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I heard from a well known shadchan in Lakewood who has made plenty of shidduchim that in all his experience,70% of girls said no within the first 8 dates. After 8 dates, 80% of the time it was the girl that said no. Let’s stop blaming the boys. Yes there are some picky boys, but there are just as many picky girls out there. Perhaps the guys get blamed because they can go out with 50 girls in a year while for a girl it takes longer than a year to get that many dates. The girls are just as much to blame for this whole crisis as the boys. Let’s stop with the blame.
Especially if you plan on buying another one way ticket for the way back before you leave, I don’t think it’s a problem but you should find out for sure.
I don’t see why you can’t enter.
—shidduch rejection,–
Getting rejected is part of dating. While sometimes painful, if you prepared for it beforehand, it’s easier to get over it. I’m not saying that you should go into a date with the mindset of it not working out. Just have in mind that if the other person says no, you could rest assured that he/she was not your bashert, and be thankful you didn’t have to make that decision. Of course it’s easier said then done. Maybe the fact that many of your siblings got engaged to the first person gave you higher expectations and therefore it was harder for you to get over the rejection, but marrying the first person is not the norm, no matter how much you look into people. What you are experiencing is completely normal–almost everyone goes through this. Just daven that Hashem should give you clarity in shidduchim and that you find your bashert quickly!!
I think many people had problems with mosquitoes, due the large amounts of rain that we had this year. We all got bitten up like crazy!
A friend of mine asked R’ Yerucham Olshin after the shmuz why the ban is only for the Bochurim. He said that it’s just a start. I think Yeshiva has more leverage over Bochurim, being that they dorm there and eat there, and therefore they could threaten to take these things away.
The ban on texting is for Bochurim only as of now.
Toi,that has been said for years, mainly to justify his crazy sentence and to keep him in prison. Recently however this has been proven false, as dozens of congressmen have requested his release, as well as the former head of the CIA James Woolsey. If there’s anyone who knows all the classified details of the case, it’s Woolsey, So I’m sure there’s nothing that he knows that could cause damage.
Let me just clarify. What I meant by “best moments” is that those (walks) were usually the most comfortable times of my dates. The OP mentioned that “sometimes on a date they can overshadow things and prevent natural conversation”, and I was just suggesting an idea for people that have this problem, although I wasn’t answering the OP’s qustion.
Smick- most people are not comfortable with there pictures being sent around. And looks could be deceiving. Sometimes someone doesn’t go for a look on a picture or even on a first date, but once you get to know the person and like his/her personality, you start to like the look. And just because someone doesn’t like a look, it doesn’t necessarily make him shallow. Just my opinion.
I think you are definitely correct when you say that looks can some times prevent natural conversation. Whether the look is good or whether something bothers you, it’s very hard to have a normal conversation when you are concentrating on the looks. This is why I was told by Rebbi to go on walks or take a nice drive while dating. It’s definitely easier to be yourself when you’re walking, and not just sitting which could get a little awkward at times. And I could say from my own dating experience that the walks on the boardwalk or in the park were some of my best moments.
I used to say the same thing, that I should first work on other things more important, and then I’ll keep cholov yisroel. Then I realized that it was all just an excuse. So I decided to stop with cholov stam but I don’t look at cholov stam like it’s treif. It depends on what level you’re holding.
I have a friend who’s wife wore flats on the first date, even though there was a big height difference. She later said that she wanted him to get used to the way she really is. Now that she’s married, she usually wears heals. Listen–I think height difference is a legit reason not date someone, but once you agree to go out with someone and you know his/her height, I would give it another shot. And don’t listen to friends- they don’t have your best interests in mind, and some are plain stupid.
And how about dating mentors who aren’t married yet and are giving advice
So glad for you! Thanks for letting us know!
All the best
just remember–if it’s life and death, or even if it’s doubtful if it’s life and death, you must call on shabbos. You could call 911 if you want.
If you are in the hospital on shabbos, of course the best thing to do is to stay until after shabbos. While a Hatzalah member is permitted to return because otherwise we are afraid he won’t go to begin with, as 80 said, I think this only applies to the Hatzalah member or a doctor, but not to the patient himself.
As far as going to the hospital on shabbos, if it is a serious emergency Hatzolah should be called as they are the quickest responders, but if it’s not a life and death thing but you need to go, I think local EMS or a cab may be called. Not sure how to pay a cab though.
There’s no reason why you should need to give a reason. It’s not fair for a shadchan to push you for one. I also sometimes feel uncomfortable giving reason for a no. However I have noticed that giving a reason usually gives the shadchan a better understanding of yourself. I’ve had it many times where after I gave a reason, that same shadchan came back with a much better suggestion. So while it’s uncomfortable, it may just help you out.
OK. Latest update on the hurricane 5 minutes ago from the National Weather Service- Irene is still a category 1 Hurricane with winds at 80mph. The eye of Irene is 189 miles away from NYC.
