Forum Replies Created
I have done deliveries in the past and I have to say that when I was tipped I really appreciated it. On the other hand I never expected it and I was genuinely surprised when I would get a tip. I was getting a very good salary for the work I was doing so I guess that has something to do with it.
You go over and ask how he/she is doing the same way you would to anyone you know. If you spent 4 hours shmoozing with someone and then ignored him on the street that would be very impolite. It’s not like you are in two alternate universes- datinng and the rest of your life. You actually know this person in your normal life once you’ve met dated them.
I had a dog last year. Unfortunately, my rabbi wouldn’t let us keep him in our dira so we had to have bochrim from a different dira take care of him. When they left they gave the dog away. I happen to love dogs (cats on the other hand are annoying- they scratch)
my rebbi will usually have a bottle of scotch on the table when we come over for a seuda. The rebitzin keeps an eye and when she feels we have had enough she takes away the bottle.
mbachur, you are in an MBA program using a BTL? I am looking into getting an MBA can you tell me more. Is your school a top ten. Don’t they require work experience usually to accept you. What did you have that they accepted you (high Gmat etc.)December 20, 2010 11:05 am at 11:05 am in reply to: What makes a guy interasted in saying yes to a girl? #718784
I disagree looks come before money. For me personally, I don’t want a girl who grew up in a very rich lifestyle (it doesn’t matter how rich the father is) because I don’t want to have to support that lifestyle. I would like to spoil my wife but I don’t want unrealistic demands put on me.
I heard a joke that is applicable to this discussion.
Why, when Yosef had his dream about all his brothers bowing down, was Dinah not included?
Dinah was Yosef’s wife Osnos’s mother. This goes to show that even in your dreams your mother-in-law will never bow down to you.
Everyone keeps talking about lessons. I still think that lessons are pointless if you have someone to teach you. It all comes down to experience which you get after you get your license.
chesedname I’m surprised the mods let that one through
I wouldn’t say something like that to someone in person. However this is an anonymous forum; it helps get any nastiness out of my system. You don’t know I am who I say I am and I don’t know you are who you say you are. If you can’t take a little abuse don’t post on these forums. Whatever you post is fair game to comment on.
I passed the first time on both my car and motorcycle tests. But I live in NJ; it’s much harder in New York
they have internet in Iraq. It sounds like you have a picture in your mind that he is running from trench to trench dodging enemy fire to say shema with dying jewish soldiers.
you think? guys aren’t as clueless to looks as you think (haven’t you read the posts)
Sacrilege the person meant that the girl is a bigger catch not a better person. She is a girl with x internals and a 10 is a bigger catch than a girl who is x internals and a 3; it’s simple mathDecember 14, 2010 1:31 pm at 1:31 pm in reply to: Funny Shidduch Questions Asked About a Boy/Girl/Family #914061
my favorite question that was asked to someone I know
I am about to start dating X, tell me is there any major problems I should be aware about.
Great, and she is a nice sweet girl
Ok, I guess I’ll find out everything else when I meet her
koachshtika well said
umm you are a woman.; woman can look deeper than looks. if a guy had a wife whose looks he hated as much as you hate your husbands looks (which sounds more than a little dysfunctional if you ask me) he would soon be looking elsewhere (if you know what I mean). That’s assuming he marries her in the first place which has to mean he seriously suppressed his instincts.
Point I’ve been trying to make: men think differently than woman do about the opposite gender.
and you know this how?
