Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Smile E. Face- from the way you wrote your posts I can’t tell that you like writing. I’m not expecting perfect grammar and punctuation but at least write something that resembles the English language.
Girls don’t have a say in this matter. They have no idea about how a mans mind reacts to women.
thats why children have to be raised that there is no one way to live as a jew. The main thing is to be shomer torah and mitzvos. If being yeshivish and “black” works for them, great, but they shouldn’t feel trapped in the yeshivish lifestyle of “start in kollel then become a rebbi.”
I remember that when I was younger I used to write letters like that to the yated just to get the reactions. It was a way of coping with boredom in yeshiva
page plus is 1200 minutes 1200 texts a month for 30 unlimited both for 40. (last i checked) there is also tmobile prepaid for similar. att is about 60 for unlimited both prepaid and it has very good service. Cell phone plans have evolved (kind of like long distance did 15 years ago). now it’s easy to get unlimited prepaid at good prices. The only real reason to get a plan is the extras like data etc.
bp totty I differ with you on one critical aspect. You seem to want to involve the parents in every little thing. I envision a night where singles can get together without their parents and work things out amongst themselves of course with the help of mediators (or whatever word you prefer). Once there is a potential shidduch then parents can get involved in checking out the other side. But even there the parents will play a more limited role as the boy and girl will talk directly to the shadchan. The parent wiil end up playing more of a background role in the shidduch doing the checking and providing support and advice.
One possible reason why shadchanim would want to sponsor such an event would be the monetary incentive. Shadchanim would be able to collect shadchanus on shidduchim that they guide to the end even though many of these shidduchim will be initiated by the boy and girl themselves or their friends. They won’t have to do all the jumping through hoops to get that first date. Maybe someone should give this sales pitch to their local shadchan
In addition, no one has the nerve to go on shmutzek sites in the library when anyone can look over their shoulders.
You’d think so but thats not always the case. You wouldn’t believe what i’ve seen on other peoples screens in NYPL
I’m just curious,regarding the girls who didn’t understand why the rav should be consulted before stopping to have children, considering they didn’t understand this, how did they think that the couple would go about doing that.
MG I didn’t really have in mind speed dating as much as just a night out where singles can get to know each other but I guess speed dating could work
srp Basically, shidduch tumult aside, I can’t for the life of me figure out why eveerything has to go through intermediary after intermediary(his mother her mother).
bp totty- I never understood why the mother is always the one who communicates with the shadchan shouldn’t the singles themselves be the ones telling the shadchan what they want in life. After all they know themselves best. I’ve heard too many stories of mothers who looked for things in a daughter in law that the boy didn’t care about. Yes, there should be shadchanim around but the singles themselves should speak to them. Besides for being able to hear what they want straight from them, the shadchan will be able to size them up and get a much clearer picture of them.
I think this idea has great potential. Now somebody has to convince the BMG roshei yeshiva to give their haskama and it will take off
how about changing the name of the thread to something that explains what it’s about a little better like Singles tumult or singles night out so more people will be attracted to this thread.
somebody has got to start this. Single events shouldn’t just be for older singles and those with a different background (eg baal teshuva)
Maybe having a singles night in Lakewood every few months isn’t such a bad idea. Boys and girls in shidduchim can get together in a light atmosphere and get to know each other. Girls and guys can meet each other or set each other up with their friends. There would be a few shadchanim circulating around as well as other adults just to keep things on track. I think the opportunity to meet members of the other gender informally (and of course under “supervision”) would be very beneficial both in the amount of shidduchim that would be made and also in allowing guys and girls to get comfortable and more familiar with the opposite gender so they can fully understand what they are looking for.
go to Boston. That way the girls can check out all the top universities there so they will know where they want to go go after seminary. There is Harvard brandeis mit Umass and many others.
depends what neighborhoods. If you want you can live pretty spread apart
I’m a fan of the in between places like lakewood and monsey where you aren’t crammed into a tiny area but they still have enough in town amenities to be enjoyable. You can get a minyan in lakewood almost 24 hours, there are shuls all over the place, and there is a decent selection of restaurants ( at least with the not as fancy places if you want fancy you can go to deal).
