600 Kilo Bear

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Viewing 47 posts - 601 through 647 (of 647 total)
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  • in reply to: Purim Seudah Wine #748946


    A chilled 2010 Eau de Javel Blanc de Blancs is one of the best wines for the Purim seudah. It is sold in white jugs and is very inexpensive. Strength is 5.25 – 6.5%.

    in reply to: Sephardim and gerim #1157509


    Unfortunately it has been less than 100% successful.

    It has been about 98.5% successful. The only Syrian Jews who intermarry in the US, Argentina and Panama are a truly insignificant handful of however you say oisvorfen in Syrian slang (meaning those who rebel altogether against the community).

    The NY Times had an article in which they interviewed one of these rare Syrian oisvorfen. Another one who has made the news is a playwright who is into M”Z (and he is not married in any case).

    in reply to: how many frum yidden? #886121


    Take 20% of the Israeli Jewish population

    Add to that 10% of the world Jewish population

    As for NY I think the answer is 300,000 but I am not sure

    NJ – no idea

    in reply to: Handed a Pen during Shiva – anyone know the story? #1006687


    Did the pen have the name of a probate attorney on it? If so then that would be a new low – hearse chasers (or Misaskim chasers) instead of ambulance chasers.

    Indeed, though, it probably is an unfortunate neshomo who may think he is Eliyahu ha-Navi or Moshiach.

    If so he needs to speak to me because I am both.

    in reply to: chosson gifts #744398

    a shotgun to keep his new wife in line

    (from Your Guide to Sharia Weddings – Ismail Daoud al-Beyda and Moussa Dib al-Bek)

    in reply to: SCIENCE FAIR #739891


    Hoods – 409? That belongs in the cleaning lady thread :).

    in reply to: Post Here to Add/Change Your Subtitle #1198895

    “Otisville-Creedmoorer Roov”

    in reply to: SCIENCE FAIR #739890


    What is your experiment? Seating your teacher on a homemade electric chair to see what happens?

    I got a free four year scholarship when I did that. It was a little hard to open the windows in my dorm room though.

    in reply to: Could you spare 5 seconds of you time? #739864


    The voices in my head came up with the following:






    in reply to: How much do u pay your cleaning woman? #739747


    $7.50 is from memory and I may be wrong – I last hired a cleaning lady in 2007 in the US and I do not know how long she worked. I may have indeed paid her what I remember paying her for fewer hours than I thought she worked.

    It is time for Welfarian women to be bonded by the welfare department and forced to work as domestics if they want their benefits. Instead, we are compelled to hire illegal aliens because no American will work as a domestic in the NY area.

    in reply to: Any ideas for a good entree to serve Purim? #739878


    LOL I ate bear when I was OTD, right before I made my final decision to return in fact, mainly because I wanted to be able to say I actually ate bear.

    There is a reason bears eat us instead of us eating bears :). I was literally on RX-type antacids for a day and a half after eating chopped northern furball meat pelmeni (Russian kreplach).

    in reply to: Any ideas for a good entree to serve Purim? #739877


    Stuffed Peppers, Szarkonosvary Style

    This comes from myne elte baabe, she was from Szarkonosvary, Ingarn, which if you know vus iz Chelm in Poylin, you know ochet vus iz Szarkonosvary in Ingarn:


    Three cups bagel hole crumbs

    One cup iron filings

    Two cups activated charcoal.

    1/2 cup laundry detergent

    Keep looking for the bagel hole crumbs. When you find them, worry about the rest.

    in reply to: Random Quote Thread #957628

    “Oytisville vet zan a vinkel fin gezel vemirma biz Interpol tzi kimen!” (Unknown inmate upon entering the Beis Medrash of Otisville for the first time and seeing all his chavrusas there).

    in reply to: Any ideas for a good entree to serve Purim? #739875

    Yes, stuffed peppers and stuffed cabbage because the vegetables help alcohol absorption.

    in reply to: "SKI" #740484

    Ski is a derivative of the word skila. In fact, skiing was invented by the Romans, who observed how someone was thrown over a cliff during skila.

    in reply to: 10 Jewish Music All-Stars #739556

    I was assuming present all-stars. Shlomo Carlebach and Jo Amar are not available to perform at present.

    Reb Chaim Banet seems to be retired except as a composer and he was never a singer – he led choirs but never sang with them. I do not think he covered much new ground with his last album. The Rabbi’s Sons do not sing anymore etc, etc, etc.

