<3 !!!

People used to say the same things to me all the time:

“why dont you call the police?” ” you have to go to therapy right now !!”

and i remember feeling like “why dont you live 5 minutes in my life, and then go back to telling me what to do!”

You sound like a smart girl with a good head. with time I think you will figure out what you need to do for you.

One thing I do strongly suggest is a mentor figure. In high school I reached out and became close to a Rabbi, and a female teacher. My friends used to joke that they became my “mom and dad”.. I also went out of my comfort zone and would spend time talking with my school social worker. I would speak with her about anything, whether midterms or problems at home. I can say with certainty that these three people are what helped me move forward in life and grow into a well functioning, healthy and happy person.

Best of luck to you.

For what its worth, I am here to listen to whatever you want to post.

<3 …. thinking of you..

laugh.

chocolate is a vital part of a woman’s physical and mental health.

dont be hating.

13-14 is a lot, no?? I took three while in HS and that gave me 17 college credits, that’s more then a standard semester’s worth.

placing out of the intro classes not only gives you more credits, but it also makes it easier and faster to move onto the classes in your major- ie you waste less time and money.

Love the OP for this…

In my time on this site I have seen posts about:

white shirts, colored shirts, black hats, grey suits, wearing a jacket on the shoulders, women wearing boots, a psychoanalysis of why men wear baseball caps.. and then women wearing heels when shopping.

If you dont like what someone is wearing, dont look.

And I think it only refelcts poorly on the observers.

I wouldnt advise anyone to sell themselves short.

there are plenty of frum mothers, in all fields.

Although some jobs are more “mom friendly” then others, in my experience I’ve seen women who work in say, accounting, who have very healthy and happy home lives, (since due to the nature of their job they have very regular, scheduled hours), then say a nurse, who often work long, tiring shifts.

drink A LOT of water. 2 liters sounds like a lot but is actually only the daily requirement (eight 8oz servings)having enough fluids drastically changes your appetite. and it releases water weight and makes you look and feel less bloated.

foods that are filling- foods high in protein, and in polyunsaturated fat, ie- nuts, avocado..

perhaps have a protein shake for breakfast? just one scoop of powder with one cup of low fat milk is extremely filling

also try incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet.

i read an article recently about how all the diets are about what you have to stop eating, but if you focus on what you add to your diet, instead of what you take, you can end up with better results. I find this true in my life, when i put in effort to add more fruits and veggies, protein, etc instead of focusing on all the things I shouldn’t eat, I see good (and healthy) results.

Does washing/peeling something make it kosher?

i don’t diasgree, I would never do it.

but it was awesome being on the receiving end.

this might be the funniest thread i’ve read here so far…

I equally despise receiving baked goods, annd the bags of candy and chips. mmmh cheap, pareve, sat on the shelf for 6 months, wafers are my favorite..another laffy taffy… yay said no one ever.

everyone should just give each other pizza. or maybe shawarma laffas. burgers??

one year i got one that was three different kind of ice cream and ice cream cones. best purim ever.

I have also heard that doughnuts and bagels from any DD are kosher, because they come from the factory. and that they cannot be heated up or cut.

I personally don’t eat them anyway because who needs the carbs, and as other posters have mentioned, at the end of the day you dont really know where it’s been. I generally believe that if it’s something you can live without (and doughnuts sure are) , why take the risk? also causes a problem of maaras ayin.

2 on hunger

8 on need for caffeine

working on a fast day is the worst !

i find it funny when people judge first, ask second….

i think it should be fairly obvious that not all jobs require attention every minute of the day, and some have down time where you are free to “kill time” however you please, but you need to remain at your desk.

its shameful how ignorantly people throw around words like “geneiva” without even thinking about what they’re saying…

story of my life. all day every day.

But only about 25% of those who were abused turn into abusers. The other 75% all have different symptoms, some get the necessary help and use their abuse as a springboard to improve. Some deny it happened, some turn to addiction. Some turn to prostitution as a way of marginslizing the significants of the traumatic events

I feel like this is a misconception. If most survivors of abuse acted out, became drug addicts, or prostitutes-we’d have a lot more messed up people on our hands. I am not denying that a lot of survivors don’t act out- they do. But for all those people there are even more that just live normal lives- with extra pain.

I think behaviors people would have that would suggest they were abused: trust issues, fear of getting close to others. I would say survivors also tend to be more serious, sensitive, or emotional- tho that definitely is not a rule.

Also- some people live happy, fulfilling lives, and they dont let their abuse rule their lives. I for one never even think about my abuse unless the topic is brought up (and it’s been brought up a lot lately). This does not mean I’m in denial about what happened. It means I deny my past the ability to control my present.

For physical abuse survivors- i think a sure sign is fear of other people yelling, and fear of angry people. (obviously both in an extreme manner that is different then how others would react in the same situation)

I want to make a few points:

WIY: great post

Regarding the OP: I do NOT think its ok for a rebbe to show affection with touch. Certainly nothing more then a pat on the shoulder.

As someone who was taken under many teacher’s wings, as well as had regular meetings with social workers and Rabbis during my HS years, I was NEVER touched by any of them, not even a pat on the shoulder. And I was showed a lot of affection.

Instead they were affectionate through their own actions. I believe this is the true way a rebbe or adult can show affection. Touch is superficial. Actions go a lot further. I had one teacher that invited me to eat supper in her home with her family whenever I wanted. One Rabbi who gave me a tehilim with a personalized letter inside. These are actions that I can remember vividly today, and see the impact it had on me. Not a hug or a pat.

Now as for abuse, I strongly believe there is never a reason or excuse for it. I do not believe it makes for better chinuch or discipline.

Just because many great talmidim that were hit turned out alright, does not make it okay! You should look it as “they turned out alright even though they were hit” instead of ” they turned out alright when they were hit, so hitting is okay”

For every child that will not be long term affected by abuse, there is another one whose life will be ruined. And no rebbe or adult can decide which kids can take it and which cannot.

I have been following these forums for over a year now, and have read some things that have rlly compelled me to make an account and comment on. But every time I was able to stop myself, because I told myself its better to just keep my opinions to myself. Well, this I just had to comment on.

“So naturally they filter what’s newsworthy to this Hallowed site. No. Words of such a nature should not be commonplace, should not be the the topic of discussion in a Torah home. ???? ?’ ?? ???? because of ?? ???? ???? ????, we have different topics of discussions.”

I find it really interesting that the conviction of a religious man on 59 counts of abuse, molestation, endangerment etc, is something u describe as not newsworthy. If the topic cannot be discussed in a Torah home, where will it be discussed? No where. Victims will continue to live in silence and in pain. You are right words of these things should not be commonplace, but unfortunately they are, and pretending it doesnt exist isnt going to make it go away.