RSRH what I would like to is how your school views touro. is it considered first rate or second rate. did people who went to top schools have an easier time getting in. how is your school ranked. I am trying to figure out if going to touro will put me at a disadvantage compared to going to a top school. I would like to one day get into a top mba program and I’m hoping to be able to do it with a touro degree. Anyone else with experience using a touro degree to get into graduate school please let me know.
charliehall I agree that college in certain circumstances should become more accepted in the yeshivish world. I know a few people who are not being productive in yeshiva (not showing to seder, pretty much just staring at the walls ) but when I asked them why they dont go to college at least part time they told me that they would love to but their parents would never go along. They were expected to sit in yeshiva until marriage and then go to kollel even though they were totally not suited for it. Even though I was brought up in a very yeshivish environment and kollel was considered a wonderful thing in my house (my father was in kollel for almost ten years) we were never raised that we had to go in one direction. Whenever I would bring up the possibility of going to college my parents would say when you reach that stage we’ll discuss with you what’s right for you. When I decided to go to college my parents supported me completely.
i am about to start classes in touro israel. I am wondering if anyone knows about how accepted a touro degree is. I am potentially giving up a full scholarship to a pretty prestegious university by going to touro, because i want to stay in yeshiva in israel, and i just want to make sure a touro degree is worth something.
Touro israel is another idea for bochurim you can get up to 59 credits towards an american touro degree by taking night classes there. touro also recognizes up to 48 yeshiva credits so a bachur can come back to america and be almost finished his degree.
it was always my understanding that names dont have to be in hebrew we are just accustomed to doing it that way (shelo sheno shmum)
based on that reasoning shouldn’t we be wearing ties. Denver actually used to require ties but recently dropped it
on the same note why is tallis whuch is a mitzva only done after marriage by most people. shouldnt we start when the kid is bar mitzva. my uncle looked into it and decided that there was no good reason not to and when his son turned bar mitzva he gave him a tallis.
I remember walking into bmg dorms and coming across a large group of guys smoking. They were wearing their bathrobes and would go into the shower after they had a few cigarettes so their clothes wouldn’t stink of smoke bec they were all in shidduchim.
I am just wondering are we talking about smoking. I know many guys who smoke who know that almost every girl will not marry a smoker and they lie about it. I remember a kollel guy who used to sneak behind my building to smoke bec his wife had no idea he still smoked (she thought he quit before marriage)
you seem to be missing his point that fifty years ago people wore what was in style at the time and changed when the styles changed. somewhere down the line we froze our style of dress while the rest of the world went on. where did that come from?
from reading some of the posts here and from speaking to my sisters in bais yaakov I get the impression that many (and in very yeshivish communities most) of the high school girls have no idea about the inherent attraction men have to them. Even those who have some clue, have it in their head as some vague idea and not as the real pressing thing it is to men. Because of their lack of exposure to secular media and because they dont mingle with guys socially (which is a great thing) they are unaware of these things. I read one of the comments here that said that girls were viewing negiah as a chumra. If they had any clue about what their touch can do to a guy they would be much more careful. Now the only way for them to fully realize the power of attraction they have is to have some real life experiences we dont want them to have. however acc to my sisters they dont even tell the girls openly in bais yaakov. I am wondering if a girl had a basic idea that by wearing that sweater that is a little too tight she is causing a lot of yetzer hara issues maybe she would think twice rather than just thinking whats the big deal if I bend the rules here and there whats going to happen.
