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BS”D
A chilled 2010 Eau de Javel Blanc de Blancs is one of the best wines for the Purim seudah. It is sold in white jugs and is very inexpensive. Strength is 5.25 – 6.5%.
BS”D
Unfortunately it has been less than 100% successful.
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It has been about 98.5% successful. The only Syrian Jews who intermarry in the US, Argentina and Panama are a truly insignificant handful of however you say oisvorfen in Syrian slang (meaning those who rebel altogether against the community).
The NY Times had an article in which they interviewed one of these rare Syrian oisvorfen. Another one who has made the news is a playwright who is into M”Z (and he is not married in any case).
BS”D
Take 20% of the Israeli Jewish population
Add to that 10% of the world Jewish population
As for NY I think the answer is 300,000 but I am not sure
NJ – no idea
BS”D
Did the pen have the name of a probate attorney on it? If so then that would be a new low – hearse chasers (or Misaskim chasers) instead of ambulance chasers.
Indeed, though, it probably is an unfortunate neshomo who may think he is Eliyahu ha-Navi or Moshiach.
If so he needs to speak to me because I am both.
a shotgun to keep his new wife in line
(from Your Guide to Sharia Weddings – Ismail Daoud al-Beyda and Moussa Dib al-Bek)
BS”D
Hoods – 409? That belongs in the cleaning lady thread :).
“Otisville-Creedmoorer Roov”
BS”D
What is your experiment? Seating your teacher on a homemade electric chair to see what happens?
I got a free four year scholarship when I did that. It was a little hard to open the windows in my dorm room though.
BS”D
The voices in my head came up with the following:
Thorazine
Haldol
Geodon
Zyprexa
Abilify
BS”D
$7.50 is from memory and I may be wrong – I last hired a cleaning lady in 2007 in the US and I do not know how long she worked. I may have indeed paid her what I remember paying her for fewer hours than I thought she worked.
It is time for Welfarian women to be bonded by the welfare department and forced to work as domestics if they want their benefits. Instead, we are compelled to hire illegal aliens because no American will work as a domestic in the NY area.
BS”D
LOL I ate bear when I was OTD, right before I made my final decision to return in fact, mainly because I wanted to be able to say I actually ate bear.
There is a reason bears eat us instead of us eating bears :). I was literally on RX-type antacids for a day and a half after eating chopped northern furball meat pelmeni (Russian kreplach).
BS”D
Stuffed Peppers, Szarkonosvary Style
This comes from myne elte baabe, she was from Szarkonosvary, Ingarn, which if you know vus iz Chelm in Poylin, you know ochet vus iz Szarkonosvary in Ingarn:
Filling:
Three cups bagel hole crumbs
One cup iron filings
Two cups activated charcoal.
1/2 cup laundry detergent
Keep looking for the bagel hole crumbs. When you find them, worry about the rest.
“Oytisville vet zan a vinkel fin gezel vemirma biz Interpol tzi kimen!” (Unknown inmate upon entering the Beis Medrash of Otisville for the first time and seeing all his chavrusas there).
Yes, stuffed peppers and stuffed cabbage because the vegetables help alcohol absorption.
Ski is a derivative of the word skila. In fact, skiing was invented by the Romans, who observed how someone was thrown over a cliff during skila.
I was assuming present all-stars. Shlomo Carlebach and Jo Amar are not available to perform at present.
Reb Chaim Banet seems to be retired except as a composer and he was never a singer – he led choirs but never sang with them. I do not think he covered much new ground with his last album. The Rabbi’s Sons do not sing anymore etc, etc, etc.
Lifetime All-Stars (who are here in this world)
MBD
Avraham Fried
Regesh
Banet choirs
Ben-Zion Shenker
Miami Boys Choir
Kol Salonika
The Rabbi’s Sons
Lipa
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Dovid Werdyger (He is with us and still well at 90 ka”h, but I do not believe he is able to sing anymore).
