A Sheep without a Spleen

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  • in reply to: I am very upset at the mods #1166681

    what’s wrong with screaming curses, I think people should only says curses

    Not drinking even cups of wine is Baba Metziah 86a in the middle, but dont just read that story, make sure you get the one right in the beginning too (though after a little it does get pretty weird)

    in reply to: You know you're not a yeshiva guy anymore when… #1197592

    I didn’t learn much about yeshivos from here, but I did learn who in the CR likes them

    in reply to: Signs I never saw on the highway #1050149

    Listen Birds

    These signs cost money

    So Roost a while

    But don’t get funny

    Burma Shave

    in reply to: Israeli driver #1035126

    I dated a chocolate-like (that’s artificial chocolate) custom on top of my chaim, for him.

    in reply to: Women Cleaning #1027248


    And all we eat is cow. Or young goat. And we get to throw the blood all over everything.

    in reply to: Rabbi Yitzchak Kimmel #1027726

    He’s too expensive for me

    in reply to: But I got em back #1011787

    So I mentioned before that if you didn’t have to think about if it’s Bah, Bo, or Bam then you said the wrong ViHanchilainu.

    Well If you DIDN’T have to think about it, then you didn’t say Vihasianu

    in reply to: You're so vain… #969568

    Sorry PBA, but you’re WAY outclassed in the “cool” department by yours truly.

    Th plane is overrated? Or made you constipated.

    in reply to: Eat, drink, and be healthy! #969134

    Not necessary, If you have the wine you’re good to go. However, if your spleen is enlarged, you can try some Blacksmith water. Just don’t drink too much…

    in reply to: InShidduchim.com: Is That the Jewish Way? #1216482

    Rivky decided to go ahead with the plan anyway and sent it to all the labarotories labeled as one of the essential ingredients in the vaccine for girl’s measles with a time delay of 19 years.

    Rochel’s double grinned. In fact, the only thing that the vaccine caused WAS autism.

    in reply to: InShidduchim.com: Is That the Jewish Way? #1216480

    Lauren’s triple’s alternate personality rejoiced inwardly, she had finally ouwitted LTA (lauren’s triple’s personality A). Instead of the vaccine, she had filled the syringe with an anti-tznius drug, in just 6 hours Lauren’s triple would walk out of the plane right into the hands of lauren’s quadruple and a squadron of NASI investors and then rivky would never clean for pesach or baal peor.

    Meanwhile Shmuel’s Triple was getting confused if he was supposed to pretend to notice or not notice Lauren’s Triple’s pretending pretending to not pretend to not know how orthodox women acted. In particular he wasn’t sure whether he was talking to LTA or LTB. He decided to play it safe and fake an asthma attack, use his epi-pen and go to sleep. He reached for the syringe, inserted it into his thyroid (or wherever it goes) and breathed a sigh of relief. Just then LTB noticed that she had used his syringe. Who know’s what Shmuel’s Double alternate personality had put in his!

    in reply to: InShidduchim.com: Is That the Jewish Way? #1216478

    Lauren’s double breathed a sigh of relief, it was hard pretending to not know how Orthodox women act. She just couldn’t let the vaccine be produced, the vampires needed someone to prey on and if they didn’t dig enough holes they’d never find the treasure.. the last horcrux- A jar of peach jam.

    in reply to: At the kever of Mordechai and Esther in Iran joke #931982

    with this path, soon they’ll be putting flashing articles on the sidebars

    in reply to: At the kever of Mordechai and Esther in Iran joke #931980

    I got into a whole discussion beacuse of that one, since it had an Abuchatzeira in it

    in reply to: Things that are ok to say in Hebrew but not in English #996154

    Hmm, I wonder if Israelis say those words in English. They should.

    in reply to: WAKE UP!! Our Yeshivas & Schools Are Open To The Public!! #913724

    Not to at all disparage the comment, but to cavalierly toss out our school’s money when our rebbeim are starving seems kind of cruel

    in reply to: Are Women Really Jewish? #1065077

    So like most of you I hope, my first thought on seeing this thread was, “That’s funny, I know they act like goyim and don’t follow the Torah and do the mitzvos like us, but of course they’re jewish.” However, recently, my wife who’s doing Daf HaSha’ah showed me a Tosfos in Qiddushin who quotes a gemara in Sotah that clearly holds they’re not. [The Tosfos itself was kinda interesting till I realized I might be a gayr] Those who follow the Rambam will of course throw this out with the baby but for the rest of us.