I personally find the kartisya more convenient because i can see when i’m running out of punches and i know to have extra cash on me. the bus drivers are very quick with ounchung that an electronic system wouldnt really be different. now that they started maavars again it takes longer though so a system would help
derivitaves are things like options (option to buy a stock etc. at price x at time y) or futures (buying 3000 bushels of wheat deliverable in 3 months) usually you can get alot more leverage so the profit potential is higher(as is the risks) If you want to spend time each day you can make alot of money in derivitives. if you only want to check once in a while choose a few good stocks that you think will go up and invest in those. theres less profit potential but also less time spent and less chance you will lose all your money( if you go into derivtaves without any clue what youre doing you will lose all your money)
In the yated every week they have a chinuch roundtable where mechanchim from all over answer chinuch questions. I was thinking that someone should post the question of the week and everyone could put in their opinions. The same could be done with controversial letters to the editor
always look both ways by a stop sign. I’m not sure what state you’re from but in some states the test is giving in a parking lot. It’s not very easy to notice the stop signs so keep an eye out for them
I just returned from Israel this year. I need a job in order to earn enough money to go back next year. I have interests in a specific career and I wish I had enough time to devote to it but I don’t. Not every teenager is being completely supported. I f anyone has a job in Lakewood with steady hours let me know
Lakewood is an awesome community and there are many areas of working people. However the schools are all very yeshivish and the limudei chol is not very good. If you do end up living there check out ytt (yeshiva tiferes torah). It is the school in which your type of family would feel most welcome. I also notice that the kids who come out of there 6 years later are the kids with the best middos.
unfortunately we inside the jewish community are always noticing the negative things that happen(see all the threads in the cr) If we would take a step back we would notice all the wonderful things that go on in the community. I’ve wanted to make a documentary of all the organizations (hatzola, chai lifeline, tomchei shabbos) that exist in the community. there is no parallel in any other community.
rwndk1 from my own personal observation in a very long skirt you can see the form underneath much clearer than in a medium length skirt. If girls want to know whether something is tznius ask a guy they notice these things much better than a girl (for obvious reasons)
littleema thanks for clarifying I wasn’t sure if the original comment was supporting or arguing with what I wrote I guess it was supporting.
How was adam harishon machshil his wife
In my yeshiva they have a copy of rabbi falks sefer lying around. I read through it and it left me with a very uncomfortable feeling it seemed like the “taliban guide to judiasm”. Still he was rabbi and who am I to argue with halacha so I discussed it with one of my rebeim. he told me that the halachos brought down are the the most machmir of every shita (as opposed with sticking with one shita both for kulos and chumros I guess the reverse of taking every heter you hear of). In addition to the “halacha” he brought down he brought down every extra chumra he could think of as what a frum girl should be doing. Reading the book made me feel depressed and I can imagine how inadequate it makes girls who cant live up to its extreme version of tznius feel. i personally don’t agree with the idea of taking every single case and scenario and writing a 500 page book on it just like I don’t agree with writing a 500 page book on how a yeshiva bachur should act in every single situation. these things are a sensitivity that should taught by personal example and by personally teaching the basic guidelines. with the sensitivity woman will be able to figure out on their own ( whether it is too tight short etc.) without sensitivity you can write all the rules in the world but woman won’t be in the spirit of tznius (even following all the rules) sensitivity must be developed over time and a huge book does nothing but throw people off.
Another thing girls have to be taught is that tznius doesn’t mean make yourself look ugly. I was recently by a shabbos meal where there were about ten seminary girls from very frum seminaries 9don’t worry they were at the other end of a very big table separated by a virtual mechitza) and none of the girls were at all attractive. not because of them but because of the clothes they were wearing. tznius doesn’t mean wear sackcloth. these girls are going into shidduchim soon and I wonder if anyone told these girls that even the most yeshivish bachur is going to have to be attracted to them to marry them. If you dress like you are ashamed of your body it’s going to be difficult for a guy to get attracted to you. also ditch all the black it looks like you are going to a funeral all the time
try czech air. the service isn’t the greatest but you can get really cheap flights (my friend got a one way 470)