BS”D
MBD
Avraham Fried
Lipa
Shwekey (reluctantly but this is based on popularity)
Haim Israel
Yisroel Werdyger
Yeedle
Shloime Gertner
Y.M. Helfgot
Dudu Fischer (again, popularity)
Who really belongs there as well:
Michoel Schnitzler (not on voice but on originality)
Benny Friedman
BS”D
Oy, do I miss Dr Pepper. We do not even have Cherry Coke here in Ukraine :)))!
BS”D Where in the US? Most of the chassune tzedokos are local. The one in Crown Heights is among the best even compared to similar organizations in EY where they are more common but they are overworked locally and I doubt they can help elsewhere.
Still you may want to look up Devorah Benjamin and Chevra Simchos Chosson veKalla because they may know of people elsewhere.
BS”D
More seriously:
HP
Samsung
Toshiba
Borsalino
Glenfiddich
BS”D
A dollar a day. She doesn’t like it? Of course she doesn’t but she gets very scared when I utter the magic segula handed down by Reb Chenek’l Otisviller….”IMMIGRATION”…and it makes her run for her life before she even gets her dollar :))))).
Actually IIRC I paid about $7.50 an hour in Brooklyn and I don’t think it has gone up much.
BS”D
Yes, use the Chabad web site. You will find centers nearest to the town or zip code you are in with a simple search.
And yes, Austin Chabad has a great reputation – I am blanking out on the shaliach’s name but “everyone knows him”.
edited
BS”D
Now that you have officially turned thirty
And you have a yeshiva, you can really play dirty
But enough gezel and shtick just about will
Ensure you become the Rov of Otisville.
This one is unfortunately real and not one of my jokes….bet against dying people by buying life insurance policies on them. When it [comes] time to collect, [slip] families of the deceased 10 percent…
can anyone guess who dreamed up this fundraiser for an actual frum school?????
BS”D
Nuch an ehrlicher segeela…if you want to get rid of a rat, hang a picture of Bernard Madoff on your wall. Rats are very territorial, and when they recognize one of their own they will not enter its territory.
Whoever believes this one can send me $10,000 for a return of $12,000 in 6 months. I am investing the money in…advertisements to get new investors!
the chiropractor, who also is an MD, consulted w/ an orthopedist over her MRI.. & said he wouldn’t touch her because of the floating disc fragment… until after she has surgery for it.
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Such a chiropractor is exactly the kind everyone SHOULD go to when there is a chance he could help.
I was referring to Health’s post regarding a chiropractor who has a decompression machine. I can run my vacuum cleaner over someone’s back while reading from sefer Raziel haMalach and bill insurance for that these days so long as I have some sort of alternative medical training. However, if that machine uses any sort of impact it can cause a real disaster.
Do NOT go to a chiropractor for medical back treatment without a referral from an M.D. who is familiar with your case. The machine that decompresses spines is designed to decompress wallets and insurance companies until the quack who owns the machine gets caught.
While a legitimate chiropractor would never take a case such as the one described here, there still are chiropractors who believe they can cure serious spinal problems with manipulation.
What they do is cause disabling spinal cord injury and spinal strokes with their quackery.
Oisvorf would be a great name for a pet!
The traps or the bait? I remember Tomcat spring loaded traps going way back.
A four legged tomcat does not work :).
Rumor has it that if you program those high frequency noise devices to repeatedly play Hora Hora by Lipa Schmeltzer, they do work.
The boy has long since returned – it was not a kidnapping.
Yes I am the 600KiloBear, back for Adar only.
Ah, yes, but Lybush prefers two legged rats. I will have to take him to visit the Senate when it is in session.
Wait a minute? An eruv lets you carry in the subway on Shabbos – or the MTA now offers kosher subway cars? Ich khap nisht…
Six hundred kilos, of course! I am back for Adar – not hiding anything, just can’t reactivate the old account that I voluntarily closed.
Al pi halacha there is no need to serve a vilde chaya kosher meat, unless he has a few too many at Shabbos kiddush.
Lybush does just fine on a strict diet of executed prisoners flown in frozen from China.
Red Bull. It is cholov yisroel – parve because the milk comes from a bull rather than a cow!