That sounds more like the way girls evaluate a guy. (that the guys have to look ok and their overall look appeals to you.) I agree that a photo can’t tell me if I will be attracted to her but I can look at the photo and see if there is any potential. for example if I see a picture and the girl doesn’t look great that doesn’t mean that i won’t go out maybe she isn’t photogenic and besides personality also plays a role in attraction. If I see she is very overweight I knw there is nothing to talk about. My definition of shtark is definitely the mainstream definition of shtark. I was in a very shtark yeshiva for many years so believe me I know.
mischiefmaker I understand why people say um when they are talking; it’s a natural sound they make when they are thinking of the next word but why would you write it randomly
The point I am trying to say is that the hashkafos of the shtark yeshivos is that you have to be attracted to her. And the bochurim usually internalize that. I probably didn’t stress this enough but that doesn’t mean that she has to have a supermodels body etc. None of the guys I know requires it. As you said, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But that beauty still has to be in his eyes.
I still think this is an argument between the attractive vs the unattractive. Keep in mind that when you consider you’re friends pretty it doesn’t mean guys do. also keep in mind that apparently you don;t seem to know this integral fact that it’s ok for looks to matter (even for a ben torah) so why should you;re friends who probably went to the same bais yaakov (and were taught the same hashkafos) as you.
I didn’t say it’s a priority just that it has to the attraction to her looks has to exist. not just that he won’t throw up looking at her. Of course her middos etc. are the most important criteria but attraction is also a necessary criteria. I remember a shmuz by a well known rosh yeshiva in my old yeshiva ( a very shtark one) where he cautioned guys from thinking that a ben torah shouldn’t worry about looks. he said that if he isn’t attracted to her he should not marry her.
I apologize for making you uncomfortable with the phrase “checking her out” but that is the most accurate way of describing it. I guess a different way to say it would be “seeing if you find her chitzonius attractive”
bygirl93 just thought I would clarify. I don’t know what they teach you in high school but guys are very interested in looks even the very shtark ones. Believe it or not but on the date they will check you out( discreetly). In fact, in yeshiva they are taught that they must be attracted to her. True, if someone marries a girl for only her looks he is an idiot, but as was already explained here he is just checking out her picture to see if there is a possibility of attraction.
I am curious if this is a fight between those who are unattractive/have unattractive wives and those that are attractive/have attractive wives (or unmarried males)
My friends don’t really date through shadchanim so theydon’t really need a photo they can tell when they look at her if they want to ask her out.
for all those overweight girls, don’t despair. I have a few friends that are specifically into overweight girls. Not every guy wants a thin girl.
I use it once in a while it has some useful info
I am actually learning part time and in college the rest of the time. Nobody who knows me is under any illusions that I am learning full time. I am trying to grow at my pace and where I am holding in life it does not include being cut off from the world (besides for the fact that I need internet for college and side research). Yes, Israel is a much purer environment and if I have to be learning/in college I would much rather be doing it in Israel. But going on yeshiva world while doing homework or researching a paper is in no way hindering my spiritual development
helpful, yes it goes up but the point I am trying to make is that the parent may have to pay extra now but at least the kid won’t get hit with astronomical insurance bills when he gets married. (though assuming the parents pay the bills then also it won’t make much of a difference to him)
BP totty why do you need driving lessons. My father taught me to drive and he taught my brother to drive. I still remember driving him around on my days off. The only real excuse for driving lessons is if you don’t have the time.
Getting a motorcycle license on the other hand is more of a question.
Keep in mind that insurance is higher for new drivers. If you wait until dating he will have a very high insurance bill the first few years of marriage. Additionally, many states have provisional driving laws that severely restrict driving in the first year or so. In New jersey, provisional drivers can’t drive past 11 or have more than one non family member as a passenger. Even though most of these restrictions fall off over 21, it is better to get a license earlier. The sooner you can get past those restrictions the better. Besides, having a license makes your job opportunities much greater. I was able to get high paying summer jobs because I had a license.
Again I didn’t say it was wrong just don’t sit there on your high horse talking about mesiras nefesh for torah.
whatrutalkingabt- you’re right it’s moving more to machal but I was just generalizing in the neighborhoods; I meant the general area. I have a cellcom internet piece.
You have to be a little more specific if you want help it’s not clear if the information that got out is something small that you’re bugging out about for no reason or if it’s something serious. At least elaborate if it’s something about you you’re family your hashkafos etc.