    The Gemara (Sotah 37b [Of course I didn’t look it up] says that at Har Sinai the Bnei Yisrael Took on 603,550 covenants as guarantors for each other. Tosfos derives from this that they did not become guarantors for the Eirev Rav. The obvious next step is that they also did not become guarantors for the women. ???? ????? ??.

    in reply to: Pesach circa 1980 VS Pesach 2012 #867659

    In my house we give them crushed rock and mud. And if they want straw they can find it themselves!

    in reply to: Family Not Traveling Together #868065

    I always let my wife take the kids and I come erev yom tov.

    in reply to: missing a parsha #867394

    I thought you missed the parsha of shidduchim; like you just got married with out dealing with all the people trying to get you to marry the fat people. Now THAT would have been impressive.

    in reply to: Mekor needed- thanks!!! #867391

    why do people have the minhag to only eat matzah and maror the whole pesach?

    because all the other foods might have touched chametz.

    in reply to: Sheva Brochos Divrei Torah #867931

    Just say a full Shmaatsa without quoting

    in reply to: I'm New! #871087

    And people who are Popa Bar Abba even though their name doesn’t say it (ie. Moskidoodle. [Popa has Bipolar Syndrome])

    in reply to: Lady Fingers #1070272

    I prefer to eat my sister’s fingers

    in reply to: Davening Gemara #1017034

    Or maybe it was really a picture Gemorah that he was reading…

    in reply to: I'm New! #871066

    and stay away from the mean-spirited people

    in reply to: Why is People from the cr acting mean #867516

    Moskidoodle: There’s a reason people say “Let me Google that for you” not “Let me Bad Middos Pirates that for you”

    in reply to: Why is People from the cr acting mean #867513

    moskidoodle is a copycat and looks on yeshiva world to figure out how to insult people.

    As for the pirates, The spleenless one actually read the book and even if moskiface didnt he still should have noticed that the book which rabbi shemtov carries around is…………. orchos tzaddikim.

    And even if moski didnt even look at the pictures he should have at least read the foremost book on middos…….. the orchos tzaddikim.

    in reply to: Why I'm never giving blood again. By popa. #1157859

    Dear healthdawg,

    You obviously are making an attempt at intelligence. Here. I will help you.

    Step one. Untie other half of brain.

    Step two. Take off that silly thinking cap; it isn’t helping you.

    Step three. Listen to the wisdom of the sheep.

    Step four. Ponder what the sheep said.

    Step five. Commence talking-(just joking)

    The real step five. Think about what kind of things are forced in logic by what the sheep said.

    Step six. Write the in the space where it says reply.

    Step seven. Click where it says Send Post.

    Now as for the stand up comedy I do in the bar called “Ywn coffeeroom”, You will find it funny after you repeat steps three and four a few times.

    As for my knowledge of medicine, it was already mentioned by the Blacksmith-water Sheep that I donate blood much more than healthdawg which of course takes care of your juvenile line about my cowardice.

    My wife thinks I am funny, but finds it even more funny that you cant tell where blood is coming out from.

    in reply to: Why I'm never giving blood again. By popa. #1157855

    listen here healthyface

    I would figure that even with half your brain tied behind your back to make it fair you still know the difference between blood and skin but it seems you think that the flambouyantologistinis have more than half there brain tied in an updo. I really dont know why you’re assuming that they cant tell where the blood is coming out of. Its really not that hard and I will teach any flambouyantologistini that you know for a price, but here is a sneakpeek at my lesson.

    Step one. Get a grip.

    Step two. Open your eyes.

    Step three. Look at the man’s arm. Now if you cant tell which guy is bleeding even if you dont know the difference between blood and skin, look for the man who is screaming. you can tell he is screaming even if you cant tell the difference between regular voices and not regular voices b/c he has his eyes closed and his mouth open. (everyone else has their mouth open AND thier eyes open.)

    Step four. Look at where the gray (shade 33) liquid is coming out of the arm. You can tell it is coming out b/c it was in and now its coming out.

    Step five. Put your thumb on the exact place where it is coming out and the rest of your fingers on the other side of the arm.

    Step six. Commence pressure.


    in reply to: Siyum Hashas #869166

    I’m not sure, but for the other Asifa I think its Citifield-Asifa Dot Org

    in reply to: Cigarettes, chometz issue? #866718

    My friend texted me Bedikas Chometz night that his friend wanted to know if he had to sell his Weed for Pesach, I was gonna reply in kind with a funny joke until I realized it was serious…

    However I was impressed that he was willing to forgo it for 8 days

    in reply to: Why I'm never giving blood again. By popa. #1157851

    To put it simply- it is very easy to tell where the needle was. Try looking at where the blood is coming out from it wont be so hard because blood is a different color than skin.

    in reply to: Why is People from the cr acting mean #867508

    moskidoodle is cluless. the source for the bad middos pirates is the sefer orchos tzaddikim who says that it is a good middah. go figure.

    in reply to: Why is People from the cr acting mean #867504

    moskidoodle: Source??

    in reply to: Asking Questions #866210

    Any questioning has an answer in Yiddishkeit. We might not know the answers to every question, but there is at least one answer to each question. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not right to ask in a rebellious way or any inappropriate way. However, there is always an answer.

