ad infinitum the tzniusdig dress code for women on this forum.
On a date, watch how the date treats service workers like waiters, etc.
Honestly, the best recipe bar none is the original Toll House cookie recipe on the back of the Nestles chocolate chips bag. The chips are no longer pareve, so I don’t use them for baking, but I kept the recipe. Add chopped walnuts, it really makes the difference.
I don’t know — WE’RE all here, too!!!!!!!!!
RB: There are many things in the Torah, that to the ignorant eye seem to be untzniusdig to read, to learn, to discuss. But can that be that ANYTHING in the Torah should be considered untzniusdig Chalila? The story of Dina and Shechem, Yehudah and Tamar, anything about Sodom, the halacha of isha Sota, Hilchos zav and zava… I could go on and on. When there is a legitimate reason to discuss something, there is no lack of tnzius unless the person discussing it displays a lack of of derech eretz and tznius in word or deed. You may surely have a dissenting view RB, but it does not make yours more correct than anyone else’s view.
When it comes to Conservative Shuls
The mods will not fight any duels.
The CR’s selection’s
In a frummer direction,
And we all must conform to their rules.
Inner beauty is typically the only beauty that LASTS. But the problem is that many boys are looking primarily for the outer beauty at first meeting, so they don’t give themselves the opportunity to recognize the inner beauty. This is oen reason among many, that I oppose dates being made through the shadchan, as opposed to the boy and girl talking on the phone or (dare I say it????) on-line and setting up a date themselves. Many a fellow has been attracted to a girl’s personality before ever meeting her in person. And if he is already in a positive mindset about her warmth, her humor, her intelligence, he may be less preoccupied with her looks when they meet, or more predisposed to liking those looks.
I never heard the Moshe R’ theory, but I did hear he was from the time of the Avos, he was not a Jew, etc. etc. and that he may never have existed except as a lesson for us in emunah. He did not daven for the welfare of others, he was a man who considered himself “an island.” And that is why he was tested, according to one theory.
Mods, I think you should chill
And not delete our posts at will.
Though some might offend
We can see in the end,
For the most part they all fit the bill.
I’m going that way?”
If you want to do the chessed, it’s not a lie, because in order to do it, you ARE going that way, even if it was not your original intention. What do we say, “Baderech asher rotzeh odom leileich, molichin oso.” Or domething like that. Hashem finds a way to help someone who wants to do chessed, to accomplsih a chessed,even when he did not know about it in advance.
RB, no it isn’t. It was a legitimate question, with legitimate answers.
Personally, I believe comments should be allowed to go through, unless foul language is used. Most of us are adults, and unless one is bashing someone, we can learn to dialogue in a mature, adult way. JMO.
It’s not a compliment to be called mechutzaf, but it is not the worsrt insult ever, either. It’s very simple, if you are called that by someone, I would try and examine my words or actions to see why someone believes I spoke or acted in a nervy way. Apikores is not a Yiddish word in origin, though I am sure people who are speaking Yiddish have referred to someone as an Apikores. Not every Hebrew word has ane xact English equivalent. The word “es” comes to mind, as in “Breishis Bara Elokim es HaShamaying v’es haaretz.” The Torah could have easily simply said, “Breishis Bara Elokin haShamayim v’haaretz. The presence of the word es comes to denote that there is something extra that came from Brias Haolam, but it does not mean the actual word “extra.” Sometimes “es” means “with” in a different context, but that is not its typical meaning.
I did not read the thread in which you feel you were castigated (and probably will not now). As to Apikores, perhaps it is Aramaic, perhaps Greek (from the same word Epicurean?). I do not believe it originates in Hebrew. It basically means someone who denies the Torah or a portion of it, as not being Divinely Written. Mods, am I right about this?
Some people who are innately not physically model-perfect, come to look more attractive to people as they get to know them and realize the beauty of their hearts. I have a relative who married into the family, and at first meeting, I never saw what the person who married this relative found attractive. That is, until I actually spent time with this gentle yet strong, soft-spoken, kind, thoughtful, and loving person, and realized how very good-looking the person turned out to be.
The word that bothered you was “mechutzaf?” That is Hebrew (not Yiddish) for someone who speaks or acts with chutzpah. It has nothing to do with being a step below Apikores, because even someone who learns yomam valeila can be chutzpahdig (a mechitzaf)given the right circumstances (though it says something about his lack of menschlechkeit, but certainly nothing about his belief in Torah). An apikores is a terrible thing to be called. it basically says you are a complete non-believer in Torah or in its being given by Hashem.
There are even a few words in the Chumash itself that are Aramaic. “
One example is the name that Lavan gave the pile of stones that marked a truce between Yaakov and him, “Yigar Sahaduta” and which Yaakov called Galeid (Gilad).
