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easy 200k+++..these days 100k’s won’t cut it close….try for the big professions (you’ll need the education,schooling,resources=money) g’luck!
it’s tough but you have to live in the present not looking at the past..”shoulda,coulda,woulda but didn’t” I normally get over it within a week (not saying it’s easy)
one thing I always do is suggest him (if he’s worth it)for my friends chances are they might work!
When going out there’s always a chance either one of you will say no-you have to be prepared for it.
Sometimes these “breakups” are learning experiences you get to see what you like about the guy and can focus on looking for similar guys–just careful with that you might find yourself comparing him to the next guy(which isn’t fair)
“Usually, people don’t hold on to guys they’ve dated a couple of times for years “
No girls normally get over it within a couple of weeks! I don’t know about guys through I’m guessing they’re all right!
I’d say continue dating a lot of these “issues” and the just friends can be tricky
If it’s going well continue… moving along through dates…sounds like your in the middle #s of dates?(am I right?) more like 6th date type..by then you really know each other..there’s never a right or wrong # of dates and you shouldnt feel pressured!
if something bothers you don’t continue otherwise is sounds allright
BTW get a mentor/coach/other person to discuss this out with they understand you and will guide you better!
Wolf: It’s a girl thing you might never get it…girls can get like that especially with dating—it’s been going on since the beggining of time!
Okay, I understand a little about the feelings ‘cuz I dated a guy for a while(a real while) and it didn’t work out- we both had a good time but we didnt get further then that-(like a standstill-more like friends)
he ended up getting engaged to my friend at first I had mixed feelings-like maybe we could have worked but u can’t think like that really go out with him
Do it for yourself he’s prob. a great guy if your friend really thought highly of him-okay but just dont tell her it might shake things up and she might not talk to you until you hook her up with another guy…
ballet slippers, iced roses,
I think there’s nothing wrong with going out with him–in general don’t tell your single friends who your dating(unless they’re involved)Any guy your friends went out with is prob. in the ballpark so go for it!
Many guys I went out with I refer to others it really works because friends are similar and now you should obviously care about her feelings but you should be confident to say I’m going out cause it makes sense–
if you get engaged just tell her I wasn’t sure what to do but I had to do whats best in my situation also try to set her up with one of his friends!!!!
Really ask the reference to describe him normally the first few things that come up properly describe the guy look out for key adjectives the tone of voice….another thing is the references are normally a representation of the guy in one way or another…check out if they speak in a way you would want someone who is associated with your daughter to speak …a lot can be determined by this…many times if you ask the specific questions you’ll get vague-nice” answers but try to see how excited and enthusiastic the reference is you’ll begin to get a picture.. this whole time Daven that the checking,investigating,dating should go smoothly!
Has it been proven that community hired shadchanim work? How does it work they meet singles in a shul or something and how can one shadchan deal with everyone?
A Thank you gift should be the accepted way of thanking the shadchanim who work for you…not only professional shadchanim..(oh nuts candy tray,$$$, flowers, taking the shadchans kids out for lunch!) all thoughtful gestures to show appreciation
and also as an aside: I think all singles should get their names out in more places then their own community
sending them a gift might help them re-consider working for you…try many shadchanim the best is through emailing them/text them…write exactly what you would tell them over the phone then mention you want to speak to them and ask when its convenient to call…sometimes having someone who does have a kesher with them to call for your behalf will work the key is network….one thing youll learn is which shadchanim you want to deal with and which ones have suitable boys for your daughter….IY”H it should go smoothly!!
I fully believe in what I’m writing singles both genders must not feel the need to compromise…in specific scenarios like considering a widower, divorcee etc. then the single must know themselves what they can handle..yes then that might be compromising on their dream spouse but main factors that would effect any marriage I don’t believe there is a need to compromise!
I truly believe everyone has a destined beshert IY”H by all the singles out there…this thread is full of doubt and worry and by reading it singles will unfortunately get themselves i bad situations…soooo all singles who are feeling hopeless
DO NOT SETTLE, YOU MIGHT COMPROMISE BUT DON’T EVER SETTLE…it’s much better to love your spouse then to be stuck with just anyone!
obviously this isn’t a fair system…generally you hope pple do care who they marry we are picking a life long marriage partner and yes..you should care and think about it b4 saying “I do”–yes to the shidduch… isn’t that common sense…the age part and the math aspect to shidduchim seems like a non issue…i don’t believe a singles should settle ever..they can compromise like he might not be your look but he’s everything else-which is in a lot of cases…
settling b/c otherwise your getting too old is horrible..in the name of many Gedolim- never settle or compromise on key issues..it’s better to get married older than have an unhappy and horrible marriage/ girls should have more confidence to say no i refuse to settle…i believe there’s someone out there for everyone …LIFE IS NOT A RACE!
thinking about this whole thing is a bit hysterical-sad..yes..but really funny…meaning to say to solve this age gap problem…youll need an entire database of all available singles and all shadchanim to help work on it…then youll have the shadchanim basically matching the singles up MAINLY BY AGE i mean what about all the other factors like background etc. but nooo! the shadchanim will call u up and say guess what i have a whole slew of guys for u and theyre your age so its a shidduch..go out with all of them.. i wouldnt take any of those suggestions CMON BASED ON AGE WHATS THE WORLD COMING TO??? well have even more problems…if pple/shadchanim dont look out for the main primary coomponents to marriage!
here’s a similar but very different question lets say you went out with him a while ago..you didnt go for him or watever and then see him at a wedding/store/hotel lounge on a date!—it’s happened…
what’s the mentschlich thing to do?
he obviously recognizes you…it didnt work… but do you have to be nice and say hello or do you move along pretending not to notice him?
what singles can do:
1. Network
2. Call people-relatives,friends
3. DAVEN IY”H BY ALL OF KLAL YISROEL
4. Network again-get your name out there–also present yourself in a way that pple will think of setting you up..neat,well dressed etc.
as an aside don’t sit and wait (noone is doing that) go to classes, gym, etc. get involved IY”H by every single out there!