    Lifetime All-Stars (who are here in this world)


    Avraham Fried


    Banet choirs

    Ben-Zion Shenker

    Miami Boys Choir

    Kol Salonika

    The Rabbi’s Sons


    Dovid Werdyger (He is with us and still well at 90 ka”h, but I do not believe he is able to sing anymore).

    in reply to: 10 Jewish Music All-Stars #739553



    Avraham Fried


    Shwekey (reluctantly but this is based on popularity)

    Haim Israel

    Yisroel Werdyger


    Shloime Gertner

    Y.M. Helfgot

    Dudu Fischer (again, popularity)

    Who really belongs there as well:

    Michoel Schnitzler (not on voice but on originality)

    Benny Friedman

    in reply to: Anyone Miss Dr. Pepper? #755758


    Oy, do I miss Dr Pepper. We do not even have Cherry Coke here in Ukraine :)))!

    in reply to: Help paying for a wedding? #739465

    BS”D Where in the US? Most of the chassune tzedokos are local. The one in Crown Heights is among the best even compared to similar organizations in EY where they are more common but they are overworked locally and I doubt they can help elsewhere.

    Still you may want to look up Devorah Benjamin and Chevra Simchos Chosson veKalla because they may know of people elsewhere.

    in reply to: Could you spare 5 seconds of you time? #739842


    More seriously:






    in reply to: How much do u pay your cleaning woman? #739714


    A dollar a day. She doesn’t like it? Of course she doesn’t but she gets very scared when I utter the magic segula handed down by Reb Chenek’l Otisviller….”IMMIGRATION”…and it makes her run for her life before she even gets her dollar :))))).

    Actually IIRC I paid about $7.50 an hour in Brooklyn and I don’t think it has gone up much.

    in reply to: Chabad Houses in South/Southeast #739124


    Yes, use the Chabad web site. You will find centers nearest to the town or zip code you are in with a simple search.

    And yes, Austin Chabad has a great reputation – I am blanking out on the shaliach’s name but “everyone knows him”.


    in reply to: Grammen #739207


    Now that you have officially turned thirty

    And you have a yeshiva, you can really play dirty

    But enough gezel and shtick just about will

    Ensure you become the Rov of Otisville.

    in reply to: Creative Ideas Needed #738705

    This one is unfortunately real and not one of my jokes….bet against dying people by buying life insurance policies on them. When it [comes] time to collect, [slip] families of the deceased 10 percent…

    can anyone guess who dreamed up this fundraiser for an actual frum school?????

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994086


    Nuch an ehrlicher segeela…if you want to get rid of a rat, hang a picture of Bernard Madoff on your wall. Rats are very territorial, and when they recognize one of their own they will not enter its territory.

    Whoever believes this one can send me $10,000 for a return of $12,000 in 6 months. I am investing the money in…advertisements to get new investors!

    in reply to: Pain killer addiction #738860

    the chiropractor, who also is an MD, consulted w/ an orthopedist over her MRI.. & said he wouldn’t touch her because of the floating disc fragment… until after she has surgery for it.

    Such a chiropractor is exactly the kind everyone SHOULD go to when there is a chance he could help.

    I was referring to Health’s post regarding a chiropractor who has a decompression machine. I can run my vacuum cleaner over someone’s back while reading from sefer Raziel haMalach and bill insurance for that these days so long as I have some sort of alternative medical training. However, if that machine uses any sort of impact it can cause a real disaster.

    in reply to: Pain killer addiction #738858

    Do NOT go to a chiropractor for medical back treatment without a referral from an M.D. who is familiar with your case. The machine that decompresses spines is designed to decompress wallets and insurance companies until the quack who owns the machine gets caught.

    While a legitimate chiropractor would never take a case such as the one described here, there still are chiropractors who believe they can cure serious spinal problems with manipulation.

    What they do is cause disabling spinal cord injury and spinal strokes with their quackery.

    in reply to: Saying Good Shabbos #741136

    Oisvorf would be a great name for a pet!

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994084

    The traps or the bait? I remember Tomcat spring loaded traps going way back.

    A four legged tomcat does not work :).

    Rumor has it that if you program those high frequency noise devices to repeatedly play Hora Hora by Lipa Schmeltzer, they do work.

    in reply to: The Latest On The Situation In Egypt #799936

    The boy has long since returned – it was not a kidnapping.

    in reply to: Where's The Mentchlichkyt?! #738221

    Yes I am the 600KiloBear, back for Adar only.

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994082

    Ah, yes, but Lybush prefers two legged rats. I will have to take him to visit the Senate when it is in session.

    in reply to: Kosher Subway #738653

    Wait a minute? An eruv lets you carry in the subway on Shabbos – or the MTA now offers kosher subway cars? Ich khap nisht…

    in reply to: which company cholov yisroel milk do you recommend #738167

    Six hundred kilos, of course! I am back for Adar – not hiding anything, just can’t reactivate the old account that I voluntarily closed.

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994077

    Al pi halacha there is no need to serve a vilde chaya kosher meat, unless he has a few too many at Shabbos kiddush.