Since you left out the details let me indulge myself with possible scenarios
1)Shadchan- so would you go out with a boy who is working/only learning short term if he has everything else you’re looking for?
Because it was like a hundred degrees and humid, she was just finally falling asleep for a twenty second nap in between preparing for a model lesson and finishing i think two other reports. kitzur, my mind wasn’t with me when she called a rational thought actually pops into her head “why not”
goodquestion-yeah but I’m not actively looking for a guy but I’ll consider it if it comes up
And now she is known as the girl who isn’t 100% committed to the Kollel lifestyle. How will she get a shidduch? what will her parents think?
2)shadchan- so how can I contact you?
goodquestion- well text me if you have anything
Uh oh a girl with texting how can she be worth marrying?
3)somehow it comes up in the converstion
goodquestion-but they dind’thave anything in size six so I couldn’t buy anything.
shadchan- But it says on your shidduch resume that you are size 2
new2thescene I couldn’t agree more. I am having a much more productive zman now that I am doing college at night. I can’t learn a full day (12-13 hours) and there is too much free time. Therefore I end up being unproductive which leads to feelings of lethargy which makes it hard to learn even the 6-7 hours I can usually do. Not to mention the extra time often leads to watching movies which further diminish me from being able to shteig. Now that I am in college at night I have classes and homework and papers to write and I end up being much more productive and therefore end up learning better.
popa bar abba, how many years ago?
The location of honeymoon villages tend to shift over time. It could be that during your day it was the area with cheap housing that it used to be before the honeymoon couples discovered it.
aries2756 I didn’t say it was necessarily wrong just that don’t call it mesiras nefesh
whatrutalkingabt, I was talking about honeymoon villages like ramat Eshkol. It’s filled with couples who come have a kid or two and then go back In the mean time they party it up. They go to first seder if they are not too tired. Or better yet they join one of these yedidim programs where they “learn” with weak bochurim. Another way of saying pure battala “but you’re helping the kids they need someone to shmuz with them in the bais medrash or they would never walk inside.” Walk through Ramat Eshkol how many of the american couples are planning (seriously) to stay. They are here to party and (maybe?) learn. You should hear them talk about their sacrifices, “the meat in Israel is not as good so when we have the weekly bbq the steaks don’t taste the same.” “my father only flies us in Pesach, the summer and midwinter vacation it’s so hard being away for so long” Its a pity the (two year) honeymoon is not perfect. Whether the whole thing is right or not is a different question but don’t start talking about mesiras nefesh. Mesiras nefesh are those american families that I see all the time with a bunch of kids and they live extremely simply and they all wear hand me downs and somehow they make it work with no money from their parents.
I can go on about this but it’s getting late
from the couples I see here in Ramat Eshkol and other “honeymoon villages” many (if not most) of the couples are living it up on their parents expense. When I speak to the kollel guys I am amazed at their attitude they speak about support like it’s coming to them. I do find that the couples that are here for long term/forever are much more moser nefesh and live much simpler. They are also usually much more self sufficient because for them life has already started and they can’t rely on daddy’s checks forever. (as opposed to the rest who are here on an extended honeymoon.)
My friend who knows the person who puts out the yeshiva/seminary guide told me that the person who puts out the newcomers guide was very upset that it was infringing on her business. I may have the wrong info but where are you getting your information.
The newcomers guide is different from the yeshiva/seminary guide. (from what I hear there is politics between the creators)
On the mehadrin buses there is usually a hole puncher for the kartisya hanging on a chain by the back door. The problems start when a girl needs a transfer or wants to pay cash. She has to make a difficult decision and decide which is worse, whether to walk to the front or ask a guy to get get it for her. I personally feel that it is all in her mind and if she didn’t make herself uncomfortable she wouldn’t be.