There was a post a while ago of contacts-shadchanim to contact..get hold of a list as well
just as everyone mentioned already…you totally cant tell by a picture…many shadchanim and friends ask for a resume and pic and when they get it… they scream at me since the pic doesnt do me justice at all…a yr ago i went to a famous shadchan and when i came in she asked me who i am and then she looked at the email/with pic and said please send another one..this is not you!
sooo really if you want to see the girl–meet her!!! thats the only way to find out how gorgeous she is..
amazingly done… very professional…the bad part is it’s from a goyish song-but they did a great job..i think it could be a kiddush Hashem since they basically got tons of pple going around learning about Chanukah..it’s great!…making the Yiddishkeit exciting… as far as the non-Jewish tune–i think we shouldn’t use goyish songs bc it’s confusing to us who are we where are our priorites…Jewish or Jewish cultured Americans????????????its a question we have to ask ourselves!!
chesedname: he wasnt for me, hashkafos…it’s important to be on the same page..
personally the last guy i went out with-wasn’t for me- but was seriously a good dater, i think it was bc every date he let me open the door for myself…very normal chilled…i guess it was more casual friendly type of person…meaning u didn’t feel like it was the 1st date arrggghhhhhhh!!!!!! type of guy were u sit and bounce dumb questions back and forth trying to make conversations…i mean when was the last time you spoke about the bridges,tunnels and cars with you regular friends…guys try to think of reg convos youd really talk about cause us girls have to talk about whatever you bring up…
the typical first date is a lounge…if you go to a cool lounge and there are places to go to around in the area-(times square area) it could be fine and not boring…
guys: make sure the place is open and always have a back up plan, be very good about it and don’t make the girl crazy by walking her around the city blocks and blocks until she says hey the marriot was a blocks this way why dont we just go there, also girls in high heels don’t love walking endlessly,or else she might say i should have worn my sneakers..can’t tell you what a turn off it is if the guy doesn’t have directions or plans
i find sheteils actually make the mitzvah of covering your hair more appealing ,after you get married u still wanna look normal!!! many married women who wouldn’t cover their hair ya they wear gorgeous wigs but its better then not at all…its not just for the husbands its also for your self..o.k. there’s a limit to how flashy and showy the wig should be as well as for everything else in life… we make choices and there has to be a balance life’s not all or nothing..
ya she’s keeping us in suspense, but now it’s getting better the end of this weeks the kids seem relieved their dads gone! very sad but he’s horrible– i don’t blame them
sounds like a well rounded guy….the best of both worlds….wow! very rare…meaning he’s solid frum(wants to wear the black hat) but also has the sense of responsibilty…where do u find them?
my prediction is that he ran away and it has something to do with the big party that he was a part of…or something to do with his fathers last minute phone call about it has to be perfect…. just my guess
it sounds similar to “frum but with it” yeshivish but not greasy–guessing it means someone who feels connected to a yeshiva and is open-minded
when i was looking into career possibilities I asked my uncle now a successful lawyer in the ny area whether law is a good field to go into? he said he 100% wouldn’t recommend it since the few success new comers are ones who went to the ivy league universities! the competition is huge there are tons of young lawyers without work at all and the only “in” is to have someone who will promise to take you in their firm…
if you still have a chance to decide your career plan the lucrative fields today are: medicine,business (and accounting is always needed around the world)
I don’t think we could post names of girls who attended, ask the seminary the might be helpful or ask around Hatzlacha!
meohr!!!!! Chochmas Lev,Shoshanim, The textual seminaries also give over a solid hashkafa as well… when looking into the educational background of a girl keep in mind it’s not clear cut… she went to Seminary X so her hashkafas are this type! You get a general idea of the type but there are so many girls who went to a seminary and for whatever reason when looking back at the year would have chosen another one–meaning it’s not black and white..
are the classes interesting?
CL has amazing classes and so does Seminar, they typically attract diffrent girls. so I can’t compare the two.. it’s a good idea to talk to girls who went there last year…it’s a known fact that each year varies the girls who attend make the year what it is. Both seminaries have awesome teachers, Seminar is more textual and CL is more hashkafic it really depends on what your looking for Hatzlacha!
are you able to have a close relationship with the teachers?
I heard CL has very approachable teachers, I have close friends who still maintain a kesher with their teachers, Seminar also has teachers that you can keep up with–they have mechanecheses as well
are the dorms/buildings nice?
CL is stunning!!!!!!! beautiful apartments, Seminar is a regular dorm building
do you get 3 meals a day?
Seminar serves 3 meals,
CL serves lunch and supper, the apartments have kitchen where you can cook
yated!!!!!!-reliable and well written, we get the Binah, Mishpacha and Hamodia sometimes we do get the Jewish press (great classifieds
–if your looking for jobs, house, apartments..)