Mameshtakah, your rules are excellent ones to follow for safety’s sake. Someone in a neighborhood near mine was actually robbed by frum-looking guys who forced their way in when the baalabos opened the door for them. All the shuls sent out warnings. How sad that we come to this.
Hey, I’ve had mishulochim – or people posing as mishulochim – throw money back at me when they think I’ve not given them enough. They end up with nothing except a door slammed in their face”
That has happened to me more than once. And I felt really bad, because I literally had no other money to give until my husband’s next paycheck.
For the sake of someone’s sholom bayis it may be permitted under certain conditions. Hashem prevaricated with Avraham Avinu when He told Avraham that Sara laughed because she said SHE is too old to have a baby, when in fact she was laughing because she said her HUSBAND was a zakein. Hashem was protecting their sholom bayis.
Oomis, thank you so much. I wrote you a nice response yesterday, which, for some reason, the Mods declined to print. It certainly wasn’t offensive. “
They were probably concerned it would turn me into a baalas gaivah to hear what I am sure were your nice words. 🙂
If you personally know at least one of these “mean guys”, you should confront him in a nice way. ‘
Or send them to my son. He will set them straight.
Very good, Itche. That’s how I understood it, too.
I love the Stone/ Artscroll series. It’s excellent. The only problem is when we start quoting it as a Meforeish as in, “Well Rashi said this and Artscoll says…”
I try to give everyone who asks, at least a token amount (given the state of my finances, that is ALL I can afford anyway, LOL). But I have trouble right now going up and down steps, so if someone rings my bell and I am upstairs, I will call out the window to see who it is and tell them I cannot open the door right now. they don’t typically come back later in the day. If I know someone is a charlatan (and we had a Muslim woman collecting on Fridays saying “Shabbat Shalom,” until someone discovered she was not even Jewish), i won’t give him the time of day, much less my money. We had a couple who worked one of our main streets, he at one end and she at the other, on erev Shabbos. Neither was Jewish. They too, kept saying, “For Shabbos, for Shabbos.” Rachmanim bnei rachmanim, we fall for these cons, because we cannot fathom someone would take advantage of us that way.
This hurts me so much to hear about it. I was a counselor in Camp HASC three plus decades ago, and my bunk consisted of a couple of girls with Down Syndrome, and a couple who suffered brain damage at birth and a variety of other birth defects. They were sweet, young women. Every morning we had to get the girls out of bed and go straight to morning exercises for ten minutes, to warm up and get the blood going. Of course many of the girls were less coordinated than one would hope for, but so what? Anyway, one of the other counselors offhandedly made the incredibly rude and hurtful remark within hearing of my girls, “Why do we even bother wasting our time doing this every day? It’s not gonna HELP them! The’re retarded, for G-d’s sake!”
I took this counselor aside, and very quietly told her that if she ever made a remark like that again she would answer to me and she had no business working at HASC with that attitude. I further told her that although these girls were developmentally slower, not a single one of them would EVER think to hurt someone else’s feelings as she did, and that she could learn a lot from them on how to be a mensch.
Needless to say, she shut up, broigez, and we were not particularly friendly for the balance of the summer, but she never made such a remark again, at least not in my hearing range.
What really brought this experience home to me was when my camper with Downs was crying in the bunk and when I asked her why, she said, “Why did So and So say something so mean to us? She hurt my feelings. I AM NOT retarded. And I like to do jumping jacks!”
I am especially sensitive when I see this type of mean-spiritedness as you described, and it really saddens me when I see young people treat another young person who is slightly different, in that way. My son who works with special needs children, would teach them the score, all right.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Mostly, the concept of looks is subjective in terms of our cultural ideals. But no one can argue that there is not a concept of beauty that ALL people would recognize as such. I see a sunset over the ocean with purples, pinks, and oranges filling up the sky – that’s objectively breathtakingly gorgeous. But when you see a person, your concept of pretty might differ from mine. I never believe or give credence to a shadchan that a girl is pretty or a boy is good-looking. First of all, they have an agenda, and second, what they find attractive my child might not. Some people love curly hair, others cannot stand it. Somwe like redheads, some blondes, some brunettes, some like shorter, some like taller. There might be someone that everyone will agree is pretty, but most of us are culturally ingrained for out standards of beauty. There was a time in history when the size twos who are being redt shidduchim left and right, would have been considered scrawny and malnourished, and certainly not healthy for bearing children. It’s all in the mindset of the specific time.