    Christianity also does, they just don’t know any of the answers. You can’t claim we’re special if you can’t answer the questions.

    in reply to: I'm gone. #873718

    This is nice. I feel so at home here

    in reply to: Why I'm never giving blood again. By popa. #1157847

    They might not be able to stop the bleeding

    WHAT?! WHAT?! Have you half your brain tied behind your back to make it fair??!! What do you think they do when they’re finished sucking your blood? let you die? why would they do that? Do you think thy suspect that the person is going to be so scared of giving blood like a teenage girl doing dor yesharim that they will never give blood again? may as well kill them. that seems to be the prevailing opinion of this thread. kill popa b/c he wont give blood.

    Not everyone i s so scared of dor yesharim so theres no reason to kill him, so probably they have a way to stop the bleeding. In fact I know they do b/c i give blood all the time apparently unlike Health.

    in reply to: Whats an english name for "Shemuel" besides Sam? #866584

    Samson Simpson Sylvester severus simon samael

    in reply to: Separate Times For Bochurim & Sem Girls In Gateshead #1029675


    a very nice point but how did you come up with the idea of making a -e’- sound? k-E’-hilah?! how do you pronounce that?

    in reply to: Are these young women nuts, selfish, out of it or something else? #865121

    don’t do it for the thank you. don’t even expect it. Just do what you should be doing

    You’re completely right zalman, I used to say thank you but then I saw somewhere that Bein Adam L’Chaveiro dictates that if it’s your spiritual growth or friend, you have to help your friend, I didn’t want people to only do a chesed for me to get the thank you so I stopped.

    in reply to: Yeshiva Boys being sent home to collect Bain Hazmanim #864504

    Very frequently children collect Tzedaka where I am (in shul, at home or on the street), and it gives me the greatest pleasure

    That’s because they’re cute… I’m not cute, I have a big hole inside of me where my spleen use to be.

    That’s Reb-Apushatyid to you!

    That’s better than ” He died 25 years ago, and his children sold the house to the guy before me when they moved to a nursing home, and anyway HE HATED YOUR YESHIVA (He wrote on the deed as a stipulation to never support your yeshiva)

    Or “That’s Master Apashutayid to you, I’m only on your list because I gave my Maaser money from my lemonade stand to the pushka in your yeshiva once!”

    in reply to: Yeshiva Boys being sent home to collect Bain Hazmanim #864502

    Just curious. How many people reading this have been solicited for a donation to a yeshiva, by a yeshiva bachur home for bein hazmanim, whether at home, via the phone, at work, anywhere, ever?

    Hello Mr. Apash- Dr. Apushatayid

    My name is Chezky Cohen from Bais Medrash Gevoha. Me and my friend are here collecting for our yeshiva. We would like to thank you for supporting us in the past and we hope that you can help us out again this year.


    in reply to: Yeshiva Boys being sent home to collect Bain Hazmanim #864453

    One of Popa’s brothers first went collecting when he was 19. He went to a city with a friend and profited about about $2300 in 5 days. They weren’t an outstanding pair either. Most of those pairs from that school make between 2500 and 3000. I wouldn’t blame Popa’s brother for under-producing because all the big names were crossed out so that the “professionals” could speak to them.

    in reply to: What color is a black box (flight data recorder)? #863301

    An orange rhinoceros is not orange

    Crazy donkeys are not crazy

    Achilas Matzah isn’t food

    in reply to: Does anyone here workout, go the gym…? Laundry related question #863221

    Stick it in the drawer to keep wet for next time, the way I see it, sweat is nature’s way of cooling you off, why waste it?

    in reply to: Da'as Torah #847537


    3- If conceived by to the wife, possibly.

    4- Yes.

    Why is patturing through children easier than brother

    in reply to: Da'as Torah #847529


    2- What if he wasn’t Koneh it ( Can you marry a woman with a shtar on karka?)

    Why are you sure on 4 not 3?

    5-If at the time of Chalitza it was a safek, is that chalitza pesulah?

    in reply to: Da'as Torah #847520

    What if we know it was from another man? What if it was forced, and the son married his mother B’Issur? Or is it not B’Issur? What if it’s a safek whether it was from IVF, though there vadai was IVF? What if there were then twins? What if there were twins but one was born through C-Section? What if there were twins, but a weasel went in and brought one of them out? What if a weasel brought one of them out and then a dog ate the weasel, went back in, and then the child was born normally?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 88 total)