    Lybush does just fine on a strict diet of executed prisoners flown in frozen from China.

    in reply to: which company cholov yisroel milk do you recommend #738162

    Red Bull. It is cholov yisroel – parve because the milk comes from a bull rather than a cow!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201571

    “Welcome to Yeshivas Machrivei haDaas, where we make sure your son knows there is only one derech and follows it no matter what. Just like in Sdoim, where there was one bed and they did whatever they could to make sure you fit, we stretch and cut your son’s very etzem haneshome until he fits our mold.”

    in reply to: The Word Chain Game – Nov 4th Game #1110370

    Button your top button!

    in reply to: The Latest On The Situation In Egypt #799930

    Translation: (Srooel-Doovid refers to the Imam of Saddle River Road masjid in Monsey).

    Srooel-Doovid, I heard from the Rantisis that you brought stale kokosh cake last time you were in Gaza. When you come to visit us here in Egypt, make sure you bring us frische schoire”.

    (Danne chavyrim fin der Muslimer – Briderschaft).

    in reply to: Your Favorite Composers #900375

    R’ Chaim Banet

    Moishe Goldman A”H

    Boruch Levine

    (MBD and Avrohom Fried are not composers. Lipa Schmeltzer might be as I know he has written material for his own albums and MBD [A Shabbos in Mezhbuzh, Ahavas Yisruel] but somehow I think he writes only words, not music).

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994075

    Then again, ever since I got Lybush, a 500 pound African black maned kitty from Obama’s home village in Kenya, I have never seen a mouse, a gonif or any other living creature besides myself and my ketzele anywhere in my dalet amois.

    in reply to: Getting Rid of Mice! #994074

    1) Reb Shaye’le Karesztierer’s descendants have said that the segula is a baabemaaseh but if you want the picture it is online somewhere.

    2) A cat is not recommended for indoor mouse control except in a warehouse. You are just exchanging one vilde chaya for another. Cats do more damage than mice. They are not domesticated and not affectionate – they just rub against you to mark you as part of their territory. Odor, hair cleanup, tzoiah cleanup, damage to furniture, carpets, stored food – all not worth it.

    Poison traps do not leak any poison into the air. We all have worse poisons in our homes anyway.

    3) Very few of the commonly sold products work. Best to call the pros.

    in reply to: embarassed to use food stamps #738819

    You should be embarrassed to use any food stamps you do not print yourself.

    Seriously, being on food stamps for more than a year or 2 of kollel is really not right. After that, the community should provide all support to those who really should be in kollel for longer and the rest need to get out there and work.

    in reply to: Where's The Mentchlichkyt?! #738215

    My favorite:

    I was heading to the subway to get from Brooklyn to Manhattan and hadn’t learned the parsha yet so when I saw a woman I did not know with a carriage who could not get into a store, I offered to watch the baby, figuring that besides everything else I could learn a bit with the chumash I was carrying while I waited outside with the baby. It was cold which hardly bothered me – but when I offered to watch “for a few minutes” the baalas midois replied “Maybe you can watch for twenty minutes?”

    I could not even reply, only because I don’t use mikveh dressing room Yiddish phrases in public.

    in reply to: Yiddish Thread #734982


    Someone once came to the Admou”r meCreedmoor and asked if he could teach him Yiddish while he stood on one foot.

    The Admou”r said: “Shygetz Aross. Shecht’em oon a brooche!”

    Now he is no longer standing on one foot.

    in reply to: The name Shira – A Problem? #1160864


    Leib is lion in Yiddish and not heart. It is a pure Germanic word; the surname Loeb (including the Moroccan Loeub which is actually borne by descendants of Ashkenazim who ended up in Morocco!) is a different Germanic version of this word.

    Aryeh Leib follows the same pattern as Dov Ber, Menachem Mendel, Tzvi Hirsch, Kalev Hunt etc – Hebrew original for koidesh, Yiddish variant for daily use.

    in reply to: Carmex vs. Vaseline #921294

    BS”D Vaseline is more useful than Carmex. If you or any member of your family has a few screws missing, put Vaseline on the screws before installing them to make it easier for them to penetrate even the thickest heads. I have some Vaseline which is sold specifically for this purpose; it is an old tube under the hashgocho of the late unlamented Moshe Hirsch and is “noki mekol chashash timas hatzioinis”. In addition, the pharmacies in the area of Saddle River Road in Monsey report periodic shortages of Vaseline due to bulk purchases made on behalf of the imams of Masjid Itbach al-Yahud at number 104.

    Seriously, half of these remedies for dry skin are far less effective than Vaseline. A rov told me not to use my usual urea hand creme during Pesach and to use Vaseline instead. It was far more effective, and I assume it would be for dry lips as well.

    And yes, I do keep a tube in my toolbox. As messy as it is, it is easier to control than WD-40 or light machine oil for lubricating screws.

Viewing 47 posts - 601 through 647 (of 647 total)