“Welcome to Yeshivas Machrivei haDaas, where we make sure your son knows there is only one derech and follows it no matter what. Just like in Sdoim, where there was one bed and they did whatever they could to make sure you fit, we stretch and cut your son’s very etzem haneshome until he fits our mold.”
Button your top button!
Translation: (Srooel-Doovid refers to the Imam of Saddle River Road masjid in Monsey).
Srooel-Doovid, I heard from the Rantisis that you brought stale kokosh cake last time you were in Gaza. When you come to visit us here in Egypt, make sure you bring us frische schoire”.
(Danne chavyrim fin der Muslimer – Briderschaft).
R’ Chaim Banet
Moishe Goldman A”H
Boruch Levine
(MBD and Avrohom Fried are not composers. Lipa Schmeltzer might be as I know he has written material for his own albums and MBD [A Shabbos in Mezhbuzh, Ahavas Yisruel] but somehow I think he writes only words, not music).
Then again, ever since I got Lybush, a 500 pound African black maned kitty from Obama’s home village in Kenya, I have never seen a mouse, a gonif or any other living creature besides myself and my ketzele anywhere in my dalet amois.
1) Reb Shaye’le Karesztierer’s descendants have said that the segula is a baabemaaseh but if you want the picture it is online somewhere.
2) A cat is not recommended for indoor mouse control except in a warehouse. You are just exchanging one vilde chaya for another. Cats do more damage than mice. They are not domesticated and not affectionate – they just rub against you to mark you as part of their territory. Odor, hair cleanup, tzoiah cleanup, damage to furniture, carpets, stored food – all not worth it.
Poison traps do not leak any poison into the air. We all have worse poisons in our homes anyway.
3) Very few of the commonly sold products work. Best to call the pros.
You should be embarrassed to use any food stamps you do not print yourself.
Seriously, being on food stamps for more than a year or 2 of kollel is really not right. After that, the community should provide all support to those who really should be in kollel for longer and the rest need to get out there and work.
My favorite:
I was heading to the subway to get from Brooklyn to Manhattan and hadn’t learned the parsha yet so when I saw a woman I did not know with a carriage who could not get into a store, I offered to watch the baby, figuring that besides everything else I could learn a bit with the chumash I was carrying while I waited outside with the baby. It was cold which hardly bothered me – but when I offered to watch “for a few minutes” the baalas midois replied “Maybe you can watch for twenty minutes?”
I could not even reply, only because I don’t use mikveh dressing room Yiddish phrases in public.
BS”D
Someone once came to the Admou”r meCreedmoor and asked if he could teach him Yiddish while he stood on one foot.
The Admou”r said: “Shygetz Aross. Shecht’em oon a brooche!”
Now he is no longer standing on one foot.
BS”D
Leib is lion in Yiddish and not heart. It is a pure Germanic word; the surname Loeb (including the Moroccan Loeub which is actually borne by descendants of Ashkenazim who ended up in Morocco!) is a different Germanic version of this word.
Aryeh Leib follows the same pattern as Dov Ber, Menachem Mendel, Tzvi Hirsch, Kalev Hunt etc – Hebrew original for koidesh, Yiddish variant for daily use.
BS”D Vaseline is more useful than Carmex. If you or any member of your family has a few screws missing, put Vaseline on the screws before installing them to make it easier for them to penetrate even the thickest heads. I have some Vaseline which is sold specifically for this purpose; it is an old tube under the hashgocho of the late unlamented Moshe Hirsch and is “noki mekol chashash timas hatzioinis”. In addition, the pharmacies in the area of Saddle River Road in Monsey report periodic shortages of Vaseline due to bulk purchases made on behalf of the imams of Masjid Itbach al-Yahud at number 104.
Seriously, half of these remedies for dry skin are far less effective than Vaseline. A rov told me not to use my usual urea hand creme during Pesach and to use Vaseline instead. It was far more effective, and I assume it would be for dry lips as well.
And yes, I do keep a tube in my toolbox. As messy as it is, it is easier to control than WD-40 or light machine oil for lubricating screws.