It’s definitely useful for some things like the brief synopsis of each bus route. For shana alef students it probably helps even more. My favorite line is when it describes mehadrin buses, “Men sit in the front and woman in the back like Rosa Parks.”
Keep in mind that in order to conform in the yeshiva world you can’t go out and work. You are basically asking for a guy who learned at least up to three years bais medrash (to be a ben torah) but then tore himself out of that world to go work. How many guys who are not cut out actually last that long and if he did pull himself out after that point you have to wonder why. It’s not common for a good bochur in yeshiva to leave and go work. Now that is not saying that there aren’t good ehrlich boys working but in my experience they have usually been through alot as teenagers and may not be suitable for that innocent bais yaakov girl who just wants to perform her proper role in life (take care of her kids). Even the rare good bochurim who go to college/work I have yet to meet one who doesn’t watch movies at least occasionally. If it were to become more accepted for bachurim not to only “learn fulltime” there might be many healthy well adjusted bochurim who would sit down and make rational decision to go to work/college. These are the bochurim everyone is looking for.
The name given by a bris mila/aliya is your hebrew name it doesn’t matter where it originates from. It could be mark and by aliyas you will be called up as mark ben …
how do you think many names that originate from secular sources became jewish names (shprinza which originates from a latin word)
genoi – exactly as in “I’m not sure genoi”
ramat eshkol is honeymoon village where rich JAPs come for a couple of years after marriage before going back to face real life. I’m sure you can imagine why the brand names are out of hand.
My yeshiva took us to eilat. We rented a boat and had all the water activities (scuba diving parasailing etc.) brought out to us (and pizza for lunch).
Regarding bochurim going wild in my yeshiva we have guys who for the most part have been with girls (take it as you will), have experimented with drugs alcohol. When they come to Israel it’s their chance to make a fresh start away from everybody. In the beginning they go a bit wild, they go to town a lot get drunk but then by chanuka they realize that its all a waste of time. If they don’t, they usually don’t make it back after pesach.
The real problem is with the good bochurim who get messed over. I personally know a shtark bochur from a choshuve yeshiva in america who told me that he hadn’t learned in months. The entire time he had been hanging around in dance clubs, bars with girls watching movies all night getting drunk doing drugs. He left Israel to BMG because it was time to get married. Another bochur I know personally came from a shtark yeshiva and left no longer frum. I know many similar cases. I realize that this isn’t the majority; most bochurim shtaig in Israel, but some can be really harmed. As previous posters have mentioned everything is much more accessible than in america (and it isn’t the zonas who are the problem it is the huge amount of girls from weak backgrounds in yerushalayim for seminary)
I feel that Israel can do wonders for growth but if a yeshivish guy is starting to “look around the world” Israel is not the place to send him.
Besides for the flight and tuition I spend my own money which I earn over the summer.
And that’s why I love it. I can’t stand Israeli culture.
I love ramat beit shemesh; it’s the closest to America in Israel. As mentioned, every area has it’s own community. There’s the very yeshivish mostly american mishkenos yaakov community around the shopping center area. There is a mixture of Israelis and americans by sork and lachish. Pretty much all yeshivish anglos on the other side of ayalon park by luz revivim near the gra shul. Therev is a dati leumi Israeli community on dolev and a more modern anglo community. Ramat shilo is anglo balabatish. There is a big problem with at risk there since many families move there with older children which according to most mechanchim is a big no no. If I would move to Israel I would live in ramat beit shemesh
was this in the last year or two? I picked up some talk from some guys I know about some kind of incident like this that they were involved in. (again, its not 100 percent clear what happpened to you)
you’re sure you don’t mean shabobniks. What do you mean by attacked.November 5, 2010 9:58 am at 9:58 am in reply to: Should There Be An Indication For Gender Under Peoples Names? #711972
It just means that you will know where they are coming from. If a girl posts on a topic that she knows nothing about you know to take it with a grain of salt (eg. shmiras enayim for men). Same thing vice versa.