I knew a woman once who was married three times. She was thought to be stunning and heads would turn when she walked in. She was NOT pretty by any stretch of the imagination (had a really huge bumpy nose like Streisand, and an underdeveloped chin), but she walked with confidence and believed herself to be pretty, and she attracted people with no end in sight.
The most valuable thing I ever found is my husband.
Reb is more in the category of “sir.”
MG, no limerick – just the wish that your mother’s neshama should have an aliyah.
Of course we are. My family are all off that day, and I am extremely appreciative to this country, that gave my grandparents a home with religious freedom. Jews helped finance the Revolutionary War.
Popa, many MOTHERS ask about dress size and decide the girl is too heavy if the number is two digits (or even too high in the single digit).That is just shtuss. A real mensch looks at the girl, the total girl. What is heavy to one, is curvy and attractive to another. It used to be that a girl who was size 2 would have been shlepped to a doctor to see why she was malnourished. It is all about how society encpurages people to perceive things. One of the MOST attractive girls I know, who is getting married very soon to a really adorable guy, is definitely not a skinny mini. She wears a two digit size dress, I am sure, but her vivacious personality, sweet and generous smile, bautiful eyes, and quick wit, are qualities that are so attractive that I doubt many guys ever looked at her and said, “Boy, am I gonna get that Shadchan!”
Guys (and girls, too) need to feel attraction to their dates. But the attraction should not be based solely on artificial standards that are in the end, quite meaningless.
Actually giving birth is more like passing a watermelon through a keyhole, Popa.
but no we do not want size 12 or 14 or 16..that just shows a lack of discipline and a lack of motivation and a total disregard for living a healthy life. “
So much to criticize here; so little time. Where to begin????
Lack of discipline? Lack of motivation? A total disregard for living a healthy life? Many young women who are not so slim. have incredible discipline. They are in every profession, they are wonderful wives and mothers, they are loving and outstanding baalos chessed. They have motivation all right, but maybe their body type does not allow them to be model slim. Maybe eating the same amount of food as others, results in weight gain for them. What should they do, fast until their body type meets your criteria? Do you think they want to be overweight? Mayeb for their height, size 12 or so is the NORMAL weight. Average IS size 12-14, I believe. Lucille Ball, whom no one would ever have called overweight, was a size 12 when she filmed I love Lucy.
Maybe you are too preoccupied with the number and not the total package. And I doubt very much that someone size 12-16 wants to live an unhealthful lifestyle. Not everyone has the time, money or wherewithal to exercise sufficiently to burn off enough calories to lose more weight. Some people are in school and work fulltime, and then busy with studying when they get home.
Whatever it is, we should not be judging people. Especially if we do not want to be judged in return, and found wanting.
Just for the record, girls who are more realistic sizes than the anorexic models our society seems to deem attractive, are often very generous-hearted people. They are motivated to try harder to be pleasant, appreciative, and nice. You are cutting yourself off from some potentially outstanding shidduchim, by looking at a dress size instead of the whole package. And skinny girls can also gain a LOT of weight after marriage and several children (and that should not matter, either, if you love your spouse).
I was on this diet for six months, and it was really oustanding for me. The initial two weeks were not easy (what diet is?), but I kept really busy and time passed quickly. Many people feel it is not a healthy diet because it is not balanced, but the idea is not to completely cut carbs, but to lower the amount one ingests each day. I became quite adept at knowing the carb counts in the food I ate, and made smarter choices.
This diet is great for people with blood sugar issues – it helps stabilize the sugar, and because the weight comes off very quickly, the sugar is lowered. My cholesterol was surprisingly excellent, as well, even though fat is in the diet.
I never felt better than when I was on the diet. I fell off the wagon when I had back to back chasunahs for two weeks straight in June, several years ago. After my fifth wedding, all the good had been undone, and I never went back on, to my deep regret.
South Beach is a slightly healthier form of this diet.
as clueless as me?”
As I, you meant to say, did you not?
As to updates, I can only say that it is AWESOME to have an entire thread devoted to me, and still have no clue as to what it is all about. And, Mod 80, as I am mekabeles es kol ho’odom b’sever panim yafos, I try to ALWAYS look happy, so clearly it was not I who left the boss’ office.
Most of you who believe it is more correct to refer to one’s spouse as “my husband” or “my wife” are conditioned to feel that way. The sensitivity is because you were brought up to think that it is the proper derech. If you were brought up hearing the name being used, you would not think twice about it. Personally, when my friend continuously refers to her husband as “my husband,” it just sounds extremely possessive and way too formal to me. For that matter, why don’t we just go back to calling them “sir” and “madam?”
I never went to camp as a camper. My parents could not afford to send me. Be happy yours can, and enjoy yourself (you will, I promise!)