Whoa let’s not go overboard. Maybe you shouldn’t go outside, but nothing is going to happen by looking out the window. This is not a category 3 storm.
Extremely windy now in Brooklyn with heavy rain. So far gusts have reached up to 45mph. There are tree branches scattered all over the streets, and it’s only going to get worse over the next few hours.
There’s nothing to scared about. Yes this will be one of the strongest hurricanes to hit NYC, and there will be many power outages. Just stay home and stay off those roads. The roads and highways will be crazy with tree branches scattered all over. Plus it’s hard to drive in such powerful winds. Just stay home (assuming you don’t live on the beach or near water), relax and enjoy!
Coffee, I didn’t mean that we shouldn’t take any lessons out of this horrible tragedy. Of course we need to all look deeply into ourselves for ways to improve and we need to teach our kids how to keep safe. All I meant is that we will never understand why Hashem chose this pure neshoma of a 9 year old as a korban.
Definitely true–obviously this was no coincidence. While we could ask why, we’ll never know–that’s emunah.
Well said popa. Many don’t realize that Hatzolah members have real lives, and a lot of situations can be handled without calling them. And sometimes people call them and then don’t listen to them when Hatzolah advises them that they should go to the hospital. Also, sometimes people refuse to go to certain hospitals, instead insisting on being brought to a very distant hospital. This is called abusing Hatzolah. If you are calling them, listen to their advice. They are doing a tremendous chesed by dropping everything to help us–the least we could do is make their lives easier.
Maybe because BP is more crowded. Most houses are 3 family houses, while F is made up of mostly 1 family houses. Also, the frum community in BP seems to live in a smaller area of land while Flatbush is more spread out.
England
Yup!! Camp Shira Shabbos song!!
RABBAIM
I agree with you that at some point, it’s alright to discuss Torah. But it doesn’t have to be done with a farher, like in question and answer form. Let the boy know before hand that you would like him to say a nice d’var torah. This will make the situation more comfortable, and you could probably tell if it brings him simcha or not.
Sorry to go a little off course here, but should a father really give his daughter’s date a farher? I don’t think there’s anything to gain by it. He is not trying to get into your Yeshiva. Even if he is the biggest masmid, he will probably be nervous anyway. Instead, make him comfortable with some small talk.
I was told the following from someone there:
The sports there is very good. They have a special league with their own teams and they play 3 activities a day. As far as the learning goes, I was told it is very good. They have at least 4 rebeim in the mesivta program and they are very good. As far as where the boys come from, generally they are from Darchei Torah and Ner Yisroel.
You can’t blame the older sister for not wanting her younger sister to get married before her. It has nothing to do with jealousy. The reality is that if the younger sister goes first, it will hurt the shidduchim of the older one. People will assume something is wrong with her, even if nothing is. After all, why else would they let the younger one go first. Also, it hurts to hear every single person say IY”H by you. People will look at her and say “nebach, she needs a shidduch”. Waiting a year won’t hurt anybody. Why assume that the younger one will “miss” her bashert at 18 years old? There does come a time however when even if it will hurt the older one, she may have to just be skipped, and this has to be discussed with a Rav.
Come on- If he could take off his coat, why can’t he take off his hat? It’s not like he’s davening or something. I guess it depends on the guy, but I think it sure makes the situation, which already has it’s share of awkwardness, a little more relaxed.
It depends if he has hair or if he’s bald
The Irv happens to me a very nice dorm, compared to others. A few years ago, they renovated and now all the rooms have central AC and some have carpet. Plus there is a cleaning crew which cleans the bathrooms every day and vaccums the carpet rooms.
It makes a lot of sense that introverts should marry extroverts. An extrovert has the ability to sometimes bring an introvert out of his/her shell, and could make the person really shine. And not everyone is looking for someone that is bubbly and talkative. Some, especially extroverts, would rather have a more eidel and toned down person who will be a good listener.
If your talking about right before shemona esreh, it doesn’t have to be screamed out– 2 loud bangs are sufficient. However during shemona esreh, one guy saying it loud (not too loud!) is enough. We don’t need every guy in the shul to remind us, and sometimes it could get annoying when 20 people do it.
The Midtown Manhattan ambulance is driven in every day from Boro Park.
A yeshivishe guy wanted to know the price of an item in a store, so he asks the person behind the counter “camah mamon”. The guy answers back “esrim zuzim”.
Well most people don’t know when to say “holeich” and “noseiah”. Holeich is generally used for walking while noseiah is used for driving and travelling somewhere.
A seminary girl asked an egged driver before boarding the bus “ata holeich lakotel”? The bus driver angrily replied “ani noseiah, ata holeich” and he slammed the door in her face.
Daas Yochid- BMG making a longer freezer will not do much. Even if guys would date a few months later, who says this would make them go out with older girls. If anything, what they could do is take away the freezer from guys who go out with girls their age or older, which by the way, there was talk that they were planning on doing.